CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

[Ladyinpink1]

I went to reply and you were right, the thread was full so I couldnt post a link to a new thread, also, because it's a new thread it wont give me a prediction to tag when I type a name, so I have just copied and paste the names off of everyone who posted on the very last page of the thread, I hope anyone else can find it OK. Sorry, maybe there is an easier better way... if anyone else can remember extra names and spellings, please tag 🙂

@samilicious

@Wise0wl

@ThelastRolo20

@13lucy

@Bugdem123

@HerbaceousPerennial

@Ladyinpink1 ooh interesting you've had an overall rise! Have your conception months / seasons been similar before or all different? 2/3 times I've conceived have been during warm weather and at the end of a warm few months.
I bet there's a few on marketplace barely used! So many people got them on the pandemic and barely used them (me).

I feel ok - determined to look after myself now to have the best chances. I think it's cycle 10 for me too since properly trying - 2 before that I was half-trying. Since August properly trying. I've put some milestones in my mind recently that have made me feel better. If by Autumn nothing has happened, I'm going to go to a private specialist once I've done all the nhs tests. If nothing by Christmas, I'm just going to quit my job because I hate it and only ever conceived during periods off sick/between jobs before, even if I've got nothing to go to. Next summer if nothing has happened I'm going to sell all my baby stuff and convert the spare room into something useful. Do you have anything in your mind like that or just seeing how it goes?

@Figtree11 sorry you had a low day, not surprising and it is really tough. Fingers crossed for the Tommy’s referral. Vitamins and reflexology sound a good plan to get fighting for again. Hope you’ve had a better day today.

I met my friend’s baby today. I thought I would be ok but it was actually so much harder than I thought it would be. First cuddle was particularly bad and I’m quite impressed that I broadly held it together. He’s so gorgeous and all I could think about was how this should be me too, I should have a baby the same age and now I don’t even have my second pregnancy as a comfort. @samilicious took your trick and had a full on sob fest in the car afterwards which helped. Felt deeply sad and totally exhausted all afternoon, but I still think on balance it was a good thing to do. I was thankful to have met him at hers and not in a group setting, and I think this was a painful but necessary part of grieving my first loss. I feel more at peace now so hoping that feeling grows. Hope everyone is doing ok today.

That must have been really tough ❤️ well done for going and meeting him, I'm sure it meant the world to your friend. my friend is due any day now and I should have a one month old. I know I'm currently pregnant but, as we know, these things aren't a given so it's not much comfort right now.

I saw my other friend last week who is due 5 days before my second MC was due. She was surprised I remembered her due date and all I could think was "how could I possibly forget?".

This journey can be so difficult xx

How is everyone doing? I’m at 8dpo now. Starting to feel like a lost cause since in my pregnant cycle I had sore boobs by this point and they looked huge.

I usually always get persistent spotting (even in my preg cycle) at least 7 days before my period right up until period arrives. This cycle I’ve only had the teeniest bit at 7dpo yesterday when we DTD and then it went away and hasn’t come back. So that’s the only thing I’m holding on to 😂 I haven’t had a cycle where I’ve not had consistent spotting by 8dpo for years. But I guess my body might be messed up from the MMC?

Symptoms can be super different between pregnancies, right?! Even if they’re only 2 months apart? Losing hope here 💜

ALSO DTD in the TWW is totally fine right?! I’m not usually in the mood but we’re on holiday so have felt like it more 😅

@HerbaceousPerennial that sounds really tough. I’ve not met/held a baby since either of my MCs which I’m grateful for. I can imagine how difficult it must have been. Sometimes a good cry can help.

I got an online referral through this morning to fill in for the miscarriage clinic - my appointment isn’t till November! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the wait is long

I'm glad today is a little better @Figtree11 and that's great your GP is referring you. Let me know how you find the reflexology, I looked into local ones but I havent a clue what one/type to pick. x

@samilicious May last year was lower temps than this, although I was taking vitex when I concieved last 2 times so maybe that made my temps lower and these temps are the real ones, if that makes sense haha. But I did concieve last year on a cycle beginning 30th May so I'm hopeful for May! Lol.
Hopefully this warmer weather brings us both good news then!
That sounds like a good plan, I bet it will happen for you really soon though and you won't need any of your plans. I haven't given myself any dates, I feel like I'm living in limbo just waiting all the time. Would like to change up things on the Job front too maybe my goal for that will be September when school starts. Do you know what you would like to do next? x

I'm sorry your day was so tough @HerbaceousPerennial well done on holding it together, it must of hurt so badly, as you said that's one step that you have overcome. Sending a hug, and I hope you can get some rest this evening. x

@purplecolouroffunk We still dtd during the tww, I can't see how it could have any effect. It's awful trying not to over analyse everything in the tww isn't it. I think symptoms can def be different every pregnancy, will you test or wait for your period? x

@Ladyinpink1 I’d forgotten how annoying the TWW is. I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have to experience that ever again 😂

Glad to hear about DTD. I Googled it and seems fine, not sure why it would have any effect - you’re right.

I’m really not sure. I’m always torn between waiting for period or not to test. The negatives are just so disappointing that I’d rather see an period. Although I’m guessing my period might not arrive when it’s supposed to this month cause of the MMC so might be best to test. Thinking I’ll maybe wait til 12dpo. Should probably see something by then if there’s anything there? Had a pretty strong line at 14dpo last time.

@purplecolouroffunk I have seen other comments of people saying could it effect things in tww so you are not alone 🙂

I know, the tww drives me crazy, I analyse every tiny twinge etc. I think that would be great if you could hold off until then you will def have an obvious answer either way. Hoping it's good news 🙂 x

@HerbaceousPerennial so so proud of you for holding it together - they're the worst, when you feel fine then suddenly at a key moment you don't. Also very happy a car so fest helped. 'I can do it with a broken heart' is my anthem in those situations after my last one. It's so hard to properly live and feel it like that, but such an important thing to do. Hope your batteries have recharged a bit after a good sleep and some sun today ♥️

@purplecolouroffunk deffo can't hurt! I'm sure the good oxytocin vibes help implantation if nothing else. I've had different symptoms every pregnancy, so weird. Started with HG in my first ever pregnancy which ended in loss and haven't had that anywhere near since. Fingers crossed the no spotting is a good sign - MMC could change things like that but you've had a cycle since and that had spotting right? I'm with you on testing - I take it cycle by cycle but usually just wait for AF because BFN upsets me too much

@Figtree11 that's good that it came through so quickly but so weird when the app is so far away!

@Ladyinpink1 come on, may must be our month then! Or at least yours with it being lucky previously. Did you rate vitex? That was another one debated in that book saying mixed results but it has worked for you before? Ooh yeah September sounds good. I'm a marketing manager working for a startup, want to go back to a bigger business and something more specialist like I did before. How about you? Just going to be tricky now with juggling childcare because my MIL looked after my little girl when I worked but she's going to be recovering from this stroke for a while. Needs to be flexible hours ideally. Just need mat leave so childcare isn't an issue! How amazing would it be if we got our BFPs finally in the same cycle or close together after having a similar wait time?!

Well well well, another preg announcement from a friend today. By text thankfully before a few hours before a child's party we were all attending, where the mum is also pregnant again. The announcer has had an especially rough time - 1 year struggling TTC then 5 TFMRs at 16-20 weeks back to back because of a genetic condition (her mum had same). Had a DC by IVF selecting eggs without the gene, gone for it again now 2 years later.

Felt fine, with everything she's been through felt selfish to be sad. Then found myself crying. Then made DH meet me upstairs for a quick DTD before he was away for the night making his sperm wonky with the lads 😂 fuelling all feelings back into ttc efforts atm. If you fall off the horse, get back on it and all that. Though thankfully DH's anatomy far from horselike 🤪 Flo thinks I'm ovulating today, might test later to confirm it and body seems to suggest so

Thanks all, feeling much better about the baby today, friend has been really supportive as well in amongst the newborn hormones which I really appreciated as obviously she’s got a lot on her plate. Likely to see them in a group setting this week so we’ll see how I go then! I think it’ll be much easier now I’ve done the initial meet.

@purplecolouroffunk my cycles are weird so I always end up DTD in the TWW, because I don’t always know when the TWW is! Not a ringing endorsement given I’ve had two losses I am aware but it didn’t do any harm in my successful pregnancy. Most folk won’t know anyway and sex throughout pregnancy is safe so must be ok. Also surely anything which relaxes you and makes you feel good must be helpful is my philosophy!

@samilicious wonky sperm made me laugh, DH and I had this conversation too. I told him about the egg having powers to correct things but I’d rather it didn’t have to and I think it’s hit home a bit. That sounds incredibly rough for your friend, what a horrible situation to be in. I can’t believe the NHS didn’t offer her embryo screening given her situation. I think it’s fine to still feel sad for you though, it doesn’t mean you don’t also feel happy for her. Saddle up whilst ovulation is looking likely for sure 😁 everything crossed for you and @Ladyinpink1 having joint positives this month

Also apologies, TMI - I’m still having a tiny, tiny bit of brown discharge from the miscarriage. Is this likely to mean I won’t conceive? I feel like even if I ovulate soon having a bit of old blood hanging around is likely to prevent implantation. Kind of nice in some ways as it takes the pressure off a bit. I’m deliberately not trying to track ovulation as it stressed me out so much last time and the PCOS means I keep getting false positives anyway

@samilicious Yes it has to be May! Lol, I said the same in October and I'm still waiting. But we are eating healthy etc so it has to work this month for us.
I had Vitex along with another supplement the last 2 times, I would try it again if it doesn't happen within the next few cycles maybe, I am a bit nervous about anything I did the last 2 times as obviously they both ended, if that makes any sense.
That sounds interesting, I hope you can find something pretty quick. I am work in care, I already have 2 choices of changes but mat leave would be better where I am, and I feel the same as you, I am desperate to be off on mat leave again, I feel like I could get through the next year having an end in sight of a date to be off.
How is your mother in law now? Is there anyone else nearby that could help you out for a bit?
Yes, that would be so amazing! x
Woohoo for ovulation and I'm glad you caught dh before those sperm went all wonky 😂 sorry about the announcement but as you said the circumstances are different so although it's still difficult, maybe not quite as stingy x

@HerbaceousPerennial Glad you feel a bit better, thank you and sorry about the spotting, I think it's good that your body is clearing out old blood and don't think it would effect your chances at all, comparing to cycles where you have tracked would you be quite close to ovulation about now is? Just because I know you can also spot at ovulation x

Ended up doing a test at 11dpo this morning and it was stark white. Now I'm all disappointed cause feel like it means I'm out :( Why do I do this to myself!?

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm not sure if it could impact chances, but the sonographer told me 'you don't bleed all the time, even though it might feel like it' when I went for an internal scan during AF. Fingers crossed things are ok in the group setting 🤞🏻 glad she's been kind where time/hormones allow. I feel the same about eggs compensating. Why must we always compensate?! I think the NHS did, but she felt a lot of shame about IVF, and her mum conceived 3 naturally with lots of later losses in between with the same gene herself. After that 5th one they decided to call it a day and go IVF. Had to pay for the second go mind you, using a spare embryo from the first one. Good news is though that her children won't have it in future. It was supposed to be 50/50 chance. Haha saddle up 🤠 yeehaw. Sounds ridic but I feel closer than ever this cycle, just in myself and where my head is at

@Ladyinpink1 haha, well I caught late Sept another time so we really are in sync! Ahh sorry didn't realise it was last two. Totally get the nervousness and also willingness to see if it could work another time. Especially as you've been supercharging your eggs with all these vitamins! Ugh been applying for ages and not hearing back so spent all last night rewriting my CV to tailor it. Hopefully we catch soon so we can soldier on 🤞🏻 my MIL is ok thank you, she's in another hospital now for 6 weeks for rehabilitation. My mum is close as well but a bit of a nightmare childcare-wise. She shouted at my DD for something random and unnecessary the other day (DD is quite quiet and shy / obedient - not sure where she gets it from!) so don't feel great about her going there 😅 I took an opk and it was negative! Little line but quite faint. Barely there today. No idea when I ovulated - all tests CD 12-16 negative. Maybe earlier this month. DTD a lot more this cycle so hopefully covered. How are you? Are you coming into fertile period now?

@purplecolouroffunk I'm so sorry you got a BFN :( they're the worst thing for TTC with me. After having a positive and a loss, they feel even worse because you have that experience in your subconscious when waiting for that line to appear. I know it might sound silly but I think this is part of the overall TTC process and part of your journey to baby. Getting fed up testing, changing how you try/test next time, then getting a BFP that progresses as it should. Horrible but one more step towards your future baby. Even though I hate testing, I did it the first few months too. Big hugs ♥️

@samilicious yep - I think because the last test I saw (before I was testing to actually look for a negative after the MC) was positive, I had this weird thing in my head where I was just expecting to see a positive.

It also doesn't help that when I got pregnant before the MC, it was the first time we'd actually properly tried with correct timings etc. So I've not really had that reality sink in of it potentially taking months and months. Plus I'm 35 and time is really starting to worry me.

In my MC cycle I waited to test until 14dpo and felt fine about that, and was so pleasantly surprised and very excited. But now that there's this feeling of almost desperation to be pregnant again, I think that's what made me test early. When in fact I knew it would probably be negative this early anyway, and I don't even have any symptoms.

That coupled with today being the day that would have been my 12 week scan - it's a really rubbish day.

@purplecolouroffunk ugh any milestone days really sucks. Hope you can do something nice this evening to try and distract yourself x

@Ladyinpink1 I don’t think it’s ovulation spotting unfortunately, just miscarriage leftovers very slowly working out. There’s not much but I’m fed up seeing it! If I had normal cycles I think I would have ovulated tail end of last week but my ‘normal’ is roughly in the six week range so coming up, assuming a normal cycle after miscarriage which is probably unlikely.

@purplecolouroffunk sorry about your BFN. Possible you just ovulated slightly later due to the miscarriage? I’m trying to tell myself I’m not testing until I get symptoms, I always have the same symptoms at the start of a pregnancy so without that I know I’ll get a negative but I do it anyway, so you’re not alone.

@samilicious I have a good feeling for you this cycle! Glad your MIL is getting good care, keeping everything crossed for her full recovery. Yes I am not prepared to do any more compensating, my eggs are already dodgy enough with the PCOS so I have told DH I am making enough sacrifices and I need him to not take any risks, I don’t know how many more times I can go through this so we need to give it our best shot. He is on board. I just wish he would do some of the research on this.

So another friend in the same group has just had her baby. That means everyone except me has their second now and I’ve got double newborn to contend with - I know that’s incredibly selfish to say but is how I feel today. Second friend messaged me separately to let me know which was really kind but it has set me back again. Stupid really, clearly I knew she would also have her baby soon and yet somehow it’s almost taken me by surprise. At least that’s it over and done with now, no new announcements of anything. I am really happy for everyone but very aware they are now all on maternity leave and I am very definitely not.

@purplecolouroffunk sorry, cross posted somehow - I’m sorry about today being your 12 week scan day. It’s always harder on milestone days. Hope you have a little treat this evening

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you 💜

It's possible I ovulated later (although I did use OPK) but if I did then I think sadly it won't time up with DTD :(

@purplecolouroffunk I'm so sorry for the bfn, it's such a horrible feeling. I get you with the desperation to be pregnant again, it can be quite consuming.
That is a really tough day, a negative is a kick to the gut at the best of times but coinciding with your scan date is a done kick ☹️. Sending a hug and hope you manage to get some sleep and tomorrow things feel a little better x

I'm sure you're glad to have the CV redo out of the way @samilicious , that sort of thing is so time consuming, hopefully you hear back very soon. You will really miss her then while she is recovering, as I'm sure she will miss you all too.
Could you have maybe had a peak at a different time of day or through the night even and so your opk missed it? Or maybe just a little earlier this month as you said... It's frustrating though when you dont know what's going on. I am cd 8 today, normaly get pos opk on cd12 so ov on cd13 but with the Macca maybe will be dif this cycle, going to try not to overdo it with dtd before ovulation as then come ov day we're too tired out. x

@HerbaceousPerennial It's not selfish of you to say at all, it's a completely normal way to feel, you are hurting and you have been through losses and so pregnancy, newborns etc are all triggers to the trauma of the loss.
2 ladies within our family are pregnant right now, and it's just not nice. One of them doesnt live close and is due first scan in a few weeks, they were on video call with us and mil at the weekend and talking about first scan and how it's lore real after that etc, and I just felt horrible, I left shortly after, more because I felt it was unfair and that no-one gets it, people just talk about things that hurt and carry on and seem to forget about the losses and how we might feel. OK sorry in my trying to support you I just went on a full rant, see you're def not alone x

Had a dream I got a bfp last night guys then in my dream I was walking very gently and trying to do everything in slow motion so I didn't loose it, literally ttc is on my mind 24/7 lol. x

@Ladyinpink1 thank you. Doing a test on the 12 week scan day was always a bad idea. I think part of me thought, oh wouldn't it be amazing if I got another positive on the 12 week scan day! So I just did one to check. It was a rough day but I'm feeling a lot better today - more optimistic. An end of January, but possibly still in that that suuper long stretch before payday would have been a nightmare anyway, is what I'm trying to tell myself 😅

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant and when I put my hand on my tummy I could feel a heartbeat. But I woke up feeling sort of hopeful about it rather than sad. Second baby dream I've had this week. It's interesting you had a dream too Lady! It's so all consuming isn't it.

I've had some spotting the past few days and it's a bit heavier this morning. So have just stuck a tampon and and conceded that it's my period arriving at a weird time due to the MC last month. Feels kind of nice to be free of the TWW again tbh - on to the next cycle!