CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

[Ladyinpink1]

I went to reply and you were right, the thread was full so I couldnt post a link to a new thread, also, because it's a new thread it wont give me a prediction to tag when I type a name, so I have just copied and paste the names off of everyone who posted on the very last page of the thread, I hope anyone else can find it OK. Sorry, maybe there is an easier better way... if anyone else can remember extra names and spellings, please tag 🙂

@samilicious

@Wise0wl

@ThelastRolo20

@13lucy

@Bugdem123

@HerbaceousPerennial

@UrsulaSings123 thank you so much 🩷 and definitely don't feel bad for having those feelings - I can guarantee everyone on this thread will have felt them at some point. I found the The Worst Girl Gang Ever's book really helpful for allowing me to just accept that I have those feelings and it doesn't make me a bad person.

I didn't realise the ubiquinol could cause insomnia but now you've said that the few times I've taken it after dinner instead of after breakfast I've definitely struggled to sleep so there must be something in that.

@ThelastRolo20 it'll hopefully fly by with your holiday in the middle of it! Are you going to track in your next cycle or have the more relaxed approach?

I hope everyone else is getting on okay 🩷

@Bugdem123 I won't track, I didn't when I conceived my daughter and I find doing OPKs stressful. I'm trying to replicate what I did when I had my successful pregnancy, less sugar, more running, less tracking (and the odd glass of wine for good measure) 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Each pregnancy hasn't taken longer than 3 months to conceive but being on this thread I know that may well count for nothing so mentally preparing for it to take as long as it takes

@moosey89 that must've been so difficult for you. It's good you held him but I can understand how you would've felt. Hopefully it'll be you very soon!

Popping in to say hello on this thread. I had a miscarriage on Thursday (yes, it’s been a shit Easter weekend!). It was my first pregnancy. At first I felt quite chilled and pragmatic about it all but today I’ve been a bit emotional. I’m 36 this month and it took me 7 months to conceive so I’m worried about my age. My best friend’s first baby is due next month, which is another thing giving me all the feels.

My feelings are so conflicted. I have a book manuscript due in September so was kind of panicked about that and baby due same time so at least I have something to keep me busy and am trying to look at the positives. Not having to worry about all the fears of new born and being a parent etc for a little while longer is a plus point for me as it was a great pressure - i had to go on antidepressants due to perinatal depression when I got my BFP. But at the same time I’m also just feeling disappointed, deflated and worried about the future. All the ‘what ifs’ and conflicted feelings are hard to deal with.

i want to TTC when my cycles return but who knows when that’ll be.

@Lemonhead88 sounds like a really hard Easter weekend for you - so sorry about your miscarriage. Before my first MC I really underestimated the huge hormonal shifts which can definitely make some days feel worse than others. It's hard when you're in the thick of it but each week that passes it becomes marginally easier (overall) I found. Three of my friends are pregnant, all due around my two due dates (I have two back to back MMC) so I completely understand the range of emotions you'll be feeling.

That's really exciting about your book manuscript though, I hope working towards that will help take your mind off it a little bit.

Did you have a natural miscarriage or surgery? For what it's worth I've had both and my period returned exactly 4 weeks afterwards so fingers crossed yours won't be too far away either. I haven't actually been TTC since my MC in Jan due to a holiday this month - so perhaps we'll be trying around the same time. I'm 35 this year so age is also on my mind x

It’s comforting to know someone else in such a similar situation.

I’m so sorry about your MMCs, how awful for you to have two back to back as well.

My miscarriage happened naturally during week 10 but from how it transpired - not hugely painful and from start to finish taking a total of 5 days (majority took place over 4 or so hours) - I suspect it was a MMC from 7-8 weeks ish. I was so happy to have minimal pregnancy symptoms and thought I was just one of the lucky ones, but now I’m wondering, as one does, if it was just because things didn’t get underway properly.

I’m off for a road trip and hiking holiday at the end of this month and hoping that by time we return my cycles will have reasserted themselves and we can start trying again. I know at 36 I’m still youngish but one can’t help but worry.

@Lemonhead88 please don't worry about lack of symptoms. I have a living child who is 2 and all three of my pregnancies have been the same - literally no symptoms (apart from being a bit tired).

If and when you do get pregnant again and don't get symptoms that can absolutely be totally okay ❤️ sometimes, it's just very crap and shitty bad luck x

@UrsulaSings123 I've taken mine before bed a couple of times when I've forgotten earlier in the day and not had any probs with sleep. Maybe another brand might be different though? And I only take 1, so might be a dose thing. Might start taking more soon. Usually quite sensitive for that sleep stuff too

All feelings are valid, especially as your loss is so fresh. I think those have been on the thread longer have such seen each others journeys and supported each other so long that a BFP feels like a win for our team and hope for those still trying. Since I've been on this thread, I think there's been over 20 BFPs, sometimes it can feel like you're getting left behind, which is why it's nice when new people join. Also after being on this thread so long, if I got my BFP, having support of those who've been on my journey with me all that time would be amazing too. Especially as we all know a BFP is sometimes when half the worrying starts as we've all had a loss of some description 😅

@moosey89 glad work is helping distract you at the moment and so sorry that meeting your nephew was difficult. Hope it gets easier with time ♥️ I think that would be the biggest trigger for me, if someone in my family had a baby. Our family has gone girl-boy-girl-boy across 7 lots of cousins, so superstitious me thinks they'd take the next boy too 😅 don't really care about the sex though after tfmr, healthy is the best outcome! As much as everyone always says that, has a new meaning now

@ThelastRolo20 enjoy your last low-stress TWW! Hope that trying not trying helps minimise stress when you're back to it

@Lemonhead88 so sorry you've had such a horrid Easter weekend ♥️ sending lots of love to you. Sounds like everything has been so full on for you. Hope that things return to normal cycle-wise soon and it all feels less intense

Hello ladies! Back from our cabin trip this evening, we had a lovely time, lots of hot tubbing, lovely food and drink, and way too much chocolate... pretty sure I have grown an extra chin while away 😂. Hope everyone else is having a nice long weekend.
So much to catch up on!

I'm sorry about your bfn @UrsulaSings123 how are you feeling now? And you aren't alone, the positive pregnancy test pics always give me a horrible, kind of a sinking feeling ... i'm happy for the person in their situation but instantly more sad for myself as it's a reminder of what hasn't happened again for me. x

Lovely to read your positive update @HerbaceousPerennial hopitheit keeps getting more real and the time until your next scan comes around x

Congratulations @Bugdem123 that is lovely news for you, and as others said, no "thinking" about it, that is a line for sure and you deserve it after your wait. How are you feeling? x

In the Netherlands this time! @moosey89 wow, your job travel really has been amazing, and also have you got me a job yet so I can go travelling too? 😂 x

@Lemonhead88 I'm so very sorry for your loss, it's a very tough time for you right now. And fixating on the positives is a good way to deal with things, I did the same and even still do now.
Also, I have just turned 36 and I think a few others on this thread are a similar age so you are in good conpany x

Thank you everyone for validating my feelings ❤️

@Ladyinpink1 I am feeling OK. My period is v light and I'm not sure it'll last very long at all. It's worrying me a little bit as I've always been able to rely on them being regular and average. My diet has been awful recently and I'm planning on eating much better, cycling again, and taking vitimins. I'm hoping this will help.

@Lemonhead88 I had surgical management 3 weeks 4 days ago due to MC at 10 weeks but was measuring less than 6 weeks. I've found this thread and the people on here so welcoming and supportive and it's really helped me to sort of 'offload' here sometimes. I'm sorry you've had to go through a MC, it really is awful 😥I am 35 but my partner is 51 so I relate to the age worries.

It's still very early days @UrsulaSings123 , you may find your next one is more "normal" for you. Mine was lighter after, and I remember reading that even if it is light, you can still concieve, but I understand it's frustrating when all you want to do it get normal cycles and "try" again ASAP. I hope you don't have long to wait x

Who is "trying but not trying" this cycle again? I think @samilicious you are? Anyone else? I am keeping my CD vaguely in my head, I am counting on my fingers to work it out right now lol. Haven't used any apps, opks or bbt so far and I am enjoying being more relaxed but at the same time starting to think, should I do an opk or two as it's coming up for my fertile time (or possibly in it right now)... or is that defying the whole point? Should I be strong 💪 (fyi my will power when ttc is dreadful lol) x

Thank you everyone for your well wishes 🩷
I was planning on going back to work today but I just don’t feel mentally ready, part of me thinks I should just go in as getting back to normal and the distraction will be good for me but also part of me just wants to hide on the sofa all day with the dog and Harry Potter films. The latter will win today, I suspect. The emotions are catching me out a bit I have to say, as when it was all happening I was feeling weirdly fine and detached about it.. ho hum. One day at a time I guess.

@Lemonhead88 I think I was the same, I became weirdly practical about it all whilst it was physically happening. It's been the weeks and months after that the emotional side has been handled.

A day with harry potter sounds bliss, I'd do the same if it weren't for the fact I've just turned the laptop on!

@Ladyinpink1 not this month but next month when we're back to trying I won't be tracking. AF is due in about two weeks so until then I'm just keep busy like usual.

Keep the will power! Leave those OPKs alone 😂 sounds like the relaxed approach is working well for you mentally so stick at it if you can x

@Ladyinpink1 Aah this is my second job! Haha I work at sports events (have done for a decade alongside my normal job), I love it! So the Glasgow, Copenhagen and Rotterdam trips are for them, Dubai was for my day job lol 😁

I will be tracking again this month as clearly the last 2 months of not tracking didn't make any difference so I'd rather feel "in the know" again! Otherwise I just worry what if it's a month my ovulation is slightly early or late and I miss it 🙈

@ThelastRolo20 i am going to have to do some writing work today as really can’t afford to switch off completely, deadline is looming. But at least I’m at home. Bleeding looks like it’s coming to an end so trying to look forward now. Don’t think I’ll be tracking or testing or anything, just going to see what happens over coming few months.

@Ladyinpink1 I will be using opks and trying SMEP this month. I think it'll totally wear me out tbh, not sure how many months we'd be able to keep that up, but will do it for a couple months and see how it goes. I don't think I'll do BBT again - I tried last month and it just made me feel stressed and set me up wrong for the day, but I quite like doing opk's so I know what's happening with my body. Like I said before, I feel like a scientist 😂 but if you find it stressful then don't go near it! I totally get the pull to do it though. Its like me with preg tests - I tell myself all the time I won't do one/will only do one per day, then do them anyway!! 😂

@Lemonhead88 I think it's totally normal to feel the way you do, and please do give yourself a bit of a break. I was slightly different in that I had a scan at 7 weeks and knew it wasn't right from then, although they didn't call it a miscarriage until they were sure, 3 weeks later. Then I had to wait another week before I could have the surgical management. So in that time I'd processed a lot of my grief. I actually felt much better about a week after my surgical management. But obviously still have moments/days when I feel upset again. At the moment I still have the number of weeks I would be counting in my head, and I'm looking forward to when that will stop as that upsets me quite a bit. It's just so sad losing something, but also so frustrating going "back to square one". That's how I feel anyway. I hope you're able to get some rest today.

@Ladyinpink1 yes meee! I did an inbetween thing last cycle, not testing but going off bodily signs of fertility/ovulation and jumping on DH then 😂 I regretted it a bit as I was worrying again and felt like my life was being taken over still. So for the next 3 months inc this one, I'm not testing or temping or tracking. I'm just focusing on vitamins and health and being happy / reducing stress. Planning holidays, meal plans, exercise, gigs, stuff with mates. Trying to get DH to do some kind of therapy and a job. Then I'll get into it all again after that if nothing has happened. Makes me feel less scared about the not actively tracking it all, that there's a deadline if my new approach doesn't work. If nothing else it will be a reset and I will feel happier!

I read your message and I resisted, it's all so tempting 😅 @ThelastRolo20 did you have to dtd loads to ensure all bases were covered when you did it this way before? I was thinking it will be good not to know how many dpo when it comes to test time. Well maybe we will be not trying but not trying together next cycle then 🙂. How long until your holiday now? x

@moosey89 I'll take any job that includes exotic travel 🙂 Yes I know what you mean, I like knowing too, but I definitely become obsessed with it. Where are you in your cycle now? x

@UrsulaSings123 smep is good, apart from that last day of it, I'm always too tired out from dtd by then and normally skip that. I like doing opks and all of the other tracking but my problem is I'm obsessive with them so probably not very relaxed when I should be, which isn't good. And I'm there with you on the pregnancy tests, I'm so impatient. x

@samilicious you are very positive about it, and i bet that will be what works for you to get your bfp! Are you looking for a new job do you mean? Where are you in your cycle now? I have lots of fertile cm today which is one sign that is impossible to ignore lol so ovulation will prob be in the next few days ish x

@Ladyinpink1 haha I'm glad my message helped! Because my cycles have always been very regular I just covered the predicted fertile week and that worked for my daughter. having done OPKs twice I know the predicted window is actually right for me. I think not knowing exactly helps reduce the pressure for me personally.

I go two weeks Friday! My AF should start about 2/3 days before so hopefully will get the heaviest days out the way. Just spent a ridiculous amount on vinted for my daughter 😂 she's going with a vastly better wardrobe than I am!

@Ladyinpink1 I feel like if I stop being positive I'll just go in a hole I'll never be able to get out of 😅 that's what happened last time I TTC and it wasn't happening. Had to have time off work and loads of therapy but then conceived. Trying to recreate that this time with holidays and journaling as work doesn't pay sick pay (more that statutory) and my amazing therapist takes her granddaughter to the same dance class as my daughter 😩 so not sure I'd be able to go back to her and took me so long to find a good one. Your break sounded lovely. Have you got any other nice plans next few months? Noo new job for DH - he's on his 3rd redundancy now pottering around the house driving me mad. Are you jumping on DH? That's good that there's lots! Do you usually get lots?

@ThelastRolo20 random q, but what time of day do you usually DTD? My mate swears by doing it in the morning! Tried for months then first time in the morning and she caught. Tricky with work and LOs around though

@Ladyinpink1 I'm taking it as a good sign that I had to check my app to figure it out! Less obsessive this month 🤣 I'm on day 7 now, so next week is fertile week.

If I hear of any jobs I'll let you know! Lol it is a great distraction and I do enjoy travelling. I would love to visit Asia, I've never been and have a long list of countries I'd like to see - just need to win the lottery 😂

@samilicious I've always done it in the evenings and always worked for me so I'll continue that way! Like you say mornings are difficult, especially as I have my daughter and dog in the bed 😂

@moosey89 me and my other half did 3 months round Asia 6 years ago now - loved it!

@ThelastRolo20 oh wow! That sounds amazing. That's the length of time I'd like to do 😁 travel is amazing, I love seeing different cultures and eating different foods etc.