2023 TTC 35+ Part 4

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread, ladies!!!!

Hope you can all find it.

Feel free to tag others to continue the conversation.

@Mrsspoon3 oh also still taking this mix from a medical herbalist that includes agnus castus and other things. It has made my completely irregular periods regular and started me ovulating consistently.

@H0pefull glad to help! I'm also a tww buddy. 3/4dpo here and trying not to overthink everything 😂 If there is anything to implant, it won't be doing that even for at least a couple more days... So trying to keep calm and realistic. But then I'm like, "ooh my skin is more spotty! I had spotty skin at 3dpo last time I was pregnant!" 🙄😩😆

@SnookyPook exactly the same over here! it’s a nightmare isn’t it 😂 at least we are in it together! Have you got a date in mind you’re planning to test or are you sticking it out and waiting to see if AF arrives?

Thank you for all the welcomes so many lovely people here 😊 @LeopardLover i hope you’re ok and this weekend isn’t dragging too much as you wait for your tests on Monday. I am exactly the same as you, very positive and bubbly so much so my mum has always called me Little Miss Sunshine ☀️ it makes it that much harder because if you are slightly off people immediately pick up on it so I just pretend everything is fine which is utterly exhausting. I’m an empath too so I don’t like to put my problems onto other people, bloody nightmare all round really! I expect it’s hard with your little one but if you can get ten minutes to yourself to scream into a pillow (yes really) have a little cry or just get out for a quick walk with some angry music playing, then I highly recommend it. Any release is super important! I have everything crossed for you in the meantime 🤞🏻

I had a little bit of spotting this morning but no cramps or anything else to speak of. No idea what’s going on but went out for a long walk on my own and then came home and cleaned the house from top to bottom. Have just meditated and done a smoke cleanse to calm down!! I guess I’ll just see what tomorrow brings…

@Mrsspoon3 you never know. We only DTD once the time we got pregnant with our son. If you think about all those people who end up pregnant after one night stands, all it takes is one time sometimes.

Sounds like there's a few of us in the TWW. Here's hoping it's good news.

@H0pefull I will wait for AF... Even though it's difficult! I've never tested early though and don't want to start now. Also I know from my previous pregnancy's that my 15dpo tests are squinters so reckon I must be a low baseline HCG person and there probs wouldn't be any point testing earlier regardless! How about you?

Sorry I'm being semi-absent. I'm just trying to mentally encourage myself and pick myself up as I've been feeling down.
As some of you may remember, my partner was taking testosterone shots for a while as prescribed by a specialist.
After taking a hormone blood test recently the results were very discouraging so we took a break from TTC for a month. He also stopped taking his shots after the blood test.
This month we thought let's just try, what we got to lose so I tracked ovulation.
When I got a high reading I told him and we planned to try in the evening. Well, turns out since he stopped his shots he stopped getting erections. We tried everything and nothing.
So this cycle was also a miss.
I know he feels embarrassed and he feels frustrated. I don't wanna let it show but deep inside I am so sad. I am just wondering how much longer will it take till things are relatively back to normal.
It's a lot to share out of my personal life as it's not just me, but I feel like if I don't share with you, it will eat me inside.
Like, why is all this happening?? He's so young (35) to be having these issues and I'm the one turning 40, I don't have much time.
I also always worry about my 18mos old and how the age difference is going to keep growing the longer it takes.
Sorry for the long rant. I feel really down about this whole situation and most days I prend to be optimistic but days like today I feel like it is a good possibility that we won't have another baby with this many obstacles.

@VixFromThe6ix I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling and everything that’s happened, that sounds incredibly frustrating for both of you. Sometimes life can really feel like the universe is taking the piss out of you/us😤.
This is bound to become a massive psychological stress to your partner and yourself. However, you’ve conceived once not long ago and whilst it’s so hard now to keep the faith you can conceive again!
Have you any thoughts about what to do this next cycle? You could take a relaxed approach and try to DTD outside of ovulation time and see how things go to take pressure off your husband. However, as the ED is likely hormonally driven here I wonder if you’ve considered speaking to the doctor about something like Viagra or similar for where you live?
I am really sorry it’s all feeling so difficult at present xxxx

@VixFromThe6ix I'm so sorry to hear of the difficulties he's having, we forget it can be just as hard for our partners as it is for us and everything can take its toll. I hope he feels able to seek some guidance, I can imagine it would feel difficult as men don't like opening up about problems to others, especially with things like this. As hard as it is try not to dwell on the age gap too. In an ideal world I'd have liked 18 months - 2 years gap. It will now be over 4 years and that just grows each month nothing happens but I can't change anything, it is what it is.

Hi ladies I might jump on here if that's ok. Looks like a lovely thread 😊I'm 40yo and currently ttc #1. I came off Depo shot Christmas 2021 and AF came back in May 2022. My cycles were all over the place and were extremely painful so I had scans which confirmed endo and quite large fibroids. I turned 40 in October and started using opks to track AF, we weren't actively ttc at that time but more if it happens it happens. To my surprise I had BFP in Feb this year but unfortunately it resulted in a MMC at 8w2d😞. My cycle returned to normal in May this year and I had another scan which actually showed that a lot of my fibroids had cleared up (possibly a result of the surgical management for the MMC) so we've been actively ttc since then. I had a faint positive at 10DPO last cycle and was tentatively excited but unfortunately it resulted in a CP. So here I am on cd17 just entering my fertile window according to my app. I've dtd a couple of times this week already just in case the app is wrong as I have quite strong ov pains so want to cover all bases. It's going to be a very long tww for me 🙈 it's nice to read the posts on here knowing so many are in the same position. Best of luck to everyone 🤞

@VixFromThe6ix that sounds like a lot of stress to go through. It’s hard for us especially when we don’t want to show it and we are the ones tracking and knowing the urgency of when DTD has to happen. It must also be a lot of pressure on the men to perform.
My DH doesn’t have issues with erections but he does often struggle to finish through penetration, it is compounded by the pressure of TTC. When not TTC this isn’t an issue and we will use other approaches. We have had to get quite creative in order to make sure the goods are in the right place at the right time. However it is very likely decreasing the likelihood of conceiving, and we also have age against us.
As @Eirlys1986 says it would be worth looking into what else might be available to help. Also to try and take the pressure off. I have noticed the difference with my DH if he doesn’t know the urgency (ie I’m ovulating next day) and try and focus on having fun. I try not to make it about him delivering the semen every time, although sometimes we literally do that 😆 !
re the age gap - please try not to worry too much. All age gaps have their pros and cons. I do feel some regret as if successful I will have a 10+ year age gap - we weren’t ready until fairly recently. From what I have read and heard, families come in all shapes and sizes and when your baby arrives they will fit right in to whatever gap there is.

Hi all, can I join?

We are ttc number 2, im 36 in september. Our DS is 4.5 years. We are on cycle 4 but in reality my cycle has been all over the place so the last 3 has been hit and miss! This cycle was exactly the same length as the last so hoping I'm setting down now after coming off the pill.

I'm only 4 dpo, we DTD 2 days before and 1 days after ovulation so may have caught it, my husband is away alot with work so it's been a nightmare when things were unsettled as I'd get a positive ovulation test while he was away!! Hopefully can plan if they are stable now.

@VixFromThe6ix I second what @CurlyWurly1991 and @RoseH36 say, is worrying about the age gap between children growing doesn’t help us with all the additional pressure we are under. Whatever the gap turns out to be shall be the right thing for us and our families. Having a larger age gap will have its benefits for certain!
@Sez281 Hello 👋, I’m so sorry to hear about your MMC and CP. I had a MMC back in June ttc number 2 and it’s been a really sad and hard experience and I really can’t imagine how hard it would’ve felt had that been me ttc my first. Take care of yourself and good luck for this latest cycle! We are all here with you! 👍🏻 😊
@mrsed1987 Hello! 😊, it really sounds like you’ve dtd at the perfect times so I would be hopeful in your shoes. I’m CD 17 myself and just within fertile window myself and really hoping for this cycle 🤞 xxx

@VixFromThe6ix I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time. This TTC business is really unfair at times, I can’t believe how naive I was to all of it before I had my first.
I don’t really have any additional advice to what the other ladies have offered but I hope you can get some medical guidance and find a solution that you are both comfortable with.
I have my own concerns over age gaps too, I would have had two years between each of mine prior to my mmc and now it’s at least 3. It’s really hard when it’s not part of your plan but as others have said, their relationship will be lovely regardless of their age gap.
Hope you are doing ok xx

Hello to the newbies and sorry to hear of your struggles. We are a friendly bunch here so hopefully it will be helpful to be able to chat to others who know a bit of what you're going through.

@VixFromThe6ix nothing to add really that others haven't said already, but sending you a big hug.

Re age gaps, I'm another that had an ideal in mind (2 years), but after a delay to QF returning whilst breastfeeding and then the MMC in April, it will not be over 3 years. Initially this really bothered me, but I have come to see it as some of the others on the thread... We will get the right gap for our family. It's just hard reframing your own expectations sometimes isn't it.

Obviously that should have been 'AF' and, 'will now...' 🤪

@Sez281 welcome to our safe haven. We're all here for you and sadly all understand what you're going through. Fingers crossed you have a successful cycle soon.

@SnookyPook I was the same, it really bothered me when I had the mmc earlier this year but I've come to terms with that now and know when the time is right it'll happen and the age gap will just be whatever it is. I think we all have ideals with everything in life and things just don't happen that way. I was sure I'd be married with kids by 30, I was 32 when I got married and 33 when I had my first child so that didn't quite go to plan.

@VixFromThe6ix it sounds like there is a lot going on there. I know when my other half struggles a bit I take it personally too. I really think he should see a Dr about the performance issues as there will be a reason its happening and if he just internalises it he will be under more pressure. We all understand how hard those missed months feel. I wanted to start trying for a family at 29 - wanted 3 kids! My husband didn't agree until i was almost 33 and didn't have my son til I was 35 and a half. It wasn't until my son was 2 he agreed to start trying again and yeah I would have liked a closer age gap, although I do think having a tiny baby at this age would have been very tough! If you can let go of the age gap worry to take something off your mind I really think that might help in terms of breaking the stress and worry down unto something more manageable. Sending lots of hugs, and I hope you and your partner can start to talk about finding solutions xxx

@Sez281 and @mrsed1987 welcome. Sez I am so sorry to hear of your losses. 2 in a row can sadly be very normal, especially early losses. I really hope to see some positive news from you in this thread soon, but you've found the right place for support regardless xx

I'm cd24 today. I'm feeling v confused about my chances. I will test Thursday I think. Dtd with dh this morning and my cervix felt really really low which isn't great. On the other hand I've had 4 random crying events since thursday - where its just happened quickly and uncontrollably, including in front of my colleagues, whilst watching barbie, and in a children's hospice charity shop. I've been having cramps, and sore breasts, and a hot flush. Cramps and sore breasts are normal - crying and hot flush not so much so, however female hormones in all their guises are a bitch and who knows really. I hate this time of the month - bloated, hungry, moody and wondering if I will get my baby :( xxx

Also pretty sure I felt myself ovulate this month and dtd within an hour with a very unwilling hubby. And then again who knows if that gives us a chance? We seem to take such a long time to get pregnant no matter what! Xx

Welcome to all the new people on this thread, we are all here for you and each other ☺️

oh @VixFromThe6ix I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through, that is such a lot to cope with all at once. Thank you for sharing with us, hopefully we can all be here for you through your journey even if it’s just to help you to offload your thoughts & feelings xxxx

@VixFromThe6ix I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through. Sending you lots of love and support. This TTC journey can be so tough. I am glad to be in such lovely, supportive and informative group.
Welcome all newbies! @Sez281 I am also ttc #1, aged 38, on my 8th cycle.

Thanks all, it's always nice to have such a positive thread with people who are going through the same. I don't really talk to my DP about stuff too much as I don't want to stress him out, although the way we've been dtd this week I'm sure he knows 😂 @MOGMOGMOG85 Thanks, I'm starting to realise how common losses are😢. I'm surprisingly really positive though even after the chemical last cycle🙏. The way I look at it is I've gotten pregnant twice this year so I know it can happen, just hoping it's sooner rather than later but I know it could take a while! @Angelsrose nice to hear from other people ttc #1. Fingers crossed this is our year 🤞🤞

@VixFromThe6ix I’m so sorry for your struggles. Must be so stressful and disheartening for you both. I’m sending you all the best and hope you can draw on the strength being sent too you from here.

Well after some spotting my period arrived in quite a big way this morning. We’re really going to go for it this month so any tips very welcome. Currently we are trying:

OPKs just Amazon strips at the moment but was going to get some clear blue ones.

Been tracking with Flo and using PreMom app.

Doing yoga and practicing Mindfulness.

Taking folic acid, B12, Zinc, vit c, vit d

Trying to eat a bit better so going to follow Mediterranean diet and got some Fertility recipe books.

If there’s anything else you can recommend, I would really appreciate it x

I should also add we are TTC #1 I don’t think I’ve mentioned that yet

@MrsBP15 smep method with regards timing of dtd- we tend to start it at day 9-10 instead of earlier as they suggest and miss out the last day of dtd which is 48 hours plus after positive OPK as I feel like it’s unnecessary! 😂. Some people also using pre seed lube and also mooncups after sex to hold stuff where it needs to be for longer but this isn’t something I’ve tried.
I have taken proceive max sachets also as they claim to be tailored to older women trying to conceive to try to improve egg quality. I have conceived quickly both times but unsure if I am lucky/ smep is more responsible for that.