2023 TTC 35+ Part 3

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread!!!

The other one filled in so quickly. I'm happy that many of you are finding this space supportive and helpful.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I hate to even mention this, but if you did fall pregnant around the same time as accepting job would this mean you wouldn't be entitled to 6 months full pay when on maternity? Would it be SMP only?

@MOGMOGMOG85 Apologies, just read your post again and you've already considered it!

@ChildrenOfTheQuorn yes that's the heart of the issue badly laid out in my long post! Xx

@SnookyPook not til NEXT weekend, cd20 currently, so there is zero chance any of my moods or anything else meaning anything at all - but the thought is always at the back of your mind in the dreaded 2ww! Xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 if it were me I would take the new job. You don’t sound as though you will be happy staying where you are, especially if you get locked in for two years post mat pay (I think I read and understood that correctly?). I would feel very awkward letting a new employer know I was pregnant early on (we shouldn’t feel that way but of course we do, it’s understandable). I think if you hopefully do get the job, accept it then become pregnant soon after, it will just take an honest open conversation acknowledging it is not the ideal situation for your employer and assure them that whilst of course the safety of your pregnancy and caring for your baby in mat leave is your number one priority you are willing to look at being as helpful and flexible as possible in conjunction with occupational health input.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I agree, take the job! Your existing employer doesn't deserve you and it's hard to know when you'll fall pregnant but if it is ASAP, it'll work out.

The absolute cockiness of some men though 🙃

Hope everyone else is doing okay! 💜

Go for it @MOGMOGMOG85 . You’ve got this.

It’s my friend’s hen do on Saturday and we’re doing a cocktail masterclass. I will be approx 8 DPO and I’m going to early test, but have no faith that anything will show even if I were pregnant. My brain is doing a really weird thing where I’m convinced that if I don’t drink then I definitely won’t be pregnant and then I’ll have spent a special occasion sober around drunk people with no baby to show for it. I know being sober isn’t a big deal and I actually barely do drink, so it’s a bit of an odd reaction.

We’ve been trying for 4 cycles and realistically this is the first one where I think the dates have actually lined up, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. Especially as I’ve spent ages trying to come to peace with it all in that I don’t think it’s going to happen for us before my DH is back properly in November. Assuming it happens then anyway.

My friend announced her pregnancy today, my SIL is pregnant and I’m a midwife. There’s a lot of babies in my life at present.

@Bumblebee413 it's your choice of course, but my friend who is a Dr says you don't even start sharing blood with an embryo until around the time you would get a positive test. Having said that I wouldn't get bladdered, but I personally would relax and have a few. It's up to you though - if you're very worried about it maybe not?? If alcohol prevented pregnancy I don't think the human race would have thrived like we do!!! Xx

In fact embryo is not even medically accurate at 8dpo it's a blastocyte if that language helps in any way! Xx

@Bumblebee413 I feel like your job is likely the most challenging to have on the planet when you’re longing for a baby! It really hits harder when those close to you announce though and that’s definitely an anxiety of mine post miscarriage as really scared of it happening and can get quite irrational at times thinking people are going to tell me they are pregnant 🙈.
mid you were pregnant at 8dpo there would be zero connection between your circulation and a pregnancy and I don’t think any alcohol could find it’s way into your womb (hopefully 😂) so perhaps a couple of long cocktails is the best way forwards? I know I would really struggle with the decision in your shoes though, I was worried about eating a meal last night with cooked alcohol in and I’m only CD 13 😂….so I’m one to talk

Plus there is zero evidence that drinking modestly does any harm at all, they just don't tell us this in the UK cos they know what we're like!!

Also they can't ethically research into how much and at what times its harmful but its my understanding that heavy drinking is harmful, but unlikely to even affect at this early stage before a positive test xx

Thank you for your kindness and advice guys, that’s genuinely really helpful. I’ll be honest, my embryology knowledge isn’t top notch any more- long time ago in my training!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I’m afraid I do know a little about drinking in pregnancy and there’s been a fair bit of research popping up in the last few years. So much so that we’re having to retrain midwives as there is so much more information available now then even a few years ago.

They can’t ethically give some women drinks and others not, but they have started looking into fetal alcohol syndrome symptoms in adults and children whose parents did drink in pregnancy and they have found around 3- 17% of the those sampled have symptoms of FAS.

Sorry, I know it’s a bit of a gloomy one, but definitely worth sharing, especially in conception boards. It’s relatively easy to find on Google if you want to check at all.

But mainly, thank you again. I’ll hold off on the getting plastered, with a two year old to parent the next day, but one or two cocktails sound good x

Thanks @Bumblebee413 for informing us! I had previously thought one or 2 glasses in pregnancy was theoretically fine, although I always limited myself to one sip just in case! So it's good to hear about new developments, more info is better. Xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 go for it. I don't want to be the one to put a dampener on things but you don't know how long things will take and if you'll have everything go well so don't end up living with the regret and the what ifs.

When I had my son I was in a well paid job but only on a maternity cover contract so only got paid for part of time off.

I'm now self employed in a totally different job and will only get statutory. BUT because I was on that for part of the last one I know we'll manage. It's surprising where you can cut back. Just start putting some money aside now to help when the time comes. My current salary is so much lower than it was before, I actually wonder what I spent it on as we manage fine.

@MOGMOGMOG85 as others have said, if you have the opportunity to then I would go for it.
I was in a similar situation to you a few years ago, I found out I was pregnant just before a second interview and I went on to be offered the job. I accepted and then had about 6 weeks until I told my employer. Funnily enough my male manager was a bit awkward about it but my female manager was more practical and of the opinion that these babies come along when they please and the timing isn’t always perfect. I was only in the role for about 7 months before going on Mat leave and only qualified for Smp. It was a bit tight but we made it work. When I returned after Mat leave it did feel a bit like starting again as I hadn’t built up that much experience but I was into the swing of it soon enough.

This might be your month (fingers crossed) but it also might not be and you can only go on the information you have here and now. I think I was worried about the stop/start aspect of it but in reality 12months mat leave or thereabouts is nothing in comparison to the long career you may have with your employer.

Good luck!!! 🤞🏻

Hi ladies,

Hope everyone is ok ☺️took a few weeks off as was feeling so down and disheartened after last month and the faint positives / possible chemical pregnancy.

Finally feeeling a little better. I have tried my best to steer away from ovulation testing this month to try and relieve some of the pressure..so we will wait and see how it all turns out.

Fingers crossed for everyone currently in the TWW☺️🤞🏻xxx

Welcome back @H0pefull . Glad you’re starting to feel a little bit better. It was a really hard month for you. X

Thank you @Bumblebee413 , hope all is good with you ❤️
apologies if TMI but if I’m not pregnant this month I’m quitting, I am EXHAUSTED 😂x

😂 oh bless you @H0pefull this looks like such a stellar effort! I would also be really hopeful this cycle if I were you in this position! Good luck and fingers crossed 🤞 xx

Thank you @Eirlys1986 we will wait and see! How are you getting on? Xx

@H0pefull I’m feeling a bit sad today tbh. I’m day 14 of cycle now and still reading zero on OPK. It may take time for things to resettle post miscarriage last month but it’s hard. I’ve also spent the morning sitting with a colleague who is only a month ahead with her pregnancy of where I should’ve been so it’s hard to see her bump beginning and hearing about 20 week scan due in 2 weeks etc.

So sorry @Eirlys1986 xx miscarriage is very hard, especially when you feel like time is of the essence. I didn't conceive after mine until the miscarried baby would have been due and I do remember that pain. Give yourself permission to avoid anyone who is currently pregnant (if possible, I know not always so) temporarily. Sending hugs to you xxx

Thanks @MOGMOGMOG85 , sadly can’t avoid the pregnant colleague as I’m her supervisor, same goes for an incoming 22 weeks pregnant colleague coming in a week 😞. I’m a doctor so unfortunately preggos come with the job 😂. Xx

So sorry @Eirlys1986 ❤️ I hope things return to normal for you soon, it’s so frustrating isn’t it.
Make sure you’re kind to yourself re pregnant colleagues, it doesn’t make you any kind of a bad person for feeling sad seeing them be at a similar point to where you should be - that is always going to be hard xx

Thanks @H0pefull , I think I’ve naively hoped that as my period came bang on 28 days after the MMC was medically induced that my ovulation would be equally obliging but sadly appears not to be the case!