2023 TTC 35+ Part 3

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread!!!

The other one filled in so quickly. I'm happy that many of you are finding this space supportive and helpful.

Ok thanks @Mrsspoon3 , I’m back in the game now as cycles started again, on CD9. Had planned to start smep again tonight but we’ve both agreed we are too tired and my OPK has tumbleweed blowing through it today (I wasn’t even going to bother testing today as I generally always ovulate day 14-16). We shall conserve energy over here in toddler world and put our efforts into some days more likely to be successful!

That’s great they’ve started again @Eirlys1986! That sounds a good plan to conserve some energy. Trying to balance ttc with raising a toddler, working and generally living your life can get a bit exhausting can’t it? 😂

@Mrsspoon3 oh yah. 😆

Thank you @Eirlys1986 I think I was just having a very down day. It seems that the bleeding was the start of my period, though it is early.

@Stephy1024 down days are bound to happen given the circumstances, your hormones may have understandably had you feeling a bit more on edge and crappy too if your period now appears to have started early. Hope you are feeling a bit better now xx

You lot are inspiring me to do the ovulation testing too, but literally who can afford clearblue... do you buy the cheapies online?? Anyone got any links?

Day 18 over here, dtd day 9, 12, and 14. No idea when I ovulate but my cycle is so regular tbh it's clearly day 13-14.

I'm so over the 2ww already! 9 long months in to trying for me, no luck as yet! Why can't we just get a clear yes/no sent out to us around now - like day 17/18, so we just know and can move on to the next cycle! I'm so impatient I bloody hate waiting in uncertainty! Anyway sorry lol...

So when you ovulate the egg lives for maybe 12-24 hours - not long anyway, but I'm confused - could you have sex 12 hours after and still have a chance, or would it be best to have sex no later than ovulation, to give the sperm time to work its way in?? Cos doesn't it take the sperm time to work its way through the outer shell?? I've been reading hehe.

Also ovulation tests - do they tell you when you WILL ovulate, or when you HAVE ovulated?

Many thanks for allowing me to drill down into your collective wisdom here!! Xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 i use these, the pack I normally buy has some pregnancy strip tests in them too and haven’t had any issues.

The only annoying thing is having to use your judgement rather than a clear yes or no as the test line needs to be as dark or darken than the control. The tests indicate when you get your lh surge and that ovulation will happen 24-48hours later (I think!)
I’m under the impression that it’s always better to have sperm waiting for an egg rather than the other way round.
Depending on how fast the sperm swim up and how long the egg lasts for, it is possible to still get pregnant.
It blows my mind how it all happens and how anyone actually gets pregnant!

I’m with you, you would think there would be something that could indicate immediately if it’s been a successful month and put us out of our misery!
Hope that helps x

https://www.amazon.co.uk/One-Step-Sensitive-Ovulation-Fertility/dp/B001G7STT0/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=3QZ6NK90W5W0D&keywords=ovulation+tests&qid=1690202983&sprefix=ovu%2Caps%2C86&sr=8-4

@MOGMOGMOG85 yes @xxcxdonxx is absolutely correct- ovulate 24-48 hours post LH surge (when you get a positive OPK test) and a lot of literature says it is better for sperm to be sat and waiting. Dtd on LH surge day should assure this but I have always found doing it only on surge day doesn’t seem to work so we do smep which is bloody exhausting but seems to work as I presume sperm are basically always hanging around waiting for an egg in my tubes with that method 😂

@Stephy1024 at least if it's your period arriving it explains what's been going on. You're cycle will take time to settle, mine was early one month and then last month was later than usual.

@xxcxdonxx yours sound like mine. I'm using Easy@Home alongside Clearblue this cycle and they are just confusing! I'm struggling to get decent photos of them and according to the ones I'm getting and uploading my levels are lower today than yesterday. The lines are all similar. Clearblue has put me on a 3rd high day today so will test again with that later this evening. I tried with FMU today to see if that made a difference, even though these say not to but the line wasn't really any darker than yesterday's so who knows.

@RoseH36 is that on the Premom app? I’ve only tried that for one month but similarly, the photo didn’t seem to match the reading it gave me and I ended up manually entering my peak.
I’m a bit old school and log mines in a diary so I’ll go back to that 😂

CD25, BFN sadly. I do feel AF is coming any day and I'm feeling quite disappointed. 7th cycle of trying. I have had my hormone levels (LH, FSH and progesterone) checked at my GP this month and they've been OK. Feeling deflated but know I have to bounce back for cycle 8!!

Thanks everyone! @Angelsrose I'm so sorry. I'm in cycle 9 now xx

@xxcxdonxx thanks for the link!

@Eirlys1986 is smep where you have sex every 2 days then every day twice around ovulation? God I'd be lucky to persuade my husband to do that 😆 I hope it pays off for you soon! Xx

Thanks @MOGMOGMOG85 ! It's so tough to keep going each cycle but I know it will be worth it!

@xxcxdonxx yes that's the one! Haha I mark all mine in my diary too! 🤣

@Angelsrose so sorry AF sounds like it's on the way. It's good all your levels are normal although I imagine frustrating at the same time in some ways as no obvious answer for you.

@RoseH36 thanks so much. Yes it is frustrating. I just have to keep trying. I know 7 cycles isn't long in the grand scheme of things but it seems like years!

@Angelsrose it does feel like a long time. We've been trying 10 months and have had 2 mc in that time, it feels like forever.

@RoseH36 it really does feel like forever. I think I was naive in thinking that it wouldn't take this long.

@Angelsrose I know I was 100% naive, we were pregnant on our third cycle first time round, 1st time with the help of OPKs, didn't use them the first 2 cycles. Didn't expect to take so long this time round.

@Angelsrose sorry about the BFN, I feel like everything feels a million times longer when ttc so I can imagine 7 months feels ages. Good luck for cycle 8 though xxxx
@MOGMOGMOG85 oh yah, it is dtd every other day from day 8, OPK from day 10 and once positive to dtd that day and 2 days after, miss a day then do a day after that! 😂 we are only starting from day 10 and we only do it one day after peak OPK as I feel like 2 times post OPK is just excessive 😂

I'm gonna ask your advice on a work issue, as I know you are all women over 35 and therefore the wisest most awesome people on the planet so it's a no-brainer!

I had a job interview yesterday - felt it went really well and find out on Friday. If I get offered the job though I could really screw things if I got pregnant quickly. I'm not willing to stop trying even a few months. I'm on cd20 now will be cd22 by Friday. Guess I can delay over the weekend if an offer was made that's cd25 by time I would have to call it. I guess I could accept, say I'll get back to then with a start date, fanny around a few extra days then take a test. If not preg that still doesn't help if I fall pregnant over the next 3 or 4 months...

I'm in cycle 9 of trying. I've ttc twice before, once took 16 months to conceive then miscarried, once took 6 months for my son. I'm 3 years older now than then!

I don't want to spend my life waiting in case I'm pregnant. My job is OK but my boss often squashes the enthusiasm out of me for my profession. I think he's depressed and has a lot of personal issues. He is often moody and I've had one big argument with him. I get on well with most the rest of the team except 1 guy who kisses up to the boss and def benefits from sexism. It's an all male team, though we are getting a part time female trainee soon. When she arrives she may inject some new enthusiasm into the team!

My boss makes us work with shoddy equipment which is really dodgy heath and safety wise. He also prevents me doing simple things which are quick, cheap as chips and massively improve our output. I find myself not bothering to mention stuff I've noticed is broken or needs ordered, or stuff that blatantly needs doing and has been overlooked and will make everyone's life harder in the long run. I'm fed up of the struggle for stuff that I don't even understand why it's an issue in the first place.

The new job looks great. Its 3k more which is a lot for me (23-26k). It has occurred to me we could do shared parental leave so I don't have to take much time off. We'd get less than full maternity pay here with my partners full wage (high 30s), but better than me being on maternity allowance.. then there's the issue of being pregnant in a new job. I would be a high risk pregnancy on a lot of counts and this time I would make sure to take it very easy as I have massive guilt and trauma from PPROM last time in my physical role using a lot of machinery. Its the 4th most dangerous profession in the UK. The idea of being new in a job and basically being unable to do my job stresses me out so much. I'd be much safer here.

However i may be much happier there - and if I take mat pay here I have to stay then for 2 years after which I'm sure I could adapt to but it feels a bit restrictive careerwise...

Please advise I'm going out of my mind! Of course haven't been offered the job yet...

@MOGMOGMOG85 Its horrible how much these thoughts are still considerations for women and I absolutely get where you're coming from and would be having the same worries myself. However, as an impartial outsider to your situation, the basic facts are, you are perfectly entitled to go for the new job and not even tell them initially that you're pregnant. You are protected by law. You are female and therefore they must know there is a possibility of this happening. Your career is just as important as a man's, however, if you do fall pregnant then you will be off for a while, that's just how it goes. But you shouldn't have to put your progression on hold because you also want a family.

Hopefully it won't, but if it does take a while to conceive again, or if you conceive soon and sadly lose a pregnancy (worst case scenarios but worth bearing in mind) then you could be in limbo for a while. In which case, at least moving forwards with your career would be something else to focus on. If you do fall pregnant asap and have a lovely healthy pregnancy, again, you are protected by law and it is absolutely your right to have time to raise a family. It's so awful that we still have to feel awkward about these things.

It sounds to me like you are done with your current job... Also bear in mind that a stressful workplace won't be putting you in a good mindset for conceiving. I'd say just plough on with everything... TTC and new job and just let the Universe take you where it wants 😊 Good luck!!

@MOGMOGMOG85 also, I presume occy health at the new job would be required to do risk assessment and find you appropriate roles for the duration of the pregnancy? Xx

Hi @SnookyPook - thank you. This seems like the voice of reason here.

My worries re: shared parental leave is that if I fall within the first few months of working I won't even qualify for statutory maternity pay, just maternity allowance which is like £80 a week. Current role I'd be on full pay 6 months then a decent proportion 4 months after that. With previous baby I took all leave as my pay was so low and we needed my partners full income, now we might be able to consider shared parental and I think we both might prefer it that way...

I've just heard that a man who interviewed also for the role declared to my colleague yesterday that he thinks he has a better chance than me. I'm flipping furious - I absolutely have to take the job now... this man has 1.5 years experience to my 9.5, last year was a trainee PART TIME in the job I'm currently FULL TIME PERMANENT CONTRACT in, and has just this year has been doing a full time traineeship - quite a prestigious one, but then I would know because I completed the same EIGHT YEARS AGO. The audacity of this b!! Omg if they offer him the job that's gotta be patriarchy in motion. I've seen 2 women in my current role rejected after interviews because they were too "perfect", too "forceful", and too "chatty" - the jobs have been offered to either men, or women who have been honest to God selected because they "lack confidence". When I interviewed for my current role i had literally just flown in from Italy and I was in a post holiday daze I was so laid back and at the time genuinely couldn't care less if I got the job or not. I think this plus my boss thought I was in my 20s meant he had no idea how fiery I really was and thought I would be much more meek...

Now I'm thinking about it I do need to leave because 1 - me + pregnancy hormones would probably genuinely give my boss a heart attack/nervous breakdown combo. And 2 that bloody part time trainee thinking he's above me DEAR LORD.

On a more relevant note when I feel as fiery as this I do always wonder if I might have conceived this month, as pregnancy was one long furious battle against arseholes for me last time, but maybe would be different in a more supportive workplace...

@MOGMOGMOG85 eurgh that's infuriating! I'm raging on your behalf! Definitely let us know how it goes! If there is any decency in the world, really sounds like the job should be yours.... Also, fingers crossed that the fieryness means something more..! 🤞🏻 Did you say you're due to test at the weekend? X