2023 TTC 35+ Part 3

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread!!!

The other one filled in so quickly. I'm happy that many of you are finding this space supportive and helpful.

@Eirlys1986 ❤️

Negative pregnancy test this morning. Do feel very down about this one. We have it a good try this month.
Glad we have fertility appointment but also fed up we have one, don't like talking about it, hate any kind of investigations. Anyone know what sort of tests they may do first? Had blood tests for me, sperm for OH. Thanks for letting me vent. It's just hard.

Negative pregnancy test this morning. Do feel very down about this one. We have it a good try this month.
Glad we have fertility appointment but also fed up we have one, don't like talking about it, hate any kind of investigations. Anyone know what sort of tests they may do first? Had blood tests for me, sperm for OH. Thanks for letting me vent. It's just hard.

Morning @Pineappleapple so sorry about the negative test, it really sucks 😞. I also understand what you mean about not wanting to talk about the medical side of things or go to clinic whilst also appreciating the need or importance of going at the same time. I feel the same about miscarriage clinic I’m off to later, I should be really grateful to get to go so soon after one MC but I just feel like I want them to leave me alone and just feel upset I even am in a situation where I need to go and talk to someone. I do recognise it is essentially a good thing to go though. Fertility team will sometimes want you to get some additional bloods or repeat some of the ones you’ve had already if relevant, sometimes swabs to make sure no infection as it’s important that’s given the all clear before they check women’s tubal patency- so booking you in for either a procedure to check there is no fallopian tube blockage. I’ve popped a link from our local fertility clinics “what to expect” below 👇 as it will most likely be similar to yours if you are in UK (which I think you are!)
https://www.uhcw.nhs.uk/ivf/treatments/what-to-expect/
I’m so sorry you have to go, it must be so very hard but you can do it. Xxx

@Eirlys1986 thanks. I've been waiting for an appointment for ages. I would go private but looking at roughly 3000 to get the tests and then get them removed. It's a lot of money!!!
Here's hoping it happens soon and we all get our BFP's and healthy pregnancy soon x

@Frustratedttcno2 yes it really does become so expensive once any form of surgical procedure has to happen. I really hope you get in as soon as possible. Things may always happen naturally in the meantime so keep the faith in nature (even though I imagine that’s very hard at present) xx

@Pineappleapple sorry to hear it was negative, it's so hard. I've felt jealousy towards other pregnant women lately but then remind myself that I don't know what journey they may have been on. I'm glad I found this group as we're all on tough journeys and it's lovely to not feel alone in that.

@Pineappleapple so sorry lovely, that sucks 😞 We also gave it a good try this month and I've already had a wobble because felt like I'd got pms (7dpo) and ruled myself out for the cycle. It's made all the more hard by having a constant ticker tape in my head of where my lost pregnancy would be up to if it was still going which I know isn't in any way helpful but it's there. Sending you a big hug.

@RoseH36 yes it is so reassuring being able to talk to other women about this who know what it's like. Particularly as I think any mention of the loss to my DH now seems to scare him that I'm on the brink of breakdown and taking a backwards step. I tried to explain this evening that I'm just having a down day, most likely linked to hormones, and it's ok.. I just have to feel my feelings. I think for him now the loss is in the past, whereas for me it's still very much ongoing.

@SnookyPook I think it’s really hard for men to understand the complex emotions involved in losing a pregnancy. I could tell my OH got a bit fed up earlier as I noticed a flicker of an eye roll when I started recounting some miscarriage stats to him when I was trying to work through things and reassure myself. He is such an amazing support overall and know when I brought it up he was very stressed and tired with work etc so his reaction was understandable but it still hurt me so I’ve decided to perhaps try and not vocalise so much over next few days if I can for both our sakes. I think basically only others who have been through the same thing can truely appreciate things you may be experiencing and the fact it’s very all consuming. I am obviously a lot earlier on in my journey post MC but I can’t imagine how I feel is going to alter anytime soon, just one day at a time at present.

@Eirlys1986 sending you lots of love. I think it just doesn't quite hit them the same, which isn't wrong .. it's just, different. It's our bodies going through it all and so much more present for us. Meanwhile, feel free to work through whatever you need, share stats etc here 😚

Ladies, I don't quite know what to think... I've just had a bubble bath and leaked colostrum from both breasts... Has anyone experienced this in the tww?! No idea whether it could be a remnant of the lost pregnancy (although had no breast changes or leaks during that but maybe my boobs haven't got the memo and still think I have an almost third trimester bundle on board?)... Or possibly an early pregnancy thing..? Or possibly just a random coincidence to contribute to driving me mad in the valley of torment?!?

Morning all.. Hope you're all doing OK, just something I was reading yesterday wondered what your opinions are? Apparently from the age of 35 you only have 50% of your eggs that are chromosomally normal... From the age of 37 that drops rapidly and from 40+ it's drops to 10 to 15%.... Its made me worry actually... It would explain why I suddenly miscarried at 37 when I've never had issues before... It worries me now ttc am I just setting myself up for another loss 🤔

@SnookyPook my gut would say that's left from your pregnancy, I'd have thought it would be too early for anything like that as don't think its usually produced until nearer the end.

@Kellyaust I'd try not to read too much into that, yes it could be the reason why but at the same time plenty of women into their 40s have children with no issues. I see it now that all pregnancies are a 50/50 whether they are viable or not. It is hard not to feel like you're setting yourself up for another failure though, I'm trying to stay as relaxed as I can this TWW.

@RoseH36 yeah I know what you mean, but when you've lost a baby you tend to research every possible explanation don't you, I think it changed your outlook on EVERYTHING. what day or you on now? I don't ovulate for another week or so yet 🤞

@Kellyaust its totally understandable to want to research everything when you’ve had a previous loss. It’s definitely true that egg quality reduces after 35 and that the most likely factor in most early miscarriage is a genetic problem with the fetus that would make them too poorly to have survived. From my appointment with miscarriage consultant yesterday- those in 35-39 age group who are pregnant -25% will miscarry, this is scary and does mean there is a decent chance of it happening. However, if someone told you you had a 75% chance of winning the lottery after you purchased a ticket you would be pretty pleased right?
This is a link to the Tommy’s miscarriage tool- it’s to help women predict the likelihood of their next pregnancy being normal if they have one or more miscarriages, they developed it as actually most people’s odds are pretty good. Can’t remember if I’ve posted it before but here it is:
https://www.miscarriagetool.tommys.org/
Hope this helps in some way xxx I am trying hardest to remain positive but it’s hard sometimes x

@Kellyaust oh absolutely! Some days I'm convinced there's something wrong with me and other days I think I was just unlucky. After the first time I thought maybe it was because I'd eaten too much sugar as I'd heard diabetes can cause problems and I had gestational diabetes. That was what started my health kick and cutting back on sugary foods when I found out I was pregnant again. Clearly that made zero difference but at least I know it wasn't anything I did that caused it (even though I knew that already deep down). I don't know lol, AF will be due sometime next week I think.

@Eirlys1986 thank you yeah I did that tool it have me 85% chance of a normal pregnancy next time but not sure I believe it at this point after all if I have a certain amount of unviable eggs and a certain amount of viable there's a chance I'm going to get another non viable isn't there, I guess I just like to prepare for the worst 🤦‍♀️

@RoseH36 oh god yeah I did the same, I had a craving for mocha when I was pregnant and I was having sometimes 2 per day so I told myself it's because I was having too much caffeine coz I'd never drank it in previous pregnancies... But in reality it probably wasn't that, though I've cut all caffeine still 😂 nightmare aren't we

@Kellyaust haha glad it's not just me! I switched to de-caf tea. I didn't even like tea until I had my first but ever since then I've been drinking it, only one cup a day though but even so, thought I best switch tea bags 😅

@RoseH36 same here I drink de caf tea now haha it actually tastes better than caffinated tea tbh!!

@Kellyaust Im a “prepare for the worster” too but I’m not sure in this situation how much that will actually protect my feelings if the worst happens again. I think that at the moment I’m just trying to acknowledge to myself how traumatic and awful the loss has been for me personally whilst also trying to also have a bit of my brain that knows this is sadly a common occurrence and doesn’t mean there is anything specially “wrong” with me, in fact it’s likely a sign my body worked perfectly in a situation where sadly the baby would not have been ok.
@RoseH36 I am now a de caff tea concert, I hate the taste of caffeinated tea! I do love mocha though 😂

@RoseH36 @Eirlys1986 @Kellyaust I also only drink decaf tea now! Since my first pregnancy I've found normal tea too bitter! Never went back!

I don't find stats particularly helpful. It is a bit of a worry being an older Mum but as @Eirlys1986 said, plenty of older mums DO have perfectly healthy children. And whilst devastating, the loss I had was mostly because that little bean just wasn't viable and therefore my body did the right thing. I trust it. I am braced for the he worst happening again, but equally, I'm hopeful that there will be another healthy little bean in there 🤞🏻🌈😊

@SnookyPook I’m sure that there is a lovely golden bean in there for you somewhere!

The consultant I saw yesterday was lovely and she said to me on the way out “it will happen, it may just take time”
My new mantra as a result: “I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes “ ❤️ 🌈 x

Thanks for flipping the coin and giving me some positivity and something to change my mindset a bit I guess 🤞 sorry if I'm a tad doom and gloom, I'm a worrier and this really threw me for 6. Here's to rainbows this cycle 🌈🤞

@Kellyaust there is absolutely no need to apologise for how you feel! I still have a heavy background feeling of worry and doubt about whether we will get a second baby despite everything I’m saying and trying to believe in. It’s all bloody hard and horrible. At least we are all in it together xxx

Oh just found this thread! Hello, I am in my first ever TWW! (4DPO).

hope it’s OK to join. Just started a new thread and then spotted this one. D’oh!

xx