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Original poster

Am I crazy to want a 4th child at 42??

57 replies

RaisingYankeesinParis · 25/04/2023 19:16

Hello,

i will be 42 soon and my husband only gave my the green light to TTC in August. Had a lot of work stress and finally got pregnant this month but it’s a chemical pregnancy (like I had in 2014), blighted ovum I think it’s called. Very down because it seemed acceptable to squeeze the start of pregnancy in at 41, but 42 seems pushing it. My husband and I have a great marriage and all our 3 kids are ours. ❤️

thanks for your thoughts

OP posts:
CampervanKween · 26/04/2023 07:40

My 11 year old is gorgeous. I was just thinking what a lovely age it is the other day. Mind you, none of my kids has been any trouble, and my husband is a complete partner in every way and a great dad so perhaps that makes a difference.

DemBonesDemBones · 26/04/2023 07:44

Yes you are. My fourth is disabled. I can't imagine having the energy they need from me at 42. I often think we 'pushed our luck' with a fourth.

Spanielsarepainless · 26/04/2023 07:45

Yep.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 26/04/2023 07:56

I think you’re nuts (sorry) but think about how you’d feel if the little one was disabled and needed significant additional support, and think about the possibility of multiples too. If you’re still happy then I don’t think much would stop you.

MollyRover · 26/04/2023 09:04

Being the child of a family where parents were older with the last, yes you're crazy. Enjoy your beautiful, healthy family and remember that reading stories and singing songs will be replaced by just as special routines and moments. They won't always be babies, but they will always be your cherished children.

Original poster
RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 09:10

I am afraid it may come to this. We are not going to try eternally. I am figuring that if I am not pregnant by September or scheduled to give birth while I am 42 I should give up.

OP posts:
Original poster
RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 09:16

I have a ten year old, and she’s lovely. I also LOVE toddlers. I absolutely loved the toddler phase (2-3 yrs).

I am a bit worried about birth defects. But I know a number of women who have had babies in their 40s without issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 09:18

Did you hate having older parents ? I had normal age parents and don’t remember them as being especially rock n’roll. We were also a reasonable 2 kid family normal normal. Large families are so interesting to me.

OP posts:
MollyRover · 26/04/2023 09:18

RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 09:16

I have a ten year old, and she’s lovely. I also LOVE toddlers. I absolutely loved the toddler phase (2-3 yrs).

I am a bit worried about birth defects. But I know a number of women who have had babies in their 40s without issues.

But are you willing to put that risk above your children? Their time with and attention from you and their DF, their well-being?

Original poster
RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 09:19

I don’t know.

OP posts:
MollyRover · 26/04/2023 09:21

RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 09:18

Did you hate having older parents ? I had normal age parents and don’t remember them as being especially rock n’roll. We were also a reasonable 2 kid family normal normal. Large families are so interesting to me.

Wasn't the older parents bit, it was the large family bit. Now that we've grown up we rely on each other but we don't have much time for them- learned behaviour from a childhood being pushed aside for the next baby I would imagine.

updin · 26/04/2023 09:21

Have you thought about the impact on your current kids rather than the fact you like toddlers? You need to think with your head, not your ovaries, your hormones are likely making you feel like this is last chance saloon and not helping you to think logically.

Whiskeypowers · 26/04/2023 09:21

I had my third at 42 and he is just delightful even as a full on five year old.

42 is not too old to have a child many many women do
sorry for your loss too

PranksoK · 26/04/2023 09:30

I don’t think you’re crazy. I’m late 30’s with three and would love a fourth one day (don’t think dh would ever go for it) so I know the feeling. Lots of mums seem to be having babies in their 40’s, so I think if it’s what you both want then go for it.

Shopper727 · 26/04/2023 09:35

I don’t think you’re crazy because I have 4 however my last is 11 almost 12 and I’m 44 and no way could I see myself with a 2 year old now. I feel I’m past the baby/toddler stage and coming out the other side. However my eldest is 22 then 18 then 13. If you feel you can manage no4 go for it but it’s a lot, I’m tired and glad mine are a bit more self sufficient. Hope things work as you wish and all goes well ❤️ My next baby will be a grandchild - long time from now I hope 🤞

Gotofriggingsleep · 26/04/2023 09:35

I'm 42 with an almost teen and a 6yr old. I wouldn't consider a 3rd at this age no. I would worry about an increased risk of disability/SEN, as I see the impact having a disabled sibling is having on my DM after her parents' can no longer care for them.

My career is getting back on track and we as a family can enjoy days out/activities that we can all get involved with. I can't see a teen and a toddler enjoying the same things so it would be another challenge to juggle family time to suit all. Good luck whatever you decide.

DrJump · 26/04/2023 09:42

Oh I want another so bad. Very lucky I am on long acting contraception as I am sure we would end up with another accident. I know for us another would be just too much. We are just getting by at the moment and another would really push us financially. I'd money wasn't an issue I think we would maybe have another but it is what it is.

Anjie80 · 26/04/2023 09:54

I'm 42 and I'm currently 18 weeks along and this will be my 5th .. while it wasn't planned as such we weren't really preventing either ..and I can honestly say hand on heart so far this has been my easiest pregnancy (well so far anyway)

ElmTree22 · 26/04/2023 10:14

My mum had me at 43, actually only a couple weeks away from 44, she said it was the best decision she ever made and that she was able to enjoy me a lot more due to her age (she believes)
I'm now 30, she's so on to be 74 and we have a wonderful relationship. She's great for her age, as is my dad who is a few years older than her (77) and is still working part time as a tradesman. They say I kept them young!! They could honestly run rings around me!

Original poster
RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 10:15

How big was your family? I have heard children can become numbers

OP posts:
TooooBusy · 26/04/2023 10:18

RaisingYankeesinParis · 25/04/2023 21:39

Good question. Not that I know of. My grandmothers were in their 80s. One had her 4th at 40. I would give my left arm to be 2 yrs younger!

Show quote history

I think parenting your fourth in your forties with one arm would be very tricky!

I did it in 40s (not 4th though). Not a single regret. Menopause can be exhausting but it was manageable.

ElmTree22 · 26/04/2023 10:21

RaisingYankeesinParis · 26/04/2023 10:15

How big was your family? I have heard children can become numbers

4 of us, 4 girls and we definitely don't feel like numbers.

FourTeaFallOut · 26/04/2023 10:25

Well you have three children already, you are more than familiar with what's ahead of you. You have a happy marriage and eager to have another. So no, I don't think you are crazy at all. Crack on and enjoy.

GelPens1 · 26/04/2023 13:22

@RaisingYankeesinParis my friend’s dad is in his late-60s (her mum is 60) and she is 26. She wishes that her dad was younger and that her grandparents were younger (2 are dead and 2 are in their 90s). There’s also an increased risk of issues during pregnancy for older mothers, foetal development and also SEN. There’d also be a large age gap between your eldest and hypothetical youngest.

FotheringtonThomasMinor · 26/04/2023 13:27

I'm late 40s now and regret that I didn't try for a third baby. So my instinct is to say go for it, but give some thought to how you would cope if a) it didn't happen, or b) your baby had additional needs.

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