Am I crazy to want a 4th child at 42??

[RaisingYankeesinParis]

Hello,

i will be 42 soon and my husband only gave my the green light to TTC in August. Had a lot of work stress and finally got pregnant this month but it’s a chemical pregnancy (like I had in 2014), blighted ovum I think it’s called. Very down because it seemed acceptable to squeeze the start of pregnancy in at 41, but 42 seems pushing it. My husband and I have a great marriage and all our 3 kids are ours. ❤️

thanks for your thoughts

Not mad, the heart wants what it wants, but I think your head needs to win this one and your heart will thank it later. 3 children is a lovely number, your marriage is in a good place and it sounds like your body is firing warning shots thats it’s not at a good age for getting pregnant any more. I would be grateful for what I had and find a new hobby or book a lovely holiday!

having a first or second child in your 40's in sometimes unavoidable these days and my advice if this was the case would be that the risks/downsides outweigh the benefits but as you already have 3 ,here are my reasons for you not to have any more:

1. perimenopause is going to come pretty quickly. i had my last in my 40's and sadly my health has been lousy ever since and have been unable to work

2. logistically,4 kids is much more of a hassle than 3 (car wise, holiday wise) 3. how are you planning to support potentially 4 kids through uni in your late 50's/early 60's? many of our kids are going to struggle financially with housing etc(which in itself will compromise their ability to have a family) and the more kids we have the less likely it is we can help them out

1. from an environmental perspective contributing kids (& particularly more than 2 children) to the world is very selfish (IMO)

It depends how you feel. I’m 43 and still trying and I am completely fine with my toddler. Don’t feel or look that age at all.
While my 10 years younger colleague is shuttered with her toddler.
Make a decision that you are comfortable with and not others. Good luck!

I don't think it's crazy to want another, but I do think consider if that 4th baby had additional needs or medical issues, and the impact that would have on your family.

Hmm I'm not sure... I had my last at 39 which I thought was probably pushing it too be honest. No problems but I think that was the limit for me. I have to say having just come into peri menopause at 52 now I'm feeling more tired. I'd be ok with younger children if I had one at 42 but what I would struggle with is dealing with teenage angst/late night taxi-ing and long uni journeys in my 60s.

No, if you want four, have four! You already have three so know the toll that looking after young kids can take, so you're obviously forewarned.

Someone who decided to have just one more in their forties told me "you never regret your last".

Hi Raisin YankeesinParis,
I just saw your post and while I have never posted online but only ever scrolled through other people's post I really wanted to reply to you.

We are thinking about a 4th child and I am 40 with the youngest being only 7 months. For me the two main considerations are if my husband would be fully on board (can our marriage take another few baby years of total sleep deprivation and no couple time) and second, will we be able to give them all the time they deserve?

For me personally, other considerations are less important, below my thought process.

If you have children at a more advanced age, there surely is a higher risk of pregnancy and birth complications and chromosomal anomalies. But having children in the first place is also a huge risk, because no matter your age things can always go terribly wrong and you will be in constant worry from the day you get pregnant to the day you die. That's parenthood!
Of course, I feel you should think about potentially having a disabled child and the impact on your existing children. But it's not all black and white. I have met many disabled children in my life and the strain on parents and their finances is immense. But disabled children are blessings too and can teach us so much about the small things in life that we do often overlook!

Some considerations here are also thoughts like being the oldest mum in school etc. Well, a friend had a baby in her 20s with a retired older mum, so her mum had loads of time to help, which was fantastic for her. Now, if you'll have a 4th who has children late you would be in your mid 80s and probably not much help. But frankly, I still think it would be better to be born in the first place with an older mum versus to not exist at all.

I am also not a great fan of considerations, such as would everybody have their own room, holidays, etc when thinking about another child. One could use room dividers for a little bit of privacy and with ours, they have decided to all three share a room, although we have 5 bedrooms! As for holidays, they get as much fun from a picknick in the park as a holiday in the sun, all they really need is TIME! And have their basic needs met, of course, such as clothing, food etc but I think you know what I mean.

Everybody is different, of course, and some people will have completely different views but how boring would the world be if we were all the same?

Go for it! :)