Trying to conceive over 40 part 4

[October1979]

Hi girls here is a new thread as we have nearly reached the 1000 limit x

Question for anyone who’s done IVF, did you continue to take your conception vitamins during your tww, or did you buy pregnancy ones? I’m currently taking Pregnacare conception.
Thanks in advance! X

Hi all, so had 2 consultation for a second opinion. One with private clinic here in Switzerland (dr was head of department for 30yr at hospital I am with), another with IB Spain. Both said my protocol, stimulations, checks etc were all good, I responded well and they wouldn't change anything. Embryology department in my hospital apparently best in Switzerland and this dr wouldn't recommend changing to a different. Both said my prognosis is very very low. I need to test these last 2 embryos and then if out of 6 all bad (previous 4 were abnormal), then my chance of banking extremely low and they would not recommend to continue with my eggs. They mentioned to do fragmentation test for my husband sperm and something else, but very unlikely problem is there.
So our next step to get results for these two and then decide. They said both to change a clinic only for my psychological reassurance I did something new but not from quality reason, nothing new clinic can bring, will be purely luck.
We are open both for donor but in a country/family we are from it is not acceptable or understandable area, we need to think how it will impact as we already have mixed kids and attitude is different to both of them. We weee thinking first to be private and not disclose, but now I actually read it is not good for a kid... so all got very complicated.
If you know some good resources to read please share 🙏
But for now we need to get to a finish line with my own eggs trying first

Morning all,
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and Happy New Year!
So, we caved and I took a test a day early this morning (I’m 13dp5dt). The first was invalid annoyingly, and the second finally started working and was then a bfn. Feel heartbroken but still holding out a little hope, but part of me thinks I should maybe just accept that this round hasn’t worked.😞

Hello @BertLiv
Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear that so far it’s a bfn. I haven’t been through IVF so don’t have the same experience but I’ve been there with the bfn and know how heartbreaking that is. It’s true what they say about not being out until you’re out. I imagine if there is a point the clinic says to test, you should wait until then before you accept the result.
I do test early and have never got a bfn that has turned into a bfp. So for me the early bfns (there’s usual several as I keep testing) help me prepare for the fact I’m not pregnant, but of course just because that’s my experience doesn’t mean it will be yours. Some people don’t get a bfp until further along. It’s really hard and totally sucks going through this waiting period, so just try to do whatever will help you. (I really appreciate that’s much easier said then done).

@pcmod thank you for your lovely message. I have tested again this morning and bfn again, so I think it’s likely that’s the definite result 😞. I’ll call the clinic today and I think they’ll say to wait a few days and test again and then that is the definite result. So, I’m expecting the worst but still holding out a tiny bit of hope. Either way, I guess we’ll know by Thursday.

Sorry to hear that @BertLiv 😞. Such a horrible process desperately wanting to see that second line and getting nothing, my heart really goes out to you. I really hope is it just a late showing one. Hope you get chance to take care of yourself over the next few days, all this waiting is really tough.

I’m so sorry @BertLiv ❤️❤️ sending hugs xxx
am I right in thinking you’ve got one embryo left? It might be worth checking with the clinic about tests looking at why this transfer failed before another transfer. It can be down to such simple things sometimes.
be kind to yourself and don’t underestimate how much a failed transfer can hurt - it’s still a form of loss so take all the time you need. Lots of love xxx

@pcmod and @Kelb79 thank you both. Feeling pretty numb today. Taking another test tomorrow, but I’m not holding out much hope. Not sure why I haven’t had a bleed yet if it’s a bfn, but we have a call with our consultant on Friday, so hopefully he’ll have the answers.
We have two embryos frozen, one 9/10 and one 8/10, which is good, and (as you suggested) I’m going to ask if there are any tests that can be done before our next round that might explain why it didn’t implant. I just keep going over the last two weeks in my mind and trying to see what I might have done wrong…😞
Hope everyone else is doing ok xx

I know it’s easy for me to say @BertLiv but please try not to ruminate on what ifs. It’s really tough if it hasn’t implanted but it won’t have been down to anything you did. It’s just really unlucky so please try not to beat yourself up when you couldn’t haven’t changed anything.

@pcmod Thank you. I know I shouldn't and my husband says the same thing - I am trying not to! Hopefully, by Friday we'll know more, and can then start looking at when we can do our next round and how we might be able to improve our chances.
I also think that next time I'd like to tell as few people as possible, which will be easier not over Christmas anyway (we only told my best friend and our families as they would've queried my not drinking). I know it's because they care, but my in-laws have now both asked about it (MIL subtly, FIL, not so subtly) and I've just had to tell some white lies as we don't want to say anything until we know for definite.

@BertLiv just wanted to send you hugs and support ❤️🥺 be strong! Nothing you did was wrong, it just didn't implant

@BertLiv yep, echoing the others here… there’s absolutely nothing that you did wrong ❤️ it didn’t implant because there was either something chromosomally wrong with the embryo itself, the timing was wrong or the environment was wrong for it (imbalanced hormones, raised NK cells, immunology issues…. the list goes on - hence the testing 👌🏼)
we all blame ourselves but we absolutely shouldn’t. Try not to make it harder on yourself xxxx lots of love xxxxx

Hi, hiw is everyone doing?
I am not so good, finally got results for my 2 embryos from second EC, both uneuploid.. 😔 Kind of expected but still hurts tremendously.. Now just want to stop everything.. Have booked 3d EC in February, not sure if do as last try, or to try abroad with duo-stimulation..
i know I am lucky to have kids, still feel like failure and emotionally in pieces..
Maybe best to do one final cycle here as it us booked and to accept it.. All dr said that protocol etc was good and nothing can be really changed.. just duo stim gives a chance of more embryos.. Dont know how safe it is

@TT82 I am so sorry to hear that. It is such a vicious journey and so exhausting. You are not a failure at all, I can resonate with how you feel but just remember that you are not a failure, you are actually so strong. This journey as I said sucks life out of you. You must do what you feel as I think living with regret is the biggest challenge. We are still plodding along on our journey of medicated IUIs as I am still not out off medicated menopause. The meds have really taken a toll on me and I am just feeling drained . This month has been the hardest month for me, i feel done. I know the emotions are like a rollercoaster but this is so hard for me. Sending love and strength to all and virtual hugs xxx I have heard about duo stim but not sure they do it where we live. They do not do PGTA testing here either so we have to keep traveling for our IVF and that is another expense altogether and hard when you have to balance work and life. Gosh why is this so hard.

@praying4babba thank you and sending virtual hugs too!! ❤️

I actually thought I am stronger, but it just broke me.. where i am, they don't do duo stimulation, so would need to travel too.. But just want either do here one next month or to even close it.
For donor route, I started having panic that child will feel bad in a mix family, how society will accept and all other stupid thoughts, so mentally not ready there either. Found a podcast donnor egg mama, reading donor egg network... Maybe I need time 😔

So sorry @TT82 . That’s tough. I’m going down the donor egg route. It took time to accept, especially having a bio child already. You’re doing the right thing reflecting and researching it.

I tried ttc since Jan last year aged 42. Finally got pregnant in July but lost it at 11 weeks just after turning 43. My AMH is not good, my other hormones not too cracking either. So decided against IVF with own eggs as I know all will be aneuploid embryos - assuming any eggs come out! We tried again from October to now and nothing…I just know my ovaries are done. 😞

So off to Spain to pursue donor eggs because the only good news I was given was that my uterus is great, as is husbands sperm!

Wishing a successful cycle in Spain @Noodles4Me !!
Funny I think would have been better if my AMH and other hormones were low, so then I didn't think I have a high chance to get an euploid.. That's why it was so tough..
Would you have good sites/stories to read how it is with mix families, how the donnor child will feel? How to correctly introduce it to other kids? I know they say as early as possible..but I just cannot picture it. What if the child feels to be different 🥺

I hear you @TT82 . I am always commended for being a strong woman and this is the one time I feel the universe has one. Give me anything else right now, at the moment I am struggling even to get up in the morning . I am angry and confused. We need to shift ourselves and try give ourselves time to mourn then pick ourselves up and start again. A few of my friends have done donor and one is very open about it. Unfortunately we can not do it for religious reasons and we literally found out as we had chosen our donor . It was a HUGE blow indeed. XX

Thank you @praying4babba 🙏 There will come a day we will be strong again xx

Hey not been on here for ages.
is anyone else 45 ish and ttc naturally? Any luck?
I’ve spent the last 2 months trying to remember to take what feels 1000 prenatals a day and now am temping. It’s o day tomorrow and hubby who is the one who really wants no2 now ‘isn’t in the mood’. Feeling a bit frustrated as I’m the one who’s taken all the horrible pills and temped and peed on sticks and now he’s just not feeling frisky so that’s that! Grrrrr! Let’s hope the mood takes him tomorrow 🤯

@TT82 I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing ok - make sure you look after yourself. You're definitely not a failure and this whole this is so emotionally exhausting! I can understand your worry about how a donor child would feel in a mixed family, but I know a few people who are adopted second children, and they don't feel any different to their siblings, so I think it would be absolutely fine.

We are just about to start our second medicated cycle. The dr was very happy with everything medically, and so thought it must not have worked because the embryo was not great chromosomally. So, this round will be the same protocol and with the same meds, so at least I know what to expect. Hoping this will be our time - going to try to do as much relaxing in the tww as possible, it was quite hard in the last one as it was Christmas!

@BertLiv thank you! 🙏 I wouldn't cope without this group support!

I am much better today, after weekend of reading, reflection etc, I am now all in research where to go etc. We discussed that we want to be able to get pregnant this year, so cannot drag it. I cannot carry a child to term, so with age this risk is increasing. My husband was like we already have a mix family, our daughter (not his) is not in contact with her genetic dad or family, he actually was removed of fathers rights and never wanted. But both kids don't think one of them is different. Some family members yes...but there is always a risk some people will be nasty regardless.

Now, I am seriously considering Czech clinics (high chance of my heritage fonors), could anyone with experience there give me more details if they do frozen ones, what info they disclose etc. What are waiting times. Also how many is better to buy...as I actually haven't done any transfer with my eggs 🙈

@Cate78xx i am also 45 and naturally ttc number 3. Had a loss at 7 weeks in April and now onto cycle 10 with no luck…I think I will try for another few months until the summer and then maybe stop as it’s a lot every month…
how old is your first one? Have you only been trying for a few months??
would love to join you and anyone else on your journey….

I have read so many forums where lots of ladies are having babies in their 40's. Yes I am not disputing it could take a lot longer but I do not deem it impossible .
I know if 2 good friends who were told their chances of ever falling pregnant would be 1-5%. One fell pregnant first month of trying and the other within 6 so I always feel we need to make sure all is in check as much as we can and then just try and stay positive and have faith!!!

Really good to know I’m not alone. I’ve been trying to follow the supplement regime for it starts with an egg and am now looking at the diet too although it feels like a lot to do as a busy fully time working mum who’s never enjoyed a diet.

we’ve just about to begin. My little one is 3.5 conceived naturally and daftly I got rid of a frozen egg I’d banked in my 30s as I was scared off by pressure that I was too old and couldn’t justify the cost. Now 3 years later I feel like that was clearly a dumb move. But hindsight is a grand thing. We were suppose to start this month but due to work stress on my partners side we didn’t . Which was really frustrating. Hopefully next month we can actually try especially as he’s the one who really was the driver of trying again.

I get it feeling a lot.. I’m feeling overwhelmed today with alllll the pills and now trying to work out what’s low gi diet and fits and work and a sleepless 3 year old and I’ve not even started yet!!