2023 TTC 35+

[VixFromThe6ix]

Hi everyone!!
Wanted to start another group thread for those TTC that are 35+.
When I was first trying, this group helped me a lot. We bonded and went through pains and celebrations together. I had two MCs over 2yrs of trying and lots of crying as I was typing many of my posts. Support helped... Especially at this age.
I had my first baby Jan 2022 and here we are now trying for baby #2.
I'll be 40 this summer!!!
Join me and share your story ☺️

I'm in Canada and pelvic floor health is not really talked about. Since my son's birth, I leak all the time. It's frustrating. I gotta go see someone about it because I can only imagine this will get worse if we have another baby

@Muriel84 I’m 1dpo 🙌🏻

@Mummyme87 So interesting! I think if I was a midwife giving birth somewhere I knew well, I'd be more inclined to try another vaginal birth! Your recovery sounded really tough.

@Bumblebee413 Oh that's awesome news! My GP didn't want to check me at 6 weeks but I was in such an awful way, my health visitor gave me the courage to push for it. I got referred but then it took 7 months for my first NHS appointment. And it was a bad one with Drs who had zero bedside manor. Had a bunch of tests over time and eventually met an incredible physio who really helped! The tests showed I was borderline okay and just needed to change my diet (GROAN) - no surgery required.

Thanks to my physio, I went from 0 out of 5 strength to 4 out of 5. But I've fallen out of practice and I know things will get worse with pregnancy. I'll be pushing for physio again during pregnancy (as advised by my physio I reluctantly had to say bye to). Or paying to go private (I did this straight after birth).

@Muriel84 Yay for passionate physios!

@VixFromThe6ix I hope you can also get some PH support during pregnancy. I definitely notice a huge difference since I've stopped my 3 x per day squeezes! When I got COVID last, I just weed the bed during night sweats 😅 well, I've never!

Finally in the 2 week wait 💃We managed to DTD day of and day before ovulation despite clashing diaries so we have a good shot this month.

I always get to this time of the cycle and feel optimistic! I even start watching pregnancy videos on YouTube where the women have awful first trimesters but I just can’t wait to experience the hood & the bad.

*the good 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think I am in the tww, or maybe will be tomorrow. Difficult to tell because I'm going just by cm, as not temping this cycle (jet lagged baby would have thrown out some of my temps).

Did / has anyone with pelvic floor issues used something like Aniball? I used it to prepare for birth (recommended by a lot of friends) and after pregnancy to tighten up pelvic floor. I think it really helped me - I had a back to back birth that was induced, without tearing, and I don't leak anymore. I did leak for the first few weeks. It's using your muscles to move a balloon up and down - was really tricky at first but becomes easier 🤷‍♀️

@FiddleLeaf - good luck! Fingers and toesies crossed for you! 😊
@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 I also got an Aniball to prep for delivery, afraid I just couldn’t get on with it at all, I might try again but start earlier if I’m lucky enough for a second pregnancy.

Would be interested to hear if anyone had a good experience with an elective c section in the past. I basically ended up with my emergency c section with first baby due to failed progression after induction and also concerns around my infection markers rising (baby was ok and no distress throughout). I do sadly feel myself that the reason a vaginal birth failed for me is that I had been basically awake 3 straight days in hospital by the time I went on IV meds for induction- the NHS midwives were awesome but our midwife led birthing unit had been closed for 3 months (something I was not told about till day my waters broke 😞 ) and I kept being delayed moving to the delivery unit to start full induction due to lack of staffing so it wasn’t safe for them to commence earlier. I felt my body was simply too exhausted by that point to deliver naturally. It has sadly left me in a situation where I’ve gone from absolute faith in my body and wanting a vaginal delivery in a birthing centre to considering elective c section with number 2 as I sadly feel mistrustful of the NHS system if I attempt a vaginal delivery and anything goes wrong (not a reflection on NHS staff btw as previously mentioned I am a GP! I am simply terrified of the lack of resources)

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 ps- good luck to you in your 2ww also! X

@Eirlys1986 completely understand your worry there. I had a similar experience, 4 days on the induction ward, and couldn't move to the birthing ward as there were no spots. It's making me worry for next time, as it'd be trickier to be away for a week with a baby at home also. Last time I really depended on my partner to bring food for each day in a cool bag, as I had gestational diabetes so they wouldn't give me hospital food as they didn't have any diabetes appropriate meals. There were a lot of other issues snd it's making me wonder whether private will be better if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 , we had some private scans during my first pregnancy which were great in a centre run by NHS obstetric consultants working privately. They did offer “private birth” packages for around £5000-£10,000- I was wary of them for 2 reasons, 1) Less important reason but the small print basically said you will be coming into a bed on an NHS ward (which I didn’t quite understand) and whilst they try to assure a private room they couldn’t guarantee it. 2) more importantly, I have found with lots of patients having various things done privately, if a “proper” emergency I.e haemorrhage occurs, private facilities often do not have the full whack of stuff available to deal with this so then you end up rushed back to NHS hospital with potential delay in things.
Whilst recovering from c section with a toddler with be no joke and complications may of course arise from that, the lure of having a (relatively) predictable date to deliver and knowing what the recovery will be like is somewhat preferable. But then I’m sure if I had had a “good” vaginal delivery I would be massively against a c section.

@Eirlys1986 that does seem like a pretty good deal! I did look, but in London it was looking to be about £20k all in so stayed with the NHS. It was on a private ward but in NHS hospitals. Friends who did go for it had a polar opposite experience to me though. It's just such a lot of money. A ridiculous amount.

@Eirlys1986 oh and to answer your question about elective c sections, I know a few people who did it and were massively recommending it. They said the recovery was relatively quick, and they didn't have the exhaustion of having laboured for days etc so they felt the earlier days were better in comparison with friends who'd had an emergency c section.

Thanks @A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 , 20k is a lot and it does make you appreciate the fact the NHS deliveries/c sections we have all had previously are very costly.
I do feel very uncomfortable in some ways for considering an elective c section but I (perhaps wrongly) now just feel like I’ve got a massive gut sensation that if I try a VBAC it will not go the way I wanted. I feel like I did everything humanly possible to get ready for a vaginal delivery first time round and it didn’t pay off. I know at the bottom of me that’s just how it goes sometimes but I now will have much less time and resource to put into preparing myself with a toddler in tow.

I think the most important thing when deciding what you're going to do birth wise is try to work out what is important for you and what choice is going to bring you the most peace when you think of your upcoming birth. Which might translate to your gut feeling @Eirlys1986 . Obviously quite premature, but reading positive birth stories can help with this- they cover all types of birth and I think sometimes you find yourself connecting with certain bits and it can help you focus on what means the most to you and your partner.

It might be knowing that if you do wind up having another CS then at least you tried at a VBAC and you know that you gave your body a chance, vs a 100% chance of a CS. Alternatively, you might feel the most reassured knowing that you have your CS booked for x date and you can plan around that/ know that you won't go through labour either way. It's also made out to be a black and white choice, but it isn't. You can create a plan that flexes with what you feel at the time.

You could say that you would like to try for a VBAC, but have a CS booked for 41/40 if you haven't spontaneously gone into labour but that point if IOL isn't for you. You could say that you would be willing to try a pessary or have your waters broken, but that you don't want a drip, and at that point you would go for a CS. You could request an epidural pre drip if that was something you wanted. You can always change your mind at any point too.

As in, you can turn up on the day of your booked elective and say that you would like to wait another day or that you would like to try for a VBAC. It might cause some admin issues, but actually, in the grand scheme of things that isn't important. You can also change your mind in labour and ask for a CS. You have so much more choice than people realise.

There are recommended care pathways for IOL and some say you can't pick and choose, but why the heck not? It is your body and your baby. The most important thing we find from people reporting positive birth stories isn't always necessarily what happened, but how in control and how involved they felt in the decisions made.

A really big thing is that the babies just don't read our birth plans/ preferences. Something that brings me comfort is planning for all eventualities. So, I will plan for a homebirth this time (if all goes to plan and I can stave off or control the sodding gestational diabetes if that comes back!), but I'll also think about what I'd like to happen in case of an IOL, an instrumental birth or a CS.

So sorry to hear about the long inductions. I had a very quick delivery of a small baby. I was prepped in theatre for a section but he had other ideas. I am in a constant mental back and forth about whether to have another vaginal delivery if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant as the first one has left me in daily discomfort and pain. Conflicting advice from health professionals too. My consultant advises me to go for vaginal delivery. Does feel like such a lottery.

@VixFromThe6ix sorry to hear things are rubbish in Canada. They’re not good here either. Try to normalise talking about it cos it’s such a common experience, but I do find it hard talking about it xx

@Eirlys1986 I don't know if it helps, but as a midwife I had no expectations that my body would birth my first baby. Because I have seen literally hundred of women who did everything they possibly could to maximise their chances of birthing vaginally and it didn't work out for them. Not for any reason they could control, but because of the babies and luck. Sometimes they just get into funny positions, sometimes they struggle with labour and sometimes we just don't know. And then sometimes everything just falls into place. It sounds like you did an amazing job.

Don't spend a minute worrying about not prepping enough. You will do an amazing job however your baby comes x

@Bumblebee413 thank you so much for taking all this time to send me such a detailed and empowering response! Almost made me cry here! 😆. I did a lot of hypnobirthing/positive birth story reading prior to delivery (including positive c sections etc) so as you say, this did enable me to not feel negative at all in the initial weeks after delivery as I think doing the hypnobirthing prep and also being a medic made me balance what I would love to happen against reality. It’s actually been in the ensuing months since that my disappointment with what happened has come through, largely because my son was very fractious and colicky and it made me start to feel like perhaps he entered this world in such a way that we didn’t get to settle and bond as we should and this could’ve somehow “caused” his colic. I know that I would tell any patient of mine that nothing I did or did not do will have caused colic, it was just such a horrible experience. However, we were first time parents and our expectations of a new baby were perhaps not realistic however sensible we think ourselves to be. I felt such envy when I could see mums with babies that would just sleep in a pram comfortably in the park/ out at shops etc (my son was great for 2 weeks then bang, colic began). It made me feel robbed of a lot of our first months together.
Gosh, it is eye opening how much thinking and planning for baby number two brings all these buried psychological traumas to the surface that we don’t talk about enough in society. I am so happy to have such a wonderful group of strong ladies here to talk to! So to anyone reading this today, you are all amazing, whatever part of your TTC journey you are on xxxx…… and now I’ll start crying 😆

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 oh I need to look into that.... I haven't heard of it but sounds like something I should be using to tighten my pelvic muscles. It just boggles my mind that not once did any doctor I was in touch with said hey this may happen, and here's what to do.

@LeopardLover oh it's terrible!!! I got back to back colds and a lingering cough so every time I'd go on the coughing rampage it would literally trickle down my leg. Terrible. My toddler is in diapers and I'm the one getting my wee on the floor 😂🫠

@Muriel84 I'm going to talk to my family doctor soon. I'm due for a physical and I will ask for a referral. I can't imagine that this is how it will be for the rest of my life. Can't jump or run with my kid. Can't laugh, can't cough. Sometimes it just leaks on its own. I hate it lol

3dpo here! Good luck to all on tww!!

Hiya, may I join?

I'm 38, started TTC when I was 32, long story short is I have damaged tubes and DH has very few swimmers and the ones he does have are lazy. (Thankfully, he's not.)

We were grateful to be offered IVF but I couldn't go down that route. Decided to continue to try naturally until I'm 40, and if it still doesn't happen then we'll foster.

Both very realistic that it likely won't happen naturally of course, so much so, that we bought a house with being foster carers in mind. Lovely area, big house, so extra rooms for fostering siblings etc.

Happily going about life not thinking about anything really, then yesterday I had the strangest sensation, like a pulling, and then last night dream about a baby girl.

Checked the calendar and I think I'm around 11dpo. And thinking about it, DH and I happened to have sex (maybe 4 or 5 times) the week I ovulated.

Of course I can't be pregnant but now I'm symptom spotting like I used to! So daft, I should know better. Hope everyone gets the results they want x

I posted this in general forum and no response.... Did any of you had experience with your partner being on testosterone injections???
After our son was born my hubby took a blood test and his testosterone came back low which is worrying because he is in his early 30s.
A doctor out him on testosterone replacement therapy (trt) which is a testosterone injection every two weeks. He should finish by summer time.
We started trying last month again.
Recently I read about it as I didn't know too much and some article have left me worried that we are trying in vain. Apparently the sperm count lowers. And some articles said don't try till you're done with TRT. His doctor said we should keep trying as it just takes one (sperm).
I don't know what to think but definitely not holding my breath.....
Has anyone gone through this?

Hi, welcome!!!
Omg have you tested??? At 11dpo it might show on those easy at home tests. I had a positive at 8dpo.
I always admire families that foster kids. And that's amazing that you bought a home to accomodate that.
May I ask why you couldn't do IVF? Is surrogate an option?
I'm crossing my fingers for you 🤞🏻✨

@Eirlys1986 I am so sorry about the colic, that must have been so tough and stressful x

@TheGreatest that's a really rough fertility journal. Welcome and I'm really hoping for some good news for you this month.

@VixFromThe6ix wow that sounds extremely hard, you poor thing. Would it be worth getting a private pelvic floor physio to look at it urgently? Do you think you have any prolapse? Wondering if it's possible to strengthen things before being pregnant again.

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 I will schedule an appointment with my physician and see what she has to say. I don't know much about what the treatment entails. Here they show you commercials normalizing this with depends underwear. I learned that this is not normal from the internet. I thought vaginal birth mamas all have this. Lol, d'oh!

@VixFromThe6ix unfortunately urinary incontinence has been normalised, there’s a lot you can do to improve it. Starting with basic pelvic floor exercises