2023 TTC 35+

[VixFromThe6ix]

Hi everyone!!
Wanted to start another group thread for those TTC that are 35+.
When I was first trying, this group helped me a lot. We bonded and went through pains and celebrations together. I had two MCs over 2yrs of trying and lots of crying as I was typing many of my posts. Support helped... Especially at this age.
I had my first baby Jan 2022 and here we are now trying for baby #2.
I'll be 40 this summer!!!
Join me and share your story ☺️

Yeah I'm at the point where I'm in the 'I just want a baby' camp. I really don't care when it's born 😅

I would love a spring baby @LeopardLover

I have a fair idea when a potential baby would be born regarding my due date. My first was induced 41+1 and born 41+3, second induced 39+4 and born 39+6. Next time (fingers crossed) I’ll be induced around the 39+2/3 (see how I feel) and think it’s unlikely I’ll birth before 39wks. So any due date is later than when I’ll actually deliver

@Mummyme87 I love that you know this! It's really helpful for planning. I was 41+2 with my DS... But the next one will be a c-section so I'm not sure when that is? Bang on 40? 🤔 X

@LeopardLover the benefits of having inside knowledge 👌🏻 elective CS will be earliest 39wks, unless a significant medical indication to do it earlier.
I had an emergency CS with first, but VBAC with second

@LeopardLover , I can totally understand wanting to delay things till spring. I have zero patience though so likely we will just delay one month to avoid Xmas. I am totally aware you can’t control or plan these things and a jan baby could happily pop out at Xmas anyway 😂

@TheBirdintheCave I can deffo understand this view point and imagine this is how I will feel within a few months if nothing has happened for us 👍🏻

@Eirlys1986 that’s completely understandable. I have the opposite feeling, lots of Christmas birthdays in my large family and would love to add another one. When I lost an early pregnancy three years ago it would’ve been a Christmas due date. Feeling generally quite pessimistic about the whole ttc thing this week! Just feeling quite old all of a sudden. Maybe it’s to protect myself.

@Mummyme87 oh wow vbac! How did that go? I had a fairly awful forceps delivery in theatre and still feeling broken from that two years on. Wondering if it’ll impact my fertility. Who knows! I’m clearly full of positivity on this lovely grey rainy Friday 😂. X

@Muriel84 Im sorry to hear you are not feeling too positive today, sometimes those days come and it’s just easier to accept them and lean into it rather than push back against it trying to force positivity. I’m so sorry to hear about your difficult experience with the last delivery too, it has such long lasting psychological and physical toll for us I think. I am a doctor and for what it’s worth(!) I can’t imagine any reason why the difficult forceps delivery would now impact upon fertility. Hoping you feel better soon x

@Muriel84 well I had a 3rd degree tear and a 2.5L haemorrhage, but ya know I’m fine 😂 definitely would have another VBAC. Elective CS just isn’t an option for me unless life threatening. Forceps delivery wouldn’t affect your fertility lovely. I had a ruptured ectopic in 2020 so only one tube

@Eirlys1986 oh gosh how funny so am I 😂 but about as far away from O&G as you can get. Sound advice thank you x

@Mummyme87 oh wow 3rd degree tear. I really hope you were followed up ok. I literally had to beg for months to be reviewed. I lost 2.5l as well, and had a retained placenta. And several other emergencies. So sorry to hear you had a ruptured ectopic, that must have been so scary. The things women go through, it really is unbelievable Xxx

@Muriel84 😂 what a funny world it is!

@Muriel84 yes I had my 12week follow up, haven’t had my endoanal scan as declined it at the time due to not being able to get to the hospital that does it, but would have that when pregnant. Have seen urogynae for pelvic floor which I sorted myself. I’m a midwife aswell so no the system etc etc. ectopic was scary and I was really traumatised by it afterwards. It was totally unplanned and I actually had a TOP booked for the following week, we were getting married and it was just a bad time. I do feel guilt around it all and like I was punished for not wanting it which I know is ridiculous I know

@Mummyme87 so sorry to hear that. That’s great you’ve sorted your pelvic floor. Mine still isn’t good which is a worry. Will probably have a op in a few years. Guilt is rarely rational but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Have you conceived your two since your ectopic? Xx

I had a third degree too. I really feel like it happens to more people than they say when they explain tearing risks.

@Muriel84 no my boys are 5 and 8, no positive test since ectopic, and supposedly it makes no difference to fertility but here we are…

@TheBirdintheCave our 3rd degree tear rate sits about 3-4%, majority of which is instrumental births

I'm the same as you here. Plus last time I was induced at 37 weeks, so you never know!

@Mummyme87 @TheBirdintheCave 3rd degree over here too!! Every professional I've spoken to has (without outright saying it) has suggested I get a c-section next time as it's harder to repair a tear after another tear... Apparently! It was a physically traumatic birth but not emotionally.

@Muriel84 I still need to work on my pelvic floor too!

@LeopardLover not anymore difficult to suture over a previous tear just a slightly higher risk it will happen again. We have loads of previous 3rd degree tear ladies have vaginal births with much less severe trauma. That’s what I’m hoping for 😬 I definitely haven’t sorted my pelvic floor, over active ladder is better and pelvic floor is improved but don’t think I’ll get it fixed totally without surgery

@Mummyme87 My son just came out at a funny angle 😂 Great birth otherwise though 😁

So interesting! Apparently having a 3rd degree tear can cause issues during menopause re pelvic floor 😬 so hoping to minimise that.

How did you find recovery from c-section vs your vaginal birth? Also I've heard there will be more pelvic floor support coming in soon for during / after pregnancy. Is that accurate? Sorry for all the Qs 😅x

@LeopardLover menopause plays havoc with pelvic floor but a CS doesn’t stop damage as the incision goes through pelvic floor muscle. Plus the weight of the pregnancy itself. I had pelvic floor damage with my section.
so my section was at 9cm, I was really poorly afterwards and baby had E. coli meningitis. My recovery was tough, got infection and bled, needed transfused. I really hated it. My vaginal birth was hard, he was 10lb (first born was 10lb 5) and bled a lot more and transfused further but I recovered a lot quicker and didn’t get PND. I did placental encapsulation second time, breastfeeding was good, was second baby…so maybe it was all circumstantial but I definitely preferred vaginal birth and would always go for it again. For me it’s definitely preferable and I don’t know if the next baby will be my last, if not the repeat CS has increased risks for future pregnancies. It’s so personal though and my insight gives me a different perspective.

This is so bizarre- midwife here too! @LeopardLover you're right- pelvic health services are being launched across the country and are all at different stages. Ours is amazing and I've been having support despite only having an episiotomy, although tbf I've always been a bit leaky 😳It is 100% worth accessing physio at the very least through your GP as it's so much more than just 'squeeze'! I feel really invested in, which is life changing after deciding I was just going to smell of urine forever. X

@Bumblebee413 ah a fellow midwife ♥️ our support is crap for women’s physio post birth, I went to my GP after a year and they couldn’t refer to physio, had to be urogynae first. Then covid happened so never actually saw a physio, was a phone consultation 🙄

@Mummyme87 this is me too with the overactive bladder. Fortunately after a year of physio I have fairly good strength and control but the urgency is sooooo annoying. I was so lucky to eventually get referred to an excellent passionate women’s health physio. It made so much difference, mainly in helping me deal with it and feeling more positive. Such a tough time the first few months post partum, especially during Covid. Xxx

Is anyone in the tww? Think I’m about to go into my fw so will be joining the end of the week x