Anyone else TTC after TFMR?

[Downtherabbithole83]

Anyone else on here in the same situation? Would be nice to chat to others who understand.

@Downtherabbithole83 I'm glad AF has arrived properly now so you can get on and plan the next cycle.

I'm pretty sure mine's round the corner - I've been a right grumpy cow today. Luckily, I was wfh and only had one call, so I didn't have to be too sociable. Though I did have to go and meet with the funeral directors about baby's cremation 😢

@Thefrogwife I'm glad you were looked after today and have been reassured. It makes a difficult time just that little bit easier

@Thefrogwife So glad you had a good experience today, such a nerve wracking thing to go and do again.

@Hidingawaytoday Sending hugs I found that visit extremely hard x

@Downtherabbithole83 At least you know AF is properly here.

@Thefrogwife I’m so glad to hear you had such a positive experience. Stories like that give us all hope going forward.

@Quokka7 I changed to the cheapies and use the free app to take photos and monitor them. I’ve found it’s taught me a lot more about my cycle (I’m the one cycle I’ve used them) than when I used the expensive clearblue ones. My cycles have always been around 26 days but both clearblue and these cheapies have me ovulating about two days earlier than the app I used to use that went purely on cycle length.

How's everyone doing? I'm still waiting for AF to arrive.. but I'm pretty sure she's on her way, constantly hungry and grumpy 😆

A good friend has just messaged to tell me she's pregnant and due a few weeks after I would have been. Obviously, I'm delighted for her, and I could tell from her message that she was really worried about telling me, but to be honest, it's a bit of kick in the stomach 😔

I had my ultrasound on Monday, just over 5 weeks since my TFMR, due to severe cramping, and then today got called to a&e to see a consultant to then be referred to EPU for an appointment tomorrow. I'm really worried what tomorrow has in store. They said the bloods show inflammation and a low reading of pregnancy which can suggest retained tissue. I just can't believe all of this is still going on 😪

@Hidingawaytoday I can feel this pain. My friend had IVF in November and we were excited about how our babies would grow up together as only 6 months between them and now I have no baby 😔

@Hidingawaytoday I’m sure it was really hard to hear that - I think when in our situation emotions are raw for a long time and that’s okay.

Gosh @whippeywhippet I’m sorry that you are having to go through all this but at least they can hopefully get it all sorted quickly for you and then you can start to properly recover xx

@whippeywhippet I hope your appointment went as ok as it could today x

Sorry @whippeywhippet - how upsetting and frustrating.

If they offer the vacuum aspiration to remove anything, my experience was it was a weird experience but over very quickly (I had to have it immediately after the termination due to retained placenta).

@Thefrogwife @HoneyPea thank you both ♥️ I had another ultrasound (in the same room we found out about our daughters abnormality which was very surreal) and my womb lining is 1.6mm over the threshold of 15mm and the midwife said the consultant wanted to do surgery (queue me having a sight meltdown as it would involve general anaesthetic and I'm so scared of not waking up). So the midwife got the consultant and he said he was happy for us to wait to see if it sorted itself with my next period. So we have an appointment in just under 3 weeks to have another ultrasound to see what’s going on. I also had a pregnancy test there which was negative which was reassuring. The consultant was quite chilled and was happy to be lead by me which was nice. The cramping has pretty much all but stopped and as I was only slightly over the threshold (as well as the fear) I felt happy to wait.

Has anyone else had this before? Xx

@Downtherabbithole83 sorry only just saw your message, thank you to you too, everyone on here is so lovely and supportive with each other xx

@whippeywhippet Sorry to hear you're going through this. Hopefully your next period sorts it, and it sounds reassuring that your consultant is happy to wait. From what I remember from my time at another TFMR board, this sort of thing seems quite common. A lot of the ladies I chatted to had similar experiences and it was always OK in the end. A lot of the time any retained tissue would be passed naturally, and those that needed intervention (I think this was the vacuum aspiration) it was a quick procedure and it fixed the issue. I think the only thing to really watch out for is infection, so if you are starting to feel ropey you might want to get antibiotics.

I had a D&C after my TFMR. Not entirely sure why but it was a long time ago. I still had suspected retained tissue as I ended up with a temperature and a weird vibrating feeling in my uterus. My GP was great and gave me some strong antibiotics and I was fine. It's not ideal because you just want to move on, and I hope you feel better soon.

Argh. I'm having a massive wobble about TTC. I have spent two years convincing DH that we should have another baby, and now that we have decided to go for it I am suddenly petrified. We were supposed to ditch the condoms but I'm heading towards mid-cycle and I'm having doubts. Actually I don't want to DTD at all, which is silly. I'm obviously worried about all the things that can go wrong, but also just being pregnant terrifies me. I was so ill with my first pregnancy and I had a rotten time all the way until the TFMR. The second one was easier but I just fear that first wave of nausea (should it ever happen). Also I find myself up at night worrying about stupid things like the fact that I don't drive which would make having two kids more difficult. I think I'm just stressed. How do I snap out of it though??

Morning @AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything - I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and it’s hardly surprising with what you’ve been through.

If you’re just having a wobble and know deep down that you definitely want another child, then I’m sure we would all support you and encourage you. On a ttc after tfmr group you’re going to get some understandably biased support (no matter how much we try to be neutral) as that’s why we all came on here.

However, if you’re genuinely not sure whether ttc is something you want to do again then I feel like you’d be better off talking to someone qualified to help you through your options. I’m not sure whether ARC would be able to help if you called their helpline? They may be able to signpost you to specific support for this kind of decision xx

Thanks @Downtherabbithole83 . Getting in touch with the ARC is an excellent idea. I know they have a forum too and I've been meaning to check it out for some time so I think I'll have a look now. I do genuinely want another child and I know I'm just having a wobble. I wobbled before my first ever pregnancy and that was before anything went wrong. I think I just need to try to worry less and take it one step at a time. Like why am I even worrying about transport when I'm not even pregnant yet? 😅I do have anxiety though so I get like this a lot. Need to chill!

I think it's just taking that plunge that I'm a bit nervous about. I wish I could just fast forward to having a child without going through the pregnancy and newborn stage!

I've been lurking but also am TTC post-TFMR for T18 in October. I think I am out this cycle as I don't think we were in the same place when I ovulated, but I also was not super diligent with testing.

I feel like I am watching the age gap between my first and theoretical second child grow and I do not love it, but I try to focus on flip side, which is that my daughter is getting easier and easier to take care of (she is 3 in March) so at least I may be less overwhelmed by a second, should I be successful.

I'm still dealing with some weird hangovers from my unsuccessful pregnancy - my swallowing mechanism doesn't work super well anymore and I don't like meat anymore, and generally like food less. I like red wine more, though?? Does anyone know if this kind of stuff eventually goes away, or is it permanent if it has persisted this long?

Welcome and sorry for your loss @EMcG3 . I know what you mean about the age gap. I started getting broody when mine was 3 and even then it felt like the gap was too big. DC is now 6 and I'm actually really pleased I have got to spend all this time spoiling my only. We have such a great time together and a lovely relationship. It's great that they are now more independent too because I'm not sure I would have coped with two little ones. Mine is totally ready for a sibling though and loves babies so I would love to have another one right about now. I guess all age gaps have their pros and cons.

I think I'm getting over my wobble again. Not sure if this month is the month we dare to stop contraception but I don't really know what we are waiting for really if we have decided to do it anyway. It's just taking the plunge I guess.

Hi all, and welcome @EMcG3, I'm sorry for your loss. I knew what you mean about the age gap - it's silly as my dd is only 17m, but we'd got used to the idea of 2 under 2, which now isn't happening so another she gap seems really large 🤦‍♀️

Well, as expected, AF came last week and is tailing off now, so I'll be jumping on DH regularly over the next couple of weeks. Had some tissue come out at the start though, which I've been told not to worry about, but when speaking to the fetal medicine team about it they said that when I get pregnant I should be entitled to extra scans etc which was nice to hear.

Baby was cremated yesterday afternoon, we had some nice music played, and it was sad to say goodbye, but I do feel happy they're at rest now.

@alwaysworriedabouteverything glad you're feeling better about ttc - it does feel like a big step.

Anyone just super scared and sabotaging themselves each month? I mean I know I’m fertile but almost avoiding the deed due to fear.

Makes me think I don’t want any more children which isn’t the case. I would love another baby….I don’t want another pregnancy.

Does that make sense to anyone?

That's me in a nutshell. It's hard but I feel that once we get going (as in not using condoms) it will be fine. It's just that taking the first step is a bit scary. I keep procrastinating and it's bad because I'm getting on a bit now and we might as well just crack on. 😅

Welcome @EMcG3 and so sorry for your loss.

Interestingly I don't find that food tastes as much as it used to, it might be just a coincidence but after you mentioned your lack of interest in food etc I wondered if that's the case with my lack of taste!

I think my period has started again so fingers crossed this sorts out the remaining tissue!

Reading this posts makes me so sad for everyone’s loss and yet makes me feel less alone.

I had to have a TFMR at 18 weeks on Monday. We are devastated at the loss of our daughter and traumatised at what we have done, even though we have done it to prevent her from suffering.

I want to have time to grieve for her, she was so loved and wanted, like all the previous posters’ babies, but I am conscious that I am 40 and have endometriosis so know we will need to start trying again very (too?) soon if we are to have any chance at all of ever becoming parents.

Like every decision in this horrible situation we feel very conflicted but are going to proceed with what we feel is ultimately right in the long term even if it feels wrong in the short term.

Our daughter had hypoplastic left heart syndrome and we have been advised this is not genetic. We have been told I should continue taking my pregnancy vitamins and can try again after my first period. We have been reassured that we will have additional scans etc.

I feel disloyal even considering trying again so soon but I don’t know how to otherwise fill this void and added to that there is the time pressure of my age. Sorry this post is so repetitive, thank you again for making me feel less alone though it is tragic to realise how many of us go through this.

So sorry for your loss. I'm only 2.5 weeks post TFMR at 17 weeks, and already thinking about trying again too.

I'm terrified to do it - in my case the disease was hereditary and have 50% chance of it happening again. However as we have one healthy living child, we don't qualify for IVF on NHS, and therefore I feel like if we want another child, we don't really have another option. If it happens again I don't know how I feel with being able to try for a 3rd time however...

Hope you are OK and looking after yourself. I started to feel a bit better after the first week. Sending strength x

@pebbles3004 @WarriorsComeOutToPlayaaay @EMcG3 welcome to the group no one wants to have to join. So sorry you all find yourselves here. My tfmr was last June and we found ourselves pregnant again after the first try in September. Unfortunately that was a mmc but it was very scary to be pregnant again so soon. I kept telling myself we couldn't have bad news so soon again, but it wasnt meant to be again and I'm still here...trying again! We're just have to keep going I guess... We're in our first proper cycle trying and I just hope we can catch again. We've been trying for our first for such a long time (since 2020) and like you @WarriorsComeOutToPlayaaay I'm the wrong side of 35 so time is a bit of a worry.

@pebbles3004 and @Quokka7 I am so sorry for your losses and current situations which must make this all the more difficult. I really hope that we can all have successful pregnancies in the future and wish you strength.

This really is the group nobody wants to gain membership to but I feel a real sense of comfort knowing my husband and I are not alone and other people have made the same decision as us.

@WarriorsComeOutToPlayaaay I'm so sorry for your loss. My darling boy had hypoplastic left heart syndrome that could not be fixed with surgery. His heart was ultimately too broken. I had my tmfr in october 2021 and wanted to try again straight away as I have bad pros and 10months later in August I fell pregnant with our rainbow who doesn't have hlh. Sending you so much love