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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Anyone else TTC after TFMR?

1000 replies

Downtherabbithole83 · 27/12/2022 07:44

Anyone else on here in the same situation? Would be nice to chat to others who understand.

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Pickled24 · 20/04/2024 18:28

I have these ones as we got recommended them (they are quite pricey) both my husband and I take them: https://www.justvitamins.co.uk/Natural-Co-Q10/Ubiquinol-100mg.aspx
I think when the time comes if you explain to your fetal medicine team about wanting more scans they may do it, my consultant said my last “big” scan would be 26 weeks my little girl had a very serious/rare heart defect and genetic condition (we are not carriers was just a rare chance) so i think she said she would be happy at 26 weeks of development however my fetal medicine midwife said she would keep scanning me more so for reassurance so you never know!
the walking is a life saver dont think ive ever walked so much (my dog loves it) also not sure if you are into podcast but I found time to talk TFMR podcasts brilliant - just a suggestion x

Kaneka Ubiquinol | Premium Form Co-Enzyme Q10

Ubiquinol is the reduced, active antioxidant form of Coenzyme Q10 (Ubiquinone). When you take a Coenzyme Q10 supplement the body then has to convert this into ubiquinol so that it can be utilised.

https://www.justvitamins.co.uk/Natural-Co-Q10/Ubiquinol-100mg.aspx

jt130593 · 20/04/2024 19:59

@Pickled24 thank you I’ll take a look at them!
That’s good to know that your fetal medicine midwife said she would keep scanning I’ll mention that when the time comes!
I know I’m the same with walking, the dogs exhausted haha. Yeah I’ve been listening to the time to talk podcast, and also been listening to the worst girl gang ever podcast but more picking specific episodes that I think might be relevant as they cover all kinds of baby loss

MrsScotland · 20/04/2024 21:00

I hope you find you can have all the extra care you need. I have to say my hospital have been incredible. My tfmr was for T18, Edwards Syndrome. Very few affected babies will make it to term and if they do, die quickly. I sometimes wished our baby had miscarried and we hadn’t had to go through the pain of a termination. But, at least we have an answer and so much more care this time that I wouldn’t have got with ‘just one’ miscarriage.

This time I have been offered scans at 7, 10, 12, 16, 20 and then likely every 4 weeks. A NIPT at 10 weeks. If I want I can still have a CVS or amnio. I’m going to see the Consultant at 14 weeks to discuss. We feel so well cared for, it’s been incredible.

MrsScotland · 20/04/2024 21:01

Ooh and I read that 600mg is a good dose for Ubiquinol but yes it seems to be quite expensive. This is the one I settled on - you need to take 2 a day to get 600mg

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ubiquinol-CoQ10-600mg-Softgels-Antioxidant/dp/B0BD7SWDW5

Thornberry1 · 22/04/2024 12:20

@jt130593 I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. As others have said though, it is a wonderful thread and so supportive. I haven't found anywhere else where people understand.

It's so positive that your cycles have returned so quickly - mine took ages! My only advice would be to give yourself time and try not to put pressure on each cycle - easier said I know! I was obsessed with being pregnant again! I thought it was the only thing that could help me and heal me. It took longer than I thought it would (6 months but probably only 3 actual cycles). It felt like forever at the time but I know how fortunate I am.

Like @Pickled24 said its amazing the strength you find you have. I can't believe it's been nearly a year since my TFMR in May 2023 for T21. It seems unbelievable that a year has passed since that terrible few weeks - how did we get through it?! But you do, you will and you'll get your miracle. Keep hope always.

I can't decide how I want to mark the date.. if anyone did anything that felt right / healing for them I'd love to hear about it xx

Also just an update from me! I'm currently 5 months pregnant. All going well so far - like @MrsScotland I was offered a scan at 7 weeks, NIPT at 10 weeks and now just on the usual pathway. I'm nervous still, but I'm unbelievably grateful and just making myself stay positive 🙏

jt130593 · 22/04/2024 15:29

well I’m cycle day 12 and have now had 6 consecutive days of high fertility readings, no peak! Trying not to stress but equally can’t stop stressing 🥲

Pickled24 · 22/04/2024 15:48

@jt130593 i know it’s hard but remember your body has just been through a lot so is still likely recovering - my period / ovulation has still been a bit off but look at the positive that at least high just keep testing, our bodies are amazing but have been through a huge amount and especially hormonally!

@Thornberry1 congratulations on your current pregnancy wishing you a happy and healthy rest of journey!! Not the same as we are not at our anniversary yet but it was my daughters due date today and we did the buy and name a star and we have got the coordinates of where it is in the sky just feels nice to us and will take a walk where I went with her in my belly and where her ashes will go!

Thornberry1 · 22/04/2024 16:01

@Pickled24 Thank you :)

That's so lovely! I really love that idea. Going to look into it for our little star. Thanks for sharing ❤We'll be on holiday with some friends for the date itself so thinking a beach walk just me and my husband in the morning and maybe a little toast later in the day with our friends.

Hope you're doing ok today. So amazing that you've done something so lovely and positive. The due date is such a strange surreal time.. Mine was a total blur where I couldn't decide what to do so ended up just saying yes to normal plans and carrying on as normal (and having a few too many margaritas!).. Another reason why I want to do something nice next month.

Thornberry1 · 22/04/2024 16:04

@jt130593 agree with Pickled, for sure. Just try try try not to worry. Just focus on feeling good, eating well and relaxing as much as you can x

Rumbleinthecrumble · 25/04/2024 09:34

Things have been quite stressful for the last few weeks. I got both a peak on the strip tests and then a static smiley on the Clearblue one. Went into the TWW not feeling optimistic and wondering when my period might appear after very different length cycles since my TFMR. Started getting usual period-like symptoms around D26 of my cycle and there was some blood when I wiped so was expecting it to kick in.

Then nothing more happened and the symptoms largely dissipated. This was confusing so on D28 I did a pregnancy strip test which was negative as I expected. I had a 48 day cycle at the start of the year so I thought it was just that happening again and thought I’d need to just wait for when it turned up. Now on D33 I thought I’d just take a test again because still no sign of my period, no period-like symptoms which is what I was getting strongly for 3 weeks of the really long cycle but also no pregnancy symptoms from the last time I was pregnant (insanely sore breasts for example).

I seem to have a positive test. Genuinely stunned. I’d been talking with my husband about whether we should continue trying and because of some other stuff going on with family, and my shaky mental health, and had decided to stop. He told me that he was relieved because he’s been really struggling.

I’m now sitting on this test thinking it might be best for me to get to a point where I know the pregnancy is viable before I tell him. But worried that it feels like I’m deliberately hiding this from him. I hate that what should feel happy and exciting has filled me with anxiety.

I know many of you have said you’ve been given early reassurance scans and a preemptive NIPT at 10 weeks. I was expressly told my hospital don’t offer that to women who’ve had a TFMR and I’d need to go privately. Reaching 10 weeks particularly without telling anyone feels like a monumental challenge.

Thornberry1 · 25/04/2024 12:09

@Rumbleinthecrumble Gentle congratulations! I know how scary and anxiety-inducing it is, especially with erratic cycles adding in another side of doubt / stress, but this is truly wonderful news.

At this stage, just do what's right for you. I waited 2 days to tell my husband after I found out because I just needed to get my head around it myself - and because it was his birthday 2 days later so I thought it would be nice to tell him then! My husband found ttc super stressful as well, but mainly because he was worried about me. I imagine your husband will be over the moon - but just take the time you need and he'll understand I'm sure.

Bit crap that your hospital wont offer an early scan, but if you can I'd get a private one at 7ish weeks and it'll be £80 very well spent to give you some peace of mind! My hospital did the NIPT but I still had to pay £295 for it - so you could see if your hosp offers it that way.

Try to stay positive and remember that this is how all successful pregnancies and healthy babies start ❤

Pickled24 · 26/04/2024 13:50

@Rumbleinthecrumble how are you doing today? Gentle congratulations to you I’m sure you are full of mixed emotions but I hope you are being kind to yourself! Remember after all you have been through it is normal to feel anxious but as my consultant kept telling me the majority of pregnancies are healthy and happy so please cling on to that (easier said than done).

@jt130593 how are you doing? Did you get your static smiley?

Rumbleinthecrumble · 26/04/2024 14:03

Thank you @Thornberry1 and @Pickled24. I woke up this morning wondering if it was all a dream and took another test this morning to check it wasn’t. Have decided to sit with the news because it’s really early days and as we all know, anything could happen.

Weirdly today I feel the most at peace I’ve been since I got the initial screening results call. I’ve also realised that I didn’t deal with my grief and I need to do that because burying it down is unhealthy. I can access therapy through work, so that is on my to do list for next week.

jt130593 · 26/04/2024 14:09

@Pickled24 yeah finally got it yesterday, cycle day 15!
Looking back we conceived our first on cycle day 16 so shouldn’t have panicked!
Think we started dtd a bit early with me having so many high readings before the peak!

@Rumbleinthecrumble gentle congratulations to you!

jt130593 · 27/04/2024 20:03

Sorry if this is a really stupid question but this is my first month using ovulation sticks so just trying to get my head around it all 🤯

I’m using the clear blue ones and have got the following readings
Cycle day 15 - peak fertility
Cycle day 16 - peak fertility
Cycle day 17 - low fertility

How long does it take after ovulation for your lh levels to return back to normal for me to have got the low fertility reading? Just trying to work out when it maybe happened

(I know the best way is to track bbt but I didn’t do that this month, something I might look into in the future but wanted to give it a few months first)

Rumbleinthecrumble · 27/04/2024 22:10

jt130593 · 27/04/2024 20:03

Sorry if this is a really stupid question but this is my first month using ovulation sticks so just trying to get my head around it all 🤯

I’m using the clear blue ones and have got the following readings
Cycle day 15 - peak fertility
Cycle day 16 - peak fertility
Cycle day 17 - low fertility

How long does it take after ovulation for your lh levels to return back to normal for me to have got the low fertility reading? Just trying to work out when it maybe happened

(I know the best way is to track bbt but I didn’t do that this month, something I might look into in the future but wanted to give it a few months first)

The rule of thumb is that the five days preceding ovulation, the day of ovulation and the day afterwards would be the most fertile. LH levels and testing allow you to find the point in the cycle where you are likely to be ovulating - your peak will be within 8-20 hours of ovulation.

Some people find they can track a gradual rise in LH and others have the peak happen really quickly (I fall into the latter camp). That’s why I prefer using the easy@home testing strips because they’re cheaper so you can use them more than once a day to track your level progression. You can use the app to take a photo and it will give you a reading of how you compare to a 1.0 reading (the level where your test line matches the control line).

Often people think that you need a reading of 1.0 or over for a positive LH test result but again, everyone is different, plus the reading is affected by how diluted your urine is.

Other people prefer the once a day nature of the Clear Blue. If you have a very quick peak though the timing of the Clear Blue would have to be in sync to get you the static smiley.

Tracking BBT helps to confirm if you have actually ovulated (by seeing the temp spike) but it won’t give you pre-warning of when ovulation takes place necessarily unless you use it to map your cycle e.g. you get your temp spike consistently on Day 17 of your cycle which would mean you likely ovulate on Day 15 or 16.

One of the issues with TFMR is that women’s cycles can get thrown out by it, additionally perimenopause can start to disrupt/change cycle length. That’s why testing is helpful to understand what is happening when in an unfamiliar length cycle.

Hope that’s helpful.

Downtherabbithole83 · 28/04/2024 20:50

Hi everyone! So nice to see that this thread is still going strong 16 months after I started it - wonderful to see more pregnancies and hear that people are receiving good care and the offer of extra scans. It really makes me smile!

After 16 months of trying, 5 chemicals/very early losses and still no pregnancy, I’m started to consider stopping trying. I am 41 and am fortunate to have three girls that keep us very busy (2 of my own and I step) and even though we desperately wanted one together, it doesn’t appear to be meant to be and the stress of constant trying is getting a bit much. This month I’ve said no ovulation tests and I think we may stop actively trying. In some ways, it’s a bit of a relief.

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jt130593 · 28/04/2024 21:21

@Downtherabbithole83 that sounds like a really tough decision to make.
I think sometimes the constant testing and tracking can really get in top of you, and becomes really quite stressful so I get the relief part.
You never know what might happen in the future!

Rumbleinthecrumble · 28/04/2024 22:08

@Downtherabbithole83 Thank you so much for starting this thread, it has helped so many people with a safe space to talk about something that doesn’t get a lot of airtime even within the baby loss community.

I totally understand where you’re coming from with regards the stress of TTC when it revolves around sticks and temping and regimented sex, often when you’re not really in the mood and it feels functional and completely unsexy.

I won’t make any trite comments about it happening once the stress is off, although high levels of cortisol do affect fertility. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do and hope you’re able to find peace in that decision.

Pickled24 · 29/04/2024 15:07

@Downtherabbithole83 I also wanted to say a huge thank you for creating this board it has bought me so much comfort!
I’m really sorry to hear about everything you have been through these last few years it is unimaginable so I can understand where you are coming from and TTC is bloody hard work especially mentally - regardless of what you decide to do I hope you find peace from it. Perhaps enjoy this month of not tracking ovulation and “actively” trying and see how you feel from it - it’s been a hell of a journey for you so I’m sure you are one strong woman!!

Thornberry1 · 29/04/2024 17:52

@Downtherabbithole83 just echoing what everyone else has said! Thank you so so much for creating this space - I know I never would have had the strength to. And regardless of what you decide or what happens we're all still here for you ❤

erinnn0420 · 29/04/2024 18:59

Another message of thankfulness for this thread! Feel like it’s a really great little community and has totally helped me strength wise 💗

oneweecraw · 29/04/2024 19:17

100 percent. I genuinely wouldn't have managed in the days up to and weeks after had it not been for this group x

MilkyAndFluffy · 29/04/2024 22:26

@Downtherabbithole83 it makes me so sad that your TTC/TFMR journey has led you to where it has. But can completely sympathise and relate to you, some days I feel like just giving up and think it’ll never happen for me. I hope whatever you decide to do, you end up with a rainbow one day, whether that’s trying or not 🌈

thank you so much for being so brave and creating this space for us all. It literally was my saving grace in those first weeks/months following my TFMR and I still love the hope now from the ladies who fell / are pregnant and had their rainbows. It makes me think one day maybe there is happily ever after TFMR, even if it takes a while and a load of heart break to get there. I’ll be thinking of you - and I do hope some miracle happens to you and brings you your rainbow soon 🌈 🩷

Downtherabbithole83 · 29/04/2024 22:42

Ah thanks ladies! I love our little community on here and even if we don’t end up with our rainbow I’ll continue to be on here supporting all of you!

I’ve decided to focus on something else and have contacted ARC about one of their London marathon spaces for 2025 - that would be something to keep me busy!!!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

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