Anyone else TTC after TFMR?

[Downtherabbithole83]

Anyone else on here in the same situation? Would be nice to chat to others who understand.

Happy to see some positives coming out. I'm around 8 or 9 DPO. Was feeling confident but not so much now! We shall see.

Thanks all. The support is appreciated. I'm feeling OK at the moment so I'm able to put it out of my mind and not dwell on it too much - the past month has flown since I found out. However the lack of symptoms is also a bit disconcerting?! I'll get an early dating scan within the next 2 weeks for them to accurately book my cvs for 12 weeks- so not much longer to go to find out if there's actually something in there...

At this point I actually can't imagine being told good results from the CVS. I can only imagine the same outcome again... call it self preservation?! But hey ho.

Thinking of all of you still waiting for that BFP

Mixed emotions here... yesterday I had a very feint positive, today its a bit darker so looks like its good news! Trying to think short term and just have the usual worries, but hopefully I can keep busy and distract myself.

Tentative congratulations @Lunamoon2022 💜 I hope you can keep yourself distracted in these early days. I know how hard that can be. I really hope everything progresses well for you 🤞

@EMcG3 how many weeks are you now? I'm so glad your nipt came back with good news. I had a private nipt on Monday so will hopefully get the results this week.

@HoneyPea thank you for your message. I'm so glad everything is going well for you this time around.

@whippeywhippet @Downtherabbithole83 @Hidingawaytoday @WarriorsComeOutToPlayaaay keeping my fingers crossed for you all still xx

@pebbles3004 Congratulations. It must be such a worrying time for you in these first few months. Like @WarriorsComeOutToPlayaaay said, I'm rooting for you x

We found out the reason for our tfmr this week. 11 months later! The consultant said we have no increased likelihood of it happening again, and there were no chromosomal issues. It looks like it was just one of those unfortunate random things. I'm now around 11+5 and awaiting our private nipt results which should be back this week and nhs dating scan which is the week after next. Really hoping it all goes ok.

So today, as it’s TFMR Awareness Day, I made a leap and posted on my Facebook page about my TFMR experience and the importance of raising awareness and reducing the stigma so that people who have to go through it feel more supported.

I have had a massively positive response from friends online and one of my colleagues saw it before work and brought a bunch of flowers in for me because she said my post had really affected her and she wanted to show her support.

I’m so glad I posted it and found writing the post quite therapeutic. Not sure why I’m sharing this here but just wanted to share with you how supportive people have been!

@Downtherabbithole83 - this is lovely, thanks for sharing.

@Downtherabbithole83 I did the same! Was rather cathartic but my heart was racing before I posted. A couple of glasses of wine helped!

I have had a positive response which was much needed. I had an ex get in touch and say that he and his wife had recently been through the same and thanked me for posting.

@onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl - I’m so glad you also had a positive experience in posting it! I was wondering if I’d find out that a friend had been through the same but nothing like that… just lots of support and thanks for raising awareness

Ah really happy for you both that you got supportive responses. I contemplated it but then realised I will never feel like I'm able to. With our condition being genetic I feel like I don't deserve the sympathy and I know I will be judged - we went into it knowing there was a 50/50 chance we'd have to terminate. Not trying to be a martyr or dramatic, it's just genuinely how I feel all the time. I feel like a bit of an imposter in these kind of groups, but all you lovely ladies make me feel welcome and supported ❤️ just not sure I'd get the same response from people who don't understand what it's like to walk in our shoes.

@pebbles3004 please don’t feel like an imposter - you are 100% welcome here. I didn’t share the reason for our tfmr; I just said we discovered something was wrong. People’s feelings about tfmr for T21 are so mixed and I don’t feel any need to explain our reasons to anyone outside of my family and close friends (who already know).

Thanks @Downtherabbithole83 ❤️❤️

Hi everyone, I've been away for a bit and feeling much better. I've been back at work full time for a while now which I've really embraced. This cycle is the first month of us trying again and I'm full of fear and excitement. We are just seeing what happens and not putting any pressure on it. I hope you are all doing ok x

Hi. Would it be OK for me to join you all here? I had a TFMR last June and I feel emotionally ready to TTC again (I think, I'm actually terrified). I 40 next year so not getting any younger and I do want my living child to have a sibling so it feels a bit now or never.

@whippeywhippet really glad you've settled back into work. I've found it the best distraction. Best of luck for your first month.

I didn't realise it was tfmr day. I've only had good conversations with people to be honest, who have all been really understanding. I'd rather talk openly about what happened to us and the 'decision' we made. Not that it really felt like a decision

Hello.

New to the thread but sat here in tears as the fifth friend in five weeks has just told me they’re pregnant.

I’m nearly 39 and had a TFMR for Downs in April 22. Nothing at all since.

I find it so hard to talk to anyone about it on real life as they all either have children or seem to be able to get pregnant whenever they want. These are close friends so it would be unlikely that they wouldn’t say if there had been issues, as they all know my situation.

I really can’t bear it at the moment. I feel like a completely pointless existence. So sorry to all in the same boat.

Anyone who has been through this horrendous experience is so welcome here ♥️

Welcome @BlackThumb, so sorry you are here too.

That is so so tough and one of the hardest things I've found is when people announce their pregnancies. And what really gets me is when people do it before the anomaly scan (that's where we got our bad news). It just makes me irrationally angry and I unfollow them on the spot x

Thank you. I've tried to read through the feed and it sounds like we're sadly a similar bunch in our repeated loss.
I've had a MMC before as well as the TFMR for T21 and associated issues (heart defect, hydrops etc). It means now anyone announces a pregnancy I either get really jealous or practically assume that they'll too go through loss.
I am optimistically already thinking about how I would tell people about a future successful pregnancy (if we ever get there). We told people at 12w with our last pregnancy and then had to untell people at 15/16w. If there is a next time around I'm very tempted to literally only tell family at 12w after the NT results, tell work when I legally have to, and then tell everyone else when the baby is here. (I wanted to write if the baby is here then but that's not very optimistic).

It's such a hard thought. If it was up to me I'd go into hiding for 9 months with my husband and dog and only come out when im blessed with a baby in my arms.

Also realise I went on a bit of a rant before. It only makes me angry as I think seeing other peoples posts and excitement reminds me of the innocence that was ripped from us at 23 weeks 😔 and that now when I see babies in the street it makes me want to just say to the parent, do you know how lucky you are! But then in the next breath, I also realise I have no idea what they may have gone through to get to that point. It's all very tough but I remind myself that I'm not alone x

I think rants are very understandable. It's very hard seeing people with multiple kids who seem to have "had them easily" but absolutely as you say, no-ones life is perfect, everyone struggles with something, and their paths to parenthood may have been equally traumatic.
Hope thoughts of all this aren't consuming your every moment and you get time to be you in amongst it all.

I totally agree about being pissed off with people who live in the 'ignorance is bliss' category. I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant with a 50% chance of a healthy baby, which we have at least another 5-6 weeks of waiting to find out. I have seen some posts of people on MN and other platforms who are the same gestation as me, asking for advice on prams, thinking of names, and saying they "can't wait for the 12 week scan". I get so blooming jealous of them that that is all they have to worry about. I cant even imagine it. Ugh.

Thank you for the welcome. Yep people announcing before the blood test always has me feeling sad and nervous, but I just have to think it will all be fine for them… and it always seems to be.

Just wanted to also say I feel the same as all the recent posts. You’re all not alone.

Struggling today. Will be 6 weeks tomorrow I believe. Had some spotting on Saturday which was very minor and stopped the same evening but I've not had that before so left me really worried. Had the docs booked for today anyways and it was an awful experience. I cried telling him about my previous tfmr, then he said 'so why are you here' as if I was wasting his time as unknown to me I was already booked on the system. He told me I should stop worrying as its bad for the baby and there's nothing I could do. No reassurance at all, not even a tissue. Left so angry and now even more worried as I just have that horrible feeling that somethings not right even with no evidence of it. Now having to build myself back up to believe all is okay until I have proof otherwise.
Rant over!

@Lunamoon2022 I’m so sorry. Can you see another doctor to hopefully get the reassurance you understandably need? I’m sorry that your doctor was so awful.

Do you gave your former midwife’s contact details? Mine (and my bereavement midwife also) said that if I get pregnant again to call her with any issues in the early days before I am allocated a new midwife, could you do that?

@WarriorsComeOutToPlayaaay thank you. I have just spoken to my bereavement midwife and she's made me feel much better thankfully. I've already got a scan in 2 weeks but she's said I can bring it forward if I think it'll help. Just getting some reassurance was hopefully enough so I will try to hold out! Everything appears to be going okay as far as I can tell, I think a lot of pent up anxiety was triggered by the doc!
Safe to say I won't be seeing him again :)