Fertility Appointments and Beyond: Electric Boogaloo

[thislittlebird]

Hit capacity on the old thread, will tag you in!

Oh love I'm so sorry x x x and its definitely not a case of being too early to see anything? Whens your 7 week scan with the clinic? (Also, bloody bad timing for them to now confirm you are an NHS patient 🙈 but 100% get the cyclogest, every little helps!) Im so glad you had a good EPU experience x x x

@thislittlebird oh so sorry I missed your earlier message before I replied. I'm so sorry the scan didn't show anything. Is it too early as they say the earliest would be 6/7 weeks? Could it be that?

@thislittlebird oh no - hope you're doing ok. Glad you had a good experience at epu - mine wasn't too bad although i found the waiting room of pregnant ladies in various states of joy/despair fairly horrific.

Sending lots of big hugs your way - good if you get to stock up on cyclogest and hopefully this is a turning point for your clinic!!!

@Tinkerbell098 so you run out before they issue it? Harsh of them! Hopefully I can get some, I’m stashing it for when I go private.

@beckyCarlos they said that can be the case for natural conceptions but it’s unlikely for ivf because they know the dates so it’s accurate. They said they should be able to see something at 5 weeks and there’s nothing there, no sac or anything but as usual my follicles look good for a 39 year old 😩. I’m pretty sure my clinic aren’t on it enough to know wtf is going on with me in another hospital so I’m just going to hope they do it and I’ll update them in a few days. They won’t make me do the 7 week scan will they? I hope not. Scan was booked for Oct 20.

The EPU staff were nice and another lady in there had miscarried at 8 weeks and hugged me when she saw I was upset as I was walking out, so we bonded briefly which was nice I guess. As nice as these things can be.

@99pctpractice I’m upset but I’m taking some days off work sick. Kinda glad this has happened now and not a few weeks later, if it wasn’t meant to be, and I suppose it’s good to know I can get pregnant. Next hurdle is finding a good embryo and staying pregnant.

I know what you mean about the EPU but I was lucky not to see too many pregnant women and my corner of the room was more women like me. All very sad still.

This is likely the last experience with the clinic, luckily. I’ll be meeting the Lister on October 13th, seeing the guy who appears on one of the podcasts doing Ask the Expert.

That's cutting it a bit fine @tinkerbell098! Although i feel like I had something similar, it didint end on test day but I tested on Friday and had enough to get me to Monday or something.

@thislittlebird sending you lots of love. I'm glad you can see the positive, even though this is ultimately shit. Glad you kept your appointment with the Lister 😊 sometimes its helpful to have something to look forward to x

@beckyCarlos yes, they did the same with my injections. Gave me just enough until the scan day and said they'd top up if I need more stims after the scan and so on. They said " we don't want you to end up with more medication than you need". I think they're trying to not let people hoard meds at home.

@thislittlebird it's good you're taking some time off, you need it. Hope you can do something fun to take your mind off things. At least you got your next steps planned out with Lister, which is good and hopefully a great consultant.

@Tinkerbell098 that's very miserly of them! We all end up with leftovers which is annoying (unless it's me and the piles of progesterone I'm hoping to sit on like a dragon with gold) but that's not much overlap. I hope the new clinic will accept that I have a ton of progesterone instead of trying to make me buy it.

Yeah I'm off work now and I'm thinking I'm going to turn down the job offer. I already accepted but haven't resigned yet so I'm thinking of revoking the acceptance. I currently have a very good mostly wfh situation with a super understanding manager, my job is just boring and my brain isn't engaged. In a normal situation I'd want to move up to the higher grade but right now I think knowing I have a team I can count on, a manager who is fine with me just disappearing to hospital out of the blue and taking time off and the peace of mind around that is probably more valuable to me than a few thousand more per year, which I might not see much of anyway because I'll have to go into the office a lot more. Other jobs will come up too, but I don't feel like I can start all this nonsense over again in a new role where they don't know what's going on, and the manager is a mystery because they haven't been recruited yet.

@beckyCarlos I have a whole plan for the Lister too. I'll work on that more this weekend, but essentially I'm going to ask for prednisolone in my transfer protocol, and also Letrozole plus a trigger for frozen cycles. I got my beta results today. My progesterone was only 30. That's on 3 x 400mg cyclogest per day, that's not a lot if you ask me, it was only 54 after transfer. When I did letrozole + cyclogest (lower dose) cycles and had two follicles popping out eggs I had progesterone of 110. My HCG was 84, so they're retesting me on Friday but we're all assuming it's going down, not up. My bleeding is more like a period now, but light, just waiting for the nod to stop taking the meds.

I don't want to do it all again, especially EC, but feel I need to try before we give up.

@thislittlebird I'm chucking at you sitting on a pile of progesterone like a dragon on gold. I'm glad you've taken a few days off, and your plan for the Lister sounds good! I know exactly what you mean about not taking the new job, I was encouraged to apply for something in a different team, and any other time I'd have done it, but IVF takes up so much head space even when not much is happening, that I know I couldn't do both, and having to explain the whole sorry situation to new colleagues and manager would just be too much.

Hopefully (weird word to start this sentence), they'll let you stop the progesterone soon. One of my lowest points was trying to work out how tf I was supposed to insert, and keep in, pessaries when I was bleeding everywhere. They used to pop back out 🤣 I stood in the bathroom equal parts sad, mad, and laughing like a maniac at the situation

@beckyCarlos I say this, but then I wonder if I'm even absorbing the progesterone well based on those results. Maybe they'll let me mix it up and give me Lubion or something, but hoping they'll let me do some cyclogest since I might have a lot of it. Oh god, I hadn't thought of that because I've done it rectally throughout. I'm glad I have, bleeding + inserting pessaries sounds...a lot to deal with. It's certainly very sexy of us all to go through this messy infertility stuff.

The job thing is a really tough decision for me, and I will be moaning about my job again soon, but I'm quite worried about giving up a role where I know what I'm doing (even if it bores me) and I am almost entirely free to control my own time and where I work from for one with an unknown manager where I am not. Explaining all of this to a line manager that's a man is also hard to imagine. My basically team all know what I'm doing, I don't want to explain it to new people and hope they understand.

@ththislittlebird Ah I'm so sorry, this sucks. Was hoping it'd all be smooth sailing for you.
I can understand your thinking on the job. It's hard to focus on so much when you're going through this.

I'm off for an AMH test today. NHS consultant said she'd do it before they dump me. Once I have the results I'll think about next steps.

Can't believe it's October. I worked out if our first round had worked I'd be due a baby this month. Onwards

@thislittlebird I've just been catching up today.
I'm really sorry about what you've been though. Hope you take some time to yourself. This sucks xxx

Oohhhh @thislittlebird I'm so sorry. That progesterone level sounds a bit low : def take it up with your next clinic and maybe they'll do more testing in the 2ww to make sure it is at the right level.

It really sucks that you have to go through this again. I totally get what you mean on the job front - I have lots of "what ifs" about changing jobs and then delaying ttc and would definitely go for whatever you think will give you the least regrets. There will be other jobs.

@Beyondshit hope your AMH test went well. If I hadn't miscarried, my baby would be due in 2 weeks, so I'm with you on the "how the hell are we in October already" train....

@Beyondshit I feel guilty for verbally accepting it and then changing my mind. But I don't feel like I have to patience and headspace for a new role right now. I want to know I can go to appointments and work from home when I want to.

Did you get your AMH test back? I'll have to have another one this side of Christmas probably at the new clinic.

The passing of time remains one of the hardest parts of this for me. I think I'm going to try to accept that we'll do two more rounds before quitting. That's how I feel right now anyway. We'll have given it a good shot.

Who was it here that had the varicocele embolisation done for a good price?

@JeanieJ thanks, I think I'm going to take week off work sick.

@99pctpractice I agree, it's too low for my liking. My highest level of 110 was on Letrozole so I'm going to ask to have that when we do frozen transfers (hopefully we get the chance to have some more). I would guess the private clinic will give me injectables, but I now have a fuck ton of Cyclogest. Thinking I might use it while trying naturally between now and end of year/new year when we do an EC again.

There will be other jobs is my thinking too, my career has been on hold for years because of this really, so what's another year.

Speaking of October, it's 3 years since we started trying now, which I absolutely hate.

Forgot to say, EPU called. HCG is down to 40, but they need it to be below 20 to confirm it's not an ectopic and for me to ovulate naturally again, so I'm going back next Friday for more bloods. They've been good tbh.

Hope you're ok today @Tinkerbell098

@thislittlebird thanks ❤️ I got a vvvvv faint line on the test they gave and they’ve booked me in for a blood test next Thursday. Also gave me one weeks (ONE WEEK!!) worth of cyclogest! No idea why they’re so stingy with the drugs. So no real update from me other than having to wait a week to find out what the F that faint line was. Just anxious it’s a chemical. Good that EPU would do more bloods for you to make sure. Glad you’ve got the lister appointment coming up too and you’ve got an action plan. I think it’s the right decision regarding the job offer as you don’t need any added stress. I’m sure more opportunities will come up. It’s just shit to have to put everything on hold for IVF. Hopefully one day it’ll be worth it I’m sure. Hope you are keeping ok X

@Tinkerbell098 Fingers crossed it darkens! A week?! Why a week wait? The timing of tests and bloods etc is always so different. Mine didn’t even bother blood testing me.

Yeah, I’m devastated to start all over again, I really thought we had a chance but I’m guessing our infertility is worse/more complicated than it first appeared. Or we’re just very unlucky. I’m also upset about the stagnant career but I do think I need to err on the side of caution with the work situation that gives me peace of mind.

@Tinkerbell098 sorry I somehow missed your news!! Hope that line darkens and fingers crossed for Thurs for you!

@thislittlebird hope you're doing ok?

This post-ivf cycle my period came like clockwork (so typical! The only time I wanted it to be slow!) so a combination of that and my last clinic being incredibly slow at sending over our virology results plus our matching coordinator being pretty dopey means we are not sure if the new clinic will let us start our donor egg round this month. I have a baseline scan booked tomorrow but haven't had a nurse's consultation yet - fingers crossed they can squeeze me in today!! Feeling much more optimistic about it than I was about my own egg rounds, but still conscious that it can still take multiple attempts before it's successful. Ooof!!

@99pctpractice that’s exciting! I hope it’s not too long a process to get going but at least you should be on your way soon.

I get the fear though, that it might take a few, but fingers crossed it’s not a lot.

I don’t think I’m doing great, HCG must be gone now, my period is rather heavy, and my mood is all over the place, I completely lost it in the street today. My husband had been anaesthetised for wisdom teeth removal and I stopped outside the clinic for a few mins to get him and got a massive parking fine. I went mad, and then just broke down crying in my car. I’ve called the doctor and asked to be signed off, I feel like all this has taken more of a toll than I realised.

I have my Lister appointment on Thursday. Feels like a mountain to climb for a chance of this working for us at this stage. I have a list as long as my arm of health problems and I’m just sat here ageing, wondering if it’ll ever work. I’ll ask the doctor to consider my health issues and what other tests I might need/what’s worth having.

@thislittlebird I really feel for you. I had a few meltdowns after my miscarriage too. One during a consultation at my clinic pre starting the next round of ivf - it totally depends how you're feeling, but don't feel like you have to go ahead with the lister consultation if you're not ready, just tell them you need to postpone it. It can be hard to talk about a recent loss in a clinical context, no matter how kind the consultant is.

I'm glad you've been signed off work - it's definitely good to give yourself some time to recover. You have been through a lot! Sending hugs!! Xxx

@99pctpractice thats annoying but exciting! Do you think you'll sneak a transfer before Christmas?

@thislittlebird sending you lots of love. That parking fine sucks! How is your partner doing? I'm glad you're signed off for a bit, you definitely need a bit if a 'break'! X x x

@beckyCarlos they've booked me in for my baseline scan this morning! So if we get any embryos to transfer, we might be transferring at the end of October!! Having been really frustrated at the lack of response from our matching coordinator at the clinic (not answering emails, picking up the phone etc), when we finally got through she then really made the effort to make sure we could go this cycle, so I was really impressed.

Feeling so much more relaxed / excited than for own eggs rounds. Partly because I won't be stimming (thank f**k) but also because there's no pressure on whether we're going to get any good looking eggs and whether they will perform...it is still ivf so there is plenty that could still go wrong, but at least there are less concerns about chromosomal abnormalities etc....

Aw @99pctpractice thats amazing!! How exciting! I know what you mean, I feel an odd sense of calm over DE because theres no pressure on me to grow follicles (a struggle) or eggs in them (also a struggle lol). Whats your drug protocol?

We have an initial consult with current clinic ED midwife next thurs at 1pm 😁 after I emailed last week saying 'its been almost two weeks since my referal and there's been no contact' yesterday got a phonecall and follow up emails and boom, things are moving again. Once more the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Annoying (and uncomfortable for me, advocating is not my natural habitat), but effective. Just filled in more forms for medical history though, despite being with the same clinic and them having all the info. Including details of my previous treatments and miscarriage 🙄 that was a fun shock this lunchtime. I know they probs treat you as 'new' but they really could just share their details with themselves and not have me list my 'duration of infertility' and 'details of orevious pregnancy'!

@99pctpractice hope the baseline scan went ok. How exciting!

@beckyCarlos glad things are moving for you, but so annoying about having to fill out all past details on forms, especially when it's a very sensitive subject.

@thislittlebird sending you a big hug!! Hope you are holding up ok X

Thanks @beckyCarlos @Tinkerbell098 i was in a really good place on the way in, but then there was a moment when the reality sort of hit. There were 8 follicles and I felt a bit sad that we weren't going to try to recruit them - typically enough, more follicles than there were at my baseline in august which was our last attempt with my own eggs. I think there probably will just be a few moments along the way when I feel a bit deflated and disappointed that we weren't able to make it happen with my own eggs. It feels like my body failed and I wasn't willing to fight to give it more chances (my oh is very black and white about it not having worked so far and so never going to work, whereas I think I'm a bit more aware (or wishful!) of the nuances of different cycles giving different results). I don't like to give up, but on the flip side it's probably good to have someone to tell me when enough is enough....anyway, I just have to keep reminding myself that given where we're at financially, this is giving us the best opportunity of having a living baby as well as a lot less stress over potential chromosomal or other issues...

@thislittlebird I am so sorry. This whole process/"journey" is just absolutely shitty. The world is not fair, and I am so sorry that unfairness is coming down on you and your partner x