🌈 TTC after miscarriage thread 9 🌈💕🤞⭐️

[bunnykins123]

@LuckyMoonstone @MrsCristiano @Astar21 @curliegirlie @emhope @HoneyPea @FfayeN @Mabelledox @Indianna2006 @mummatara @Skylark1990 @theblueflowers

New thread ladies - please add anyone I've missed 💕

Hi everyone, hope you don’t mind if I join in? I’ve been reading your thread for a couple of weeks (haven’t managed to go back and find threads 1-8 just yet!) and it has given me so much comfort and a good few laughs too on what can be a pretty lonely journey so I wanted to thank you all.
We’re on cycle 2 of ttc after a mmc at 12 weeks back in May. We already have a little one who is 2 so I’m feeling the time pressure too @LuckyMoonstone . A friend told me today that her mum (who has sadly passed on) always told her that longer age gaps are better and the older one will understand more and be happier than with a smaller gap so I hope that’s true!
I’m 9dpo today so still early and had a good feeling about this month but then started getting pms cramps this afternoon (have been having week-long pms since the mc, it sucks!) and bfn so now feeling like it’s not our month again! Oh well, roll on cd1!
I’m so sorry for the losses that brought you all here. Good luck to those in/ coming up to their fertile window! Stay strong to those in their tww! Xx

@mummatara yeah I get that. I think the boards can really feed your anxiety..but at the same time they're quite addictive? I've not joined any boards at all..no MC after PG or anything. Not downloaded any apps and didn't find out my due date till my booking in 🙈 @Astar21 hey I've had 2 scans now. My god the anxiety is horrific. I ball my eyes out each time. I've another with the EPU in around 10 days and then my 12 week scan 😬 if I make it that far xx

I have some potentially bad news :(

I tested positive on 12.8.22 but was not ready to announce yet as was so scared to jinx things. DP and I agreed to not tell anyone until we felt a bit more relaxed things are progressing. I kept re-testing daily, with skipping one day only. Got really worried as the line was not progressing too well but eventually it got to what I would consider a good line. Yesterday's test (with FMU) was not only not any darker but a little bit lighter compared to 1 and 2 days ago. It was only a tiny bit lighter so I thought maybe urine was more diluted (although unlikely). I re-tested pm and it was so so faint.. It was same as the one on 12.8.22. While I know that FMU is more concentrated and accurate, I also tested with pm urine on one of the other days and the test had the same line as the test with FMU from that day.
I hope it all makes sense. It might be a chemical pregancy, I have been crying and I can't sleep (hence typing this at almost 5 am). I cannot take another pregnancy loss 😪Admittedly, biochemical is easier to go through physically when compared to my last miscarriage which was further along. We were really hoping this could be our rainbow.
I still hope not all is lost.... I will test with FMU in an hour or so but not holding out much hope... Started spiraling into depression after my first miscarriage and I think this will destroy me completely. We do not have any kids and are really longing for them but how can I still trust life and that it would happen someday 😥For more info: I am using easy@home tests and they were getting darker every two days (significantly) in my last pregnancy.
I just want to move away, change the city and career and change my life.

@Pancake92 I am so sorry you're going through this. Please let us know how you get on this morning. How many DPO are you now? Just know you have the support of this group, reach out however you need to. Not now, but in the future perhaps seek some support professionally to help you through if it is a a CP. there's so much you can still do to find answers and hopefully be a mum someday, please don't give up 😘. Sending virtual hugs, you are not alone xxxx

@FfayeN thank you so so much ❤I would have ovulated on the 2nd or 3rd of August so would be 15 or 16 DPO today... Test should be fairly dark at this stage but yesterday's one (even with FMU) was not that dark..
The first day after testing positive, we were ecstatic and just could not believe it, we had no clue what to expect and were scared to be happy at the same time. The following day I already had a feeling things were not going to end well.

Have not re-tested yet as I am afraid, I know test will not be dark enough 😭

Oh @Pancake92 that is such a horrid situation I’m so sorry. I hope it’s not a chemical for you lovely. I had one the cycle before I got pregnant and it was much easier to recover from (physically and emotionally) than the mc when I was further along, I know that won’t be much comfort though sorry. I hope it was just a dodgy batch of tests yesterday! Sending love xx

@AwayWeGo22 thank you x ❤Would you mind me asking if you are now pregnant again after a m/c and a chemical? Sorry if I gathered that incorrectly from your last message.
And I totally agree with you saying this would be physically easier. This is definitely comforting xx

Not yet but we’re trying! We have a 2 year old and then mmc with my last pregnancy. I work as a biologist so when I had my chemical I kept telling myself that it was a good thing that 1) the sperm and the egg were meeting so we were obviously dtd at the right time and 2) my body knew that there was something wrong with the embryo really early on and the loss was a sign that my body was doing the right things. The later mmc was way worse because I felt like my body betrayed me. It sucks (there are no words for how much it sucks!) but I tried to take our cp as a good sign to keep trying! Xxx

Good morning lovely ladies!

This is my first pregnancy since having a very early MC (less than 5 wks).

I started trying September last year, and got my first BFP in the November. We were so happy and blown away by how quickly we fell pregnant, but 6 days later started bleeding. It was horrific and we were devastated. No previous children.
I got a bacterial infection after and was on antibiotics after. We started trying again in the Dec but every month I'd have a 21-23 day cycle (normal is 27-29 for me), and then around May they started getting longer after we saw a consultant privately and they told us nothing was wrong. This relaxed us immensely.
In June I was using digital ovulation and getting estrogen rise but never get LH (or it was happening so late as was getting six days of flashing smiley faces!).
Then fast forward to beginning of Aug, one day of flashing smiley and I left it a day before trying again because last time there was so many flashing. Tried the day after that and BOOM static peak smiley for the first time all year, on day 16. 9 days after my LH surge (not sure whether I ovulated next day or same day) my breasts were sore, I thought it was AF. Next day I took a test with a digital and it was positive. That was two days ago. Sore breasts has continued, probably more tender and saw than two days ago. Taken a first response because I want to start watching a line get darker and within 15 seconds a strong second (positive) line came up. I'm thrilled but terrified. It's still so early and I wonder if I should have waited a week just in case it's a chemical again. What I will say is mine was faint last time (first pregnancy), I had to really squint and on day two one of them said not pregnant and then next day on a more sensitive one said pregnant. I got my BFP on same days in my cycle so I'm thinking that this is a positive sign that it's such a strong line??
I'm so scared it'll end up in MC. Trying to relax as much as poss. DH, a close friend and my manager know. Wanted to make sure I had support as last time I wasn't employed but a contract worker so had zero rights to any paid time off, this time round it's completely different!
I'm day 28 in my cycle. Last time I started bleeding at 4 weeks and three days, so on Monday will be at same point, I think once I get to week 6 I'll relax but I know before five weeks something like 50% end. Slightly kicking myself for not wanting until AF was a week late because then it would be more likely to last.
How am I supposed to distract myself for the next few weeks?!
I plan on getting an early scan on week 7 as I know if there's a heartbeat then it'll feel more real!
Good luck to everyone, sending lots of baby dust!
Can anyone recommend some cheapish strip mid stream tests (peeing in a cup feels a faff) so I can see if it goes darker?

Thanks everyone

Update: definitely bad news. Heartbroken. Feels like I can't trust life. Was so scared after the first m/c, now to add this on top - positive tests will mean nothing to me from now on 😭

@Wisher88 so sorry for your loss and happy you got a positive now. I definitely recommend easy at home tests, they are sensitive and you can buy a box of 10 on Amazon for under £10.

Oh @Pancake92 I am so so sorry! I hope you’re ok and your partner is supporting you well. I’d maybe reach out to your GP if you haven’t already (sorry if you have but I haven’t read that far back!) to see if they can offer you any testing for reassurance? Life can be so cruel when you have already lost enough. Sending love xx

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! Please make sure you get lots of support around you as I found it made all the difference last time. I am really sorry 😔
Thank you so much for the advice re cheap tests ❤️

Sorry I meant a box of 20.

DP says not all is lost as test a bit darker than the super faint one from last evening. But it is still too faint, much fainter than what it was 3-4 days ago.

@AwayWeGo22 @Wisher88 I got a lot of support last time but I will only tell very few people this time for a few reasons :( E.g. most friends never reached out since my last m/c so I do not feel like contacting them out of the blue now, also feeling a bit let down. Some other people tried to downplay it and just told me to relax. This time round I really do not have many people I can talk to 😔

Contacted GP practice, they will get back to me by the end of today but pretty sure I will be told to **ss off. Last time I contacted them due to not being able to cope mentally and GP I spoke to said she was surprised I was so upset about m/c. It was not a pleasant conversation and I ended up not getting any help. Really need to take my mind off conception..

@Pancake92 oh no you poor thing, I'm so sorry. Perhaps reach out to your GP to see if they will offer any tests? We are all here for you 💕

@Wisher88 congratulations! Easy@home are cheap and accurate.

@AwayWeGo22 welcome to the group!

I totally get that @Pancake92 people who haven’t been through it find it difficult to understand I think. We’re all here if you need to support or just people to rant to who understand! How does the test compare to yesterday fmu? If it’s darker then that’s a good sign. I don’t want to give false hope but a friend of mine just got pg through IVF and they had concerns about her hcg early on as it went up quickly then didn’t for a fee days before going up again. They think what happened is 2 embryos implanted then she lost one after a few days but the other one is still healthy. The only thing you can do now is waiting and see. I flipping hate the waiting. It’s so unfair for you, I’m sorry xxx

@Pancake92 sending you the biggest hug my darlin, we're all here for you ❤️

@Pancake92 *I've just seen you've reached out to your GP. Even from a mental health perspective, they should be taking your concerns seriously. I hope they are kind and supportive today! From what others have said in this forum, it seems to be a bit hit and miss dependant on who the GP is.

@Pancake92 I'm sorry to read your posts this morning, pregnancy loss in all its forms is heartbreaking, fading lines included. Be kind to yourself. Virtual hug

Thank you SO MUCH everyone. Words can't describe how grateful I am for the support. So far it looks lighter than yesterday's FMU but hard to compare as it yesterday's one has dried up (they change in colour a bit as they dry) and today's one still hasn't. I will try to upload pics of them all later today once this one dries up.
The story about twins is reassuring. Sad they lost one but good that the other one stayed ❤
With my last pregnancy, I only tested positive at around 13 DPO (can't be sure though as my ovulation was not tracked that month but earlier than 13DPO for sure), this time I tested at 9-10 DPO so initially thought that might have been a good sign.

Sorry for all the typos.

*not earlier than 13DPO for sure

Maybe try to get some space from it all today @Pancake92 (easier said than done I know!) Are you going to work? Or maybe plan something nice and non-pg/ttc related to do tonight to take your mind off it? Will be thinking of you xxx

So sorry your going through this @Pancake92 big big hugs 💕 you could try a private blood test if you feel a bit in limbo and the doctors won't do much? I had hcg blood test via medichecks it was £50 a test so would be £100 for the two over 48 hours.