My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

[Cactizone]

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

@Cactizone @Totorotoes scans and bloods done ☑️ will get results at my consultation on 4th July but she didn't see anything alarming which is good said it looked good

Hope you are both well x

@Cactizone ah I'm glad you also had a sensitive cat to symptom spot with! 😂 Even if it isn't positive, it's nice to have a furry friend to cuddle with during the 2ww!
@RMS0209 that sounds really positive so far, now you have to endure the 2WW AND the wait until 4th July! Although if you get a BFP in the meantime, wouldn't that be great?!

@Totorotoes @Cactizone hear you both with the furry friends! my two are completely different.... but at least one of them will cuddle me 💗

Yes definitely positive - felt a lot calmer being in.
She said my follicle reserve is high for my age too so that's great!
How are you feeling today? Love if you get a BFP this cycle!
Roll on the end of TWW!!
I'd love if I got one but we will see 😬😬🤞🏻.

@RMS0209 great news about the follicle reserve! That's really positive.

I am feeling quite deflated today. Yesterday I had some cramping, which excitedly I thought could be implantation, but then I realised it is 6 days before my next period is due and I always get cramps at this time (I've even googled in the past to see if it is normal). So now I have gone from optimistic to absolutely convinced it has failed as this is a sign AF is on the way. I know I'm still not 'out' but it is hard to fight against the negativity once it takes root, and I am sure I will start AF before I can test, I reckon Thursday or Friday. I am 7DPO. I thought I would handle the 2WW better than this! 🤯

@Totorotoes
Yes I did think it was good! She panicked me to begin with but when she said that I felt a lot better... more calm!

Don't feel deflated please!
You will be over thinking/feeling more things than normal trying to have twinges so stay strong!
Back to optimistic, I still am so very optimsitc for you.
We need to make the next 6 days pass fast so you can have no period and test.
The TWW makes you crazy... I'm 5Dpo today, turns out I ovulated on Monday not Tuesday so I'm happy about that.

Hope you have some nice weekend plans to keep yourself busy and happy 💗

@RMS0209 thank you 😊 you're absolutely right, I need to stay positive! It's good you aren't far behind me in the TWW, I am day 7, so we can keep each other sane. It absolutely does make you go crazy! I strimmed my garden (not a euphemism 🤣) to distract myself this afternoon and imagined what it would look like with children's toys in it!
I was feeling sorry for myself ttc alone earlier, as I can't afford many attempts if this fails- but then I realised if I had a partner I would have the TWW every month- I don't know how you cope!!
@Cactizone I can totally see how you got burnt out with all this 🥴

@Totorotoes
Positive Polly! You can do it 😊
Exactly we can keep each other sane for the next week... just think, you are one week down already... jealous 😂

Haha the gardening comment made me chuckle, great way to think... hopefully it's not long until it is full of childrens toys 😬

IF (but we are positive remember!) it doesn't happen this cycle would you try again right away or take a break?
I don't cope... think that's why I am a little crazy but in a good way... I know it will all pay off but it's just not fun this part. X

@Cactizone how are you? X

@RMS0209 your positivity has worked, I'm feeling much better today! Except, the bank holiday has confused me, I keep thinking it is bank holiday monday today- next week is going to be a killer!

If this doesn't work, I haven't quite decided yet- I thought I would go straight to IVF as I can't afford repeated IUIs- but I need to check finances as I may need to save a bit first. The thought of not doing anything next month is awful though, but as I am remaining positive that this time has worked I am just burying my head in the sand for now! 😂

@Totorotoes
I am so happy to hear you are feeling betrrr today!
Are you back to work tomorrow? I am but I'm working from home so it'll be a longish day but the office on Tuesday will make it quicker so I hopefully can fly through next week and we both get some good news 💗

Yeah sorry I hope that wasn't rude of me to ask, I just wondered if you would try IUI a few times then something else, the success rates for IVF are brilliant especially with no underlying but I think I'm scared of the injections more than anything.
Yes this time has worked!! Do you have plans for next week to keep busy? I'm not feeling too hopeful as I only managed the day before Ovulation and 2 days before ovulation but we will see. X

@Totorotoes youre doing well to get this far! Have you had any more inclinations? Not long to wait now but I know that’s both a blessing and a curse at times. It really does drive you bananas doesn’t it 😅

@RMS0209 I’m a bit all over the place with my anxiety but feeling much more pro child atm which is good, just need to get back on the planning and organising wagon that I threw myself off of

How are things looking for you this week?

@RMS0209 no of course it wasn't rude to ask! IVF does seem like the sensible option but I haven't really thought that far ahead. I'm WFH this afternoon, this morning I was out on a work visit which was good as it took my mind off it- not that I want to be social much though!

@Cactizone I'm glad you are feeling more pro child, but sorry to hear about the anxiety. Tbh the thought of another round like this makes me terrified!!

Well....I am either gearing up for the mother of all periods, or I'm going to be the mother of ALL the babies.....yesterday afternoon I had about 5 minutes of the worst period pain, and then since then it's been grumbling and I've felt nauseous and a bit dizzy today. It's such a headfck (excuse my french) as I know it could *still be pregnancy....but equally could be AF, if so this is the worst I've had for a long time. I would be due on Wednesday or Thursday i think if the IUI didn't work.....🤷‍♀️

@Totorotoes
Aaaaah that was how I felt! The symptoms can be of both and it is maddening!!
If I commit to my next round I’m biting the bullet and doing IVF, the expense is frightening, but doing repeated IUI adds up about as much I figured… tho if IVF then doesn’t work round 1 I dread to think of my mental state 😅

@Cactizone I'm glad you've made a plan for if you do go ahead, I think I would also move on to that too. It is so stressful though isn't it, why are the symptoms the same?! Surely mother nature could be kind and give one clear sign, blue wee or something?! 😂🤷‍♀️

How are you both? Anybody keeping sane? 😂 @Totorotoes @Cactizone x

@RMS0209 I'm absolutely NOT keeping sane!! 🥴🤪 AF is due today, or possibly tomorrow (or even Friday knowing her!!) and I am literally expecting it every time I go to the loo. I'm 11DPIUI today, and OTD is saturday. I'm too scared to test! My poor work is getting about 1% of my brain power at the moment, the rest is distracted! 😂

@Totorotoes
Haha happy to hear I'm not the only one!!
Well we are staying positive she's not due for 9 months now!
Hope she doesn't appear, I am 9DPO today... driving ourselves crazy the next few days!!! X

Have you had any symptoms, @RMS0209 ? Or are you trying not to symptom spot?
I love your positive attitude- 9 months of no AF, yes!!
Have you had any of your results back yet, or not until your consultation?

@Totorotoes try not to symptom spot of I drive myself crazy!
i have had a little bit of a sore tummy today which normally happens before my period arrives but we will see, if anything I'll start spotting Friday. Have you had anything else

I haven't had my private results back yet BUT I had some blood tests through my Dr

• Progesterone

-Fsh -Lh -Blood count -cholesterol and something else (minds blank today) and they all came back satisfactory and ovulation was confirmed so that made me feel a bit happier! X

@RMS0209 that's excellent news! Having the right hormone levels is a huge part of the battle. So pleased for you, hopefully the other tests will be good as well.
I also tried not to symptom spot but failes miserably! Period cramps and nausea since sunday, although cramps much better now. Feel bloated too. I've had all of these before AF in the past but not for a long time, and the nausea is worse than normal. But she's probably wreaking her revenge for trying to banish her for 9 months!! 🤣
Haven't lost all hope, swinging from hope to despair pretty much!

@RMS0209 When are you planning to test?

@Totorotoes blue wee 😂 I wish though!
ooo every day without AF though I’m counting as a win for you!

@RMS0209 deffo not sane over here either 😅 but who needs sanity
🤞🤞 for you, those results sound promising at least!

@Totorotoes
Well I am confused I need to phone back my dr and speak to the lovely receptionist 🙂🙂 the FSH & LH need carried out on cycle day 3 so I'll need to get that booked in for if AF arrives this weekend!

How are you today?
I don't plan to text but I am 10DPO today if I can make it to Monday 14DPO without spotting I'll think about it, normally I start spotting 11/12DPO
I don't feel very confident this cycle, I'm driving myself crazy but I'll be even more crazy if I see a BFN on a test 🫠

@Cactizone how you doing today? X

Hi girls, I'm sorry to say I've started spotting today so I think AF is here, fortunately I was at home so had a little cry. And now I'm going to bed to wallow in self pity!! 🙄😩