My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

[Cactizone]

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

@Totorotoes morning, yeah definitely I mean it was just a "hi i filled in a referral do i need to do anything else" and they said no somebody will be in touch, so if nothing by Friday I will phone on Monday AM
I am glad I'm not the only impatient person! Have you had any results sent back yet? how is it looking?

Hopefully this is your time to shine!! you might be like that lucky couple in England that won 184 million on the lottery!!! x

Hi @RMS0209 I hope they get back to you soon, I am sure they will especially as you're a paying customer. And hopefully it will mean less waiting in the long run!
As far as I know my test results are back, but negative me is still expecting to turn up and be sent home tomorrow! I'll let you know how I get on. Imagine winning £184 million, it's crazy!! That's the kind of luck I need 😁

Morning @Totorotoes & @Cactizone

So good news.. they have got back to me!
But today isn't my day... it's all about you @Totorotoes good luck for your results please keep us updated!!
Ps if you win £184million just you remember your new friend in Scotland 😂

@RMS0209 🤣🤣 of course I will!! Well, I'm pretty chuffed with my news today as I have got a lead follicle which is 16.3mm, so it is ripening nicely! All on track for early next week, as long as I don't ovulate later on Saturday as clinic isn't open on Sunday. But, I'm fairly hopeful! So exciting.
Really pleased your clinic got back to you, what did they say?

@Totorotoes
This is fantastic news! Absolutely delighted for you.
Fingers crossed for no ovulation this weekend - I am so excited for you!! Eeeee.
What cycle day are you at the moment? I ovulate differently every month so it's very frustrating 😂 but I do have one of those Ovusense's so it's my 2nd month using it to track it's very good.

Yeah they got back to me! So I have booked in for... an ultrasound scan & an AMH blood test.
I am getting my progesterone (day 21 bloods) once I have ovulated! (Through my doctor remember) That is the same tests as you've had is it?
Finally feel like I am getting somewhere so I am delighted! Although I need to stay off internet searches as the reviews are rather mixed ☹️ x

This just hit home.

I'm exhausted.. that's basically what I'm hearing and how I feel also. We are due to start IUI soon just been diagnosed with pcos.

Took 20 months to conceive ds now 9m and counting this time.

It really take it out of you and I've no advice I can really give you apart from mind yourself and be kind.

@RMS0209 I'm cycle day 13 today, last month I ovulated cd16 so hopefully may be Tuesday or Wednesday 🤞
That's great news about your scan and tests, yes they were the ones I had. I don't think I had progesterone done so that's a bonus for you! It's good to get a bit of clarity about what's going on in there!
@roro87 congratulations on your DS, at least you perhaps have a head start in that your consultant may already know what meds (if any) you need, from last time...but must be daunting when you know how hard it was for you last time, I have nothing to compare to so am niaively hopeful! I hope that this time it works really quickly for you, especially as you have to cope with it all whilst looking after your little one.

@Totorotoes @Cactizone

Oh that's great! I am cycle day 16 today... wouldn't say I'm near ovulation though hopefully I get a peak soon! My cycles vary a little!
That's good I feel a lot better knowing this is the exact same tests as you got.
BUT I am in a pickle now so I need advice/help... the clinic I was looking at and have booked (Not paid yet) is the GCRM in Glasgow... but I have read some really mixed reviews a few quite bad about not getting support or kept in contact etc
BUT I found the GRFI (Glasgow royal fertility clinic) also will see me... I emailed them and they got back to me, the wait for tests are between 4/6 weeks... on the HFEA website the GFRI has a 4.5/5 rating but they have the NHS referrals too.
The GCRM has a 3/5I'm in a pickle of what to do? ... I've went from having 0 clinics to 2, the lady was super nice though she said she will call me on Mondays for a chat. So tonight's rabbit hole will be comparing both clinics and reading multiple reviews 😄
Ps sorry for the long message I'm just in a little pickle and want to make sure I make the best decision.
A plus side to the GCRM is they have mobile clinics where I live (3.5hrs from Glasgow) which can:
The following appointments can take place at the satellite:
• Blood tests
• Scan appointments
• Pregnancy scans

All patients will have to attend our Glasgow clinic for their egg collection and embryo transfer appointment and for ovarian assessment and semen analysis.

X

@RMS0209 Ain’t that always the way 😂 I think going with your gut is important, and being aware that no matter which clinic you may need to chase them up anyway, there weren’t many reviews for mine and I had to do A LOT of pestering phone calls to get things done. Sadly that seems to be what they respond to best…

If you go with a clinic you’re not sure about is there a chance you’ll feel extra resentful / untrusting of them? If so wait the extra time and remove that stress option from your mind.
Equally waiting is hard and the impatience is real 😂

@roro87
I’m sorry to hear about your own struggles. I think you’re right though, the only thing you can do is mind yourself
Heres hoping you feel better soon!

@Cactizone honestly! I feel bad for moaning to you both last week that I was never going to get help and here I am... with all the help 😂

It's frustrating as I am struggling to find other reviews... they both have good and they both have bad ☹️ I just don't want to make the wrong decision
My gut is as confused as my brain... not ideal!
I'm totally prepared for the pestering (I'm good at that bit 😂)
I think I will be resentful to either clinic if it doesn't work.. don't know ugh, I guess the best thing I could do is talk to the lady tomorrow and compare how they both sound? Maybe ask for a rough estimate of time from testing to consultation to then starting treatment etc and see?
Goodness.. what a stress for the weekend!

How are you doing now? What's your next move/plan?

@RMS0209
That sounds like the best way to go about it, hopefully there will be something to sway you!
Try and enjoy a bit of your weekend at least 😘

@Cactizone I will try! Thank you for letting me vent.... away out with the dogs now, will let you know what GRI say tomorrow when they phone x

@RMS0209 argh what a dilemma! Who knew that fertility clinics were like buses?!?! 🤯 I suppose it's a great dilemma to have compared to having none to choose from, but still adds to the stress.
I think @Cactizone gave good advice to go with your gut (easier said than done!). I think people's ratings depend on their expectations sometimes so take with a pinch of salt.
If you are researching though I would focus more on the stats of live births etc., to get an idea of how successful they are (bearing in mind the NHS one will probably have the more difficult cases in the first place).
Whichever one you choose you'll probably have to do most of the chasing- I have had to pester a lot! I was 'fortunate' in that I only had one choice, and luckily the main clinic is 30 mins drive away but they have a satellite clinic 5 mins away which is important for me for work.
Incidentally I have another scan there tomorrow morning. Hopefully everything is on track but will let you know! 🤞

Hi Ladies! @Cactizone @Totorotoes

Well.. I just had GRI phone, all she was interested in was taking payment BEFORE giving me dates etc, I wasn't prepared for that ( didnt take purse to work to stop my online shopping history ha ha).. not sure about that, kinda put me off. I said i'd need to phone back when I get home.
I also read another thread from 2020/2021 on another platform (not mumsnet) and GCRM had such a positive review.. I think I should stick with the original plan! I have been on the HFEA website and looked too.
I am ready for chasing and pestering... sounds right up my street ha ha.

How did the scan go this morning @Totorotoes x

@RMS0209 I'm glad you've made a decision, I think asking for money at this stage is a bit cheeky! They do normally like to be paid of course, but my clinic were much more subtle and they were happy to chat for free and did a good open day!
My scan went fine, my follicle is 18mm so growing quite slowly. I always thought I would ovulate tomorrow but feels like this cycle has been a thousand years because I'm tracking it, and now I'm worried it won't happen! Full respect to everyone who does this every month, it's exhausting isn't it? No wonder you are so exhausted @Cactizone 🥴

Hi 👋 @Totorotoes
I just was a bit baffled... I thought she was going to talk me through tests etc she just took my name and number and then asked for bank details and said THEN she would tell me what apps, I think not! When I got the call from GCRM the lady was lovely - so my app is next Thursday, eee scary times but exciting that the ball will start rolling!
I have a webnair call on zoom on Thursday so I am looking forward to that, will be sure to let you know.

That's great they do scans and keep an eye on it, I didn't have a clue but that's wonderful!

AH, let the stress and worry begin 😅
Do you have to go back tomorrow or? Well if it makes you feel any better I'm CD18 and still have no peak yet,.. think I'm broken 😁
You two are doing gooood stay strong x

@RMS0209 knowing my luck I'll be still waiting for a peak on CD18 too! Seems to vary so much for us all...and i think waiting for it makes it stay away!!
That sounds rubbish that they were so money focused - GCRM sound much more helpful, and i think you said they have clinics near you which is good too.

I've got anither scan booked for Wednesday, but I'm really hoping I ovulate before then and won't need it 🤞

@Totorotoes ugh!! i really hope you aren't.
It's like our bodies know so they decide to play up!
Yes have high hopes for GCRM, turns out the webnair is actually tomorrow not Thursday, so looking forward to that.
Yes they have the satellite clinics local so hopefully if I need scans I can get that to save the 3.5 hr drive 😊

I have everything crossed you ovulate before then x

@Totorotoes Come on little follicle! Grow! I was so over going in for the repeat scans to check on size and lining thickness, but you can do this! Hopefully on weds you’ll be ready to go

@RMS0209 That’s so cheeky! But at least it has helped make a decision so that’s great! And means you can get the ball rolling quicker!

Im still flip flopping a bit, but the want for a child is defo starting coming back now, so I’m hoping that I’ll be fully committed again soon😊

@Cactizone hello!
@Totorotoes grow little follicle, grow!!

@Cactizone I know.. I was just a bit taken back I thought I was getting advice/help.. guess not! I had my online webnair with the clinic tonight and the success rates are good, getting excited for my day trip next Thursday now ha ha.
Feeling good... apart from it being cycle day 19 and still no ovulation, but staying positive!

I'm so glad the want is coming back, you'll be fully committed again in no time 💗 can't wait for you x

@Totorotoes how did you get on at scan x

@RMS0209 @Cactizone thank you for cheering on my little follicle! 😂🥚 Apparently it is 18 and a bit now, so it is a really slow grower! But they said that can be normal, I'm hoping that means if it is successful I will have a really chill baby! 🤣 But seriously, if I don't ovulate soon I may have to have a trigger injection, otherwise I risk a sunday ovulation and a missed cycle- she said I should let them know tomorrow afternoon 😬
@RMS0209 so frustrating waiting for ovulation isn't it! I am on CD17 and even my fertility app has given up on me and says I've missed my fertile window...but egg is still there and OPKs remain low (0.24 max) 😖
Glad that the webinar was good, and that it has made you look forward to the appointment. Getting tests can feel a bit daunting so it makes such a difference if you find somewhere you feel comfortable.
@Cactizone I'm glad that giving yourself some time off has helped you think things through. I never realised how intense this all is! Hopefully with a bit more time you'll decide whether you want to/ are able to give it another shot....after you've had some quality holidays and 'me' time!!

Good morning both 🙂

@Totorotoes @Cactizone
woo hoo little follicle! 🥚
i like the idea of a chill baby.. good way to think 😂
Cycle day 21 for me, I've had a drop in temp but my OPK's don't reflect it yet, will see how it is later on.
Oh I didn't know you'd get a trigger injection, that's handy... so would you have to get that later today/first thing Fri so you could go in on Sat? Fingers crossed you ovulate on your own today!
Ha ha laughing at the fertility app, even though I've been using OPK's (which I upload to it) and ovulation clearly hasn't happened it keeps telling me I'm 2DPO.. I think not!
The nerves are starting to kick in now about tests... but also excited to get the ball rolling.
Keep us updated on how you go today.. everything crossed for the little follicle

@RMS0209 still no sign of ovulation yet, so I've been and picked up the trigger shot- it basically convinces your body to ovulate. I really wanted to let my body do it naturally but if it happens at the weekend I'll be screwed! So i will do it. The clinic wants me to do it tonight which is 40 hrs before treatment, I have unfortunately fallen down a google rabbit hole trying to find out if my egg is likely to still be hanging around or have died by then, and I'm contemplating leaving the injection until tomorrow instead 😬
Don't be nervous about your appointment, just see it as a chance to explore things, and I found the tests quite interesting- nice to get a glimpse of what is going on in there! 😂 Long cycles are so annoying aren't they...I'm sure I haven't been this late before, maybe it's because May has 31 days our bodies are holding on longer!!