My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

[Cactizone]

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

@Totorotoes I didn't want to hear that I really wanted this to be your cycle.
I am sending you the biggest hugs 🤗
Do something for you tomorrow with your Friday night.
Thinking of you 💗 will speak to you when you are ready xx

@RMS0209 thank you, I'm feeling sorry for myself especially as this is the worst AF I have had in ages! Which ironically made me hope it was something else. Temp drop this morning so it is definitely AF though. Really appreciate all your support and @Cactizone . I've got to figure out my next steps but probably will have to be IVF now.

@Totorotoes if it makes you feel any better I've got an AF tummy so I don't think I'm far behind you. Has a slight temp drop this morning but has worlds worst sleep!
I also got my private assessment results no consultation until beginning of month but my AMH is high and img "ovaries appear polycystic" so that's me all ofer the place... but I am ovulating so I guess that is semi good. Will see if my Dr calls me today from gp and try get to the bottom of it all
Xx

@Totorotoes oh no that’s so sad, you go dote on yourself, you deserve nice things

@RMS0209 as do you! All the doting for you guys

Oh @RMS0209 that doesn't make me feel better at all! I really want this for you too! 😖 Sometimes AF cramps/symptoms can happen before a BFP, but there is just no way of knowing which is so frustrating! I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Must be a shock to hear about the polycystic ovaries, at least you know now, and I know someone who had treatment and then had 4 kids! It's really positive you are ovulating, I'm not really sure what effect PCO has on ttc 🤔
@Cactizone thank you, I just had my first beer for months!! So yes I am doting on myself, thank you 🙂

Hello!
@Totorotoes @Cactizone
Well... first things first, that's me out this cycle some light spotting after doing a quick internal sweep before bed... it's ok, I'm sad but it is what it is, we try again.
Making me even more eager to have my consultation on the 4th so we can hopefully get this IUI ball rolling.

Thanks for that lovely story about the lady who had treatment! Also Victoria Beckham has PCOS also and she's had 4 cool kids so I'm trying to see the positives 😂🤗

What do we do now ladies... I still have 2/3 days until AF appears which is most annoying! X

@RMS0209 Yes get that ball rolling!
you’ve just gotta try and rest and relax, nothing you can do atm otherwise I guess

@RMS0209 sorry to hear about AF arriving...☹ I'm glad you are feeling positive though, next cycle could be the one! It's so good that you've got your results back so you can start the next stage. And who knows it may happen naturally while you wait!
I have a consultation this Wednesday and will have a better idea of my next steps then.

Good Morning Ladies
@Cactizone @Totorotoes
How are you both today?
I was feeling a bit deflated this morning but a little better now took some time for "me"

Please let us know how you get on on Wednesday, I'm impressed you can get a consultation so quick, I hope this is the case for me when I start! x

@RMS0209 sorry you were feeling deflated. Me time is definitely needed!! It's hard to keep up the positive vibes all the time isn't it, especially when the hormones kick in! What's your next step now?
My clinic are great, they seem to be very responsive so far. I started my first IUI less than a month after my first tests! So I hope that your clinic are just as good, and that everything is done quickly for you!

Hello @RMS0209 and @Cactizone how are you both?
I had a good telephone call with the fertility doctor today, she works at my clinic but also as a specialist GP for the CCG, so hopefully she knows her stuff!
Basically she said that I need one more blood test then my GP can send the referral directly to her. She says that I should be able to start with my August cycle (I did ask about July but she said it might be a little tight as CD1 is normally 9th/10th...but I'm impatient!). She seemed really positive about it so I am choosing to absorb the positivity! Exciting 😁
Hope you are both OK and have a plan to look forward to!

@RMS0209 I was recently diagnosed with pcos also. But as a beacon of hope before diagnosis I was trying for 20 m and fell pregnant naturally with my ds. so definitely still is lots of hope. 5mg of folic acid (once applicable) is my top recommendation. then myo isotol and coq10. I'm also ovulating with it so I reckon the problem is my eggs not maturing enough

Hi! @Totorotoes
I meant to message you earlier on but I was in a world of my own.
How are you? Not much to report here... cycle day 2 🫠
I'm so glad your call went good.
What blood test do you need out of interest?
I am going to get my day 3 bloods tomorrow with the nurse.
Great news about referral.
Are you doing another IUI round?

Other half has his sperm analysis tomorrow then we are off on holiday and we have our consultation on 4th July so I am excited to hopefully after that have a plan in action! X

Hi @roro87
Thanks so much for commenting.
Sorry to hear about your PCOS.
I haven't had it confirmed yet but from my AMH levels and the comment on the result i think we can say.

So happy to hear you fell naturally with your son 💗
Ok great at the moment I am taking :-
Zita west inositol & folate (I dissolve a spoon of it into my water?)
Folic acid, iron ,vitamin d,vitamin b12 & iron (I am vegetarian)
I have the COQ10 I have the big orange ones from Costco, I read some conflicting info so I have stopped taking them until my consultation x

@RMS0209 My consultant is pretty poor imo I'm looking to change. I'll tell you my long back story so I've regular long cycles 32 days but regular ovulate day 18 or so. Went to doctor when first trying after 19m put on 5mg folic acid pregnant following month. Asked gp to perscribe this time she said no need as wouldn't have any impact. Got diagnosed by amh and a scan but scan also confirmed ovulation as have multiple blood tests. Everything else is clear with me and him. prescribed metformin (such bad side effects for me), myo inositol and coq 10 600mg. Still no one prescribed 5mg folic acid (my bmi is 26 so borderline anyway). clinic wants to sign me up straiggt for 3 x iui then on to IVF. I went to acupuncture the lady was fabulous loved her, first question are you on the higher dose of folic acid. so started that a week and a half ago CD 5 so I'm not starting anything until I give everything 2 months.

I'm keeping everything crossed for you, it can work out x

@RMS0209 ooh a holiday, how exciting! Where are you going?

I am having my prolactin levels tested. For NHS referrals you also have to have vaginal ultrasound, STI tests, blood tests for LH, TSH (?), FSH, possibly oestrogen. I had all these done privately and luckily they accepted them. So after the prolactin that's all of them.
Hope your partner's SA goes well!

Hi! @roro87

My Dr is pretty poor in my opinion also so I can sympathise with you.
My cycles seem to vary.. it's went from 29 days to this cycle was 39! longest I've had, last cycle was 37.
I was at the GP yesterday getting my day 3 bloods so I did chase for my referral again but... no further along.
Interesting about the 5mg folic acid, might be worth me asking?
Can I ask what your AMH was if that's not to personal?
Yes my blood tests appear to confirm ovulation which makes me feel a bit calmer about it all.
Can I ask what the Metformin does?

Well after joining this lovely thread I am going to push for my IUI, I have my consultation on 4th July so all being well hopefully the IUI game can begin.. (partner had his SA yesterday so will get the results soon)

Thank you again, you have put my mind at ease x

@Totorotoes
Yes a little holiday! Off to France, looking so forward to a break from TTC you know that... suppose I should be grateful AF appeared this week and not next... (would have been better if she never arrived)

This is great! So glad the ball is rolling for you... are you trying another IUI cycle sorry?

Partners SA all done... roll on 4th July x
How are you @Cactizone x

I'm meant to be on 500mg Metformin twice a day, after a week it increased from 500mg once a day, but being honest my body couldn't take it so I had to stop. I had insomnia always felt sick, headaches, stomach cramps etc. So I'm going to go back on it maybe next month and try again but I'm still taking everything else prescribed. Metformin is used to treat diabetes (GD most commonly) it is an insulin management drug. people with PCOS commonly have issues with insulin resistance.

"It can be understood, therefore, how insulin resistance gives rise to the three key features, at least two of which must be present to fulfill the Rotterdam criteria for the diagnosis of PCOS (2):
❖ At least twelve small follicles 2-9 mm in at least one ovary;
❖ Symptoms or biochemical evidence of hyperandrogenism;
❖ Anovulation or oligo-ovulation with fewer than nine menstrual periods every 12 months"
The above is taken from website, I only have one of those so I question it's need in my situation.

My AMH was 36 but I'm 34 so it by itself wasn't an indication of PCOS but then when my scan was done they could see the follicles, I think I had 30 on one ovary and 18 on the other. They could also clearly see I ovulated.

I probably should push ahead with mine I think I'll aim for August if nothing has happened by then

Hi @Totorotoes @RMS0209
sorry for being out of touch, the heat has left me a turtle 😅
Not much to report on my end, think I’m gonna defo be going for IVF, I’ll let you know when I confirm it with the clinic!
how are both of you faring with the waiting game for next cycle?

Hi!
Haha, don't worry I knew you wouldn't have deserted us so I just kept writing knowing you'd pop up again.

I am so excited for you with the IVF, please do keep us updated.

I am ok, cycle day 4... waiting patiently for the wicked with to leave, won't have anything different this cycle so just embracing it!
Consultation on 4th then time to hopefully roll the ball with IUI or IVF (whatever they think is best!) Looking forward to my break next week.

How are you feeling about it all x

@RMS0209 😂 good tactic!
Youve gotta enjoy those breaks, I’m excited to hear what they suggest for you!

@Cactizone and as if by magic the Dr (GP) that had no apps until mid July has suddenly got an app for me on Tuesday to speak about a referral.... imagine that!! X

@RMS0209 that’s great luck for you but a shame it couldn’t have been arranged earlier!

@RMS0209 hooray for getting an appointment!! Hopefully they can get your referral done in that appointment then. I'm a bit jealous of your holiday, I've got a long weekend off at beginning of July but not going anywhere, I'm going to finish off my garden!
@Cactizone glad to hear you have almost decided on a plan! That's exciting! Will you be going private or on the NHS?
@roro87 hello! really interesting to hear your story and congratulations on your positive outcome!

@RMS0209I'm actually going to go for IVF (assuming funding is accepted but GP thinks it will 🤞). I thought about doing another IUI whilst waiting, but it would probably stress me out and I just need to be patient really and focus on building some quality eggs. @Cactizone we may be doing it at the same time then!! Are you going to take any supplements? I'm rattling, taking Coq10 and flaxseed, as well as my folic acid and 2 multivits....doubt till help but makes me feel like I'm doing something.