My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

[Cactizone]

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

@Cactizone I blooming hope so, they were expensive enough! 🤣
How are you feeling now? Sometimes you need a break to reassess everything and have some 'you' time, so I hope that's what you are doing 🙂

I'm looking to see if I could get a referral to go self funded (NOT NHS PAID) treatment to get some IUI with my partner, just to see if it helps as we don't seem to be having much luck the "normal" way... has anybody had a problem speaking to DR's for a referral? In Scotland not sure if that helps any x

@Totorotoes
I was feeling the beginnings of better, but calling the clinic up spiked my anxiety over the whole thing, I think after a phone call I have worked th the clinic dr in a couple weeks I might have a month or so off to see how I am doing then.
And my god they’re so expensive!!

@RMS0209
I did self funded but I went right to the clinic rather than via my Dr. They needed the Drs contact info but there wasn’t a need for referral, but I don’t know if it’s different in Scotland?
I would have thought of you’re going to be paying then they’re unlikely to have a hold up about taking your money 😅 you could call some clinics directly if you haven’t already and see what they say?

Morning @Cactizone thanks so much for getting back to me.

Yeah so we only have 1 fertility clinic in the city I live in, so I phoned to discuss and they said they couldn't discuss anything with me until they received a referral even if I was going self funded.
So fast forward I phoned the Dr to get an app and first one was mid June.. my Dr isn't much help as it is and I think I'm more worried that he will say no and to keep trying for a few more months before a referral! But as I say I'm willing to pay we have the money for this but just wondered how it was for other people... hmm 🤔 ☹️ x

@Cactizone my goodness isn't it just!! And they charge for every little thing. It feels like gambling when they say "you get a discount for 3 treatments but if it works first time you don't get a refund"...I feel like they've got me over a barrel!
You should definitely take time out if it is making you so anxious, hopefully you can get some clarity and rest, and decide what is best for you.
@RMS0209 that sounds a bit rubbish, can you change GP? Everything is such a waiting game anyway with TTC, you don't need an extra wait! Generally I think the system is better in Scotland as they have more funding for LGBT couples and single people, but the referral system sounds frustrating especially if you're paying your own way anyway 🙁

Hi @Totorotoes

It really is! I am thinking about changing GP but I am worried it's even worse, sounds silly! Took 2.5 months to get him to agree to a Progesterone test (I am sure everything is ok I just wanted it for peace of mind) I also said I'd pay to go private I just needed a referral and was told no... so fought my case for 2.5 months and now they have agreed so I will get it this cycle after ovulation.

Are you in England? I am sending you all the luck for your IUI's🤞🏻 guessing you had no problem to get yours all sorted?
I have heard the NHS system is better in Scotland as eventually you get 3 rounds of IVF but that's after 2 years of trying and lots of tests etc... don't want to try for 2 years and be sad like I have the last few cycles, sorry I'm moaning away!
Are you doing this on your own? I have so much respect for you - go you that is brilliant! X

@RMS0209 thank you!! Yes I am doing it alone...the dream of meeting someone never happened unfortunately, but I am really lucky to have fabulous friends and family to support me. I am in England, and am self funding- I may get one round of IVF on the NHS but not totally sure, and I have to fund IUI first. I've got my nurse consultantion on Tuesday and I am hoping they say I can start this month, which will mean IUI in the next 10-14 days 🤞
Your doctor sounds a bit obstructive. I'm so sorry, you need someone to listen and understand don't you, not a fight! To get my treatment I went directly to the clinic so no waiting time. Afterwards I called the GP and asked who I should speak to re IVF funding (in case I need it later) and they said they had a doctor with a specialist interest in fertility- I had to wait 3 weeks but spoke to a lovely (female) GP who clearly wasn't a specialist BUT was very sympathetic and really listened, which is what I needed, and is going to refer me. Perhaps you can find some other people in your area who have been through the process and see if they can recommend a better GP? Although perhaps now you've got a referral, you don't need to move 🤔

@RMS0209
That sounds so stressful. I’m not sure if it’s any help or applicable to you but a lot of people travel to other clinics for treatment even abroad! I wouldn’t judge you for not wanting to do that, I picked my clinic purely based on them being the closest one, but if it was something you were willing to do and they didn’t need a referral (because in England or elsewhere) then maybe it’s a back up back up option? Either way, at least you have gotten the ball rolling now and that’s a big part of it X

@Totorotoes
Thank you, I think a rest is needed, I’ve still got a lot of mixed feelings
🤞🤞🤞 for your upcoming cycle! I hope it works out for you!

@Totorotoes @Cactizone sorry ladies just re read what I wrote think I confused you both... I fought for the 2.5 months for a progesterone test and that's him now finally agreed! My call with him to discuss IUI self funded is 7th June, I am feeling very anxious about it already... I just know I'll get the usual "try for a few more months" but I just don't have it in me!

I'm away to read both your messages and reply.
It feels so wonderful having people to talk to about it, thank you both so much. X

@Totorotoes this is great! I am so impressed, go you, sending all the luck.
Aslong as you have fab friends and family what more could you need.
Hi English neighbour! 👋 😂
I really hope you do get atleast 1 round on the NHS that would be a big help I guess.
Eeee that would be so exciting if you can get it in the next few weeks, do you feel all set and ready?
Yeah I'm not having the greatest time dr wise, that and I have to wait 3.5 weeks sometimes longer for an app it doesn't help, just trying to stay positive though and not stress!
I wish Scotland had the option of just going straight, the clinic wouldn't even entertain me with an initial consultation until I've had a referral.. would have been nice to speak to them but hey ho. Definitely going to look into moving GP if my call in a few weeks doesn't go as planned.

@Cactizone it is really funny you say that! I already had a thought of... why don't I see if I can get any help in England... I'm not the most keen on going abroad but I'd happily go to England if need be, but that's my last last resort if I don't get any support.

How are you feeling now? Do you feel any better? X

@Cactizone I really hope you get some clarity, being unsure is the hardest place to be.
@RMS0209 thank you! It's so nice to have positive reactions, I need all the positivity I can at the moment. Hopefully tomorrow I will get the go ahead. I think I'm all set to go, I'm cycle tracking and have the sperm so that's the most important bit!
Sorry for the confusion- it's good advice to see if you can hop across the border to get seen faster, but I guess it depends how far the journey is because you'll probably have lots of scans etc.
@JulesRimetStillGleaming how are you feeling? Did you find any help on the fb group?

@RMS0209
Aahhh I see! Damn well I hope that when 7th June comes around there is less push back, its ridiculous if you’re willing to pay that you need to jump through hoops too!
I don’t know really, on the one hand I really want it and to have a little tag along, on the other I still think about the procedure the cost and how my life will change. I’m feeling some of the desire to TTC come back which is a positive, so there’s hope! 😅

@Totorotoes sending you lots of luck for today! let us know how you get on. X

@Cactizone
Thank you very much - I am hoping the Dane too; genuinely thought it would be so much easier wanting to go self funded but hey ho.

Did you phone the clinic again? I can't remember if you told me already..: sorry!
Yay for positive thoughts x

@RMS0209 it went well thank you! If my blood tests come back before Friday then I can start this cycle!! Meaning it could happen as soon as next week 🤞
@Cactizone I'm glad you are feeling ok, there is no right or wrong answer. I know someone who went through the adoption process, got matched with 3 children but they all fell through (no fault of hers) and she was gutted, but the whole process made her realise that she had made peace with not having children, and so she pulled out and now she is quite happily childfree. Sometimes the process helps give you clarity, even though it's not always what you expect!

@Totorotoes
Oh I am just delighted to hear this!
WOW... really hope your bloods come back soonest so you can get going, that would be brilliant.

In other good news... I have found a fertility clinic HFEA approved and does not require a referral from Dr and is in Scotland! 😀 🤞🏻

@Cactizone & @Totorotoes can I ask you both... is there any tests I need to try push my DR with to try get help before I hopefully get a consultation with this clinic? I will have my progesterone test but not sure what else to try ask/push for. X

@RMS0209 that's fantastic news about the clinic!! 🥳 so glad you don't need a referral for it.

I'm afraid I'm very much a beginner at this so I don't know what you need to get. I know my clinic insists on STD/HIV test (they include it in the package price, but some clinics don't), so that might be helpful and save some money! It's also helpful to get AMH, LH, FSH done but I am not sure if GPs can do them- I would imagine so though? Also thyroid function? I think FSH has to be done on day 2-3 of cycle but I might be wrong....your GP may actually know, although it sounds like it might take them a while to agree to it! Good luck!!

@Totorotoes I honeslty feel such a sense of relief... I just gave a quick call to double check no referral and they confirmed,so I have filled in an application online and tonight I'm that crazy lady that keeps checking her emails 😂🤞🏻

Thanks for the advice on those tests, something for me to look into tonight and see what I can find.

How are you feeling about it all?! X

@RMS0209
Thats such good news!!! What a relief!
The clinic might suggest tests of their own and my ones of those happened in-house. If you’re using donor sperm at all then you could see about getting a CMV test because that really narrows your pool of donors.

I did eventually call them and I have a call either the doctor towards the end of the month, so we’ll see what his impressions are and go from there…

@Totorotoes
it’s funny I know someone with a similar story to that! If that’s my fate I’m okay with it, I’d just like to know how I feel for sure 😅 I’ll have to be patient for now

@RMS0209 that's really exciting, I bet you feel excited now you've spoken to them! Suddenly feels real! I hope they email you back soon, this journey has taught me how impatient I am- once I've sent an email, I want a reply straight away as well!
I'm feeling more than ready t

Doh sent too soon! Fat fingers 🤣

As I was saying...I feel more than ready to start! I swing from imagining it will work first time...I know it is unlikely really...to thinking it will fail...a bit like every time I play the lottery...it's exhausting and I haven't even started 🥴

@Cactizone I spent over a year trying to decide whether to do this solo or not, and then whether to adopt or ttc. The indecision was unbearable, it is much better once the decision is made. Hopefully you will realise which way is right for you, I normally make the wrong decision then have a panic and that's how I know which one is right! 😂