My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

[Cactizone]

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

@Cactizone can i ask how soon before IUI you had a trigger shot (if you had one)? My clinic is suggesting 40 hours but that seems a bit much to me!

@Totorotoes ooooh that’s so stressful! We will need the update whenever you next can 🤞🤞🤞
@RMS0209 at least you will only need to do the tests once Id imagine, and hopefully they’ll be helpful!

It’s such an overwhelming and emotional time. Sometimes a break helps we had 2 short breaks during our ttc time. I was so emotional and often very angry throughout the process but it really was worth it and has changed me so much. I honestly think anyone who can go through fertility treatment can tackle anything. It took us 7 years of iui and ivf due to them being unable to get the meds correct for me, always over or under stimulated. I felt like a failure was far too hard on myself and had I known that after it all I would definitely have had my beautiful daughter I would have chilled out! First tome we had the meds work perfectly it worked so was trial and error.
The constant need to find control in the situation is difficult too so lots of planning, excessive checking on apps, checking my cycle and analysing every symptom didn’t help but is hard not to do!
My sil has recently went through it and went for acupuncture, this was game changer for her with her anxiety and stress and she’s now 15 weeks pregnant.
Fertility friends was a great forum for talking to people in the same situation and for support when u need it.
Good luck, spoil urself and try not to be so hard on urself, u have got this x

sorry know you are asking someone else but I was 36hours before with trigger shot. Might be good for you to see an average 😊

@Totorotoes
oh me, no sign of ovulation for me yet either... starting to worry about what's going on inside!
silly question... how does the trigger shot work? do you just inject it or?
No I agree I think you should do it, you gave it plenty of time to do naturally, so time to be strict 😂
Google ❌ the worst thing to do when TTC googling everything and anything 😂
I think you should do it tonight? not sure if it helps but when I get my "peak" OPK I ovulate 2 days later?

I think I need to spend my weekend writing all my questions down and all my cycles etc so I have everything to hand in my trusty notebook!
I think our bodies are just trying to give us some extra strength... very nice of them☹️ x

@Totorotoes Sorry I missed your question earlier 😅 I didn’t have a trigger shot since we managed to catch it before weekends luckily
what did you decide?

@Macaroni1924 Thank you for the kind words and I’m glad yours worked out! I definitely do need to consider anxiety and stress as factors.
Ive also got a physically demanding job and so I worry that I’m somehow going to exercise the child out of me 🙈

@RMS0209 a notebook for questions is a great idea

@Cactizone @RMS0209 thank you both for your support, and @RMS0209 I am so glad to hear you ovulate 2 days post OPK peak, I hope I do too! I got myself in a tizz last night and in the end I did the trigger shot at 9pm, so 39hrs before (I was going to wait til 36 hrs but then I realised I was so anxious the only way to stop worrying was to do it then!).
The trigger shot is an injection, the one I got was a pre-loaded pen and I just did it into my stomach. It was actually easy and I didn't even feel it. I feel soooo much better now I've done it, as now it is out of my control!
The big event is tomorrow at 12 so I will let you know how it goes...hopefully my little Viking sperm will be defrosted first thing and start limbering up 😂
@Macaroni1924 hello, lovely to hear your story and I'm glad that your trigger was 36 hrs before- I was worried anything over 24hrs before was too early, but it seems to be similar for most clinics. Congratulations on having your daughter!!

So...it's done!!! Viking sperm is on board 😱🥳🤯🥳
Fingers and legs crossed now for 2 weeks- OTD 11/6/22 🤞🤪

I totally get this. Slightly different situation; I had two miscarriages in the last 8 months. But I still definitely felt like giving in. The monthly cycle of planning ovulating days, dtd and relentless symptom spotting was so draining. And then even when you get that line, just waiting for it all to go wrong. I’m 11 weeks now and realise how lucky I am to be able to get pregnant naturally. I can’t imagine how much harder it is to have to go through all of this with the added factor of ivf. But yeah, I totally get why you’d feel like you want to throw in the towel. It is really REALLY hard.

@Totorotoes Oh my goodness well done!! Have everything crossed for you and the Viking!!!

@Msloverlover Thank you, that’s exactly it, even when it goes right it can go so wrong. 11 weeks is a good start though so hopefully you’ll make it this time!

Thanks. Unfortunately this is where I got to last time but I have had scans this time so I know I’ve progressed further than last time (missed miscarriage).

@Cactizone thank you!! I feel more relaxed now it's over as I was so anxious with all the tracking, I totally agree with you about that!
@Msloverlover congratulations on your pregnancy, I am so sorry to hear about your losses and it must be so hard to enjoy your pregnancy after what you've been through. But, it sounds like you have reached a milestone now so I hope that allows you to relax a bit more and believe it will work this time 🌈

@RMS0209 how are you? Have you peaked yet?! Not long until your appointment now...but who knows, you may be lucky this cycle!!

Hi ladies!!
I am so sorry I neglected this chat, I read last night and meant to reply...
I got my peak on Sat/Sunday... 🤞🏻 no ovulation confirmed yet, was 2 days after my peak last time so let's see.

How are you both?

@Totorotoes eeee the deed is done, how exciting! How are you feeling? how did it go? Was it scary? So many questions haha.

My app is on Thursday, treating myself to the hairdresser tomorrow for some "me" time. X

@RMS0209 so glad you got your peak! Do you do temp tracking? I actually got quite a clear temp increase after ovulation, but it doesn't work for everyone I know. Don't worry about not checking this thread, I'm in my TWW so no news!

I am feeling great, so much more relaxed now it is done. Pretending not to symptom spot...whilst also symptom spotting! 🤣 I know it is far too early, if anything has happened it won't implant even for a few days. But my cat keeps wanting to sleep on my tummy at night so i am hoping he knows something (unlikely- he's sweet but an idiot 🤭).

@Totorotoes me too! was a long stressful 23 days that's for sure.
I have an "ovu sense core" very handy I really like it so I just sleep with it .. inside.
I don't sleep long enough to do BBT the original way! I'll attach my chart for you to see, I like it.

I am so happy you are in the TWW, I think by my temps I ovulated yesterday so we can TWW together! 🤞🏻
Love a good only symptom spot and rabbit hole ha ha
Oh mr cat 🐱 hopefully he can sense it... now we need to make the next 2 weeks fly by.. not that we are wishing our life's away x

Ta da, will take a few days to confirm but you get the "picture"
Also.. tests tomorrow so I'm excited now x

@RMS0209 ooh thanks for showing me your chart, it looks really clear where ovulation is! So is the ovu sense core something that you, er, insert in your vagina? If so that must be much more accurate way of measuring temps than under the tongue- and more fun!! 😂 Is there a vibrate button?! 🤭
I don't think I will test early. I prefer to enjoy the false hope as long as I can!

@Totorotoes
No problem! Yes it is really good, it took the stress out of trying to BBT for me... worth the money!
Haha... yes it gets inserted at bedtime, simple easy and does the job
If only it had that extra vibrate function 🤔😂

Oh no sorry, no don't test early! I will join you in the HOPE!
I meant I have my tests tomorrow sorry - bloods & scan, booked to go for a nice lunch after myself too kind of like a "self care" day! 😬 x

Do you ladies have anything you think I should ask tomorrow? @Totorotoes @Cactizone
This is just AMH bloods & scan
I've been asked to have a note of my cycles which I've done x

@RMS0209 hmmm, I think I am not the best person to advise as I never know what to ask!
At this stage I think you want to know how long the results take to come back, and what the next stage will be (consultant appointment, more tests etc). I made sure to look at the scan and asked if my lining was good, how many follicles etc- they will probably do this anyway. Ask if they have a waiting list for NHS patients. Also what tests they can do for men if you have a partner, it's good to get both sides of the story!
When I had the initial tests they answered all these types of questions but anything about future treatment etc. they left til the consultant consultation.
If you have had specific fertility issues, e.g. super long follicular phase, short luteal phase, chemicals or miscarriages, ask if there are other tests they can do to diagnose issues in those areas.
Tbh though you will have plenty of time to think of/ ask questions throughout the process so don't worry! I have a notebook I jot things down when i think of them, because my brain is too tiny to remember them all when I need to!
Hope it goes well. I enjoyed mine weirdly, it was good to see what's going on in there! Xx

@RMS0209
good luck for your scans!! I’m awful at remembering questions 😅 the order you’re meant to do things in can be helpful, my clinic had some confuzzlement over when to purchase the donor sperm etc, but that might not be relevant for you atm. Either way I hope it goes well!

@Totorotoes omg I love the symptom spotting it’s the fun part 😂 so hopeful it works for you!!!! I like to think the animals always know, or at least know what you’re thinking about which is adorable in and of itself. Even our work cat turned a bit broody on me when I was symptom spotting, and she’s usually a savage!