Trying to Conceive over 40 part 3

[October1979]

Here is a new thread for us all. As it will run out at 1000 comments

@Marvellouslymadmum thankyou I have to admit it did disappoint me more this month as I did everything right like timed sex correctly did my opks I didn’t temp that month but it stressed me out not knowing when I actually ovulated but I’m on it again this month .

as for ovulation pains mine vary from side to side each month i normally get it on my right side but have had it on both sides ya never know you could be releasing 2 eggs one on each side wouldn’t that be lovely . Good luck x

I am not often posting here but I am really happy to see the good news and can't help to say a congrats. @October1979 wonderful to read your little trio are measuring at healthy rate!! I have a good feeling. x
@99pctpractice congratulations you have made it to the first goal 🤗!
🤞Excellent after the waiting isn't it!

I recently attended a fertility in 40's session, and started to think about DE route along side of us trying too. It's a bit early still but we want to be open minded about all options since I hv got low ovarian reserves at 40. There are so many things to work through including finding a donor from my ethnic background, we need to be a bit more resourceful in finding a donor as the biggest egg bank seems to have one donor and very far from my physical traits. This maybe not the most important thing but if we take DE route, I d still want the baby to share some of my backgrounds, eye color, skin tone... Something I need to look into further!

@Aprilsunnyday thank you for your kind wishes. It is a long process and you can't do it until you know it's the right time. I've just turned 43 and started ttc at 40. I kept DE in the back of my mind for a couple of years but knew at 42 after quite a few miscarriages it was time. If you consider abroad they tend to have bigger egg banks and more donors. It also isn't as inconvenient as you might think. I flew into Prague the night before my transfer and flew out the afternoon of transfer. Less than 24 hours in the country and I'm pregnant with triplets. I was also only there 1 day for initial tests / husbands SA. This was the only deposit he made. They froze it and kept it to use on our DEs. It's more simple than you think, don't let distance put you off . Good luck on your journey xxx

@October1979 it’s great to hear all 3 are doing well and agree with the others, don’t worry about complications. Concentrate on this much wanted pregnancy. For all the worry stories there many more positive ones ❤️

@99pctpractice such lovely news, keeping everything crossed for you! 🤞

@Marvellouslymadmum I don’t get ovulation pains so can’t comment with any knowledge, but hoping the strong signs lead to a good egg 🤞

@TraceyTarotReader I’m sorry lovely, sending love ❤️

Sorry from me, I’m going to be needy again. Would any of you lovelies would share your timelines of IVF cycles, how long on each set of drugs and scan frequency?
How long from start to transfer?Particularly if you had embryos frozen to allow for PGT testing prior to transfer.

I’ve sort of started on IVF journey, we had the viral blood tests done last week and have nurse appointment on Tuesday to go through the meds and supposed to start Wednesday as it’s my day 21, but I’m having a bit of a panic about it all. I feel like I’m rushing as the clinic said I’d have to wait until January because they have a 2 week shut down over Christmas, so it was start this cycle or wait. I rushed ahead and said start now, but the doubt is creeping in, not about doing IVF as it’s 100% the right thing, but just delaying it.

Reasons to delay are many I think. The consultant said I should be on folic acid 5mg due to age and that my BMI is 30 so need more due to being bigger. She said GP can prescribe it, but as my surgery isn’t great I haven’t started it yet despite trying to get hold of it from them for 2 weeks.
I feel like I should be on it for a bit to help things. I should lose a bit of weight too, which starting in January will allow. Also, it’s dawned on me that I actually have no clue how long I’ll be on each of the meds, what scans I’ll need during and when. I feel like I’m unprepared and if I rush at it I’m not giving it the best chance and that risks heartbreak and losing a lot of money. But, then I worry that leaving it til January only means 2 more cycles and wasted eggs and I’m against time. I feel so anxious and stressed. I nearly cried in the pharmacy yesterday when I was told yet again that the surgery hadn’t sent over the folic acid prescription 😞

Sorry this has turned out to be long and that I’m sounding silly and chaotic. I’m going to call the clinic in the morning to ask the questions on timings etc. I think realistically January start is the right choice. In meantime I’d appreciate hearing your experiences so much so I am more informed when I call clinic tomorrow. Thank you 🙏

@October1979, Many thanks for the sharing and kind advice, that is really helpful and indeed a couple of trips sound okay if don't have to go back and forth quite often. I would think the more important thing is the decision making after trying naturally. :) We are not too far behind, 40 (me) and 43 (partner) couple , and have been trying for a year naturally with one miscarriage.
It could be a longer journey but we are still very hopeful things could happen!!
thanks a lot and it is really great to see your ongoing journey as a good example!!! xxx

@YellowLoafers

A two cents from me, apologise I ve not done the process and it can be a bit textbook sounding...!
It seems like a good idea, to wait a little bit and start when you feel more ready for the process and can be more confident you are giving it your best?
Although they say passing months makes a difference on fertility in the sense it could decline, a couple of months if used well, can be a good time to boost your chances before ivf. What does everyone think?

@99pctpractice OMG YEEEESSS!!!!!!! Great news!! Praying for a sticky bean and healthy pregnancy for you lovely ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@TraceyTarotReader so so sorry, sending love. Stay positive and look after yourself ❤️❤️❤️

@Aprilsunnyday my clinic in Alicante has a bank of over 500 donors so the process is much easier and like @October1979 said - the logistics are much easier than you’d first think. But the law in Spain is that donation is anonymous. I think I prefer that from my perspective but I’m stuck in deciding whether I want my future child to be able to find out who their genetic mother is later in life. Big decision!!!

@YellowLoafers so it’s totally going to depend on your clinic and the protocol they put you on. But to give you an idea of mine…
I did 3 primer injections on CDs 1/2/3 the cycle before my stims cycle.
on the next cycle I had a basal scan on cd1 and started stims on cd2
I ended up doing 3 egg collection cycles on each one I had bloods and scans on days 5/7/9, Pergoveris shot once a day and then
cycle 1 - Orgalutran from day 4, both shots until day 10, triggered day 9, EC day 11
cycle 2 - Orgalutran from day 5, shots until day 12, triggered day 11, EC day 13
cycle 3 - Orgalutran from day 5, shots until day 10, triggered day 9, EC day 11

each time the eggs were cultured for 6 days then frozen. Then the PGT-A tests took 3 weeks after the last EC. I didn’t make it to transfer but my transfer date was planned for 29th November.
all 4 cycles took me from the end of May until (should have been…) end of November but if the first had gone as planned transfer would’ve been late august.
hope that all makes sense 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 But any questions just ask xX

@YellowLoafers it's a tough choice. My gut tells me the sooner you start the better. But it is very expensive per round so you want to be sure your body has all the right nutrients to give you the best shot. It's a tough call. Also depends on how many rounds you can afford. If this is your one and only, I'd maybe wait and get my body ready first. However if not you may want to gamble xx

Thanks @Aprilsunnyday @YellowLoafers ! Still getting my head around it!

@YellowLoafers it's tough to know what to do, and hard not to feel pressured when you feel like you're running out of time. The level of involvement will depend a bit on your clinic.

I've attached the first two weeks of my first clinic schedule, which shows meds and scans. the day after this schedule ends I did my trigger and then ec was a couple of days after that. If you're having pgt, then the drugs stop at ec and they wait for the embryos to get to day 5/6 and then biopsy them and send the cells off for testing. It then takes a couple of weeks before you get the results and can plan a transfer.

If you feel rushed, maybe worth delaying until you feel clear in your head. I rushed into a cycle immediately after a miscarriage and wish I had waited now, even though at the time I felt like there was no time to lose....2 months is not that long (even though I know it can feel like light years in ttc over 40 land!).

I'm reading a book at the mo (motherhood by pragya agarwal, which is excellent) and she talks about how there's actually very little scientific evidence that being overweight has an impact on fertility or your chances of success at ivf. And having just gone through the donor process, I was surprised by how many donors we looked at had a bmi of 30+, given that the nhs (and everyone else) gives you the impression that ivf doesn't work or is less likely to work for people over a certain BMI. I don't know your particular health circumstances, so there might be other things that you're worrying about, but not sure if it is worth delaying for that reason alone...

@YellowLoafers I've read a lot that suggests BMI doesn't impact fertility. More important to get folic acid etc in to your system xx

@99pctpractice amazing news and crossing my fingers for you.
@October1979 I hope everything continues to progress well for you and your little gang!
@Marvellouslymadmum ive heard that some people can ovulate twice in a month - but personally I think we are hyper sensitive to little niggles and twinges we probably previously wouldn’t notice.

No news here. Since my MMC in July I seem to have 27-29 day cycles, so I’m very regular. I used the ovulation tests but they are making me stressed out so I’m going to stop and just let whatever happens happen. I’ve accepted it may not and we aren’t going to have treatment if it doesn’t, so I’ll just wait and see.

Thank you everyone for your replies, really useful reading and helped me feel a lot better. The BMI information is really interesting too. It won’t do me any harm at all to shift some weight though so I’ll plug away at that. No other health concerns other than hypothyroidism but that’s well controlled and regularly tested. I’ll call the clinic tomorrow and talk it all through with them. I’m leaning towards a January start, having a minging cold isn’t helping me feel like I want to go for it! 🤒

Thanks again ❤️

@TraceyTarotReader I used to get like that and be optimistic but after years of ttc I kind of just get on with it and don't think about it all too much anymore!! It would definitely be good if there were two eggs, at least it'll give a bit more chance!

@YellowLoafers thank you, I can't help with the ivf stuff as not there yet but I'm sure some of the other ladies can! I too have a horrible cold right around ov time which has not been helpful though I'm at that point where I'm no longer helpful at all!!

@Iusedtobedontcall to be honest I never usually take much notice, it's only because I've actually had ewcm, good temps and positive opk that doesn't usually all happen at least not when it should!

@Marvellouslymadmum i know I have months and days where I think this is never going to happen for me 18 years of secondary infertility that’s how long we have been ttc a successful pregnancy on and off and it’s also caused my relationship to break down where we separated for 3 months it just took over my life we’re all good now that was years ago . I get to the point where I feel really good one month and feel positive that it’s going to happen gut feeling and I suppose it dose with the faint lines I get but it’s just dosnt make it .. I still believe at 51 I can get pregnant on my own how sad is that …. But like I say my periods are regular I ovulate every month and I’m going to temp this month didn’t do it last month … so I have hope it can happen infact for all of us …

werid you say you have a cold around ovulation because that’s when I feel my immune system feels low and I catch anything I really hope you have 2 eggs this month x

@Marvellouslymadmum I've never had ovulation pain so don't know what it's like, but it's definitely possible to ovulate 2 eggs in one cycle - I think it's called superovulation!

@TraceyTarotReader it's so tough, sorry you keep getting these false hopes up, it really sucks, especially when you've been trying so long.

I had some bleeding yesterday eve and this morning. Not much and very black, but still not making me feel the most optimistic. I'm booking in for my hcg test on Weds and might ask them to test my progesterone at the same time. But it's always possible that it will all be over by then anyway! Oof! Nothing is ever straightforward...

@TraceyTarotReader 18 years is an awfully long time but as you say if you're still ovulating and having a regular period then you absolutely have a chance! Have you had any tests or anything? Sorry I've probably missed you saying as I wasn't on here for a bit

@99pctpractice I don't know why I bother paying any attention to my body anymore tbh but hey ho we will see!
That bleeding sounds a little odd I would think it may be implantation bleeding though?

@99pctpractice sending love to you, it must be worrying. I’m sure I’ve read (probably even on here) that bleeds are more common with transferred embryos and doesn’t mean a bad outcome. Fingers crossed for your test on Wednesday.

@TraceyTarotReader Sending love to you as well, it’s really very tough to go through ❤️

@99pctpractice Black bleeding suggests the blood isn't very fresh at all, when that happened to me I was told it was likely to be implantation bleeding that took a long time to make it out (it was around the time my period was due iirc, not an IVF pregnancy but I suppose the same logic might apply)

@YellowLoafers @Marvellouslymadmum thank you - hoping it's not the worst.

Thanks @SomnolentSekhmet yes, it's weird because I'm still on the progesterone (for my last 2 transfers I didn't start to bleed until after I stopped progesterone, even though they were unsuccessful) and it's not red like my previous 2 miscarriages. Seems to have stopped now, so hoping it was either left over implantation bleeding or just a progesterone dip rather than anything more sinister....

@99pctpractice , I would agree with @SomnolentSekhmet I would not worry too much about the dark bleeding, it does sound like like a bit older blood so potentially implantation bleeding or, just any small bleeding you had earlier.

If its not fresh blood and not too much I would think no need to concern! Fingers crossed. xx

Hi, I'm new here. I'm 41 in January. Been ttc since April. I have a 13 year old son. Myself and my partner don't live together but I've been tracking ovulation to try and make sure we dtd around ovulation. Another negative test today, period due today. I'm starting to get really stressed as I feel like time is running out. My partner is on board but not as desperate as me. He wouldn't go for tests. He's very much 'if it happens it happens'. Any advice very much appreciated. X

@Marvellouslymadmum thats what I keep telling myself I have a chance yes about 8/10 years ago we saw 2 fertility specialists we had all bloods and scans done genetics chromosomes compatibility test to see if we could have children together dh speed checked he also had some bloods taken to took 6 months for all the tests to come back all test proved normal just bad luck .the fertility specialist said there is no reason I Carnt have a healthy pregnancy I said that’s just it I can get pregnant I just don’t stay pregnant beyond 8/11 wks they said they could repeat all the tests but they wouldn’t come ip
with an answer .

so I got a letter in the post to say that my scans all proved normal and once I get a positive pregnancy test to start taking baby aspirin I did get pregnant and still
lost that baby my 3rd one I swear now if I got pregnant I won’t take it . I have asked dh if he will go for testing again and he refuses and I don’t blame him I don’t want to either what will be will
be .I suppose at some point we have to except it’s not going to happen but deep down we never do do we .

Thankyou @YellowLoafers and you to x

Hi @ShonaMit 👋welcome!

My own view is that at our age, it can and does happen, but the odds really aren’t in our favour and without having tests, you can’t know whether it will ever happen. My DP and I had tests recently and nothing was found “wrong” per se, his SA was normal and I have an OK ovarian reserve for my age (I’m 42), so in theory could still conceive, but she put my odds at around 20% per cycle of conceiving, but with diminishing egg quality miscarriage chances are high which was pretty eye opening for me. So I guess in your shoes my question to him would be how would he feel if it didn’t happen? And also how would you feel?

The toll on you of monitoring ovulation, then symptom spotting in the TWW and then upset when AF turns up is very real. So while taking a laid back “if it happens” approach seems like less stress, but in my experience it really isn’t. DP and I wasted a long time waiting to see what happens and I kick myself now.

This is just my experience of course and all of us differ. Sending you lots of love, TTC is a tough road. The good news is that everyone here is so supportive so you’re in good hands x

Yup! We spent a lot of time just “seeing what would happen” too…. When we decided there was a problem we couldn’t get tests because of covid and now we find ourselves with me at 43 and OH at 50 knowing that our chances are so small that we’re going to be doing donor egg IVF. And “seeing what would happen” certainly wasn’t less stressful…. You can’t stop thinking about it can you 🤷🏼‍♀️🙄🤦🏼‍♀️ TTC is a god damn awful journey when it doesn’t happen easily. It’s stripped me of everything that I am - I haven’t really been me in a loooong time and I miss me a lot! My OH misses me more!
so we’ve decided that we’re going to do what we need to to get ourselves back. For us it’s one shot at donor egg IVF and if it doesn’t work we need to find our way to accept a path without kids.
for you…. Search your heart….. ❤️❤️❤️