Trying to Conceive over 40 part 3

[October1979]

Here is a new thread for us all. As it will run out at 1000 comments

My test is a lot lighter than yesterdays this was with fmu 12 dpo my other tests I posted were done in the late afternoon or just before bed maybe I’m one of these that test better later in the day my morning pee has never really picked a line up 🤷‍♀️maybe a cp again 🙁 gunna try a different brand later today or just use what I have and try them again later in the day if I don’t get a line in the afternoon I’d say cp I’m testing quite early af isn’t due till 2 November

@TraceyTarotReader AMH is ovarian reserve so nothing you can take, doesn't stop you trying naturally, you still have a good chance there just not that likely to be successful with ivf with your own egg, which I'm ok with, I've absolutely accepted that and though I want to give it one go with my own or do a tandem cycle first I'm totally happy with going the de route too.y oh is very lovely though a big naive about these things and would rather not think about it I think lol. The fertility doc is my nhs one, I know things will be better when we move to private ivf but I would really like them to investigate the endometriosis as that could be the whole reason it isn't working for us! I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it, and to hear of your mmc. Thank you x
(Also I've seen alot of people that get better test results in the afternoon - good luck 😐 x

@October1979 so glad you are doing well and have everything crossed for all babies progressing well for you!! I've always loved the idea of twins myself, triplets are next level! I feel exactly the same as you, if I'm growing that baby, it wouldn't be without me, therefore I am part of that baby! I'm blonde hair green eyes so I'm not sure Spain or Greece would be a good idea to look for a donor, may take longer to find one I'm guessing? It's a shame Ukraine is still at war as I heard they're one of the best most advanced countries for ivf and donors! (Don't mean that in a selfish way) I'm more than happy to go straight to de if that's what the clinics suggest, but if they think I have a chance and will do it I'd like to do a tandem cycle first, that way I know it'll be a bit more money but if I don't get any good eggs I'll have donor eggs to transfer instead! And if I do get mine but am not successful I should already have the donors in the freezer 🤞🏻 that's my thoughts anyway but I could be totally wrong! Can I ask, did your partner have to travel each time with you? I have the issue of mine hating to fly 🙄 obviously the shorter flight the better but if there's another way he will choose that one 😂 I'm happy to go to appointments he's not needed for on my own though, travelling alone does not bother me on the slightest! seeing your journey has helped me so much as we are similar age (think I'm 6 months older than you) xxx

@Marvellouslymadmum I’m at the DE crossroads now. I had been totally fixated on my own eggs but 3 failed collections has put pay to that. My doctor laid it on the line yesterday - 7% chance with my own eggs, she’d want to get 10 to send for testing and the most I’ve got is 2 per round…. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 or 75-80% chance with donor egg 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s a no brainer really! I’m just trying to navigate the idea of it and process my grief at knowing, for sure, that I am infertile. Fuck that hurts 😐
but my clinic have been amazing (IVF Spain in Alicante). Not the cheapest but I’ve found them a fantastic clinic to work with (despite the failures!). They’ve got a bank of 500 donors so have assured me that it will be about 2 months from signing documents to transfer (im a redhead with blue eyes!). I’ll keep you posted as we progress 👍🏼👍🏼

@TraceyTarotReader crossing everything for you lovely 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

@October1979 i am sooo rooting for your little gang in there!! I’ve told so many people your story - it’s blown my mind!! Absolute miracle!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@Kelb79 I totally understand and I'm trying to be realistic in knowing my chances with my own eggs are slim but there's still a part of me wondering if it's all down to me or a large part with oh as he had issues conceiving his two sons with his ex wife and is smoking still 🙄 keeps trying to give up but is stressed! 🤦🏼‍♀️ and if this makes sense - his erm 'essence' doesn't go very far if you know what I mean 😂 so we could absolutely have a sperm meets egg issue, what with my tilted uterus, adenomyosis and possible endo they don't have much chance unless they're Olympic swimmers!! But I'd be so happy if I can find somewhere I can do a tandem cycle and that way if my eggs are duff I can just go with the donor no regrets and no waiting! I feel like if I don't try at all I'll always wonder especially not doing any ivf yet. That's good to know about your clinic in Spain, it's so overwhelming the amount of clinics there are! That 75-80% chance sounds amazing though, yes please do keep me posted!

@Marvellouslymadmum yep, I completely understand that! We found out that OH’s swimmers were a bit lazy so I knew there was potential of a sperm meets egg issue. Plus I’d got pregnant naturally. I had to give it a go! And, if I’m honest, I don’t feel like we’ve given it the best shot we could with how the rounds have worked out… but how the hell can you be sure when to give up 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️😩😩
if you feel you want to give it a shot with your own eggs you absolutely must! And there really is a chance 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 A tandem is a great idea - time becomes such a big factor!! I’ve been 6 months down the IVF hole now 😐 I’m desperate to move forward but scared to rush it and not really consider all of the implications 😵‍💫🫣
im glad your partner is being so good ❤️❤️❤️

@Kelb79 that's exactly it isn't it? It's all a lottery and you've no idea if you should try or not and when to stop! Part of me knows I can likely carry a de baby even once I'm through menopause so then I think - well I should keep going naturally and my oe ivf first then! But then I think hang in though, if I don't have a baby for another couple of years I'll be over 50 when my little one (if I ever get one) goes to primary school, won't I feel ancient compared to all those young mums?! But then I think, you know what there's loads of older mums now, who cares 🤷🏼‍♀️ but I also think I don't want to be ttc forever and I don't have infinite money to throw at it! I'm reality doing one tandem round should give me a clear idea of if my body is still producing good eggs and if it does and the first round fails maybe I'll do a second tandem, who knows. It'll definitely be a let's see how it goes scenario but I'll be ecstatic with a baby no matter where it comes from and I will be happy knowing I've tried with my eggs but have the de for backup too 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

@Marvellouslymadmum oh I get these mixed up AMH and FSH I hope you will figure what and where you will go on your journey .

as for me I’m going to refrain from testing for a couple of days I did my last 1 last night and still
pulling something 13 dpo today I’m 5 day away from af so I don’t know what I’m expecting to see this early just wishing I suppose….

I’ll post last night test I have all my usual PMS SYMPTOMS. so I guess she may be coming and these lines mean nothing 🙁

Need some advice ladies I’m roughly 14 dpo getting shadows on hpt woke up to some very very light spotting that light I had to put in the light to see that was about 6am this morning it’s now 7.45 am and nothing on tissue when I wipe my af is 4 days away can implantation bleeding/spotting happen as late as 14 dpo I’ve googled and some say 9/12 some say 6/14 dpo I’ve never experienced this so I don’t know if it’s implantation or a early period but I suppose I’ll know as the day goes on thanks x

@TraceyTarotReader
Good morning! Maybe not something you'd rather hear but sounds like light bleeding between periods, nothing to really to worry about given its that light? 🤞Given implantation normally takes place around 6-10 days....maybe can check with a gynaecologist if you start to really worry... Hope you are feeling calm and the situation will clear itself up.. x

@TraceyTarotReader I would have thought by 14dpo a line would be clear on HPT if positive. Most women have low levels of HCG in their body which can cause light shadows. I've been there myself. Hope you are ok xx

@Marvellouslymadmum @Kelb79 it's so tricky to know what to do, isn't it. we just couldn't deal with the continued disappointment, but then we were seeing a deterioration in embryos at day 3 and struggling to get blastocysts so we weren't even getting to testing stage. I was annoyed with my clinic because they said they thought there was still a 25% chance of success with own egg : it felt like they were looking at the stats for my age group and not paying any attention to my particular circumstances. But then we'd already made the decision to move on with donor so I probably wanted some validation from them that it was the right move. @Kelb79 it sucks that your clinic advised not to continue with own egg, but at least they are being honest with you....I've heard really good things about that clinic - one thing to think about with donor is that it's all anonymous in Spain, so it depends how you feel about that.

@Marvellouslymadmum I think you should do whatever you think will give you least regrets. I agree with you that a tandem cycle might be a good way to at least know that your tried it with your own eggs but avoid the disappointment just in case, but then there is a lot of expense wasted on the donor side if you are successful with your own eggs....has your oh had dna fragmentation testing? Might be worth getting that checked before starting ivf if you're worried about potential problems on his side?

We had our embryo transfer yesterday. After being completely in the dark since we found out there was only a 50% fertilisation rate, of the 6 remaining embryos, they transferred a 4aa and we have 3 mixed quality ones in the freezer. So fingers crossed this one will work but if not at least we have a back up plan!! I still don't have my head fully around donor and I think there are going to be a few more moments along the way where I feel sad that we couldn't make it happen with my own eggs. I'm not sure whether to some extent my lack of excitement this time around is because we've already had 2 failed transfers and so I'm not necessarily expecting it to work...! I think perhaps repeated ivf failure just kills the joy a bit 😢

@99pctpractice good luck. I had a wobble first transfer with DE and I think the lack of excitement is natural and self preservation. After the disappointment we have experienced on our journeys we want to protect ourselves. But I can say from my own experience as soon as I got a bfp the excitement and relief was tenfold. Wishing you all the luck in the world. I had a 4AA on my successful transfer xx

@TraceyTarotReader fsh is a less accurate version of amh so they're sort of the same thing but you want your amh to be high and your fsh to be low! I had implantation bleeding with my last pregnancy, then kept getting spotting here and there over the next few weeks as well. I would do as you are and just wait a few days and test again.

@99pctpractice no he's just had a normal sa. I may look into that! I know it'll be extra cost to have the donor as well but the way I'm looking at it, it'll be (just for example not actual figures) £4000 with own egg, £6000 with de or £8000 with tandem so that's still cheaper than mine plus de separately. It will of course depend on what the doctors think when they do more tests etc anyway. But even if mine was successful I'd have the de frozen for if the pregnancy didn't go to term - trying to cover all bases really!
Congratulations on being pupo though! Hopefully it sticks around and this is your one! I think this whole ttc/infertility business makes everything a bit less exciting and more anxiety ridden!

@Marvellouslymadmum I think tandem is a good idea. I would have considered it if I knew xx

@October1979 I think that's what I'm going to aim for, I just read someone else talking about it and thought it sounded good! Xx

@Marvellouslymadmum my only question would be about how they decide to transfer own egg v DE in the end.
If they could tell likelyhood of an egg progressing? I could get pregnant easily with own eggs but couldn't get past 8 weeks. I would worry it would take initially then I'd miscarry. Would they PGA test them first? I would think that would be a comfort. But good luck with it all. Will be keen to hear how it all goes xx

@99pctpractice congrats on the transfer lovely!! Praying it works for you this time 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️ Keep us posted!

we know that we’ve essentially decided to go ahead with DE but we’re just giving ourselves time to process it all. I really feel like I’m grieving, it’s awful!! So odd to be grieving the loss of something I had always just taken for granted 😵‍💫 we’re just talking through all the consequences and implications - how we would deal with everything etc etc
lots to deal with!!
@October1979 and @99pctpractice did you do any DE counselling??

@Marvellouslymadmum a lot of clinics do a sperm defrag as part of the consultation. Ours certainly did. Well worth ruling out any issues there first 👍🏼👍🏼

Thanks @Kelb79 - it's such a difficult decision to make. I have done a bunch of things to try to get my head around the whole donor side of things. Although I know that it's the right thing for us to do and I do want to do it, I have still found it difficult to process the fact that any child won't have any of my family's genetic traits (the good and the bad!). I'm also not sure how my family will approach it, esp given my parents are in their 80s and are a bit old school and I would hate them to think about a donor grandchild differently to their other grandchildren (my sisters have 5 between them). It does still make me feel sad, but I'm working through it. We haven't had counselling yet but it is scheduled. I was going to have it with my oh but I think it might be better to do it separately. Other things that have been helpful are the donor conception network. They have loads of useful materials and I've also attended one of their zoom calls with other people in the same situation, which made me feel a bit less alone. They also have WhatsApp groups where you can ask advice and see how people have approached finding clinics, choosing donors etc. it feels like a very warm supportive network. Also, Jana Rupnow has a podcast called three makes baby which has some useful episodes (incl from the donor child perspective). Some of it is a bit more us biased which is less relevant but fascinating - donors get paid there and the amounts are eye watering ($15k I heard in one example) and raise all kinds of new issues that aren't applicable in the uk where the amount paid to the donor is capped at £750.

My oh would probably say that I have over worried and thought about this and his view is as long as the baby is loved, everything will be fine. And I'm sure he's right to some extent, but it feels like this is a very big decision (and probably bigger for me than him) and I'd like to have at least tried to think through some of the potential pitfalls!

@Kelb79 I didn't have counselling. But one of my best friends went through it and I have spoken with her a lot. Her baby is 4 months old now and she couldn't be happier. I think what helped me was getting my head around what the choice actually was for us. I stopped looking at it that I was choosing between a baby with OEs v DE. I felt if it was going to happen it would have. But I was choosing if I wanted a baby or not. That made it easier. I felt if I kept going with OE there was a chance I'd end up without a child and time is not on my side. I didn't want to have any regrets and knew I wanted to be a mum. That worked for me. Since my bfp I haven't looked back. Although I still an very worried that it won't all work out. It really is a personal choice. I think everyone needs to dig deep and do what's right for them. Your DE baby will pick up your personality characteristics. Good luck. It's not an easy decision xxx

@Aprilsunnyday thank you I have never experienced break through bleeding / in between bleeding I’m 4 days away from af so I don’t think it would be that if anything it would be af coming early I’ve had nothing at all since 6am this morning so I dunno what that was about I may not even be 14 dpo I’m just going off my opk which was the 16 november cd13 time will
tell I guess Thankyou for your response x

@Marvellouslymadmum arrrh I see I’m not very knowledgeable with all this kind of stuff it confuses me lol so did you have implantation at 14 dpo a lot of people on baby center are saying 6/10 dpo but google says 6/14 I guess I’m just going to do what you say and do what I’m doing and wait a few more days if af comes I did another hpt tonight well not long ago and got a line although vvf ill
post it here I tweaked one to x

ibb.co/JdCkv4t
ibb.co/LpHNhbq

the line is very thin you can just make it out

@October1979 all questions I hope to ask once I've arranged a consultation, see I have only got pregnant once (with my current partner) which was 5.5 years ago, since that nothing! So I have hope I may be able to carry one ok 🤞🏻🤞🏻 even though I didn't with that one. They may put one of each in if they're good? Who knows! I'm getting quite excited about starting to contact clinics and things now xx

@Kelb79 oh that's good to know about the sperm frag!

@TraceyTarotReader im not sure when it was to be honest but it was on and off for a while so think because I had spotting some was implantation spotting and some just pregnancy spotting!

@Marvellouslymadmum glad you're getting excited about it - it's great to start to feel like you have a plan for next steps! i asked crgh about a tandem cycle and the consultant i spoke with had never heard of it before and clearly thought i was a bit daft (!). if we'd gone overseas, i definitely would have investigated it more, but in the uk everything is already so expensive, so it wasn't really an option for us in the end. v curious to see how you get on and find out how it works in practice!!

Cd 30 no af as yet I am crampy and to top it off I have bleeding piles 😩

@99pctpractice oh really? I do hope I don't get that response too! I heard about it from someone else doing ivf 🤷🏼‍♀️

@TraceyTarotReader that sucks, I'm sorry