9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

Well took my medical management medication and safe to say that was not a walk in a the park. Actual awful. I was up all night.

but think fingers crossed. It’s done what it needed to do. Will be confirmed for me next Friday on a scan that I’m all clear.

and then at some point I should ovulate.

i have to keep testing for a negative pregnancy test. A negative ffs!

actually ridiculous you spend a year wanting two lines. Now I don’t want the two lines 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

if I don’t laugh. I’ll cry.

@NatW2021 good news on the thyroid results. Reckon when you start getting some tests done it will deff help to know where you’re at. An then sometimes it helps bring along those miracle two lines.

@FlyOnTheWall89 good luck for your HSG!! I’m sure it will be fine. And good to have it done and off the list.

@Indianna2006 that sounds really really hard - sorry you’re going through this but from here it looks like you’re really keeping going as best you can. Thanks for sharing because this is also something nobody ever really tells you about that everyone should understand. I hope you’ve got some nice weekend plans?

@FlyOnTheWall89 good luck!!

@Carla2601 I actually have. We were already coming away for the weekend at the seaside. So woke up with the sun out hearing the waves on the shore from my lodge.
I can only move forward. No point keep looking back. Good things will come in time.

The sun is shining, I have a wonderful husband and beautiful DD. ☀️

@LucyAnne34 i think it depends on the consultant. I think there’s a small risk of infection so some consultants want to give them as a preventative measure. They were awful so you didn’t miss out 😆

@Indianna2006 sounds like you’ll have a lovely one. Enjoy it ✨ x

Evening ladies. Hope everyone has had a good weekend, i was at another christening today, the last one for a while now hopefully. Managed to keep it together mostly although had a few moments. All my friends have kids/babies and my friend who is pregnant who knows we are TTC didnt even bother to ask how i am. She was TTC around the same time and took her around 8 months so knows how tough it is.

Had a few wines so they can visually see im not pregnant but dont even bother to ask how i am. It just makes me question things sometimes.

Sorry for the rant x

Having a rough couple of days - I don't know why I get surprised anymore 😂 I'm always sad when spotting starts and then a couple of days towards the end of AF. DH said something that really got me yesterday about how much he wants a baby, and it just broke my heart. I just wish it would happen for us. I can't believe I started this thread when I was 9 months in and now I'm 15 months in and still never had a BFP! My friend who messaged about being pregnant posted her announcement on social media and it made me upset all over again. I just listened to a podcast about someone with unexplained infertility and her journey was the same as mine and she had to resort to IVF. I'm just so jealous of everyone who doesn't have to go through this, or take on all the expense of it. Hope you all had a more positive weekend than me!

I'm away for work this week and then we move into our new house, so that should be a nice distraction. Pretty much on countdown to starting letrozole now, although I don't hold high hopes for that either!

@NatW2021 I totally understand how you feel. I do wonder if people just don't really know what to say because it's such a subject that isn't spoken about. Try not to take it too personally. A friend who knew we were struggling didn't ask me how I was for months and I didn't feel like bringing it up and by the time she asked I said ye all our IVF funding is in place etc and she was gobsmacked and so apologetic explaining how wrapped up on her own world she had been. I had another friend ask me "how things were medically..." which I personally didn't like at all.

I'm not sure what the best way to ask someone is? Maybe we should write them down on here.

@BritInNZ oooo I'm sorry to hear it's been a tough few days. Tbh I can't believe it either. It's crazy that i joined this thread so many months ago and really there have only been a few positives. I get jealous too. We went out of London for the time and as we checked out, a couple probably our age checked in with a really tiny baby. Like maybe a month old and it was crying that really newborn cry and I got in the car and cried a bit explaining that even the noise of the little baby had gone right through me. It's really hard to hold onto hope and I'm sure you also just wish someone could tell you when it was going to happen and if it wasn't going to happen because then you could just get on with IVF. That's how I feel anyway. Good luck with the move - I don't mind much distracts me tbh, but it's better than sitting around feeling shit I guess.

Pretty tired of being that unlucky statistic now.
Xxx

@NatW2021 I agree with @FlyOnTheWall89 i think a lot of people don’t know what to say. But I absolutely think it should be made easier for people to know what to say through some awareness raising. Some people including my SiL have said literally nothing to me and it really hurts. Sorry you’ve spent a weekend going through that but well done for making it through the Christening, hope you can treat yourself tonight.

@BritInNZ sorry you’re feeling down and I hear you on why are we always surprised! Glad you’ve got some fun plans to keep you busy and hope it’s a great work trip!

@FlyOnTheWall89 im sorry - it’s crap isn’t it because it’s not like esacpable, there’s always something there reminding you of it but I hope you had a lovely trip otherwise

update from me - I still can’t walk because I’m so breathless and I was back in on Saturday but back home again. Not sure when it might end hopefully soon!!! Keep you posted x

Good afternoon all. I’m about to start Clomid as I’ve been prescribed this as gynae believe I may not be releasing an egg each month despite regular periods. Has anyone tried Clomid as I have a few questions if that’s ok thank you in advance 😀

@Borolass84 hey, how are you? I haven’t but if nobody here has there are some people on another thread I’m on who definitely have and who I’m sure would be happy to help so lmk and I can tag you there if you like

Hi girls hope you all had nice weekends.

To be honest I've had a tough few days too. Cycle 12 wasn't successful for us and somehow this one just seems to sting more than the others. We have never had a hint of a BFP either ☹️

I have my fertile window towards the end of the week (cycle 13) and can't even be bothered to think about what approach we will take this month. We've tried the purple method, every day, every other day, the ferti-lily, pre-seed, normal DTD, self insemination, combination of DTD and SI, the relaxed approach... even legs in the friggin air. Honestly I just give up!

Can I ask a question? For those of you who have, how did you go about telling your friends/family of the fertility struggles? Me and DH haven't told a soul yet but I am thinking maybe we might need to soon. I just don't even know how to start with telling people and I still feel fiercely private about it. I am due to see my friends newborn soon and I'm so worried I will get upset... it hurts my heart just thinking about it.

Exciting about the new house @BritInNZ

@Carla2601 I hope you are still resting - hang in there, it will all be worth it in the end!

Hi @Borolass84 nice to “meet” you. I just wondered why they think you might not be ovulating with regular periods?

Hi Lemons. Sorry to hear You’re having a tough time. I have found it easier since the 12 month mark. I feel I have no hope, no expectations and no disappointment anymore.

my sister started trying at the same time as us and 12 weeks later she was 12 weeks pregnant. I didn’t feel I could be as involved as I would have under normal circumstances so I used this as my way of telling people. Now all our family knows, some friends and my manager and a couple of people at work. I literally feel like I’m past the point of caring about who knows anymore. I just can’t be bothered being secretive about it. It’s too difficult because of multiple reasons including the upset and distress, appointments for testing etc and the fact it holds me back from making certain choices in life eg career choices, holiday choices… everything… you know what it’s like 💕

@lemons44 - i am dreading the 12 month mark which i am almost approaching. Like @Hoping43 said i also have told a few people, i am the kind of person who shares and likes to talk but i am finding lately people struggle with what to say and the just relax approach just annoys me, i want my friends to ask how i am but then at the same time its just an impossible situation and there is nothing we can do to make ourselves feel better and nothing anyone can say to change the situation.

When do you get your test results? I have my appointment with NHS on Thursday its come round really quick

@lemons44 I told people quite early on actually, and I have mixed thoughts. I have had friends who have said very insensitive comments, family who haven't asked me about it since, and one friend who has been amazing but doesn't live nearby. So every time she texts asking how I am I burst into tears that somebody is asking me how I am 😂 I told my manager last week and she was very good with saying take all the time I need for appointments etc, but didn't find her particularly empathetic and it was quite awkward. I'd say just manage your expectations and understand that once you tell people, not everybody will be as supportive as you'd like. But I definitely like not having to lie about why I'm not going to baby showers etc, and my friend did message me before announcing her pregnancy on social media to tell me and saying she understands how hard it would be for me.

I'm having a bit of a tough time with DH. He doesn't know how to support me when I'm feeling down so ignores it. I told him last night I'm not expecting him to fix it, I just want a hug and to know we're in this together. I mentioned the support group I'm going to and he was like 'I don't think that we're there yet' and it really upset me. I was like how oblivious are you? It's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last at night and I feel sad every day!

@Carla2601 yes please: that would be great thank you. Hope you’re getting on ok.
@Hoping43 nice to meet you too :) hope you’re well. One of my blood results came back on “low side” so not always releasing eggs. Everything else scan and blood wise are fine which is reassuring.

Also Sorry @BritInNZ I wasn’t ignoring you, my emails have been playing up so got countless messages yesterday and then remaining ones today. I just thought everyone was busy so I’ve been quiet for a while haha!

@Borolass84 ah I see. Thanks for getting back to me. My clinic wasn’t keen on doing it as my cycles are regular but I have convinced my GP so will see what mine comes back like next week. I just want to make sure we’ve exhausted every option before we move to IVF

@lemons44 sorry you’re having a tough time ☹️ Hopefully once you get your test results it may give you a direction to go from there.

personally I hadn’t told family we were ttc again. It had been so long and I had so many issues everyone kind of knew we’d only have one child. And I didn’t want to “change” that expectation. So actually no one really knows to support me minus a couple of friends. And of course strangers on the internet. But it removes that pressure to conceive again. And people to get excited thinking there was going to be a baby. When there now isn’t.

not sure if that makes sense to anyone but it does in my head. I can deal with my own disappointment just about. But not anyone else’s.

I took a pregnancy test yesterday just to see where I was at. And a giant bold two lines smacked me in the face. Didn’t expect it to still be so strong. So that sent my mood plummeting. And looks like I got a long wait until a negative.
just want it to go down fast so I can at least be in the game so to speak but actually don’t want to be in the game at all 😩

@FlyOnTheWall89 has you had your hsg yet?

@lemons44 if pick wisely who you choose to tell. Very few people know what to say so you'll just wish you hadn't told them.

@Indianna2006 I can't believe you're still getting a really strong positive. So sad. I totally understand what you mean about wanting to start again and just speed time up now. It seems very unfair. Sorry you're going through this.

Yes I had my HSG. I didn't really even feel it to be honest. The consultant said everything looked totally normal. I've not had any spotting so I can't believe there was any debris at all and I am therefore very doubtful I'll get that mythical boost. Maybe I just had a really skilled lady. It was all done very quickly without any fuss. In and out of the hospital in probably 15 mins 🤣.

Hope you're feeling better @Carla2601

@FlyOnTheWall89 my first mmc before my DD it took 3 weeks to go negative 😫 and then I ovulated a week later. Sooo think I might be in for a wait.
hoping it would be quicker being only 9 weeks measuring 6 instead of 13 weeks pregnant. As my hormones surely could not of been as high. But alas who fucking knows.

I just wait it out keep taking stupid tests to want only one line. Which is very ironic.

oh that’s good! As knew you were worried about having it done. In and out swiftly.
well you never knew do you. Stranger things happens. But yes seems things all on your side is good. Which must be frustrating in itself. And hard for your partner too.

what are the next plans for you?

@Indianna2006 ye it's super frustrating for both of us. He was like just don't do any more tests on you because you're clearly totally fine. We both have calls with the doctors this week to discuss more. I would like an AFC just so I roughly know what is going on and some stats on our chances. OH wants to discuss his last SA.

Hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer. Keeping everything crossed that you get another rainbow baby x

@FlyOnTheWall89 hve you had any internal ultrasounds? Could you have had a follicle count which you weren’t aware of? I think this a standard NHS test.

glad to hear your HSG went smoothly. I have no idea why I was so ill after mine. Really hope it wasn’t an infection but they said not! Do you think it’s true that spotting is caused by debris? I thought it was due to the insertion of the catheter x

@Hoping43 ye I did have an US on CD21 way back at the beginning of TTC just because of some discomfort during sex which I was told was due to ovulation basically and I hadn't made the link. I was so blissfully ignorant about all these things. I stumbled across the notes the other day and it said...

• endometrium is smooth and regular, measuring 7 mm in the fundal region
• both ovaries normal size
• left ovary contains active corpus luteal ovaulation cyst

So that was all fine, but I'm interested in the count due to my AMH... which I presume would have to be done before I ovulate?

Not sure about spotting - I am just keeping everything crossed for a miracle and then if nothing happens, I think we will likely move onto IVF because by that point my OH will have done 6 months on a lot of supplements.

Does anyone know if it's just normal to perhaps have low / borderline sperm count and therefore nothing can be done about it?