9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

@lemons44 I'm also due AF on Friday and I had a mini rant to DH last night as I can feel my period coming... same usual AF cramps but started on Monday and period not due until Friday! So maybe mine will start early too.

@Carla2601 ye we have our funding all sorted so can start anytime but OH is hell bent on natural conception and isn't ready for that yet. I agree, I wouldn't start tomorrow, but equally I want a timeline in place but it's causing real arguments between us which I hate. It's so hard and I don't know what else to do. As I said, he hasn't directly been told by a doctor what we need and i think he thinks that the NHS just offer IVF Willy nilly! Hope you're feeling okay - thinking of you this week 💕

@Hoping43 10.7, so not an issue now but the urologist said 6 months wait won't make a difference but waiting a year would in terms of my response to IVF.

@lemons44 I have my HSG a week today and I'll get an AFC done at the same time. OH having his varicocele checked on Thursday. Those are my bits. I got to that point a few months ago. I just can't envisage it now. A few more announcements recently too 😭.

@BritInNZ thinking of you - so frustrating to have no reason. I really do feel for you. I am pulling my hair out and we have a quite obvious reason (in my mind anyway). I don't even feel excited anymore. Weirdly I've already begun thinking if I get pregnant and have a baby, I can't even begin to think about going through all this again. It's excruciating. I'm not excited anymore.

@FlyOnTheWall89 to answer your previous question, I didn’t have an AFC this time. I had that done by ultrasound a few months ago x

@FlyOnTheWall89 in terms of your partner not agreeing with timelines, maybe you should sit down and ask what he thinks would be a good timeline for him? I understand he doesn't want to admin defeat but unfortunately we do have a biological clock and limited options. I can't say I have the same problem, my husband is really keen to get started on clomid/IVF. Probably even more keen than me to be honest 😂 I have to ring the clinic as soon as AF arrives. Kinda scared about it all to be honest - more so that it won't work and each month will be even more heartbreaking. They're taking limited patients at the moment so they may say no to this month anyway, and I think I might actually be relieved 😂

@FlyOnTheWall89 ah sorry I did know that I was getting mixed up. It’s so hard to know what to suggest, and I’m sure he does but does he fully fully understand the impact on you? I think me being completely honest about my feelings took ages and him seeing the real raw grief probably helped him to go get his tests in the first place. I’m sure he has seen it but was just thinking could you explain the impact for you again/more. Not sure if that’s useful. I’m thinking of you - being frustrated by TTC is the worst.

@BritInNZ I think that’s normal - but the thought is worse than the reality and taking back some control really helped for me. Let us know how the call goes!

So this is v v early and I absolutely understand it will stir up really mixed emotions but i felt bad not telling you when you’ve all been a wonderful source of support. I tested early because I got so many symptoms and it was positive.

We haven’t told anyone just yet and I’ll be calling the clinic tomorrow. The line is strong and has been getting bolder so I’m hoping it’s not a chemical (it wasn’t like this when I had that one) but of course that’s still a possibility. I’ll keep you posted on next steps as I’m not sure what happens now really.

Thanks again for being so lovely and I’ll keep you posted as I’m well aware there’s a long way to go from here so I’m certainly not counting any chickens x

@Carla2601 that’s amazing news. Whispering congratulations! Don’t worry about upsetting us, it’s a lovely story full of hope after a tough journey and I’m sure everyone will feel the same 💕

@Carla2601 this is amazing news!!! I have no problem hearing great news from this group as we've all had a crap time and know how horrible this is. It brings hope to people when we get good news! I'm so pleased for you, although appreciate your cautious approach to celebrating - I would absolutely be the same. I think this journey will taint us all forever, sadly. But it will be so much more appreciated when it happens 😊

I took the leap today and told my manager about starting clomid and the monitoring that will be required. I have a great relationship with my old manager and I asked for advice (she also went through infertility) and she recommended being honest. Because although I won't need many appointments while on clomid, it's best to prepare for IVF which will require me to take heaps more time. Just thought I'd share that as an option with you all, especially those who are wondering about telling their workplaces 😊

My manager was kind, although it was a bit awkward! The good news is we bought a house last week (finally) and it's 5 minutes from the fertility clinic, talk about convenient 😂😂

Oh @Carla2601 I'm so happy for you!!! This is amazing news. Quietly, calmly jumping around for you.

Congrats @BritInNZ that is fab news. I've still not told mine, so it's great to hear your POV.

Yes @BritInNZ that is a good idea to flip the Q around. I think it's probs something I'll do post his varicocele app this week and hopefully we will speak to the consultants this week too (my phone wasn't working abroad last week so we missed their calls last week 😭).

Thinking of you @Indianna2006 xx

@Carla2601 oh wow. That’s amazing news! Fingers and toes crossed for you 💕🤞🏼

The sad news is AF is on her way - usual PMS cramps and very light spotting. Really trying to not let it get me down this month. It sucks but trying to hold onto hope it will happen this year. God I miss when I knew nothing about TTC and your period would arrive and you wouldn't bay an eye! Now it's like a week of trying to hold yourself together 😂

@Carla2601 I am so happy for you and I know it's early days but sending you a hug. Just take each day at a time 💗

@BritInNZ I think it's good you have told your workplace and congrats on the house! I meant 11DPO in my post as you can imagine and not CD11 haha but yes we are both due AF on Friday. I am really not sure what's going on this cycle but I really feel like AF is coming early and felt crampy in the night. I normally have a 27 day cycle.. last month was 26 days and I just hope this month isn't even shorter!

Good luck for your appointment too @NatW2021

Sorry @BritInNZ we cross posted! I'm sorry you think AF is on the way early. I had the weirdest dream like night that my boobs had like tripled in size and were super veiny so I knew it was my month but then woke up to my normal pancake boobs with no veins lol. The few days leading up to AF are just the worst. I don't have much hope this month but luckily have a busy day today to distract me from thinking about it too much.

@Carla2601 OMG this is amazing news! I was really routing for you and everything was positive from the start that I had a good feeling about your outcome. Appreciate it's still early days, so a very cautious congratulations! You give us all hope. You deserve this. I'm so happy for you xx

@Carla2601 - Amazing! So lovely to have some positive news! Appreciate its still a very nerve wracking time, sending you a massive cautious congratulations, how have you been feeling xx

@IsabelHerna and @Carla2601 congratulations! That’s brilliant news.
I have had my HSG results today and they were fine. Absolutely nothing wrong. @Hoping43 I got the same advice as you - he said we need to try for longer and he wants to give us another 6 months. He said even though I’ve been off the pill 2 years I did get pregnant last October and it’s only been 5 months since my miscarriage. He said if we did IVF chances wouldn’t be any better at this stage. I said I was worried about my age and he said my fertility won’t just drop off at 35 (I’m 35 on June) and it’s fine to wait another 6 months to see if it happens naturally. He said he will check my progesterone again (I pushed for this haha). He also said he could put me on clomafine/clomid but risk of multiple pregnancies is high so doesn’t want to put me on it until really needed. Not sure how I feel - glad there’s nothing wrong but frustrated we have to wait another 6 months for intervention. I guess it’s not too long.

@LucyAnne34 ah that’s interesting you have had the same advice as me. I turned 35 at Xmas. Do we have similar blood results too? FSH 9.6 and AMH 18.6. I told him I was concerned about my age and he said you are young! Also told him I was concerned about FSH and he said my AMH is normal so it’s fine.

I don’t think I realised you had been pregnant. How long did it take to that pregnancy?

I have never had progesterone checked. They told me as my periods are regular and my OPKs are positive then there’s a 95% chance I’m ovulating so they said they didn’t want to bother. I’m wondering whether to have it done by one of those postal things this month as I feel it’s the only thing outstanding.

Feel free to DM me if you don’t want to take up the thread 😂

Thank you everyone for your lovely messages! I am really happy I just don’t want to get too carried away too early. My 7 week scan is booked for 10th May.

An update on how I’m feeling…absolutely horrendous haha! Although I think it’s an IVF side effect that’s causing the bloating (I honestly look 5 months pregnant because I’ve swelled up there with fluid….can happen and they’re keeping an eye on me). It’s painful and I can’t take a full breath so it’s stopping me sleeping which is the worst part (think I got two hours last night). Anyway I don’t care and I’m still really grateful I just wish I felt a tiny bit more human and could fit any clothes on. The sore boobs and tiredness are fine and I don’t feel sick yet so that’s a win!
I might have a procedure to drain it which to be honest I’m hoping I do so its just over. It’s like a tight, hot solid lump from my boobs down.

@BritInNZ that’s brilliant on telling your workplace well done you - you’re ahead of me I still haven’t brought myself to do it! Great advice thank you for sharing I’ll have another think about speaking to my boss. Sorry to hear about AF….I hear you about the good old days!

@LucyAnne34 that’s great news about your results, congrats! And good to get an honest opinion on IVF and what’s best for you right now. Are you feeling any better post results?

Thanks @Carla2601 I’m of course glad there’s nothing wrong…I’m also frustrated that I’ve got to wait another 6 months for a follow up. It’s made me feel a little better him saying I have just as good a chance conceiving naturally as IVF atm but i just feel so impatient :( sorry to hear you’re feeling very swollen! X

@LucyAnne34 I totally get that impatience - I was also of the any method just quickest route from a-b. Could you ask if they could start your funding application yet? Just so that if it does come to it you don’t have a next hold up?

@Carla2601 damn, I didn't even think about asking that. I can't speak to him again now for 6 months haha. I might ask his secretary when I ring up for my progesterone blood results... I bet she says I will have to speak with him though, and that won't be until my follow up in 6 months.

@LucyAnne34 give it a go with his secretary and if not we’ll strategise here….there will be a way and we’ll find it don’t you worry 💪☺️