9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

@Carla2601 🤞🏻

CD1 again guys. Urrrrrrghhhhhhhh.

Having a bit of a hard time explaining to OH that I think we should proceed to IVF soon. He just says I'm sure we will get there, I'm positive. He is so stuck on doing this without intervention. A conversation about it just ends in an argument. Any suggestions?

@FlyOnTheWall89 what have the specialists said to you? Xx

@Hoping43 the NHS has recommended IVF with ICSI ('depending on prep'). But at no point has my OH been present in any conversation. It's such a bizarre process. All the meetings have been with me. The urologist said he has seen people with our numbers get pregnant naturally and offered to do lots of tests, some of which were completely unnecessary in my eyes and tbh I thought it was all a bit money grabbing. Things like doing a SA when he had one done 2 weeks previously and an STI test when that box has been ticked by the NHS. The urologist also misread the first SA and I had to correct him and I just didn't think he was as sharp as I had hoped - he also vaguely said he thought our chances of a successful pregnancy were the same either by natural conception or ICSI which I cannot believe is true. ... . OH is seeing a consultant about a potential varicocele next week and we have a meeting to speak to the NHS IVF consultants next week because I feel he is so excluded from the process and I'm just relaying information. Maybe this is what he will need to understand, but I just can't go in month after month between blindly told it will happen it will happen when clearly it just ISN'T HAPPENING. Sorry for the rant. I've been off the pill 16 months now and I was 31 when we started this and now I'm 33 and that feels shit.

@FlyOnTheWall89 I do know where you are coming from. It’s a tough one. I definitely know people who have taken 18 months, 2 years and longer and then spontaneously got pregnant. I also know people who have had IVF and seen success first time. Also know people who have had to endure 5 rounds of IVF before it’s worked.

I don’t know if this is any help you you and I can’t remember if I have said this previously but my conversation with my consultant after my HSG last week went something like this…

Me… I already have two children. All of our tests are normal, why hasn’t it happened this time.

Consultant…. You haven’t tried long enough. It can take up to two years.

Me… so I’m just unlucky?

Consultant… no, you’ve not tried for long enough.

Then he went on to say that they would happily do IVF but the chance of success is around 30% and the cost of £5k or whatever it is. He said, what are you going to do if it fails, pay another £5k for the next round and the next? He said if we try naturally for 2 years we have a 90% chance of success. They have suggested 18 months in total and then review again.

I mean everybody is different. We have two children already together and fairly recently and our tests are normal which may be playing into his decision making.

I also think it’s tough with private clinics. Ours was NHS but I reckon if we had gone to a private clinic we probably would have been told to have iVF. It’s really hard…. In a years time if it hasn’t happened I’m sure we will be regretting not doing IVF. Similarly it’s so expensive that I also don’t want to rush it.

Which numbers are low? Is it your OH SA?

If the NHS is saying IVF and aren’t pushing you to try longer than maybe you should take that. I reckon if your OH hears it from the doctor then it will make a difference. I get how hard it must be though x

Thank you @Hoping43 - yes that makes sense. This is just baby#1 and I don't have a great AMH.

2 years would take us to the end of this year if working on the basis of when I finished the last pill packet. 90% is based on normal results though I'm guessing. You're right it could just be more time required and it's interesting how the consultant phrased it - not luck, just not long enough.

Yes sperm count is low per ml and borderline total count - his morphology was too on the 1st SA but that were up to 9% on the last test.

Thanks for being an ear to vent to x

@FlyOnTheWall89 no worries. I wouldn’t worry about morphology. My husbands was low on his first test and a bit higher on his second and we still conceived our last baby after 8 months.

Remind me of your AMH? I’m
Not sure AMH has much to do with natural conception and is more relevant for IVF so maybe that’s why the consultant said he thought you would have as much chance naturally. Though with the potential sperm issues you could go for your free IVF and then review once you have to start paying for it x

@FlyOnTheWall89 so I know who you’re talking about and I know what you mean. My OH got a tad frustrated with the fact nothing had ever been looked at until we arrived etc. I’d ask for a quick call with him maybe or just send an email asking if there’s been a mix up because you’d already confirmed this stuff has been done. This doesn’t help at all but from what I’m deducing they’ve sort of said it can happen for you but there is some explanation for why it hasn’t as yet but there’s no one big problem and therefore no one clear solution. It was easy for us. IVF or nothing, so we didn’t have these chats.

Have you had your NHS referral for funding? You can do all of that without OH (I know that doesn’t really solve the problem but at least then you’re all set?). I know just how you feel, we started when I was 33 and now I’m 35 and it does suck.

Thinking about you x

@Hoping43 was your HSG NHS or private? I had mine in January and haven’t had my results yet! I get them Tuesday. I wonder if different places in the country are staffed differently or something…

@LucyAnne34 mine was NHS and they told me the result straight away, they showed me the images. Was yours NHS? X

@Hoping43 mine was NHS too. They showed me the images too, however said I would need a proper follow up with consultant as they can only tell me if the dye came out and no other factors. Xx

@Hoping43 my friends dye came out too but it turned out she actually had a blocked tube where the egg couldn’t be released. So I guess there’s variants. Just can’t believe it’s taking so long to get a consultant follow up :( x

@LucyAnne34 ah I see. It was a fertility consultant who did mine with the support or a radiographer and he just said all normal, tubes are clear, so sign of any scar tissue from my section and no sign of infection. He did say I would have a follow up with my own consultant but I wasn’t expecting them to tell me anything different x

@FlyOnTheWall89 sorry to hear about another CD1 again 😔😔 how many cycles is this now for you?
It’s interesting what @Hoping43 about what the consultant has said about not trying long enough. I think in our head it appears and seems like everyone falls so quickly. And if you don’t for sure there has to be something wrong.
But there is an element of luck in it. And it’s almost random selection. Why do some people fall so quickly with the same statistical numbers and sperm count for someone who takes much longer.

People with lower fertility could fall pregnant before someone with higher fertility just due to it being luck. Sometimes it makes no sense. I think keep going for a few more cycles. Then see where you at and maybe consider moving onto the IVF.

@Carla2601 keeping my fingers crossed for you. Must be a nervous wait to know 🤞🏼

@LucyAnne34 that’s mad you still haven’t had your results. What are they doing with them!

I am still very much in limbo. Nothing has happened. Which makes me feel worse like stupid body failing again. So hopefully I can move forward on Wednesday after I see EPU again. It’s been a long 10 days to wait 😔

I’m thinking I want to start ttc straight away again? Is that mad? Feel like so much time has passed as it is. And every cycle counts.

Stark realisation I might still be here in another year no further forward. But also think maybe it could be quicker. But wishful thinking maybe.

My ttc l journeys have gone:
Ttc one cycle
Ttc 7 cycles
Ttc 11 cycles

And only one live DD. Can’t believe I will have to do first trimester for a fourth time 😫
But be interesting where I fall on scale if I can manage to get pregnant again and how much really is luck 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Indianna2006 I didn’t realise you already had a child. I agree luck must play a big part although it’s still hard to get your head around. I had assumed that my fertility had massively dropped from age 29 to 31 and that’s why it took 8 times longer the second time around and made the assumption this time as we were 34 when we started TTC (now 35) and on cycle 13. But maybe it’s as much to do with luck as decreasing fertility. I guess my fertility will be worse now I’m 35 but from 29-31 I can imagine there was that much difference 🤷🏼‍♀️ But it still took much longer x

@Hoping43 yes decreasing fertility must play a little part. But unless it’s like 10 years maybe not by loads. Don’t think a man’s decreases fast until he’s much older.

Think I read somewhere at my age which is 32. That like 60% of my eggs will be viable. And 40% not. So only 2/3rds will fertilise. And then only 1/3 of what fertilises will choose to implant. An then there not all chromosonally normal..hence the situation I’m in. Makes me go huh?! Like amazes me how we even get any babys tbh. It’s needs to be just right! And does explain why does happen first time each time for people like we expect. So many variables.

I think your eggs early 20s are like 90% good. So it does decrease. But I was 26/27 when got pregnant the first two times. But again I see early 40s celebs getting pregnant. So it continues to be possible.

Yes I had a DD already. She’s 4 now. Hoping I do manage to give her a sibling eventually 🤞🏼

@Indianna2006 yeah I do get that but then when you see 82% of people under 40 will be pregnant within a year then it makes me question where my luck is.

I’m sure you will get there eventually, it’s just a tough road for some xx

@Hoping43 hopefully your luck is just around the corner x

Sorry you are back on CD 1 @FlyOnTheWall89 I hope you are feeling ok ❤️

If I remember rightly we have some milestones in the group this week? Me and my DH have our fertility tests on Thursday (results the following Monday) and I am sure there were two others who had some medical tests within the next week as well but can't remember who?

Roughly CD 11 here and due AF on Friday - the day after my fertility tests. I had a tiny bit of brown spotting yesterday so I am worrying that AF is going to come early and I'll be on when I have my scan

I have been really good this cycle at not symptom spotting. The sad thing is I can no longer picture myself pregnant. Every cycle now I assume that it won't happen, that it will never happen. In fact this is the first month where I haven't had all my normal restrictions ... I ate smoked salmon and sushi this weekend, and had a couple of alcoholic drinks. I am just so tired of restricting everything.

I hope everyone is having a nice Easter weekend. So glad I have this group to talk to!

@Hoping43 that’s good a consultant did yours. And glad all was well ☺️ I know it still leaves you with questions though! I’m thinking that’s where I will be at on Tuesday…or there could be a problem..who knows! Bit nervous about what the consultant will say tbh as we are at 2 years off the pill now.
@Indianna2006 I think the dog must have ate my results or something 😂 Hope you are ok
X

@LucyAnne34 I know what you mean. I don’t know whether we will do IVF or not. I’ve read lots recently that just emphasise time and given we’ve had two before I know we are capable. Also, the financial implications are a consideration because although we can afford it, there’s the guilt that we could use that money on the 2 we have. It’s so hard whatever position you’re in.

Good luck for your results. I hope you get the news you’re wanting x

Hi everyone! I am sorry I haven't been active lately, it's been an emotional roller coaster.

I've been in a state of panic and complete worry since my ivf transfer. my 2ww went, well I spent every single day noting down any little change or feeling I had, from headaches to bloating. I actually got a BFP but somehow instead of being happy I am panicking that either it's false, and a disappointment will come, or that I will do something wrong, or that my body will somehow reject it.

Sorry for venting, it's just been so many years, I spent so much time dreaming about this, its the 1st time I ever see a positive and instead of being happy I feel tortured... Damn... all this trying and failing really messed me up.

Thanks to everyone for reading

@Indianna2006 the waiting must be so hard, I’m really really sorry this is happening to you. I think go with what you feel for when you start TTC again, there’s no right or wrong answer IMO and if the feeling of cycles slipping past is the most overwhelming one (appreciate there’ll be lots of overwhelming feelings all at once) then I would think your gut feeling is probably the right one

@IsabelHerna congratulations to you but sorry you’re feeling all the feelings….it’s a lot I’m sure and I hope you manage to enjoy the BFP although it’s completely normal to not want to get too excited. I hope you’re feeling well

@lemons44 good luck for Thursday! 💪. Let us know how you go. Good to not have to wait too long for your results (although I know every day feels like a week!).

Do not beat yourself up about the drinks or the salmon. After embryo transfer the embryologist said to me just live normal life, nothing you do or don’t do can change the outcome (I guess because it’s so small and not attached yet) so I’m sure that must be the same for TWW and you have to have some way to unwind or it becomes even more consuming

@lemons44 - good luck for Thursday i have my NHS appointment next Thursday. I am coming info my FW and i just cant be bothered, i have just seen a pregnancy announcement On social media of an old acquaintance and its just put me in a right mood, im just fed up of it seeming so easy (i know its not always the case but it just feels that way) seems like every man abd his dog is pregnant atm)