9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

@BritInNZ that was brave of you to say something and hopefully it'll mean your friend is more aware of what she says. I'd definitely not be happy if someone who got pregnant straight away was trying to give advice like that.

Fair enough! A lot of people have been working from home to avoid covid, the protest or both. I work for the government too (along with half of Wellington!) but our offices are a 5-10 minute walk from the Beehive so we're not right there. My bus passes parliament and it's quite surreal to see so many police officers in one place.

@MaryTeenOfScots I don't know if I'd have been able to bite my tongue. Plus I was visibly upset so I couldn't say nothing!

Yes we're not right near Parliament thankfully! I train into town so if I did go in I'd have to walk a different route to avoid it all. Our workplace is only accessible with swipe card now too, to stop any potential protesters getting into the building. It's crazy!!

@BritInNZ they are quite close to the train station so I can see why you'd want to avoid that! My friend usually walks home up Molesworth St but she's had to go a longer way to avoid walking right through the protest. It's definitely crazy! Hopefully it will end peacefully soon.

Hi @Sweetpeasandpeonies - welcome! My partner said the same and I really had to push him on it because my instinct was that there was something wrong. I think typically men seem to take the 'it can take a year' approach and they're chilled, but for us it's so different. In the end I got all my tests done which I would recommend- that isn't really anything to do with him. I had day 3, day 21 and AHM bloods and I had had an ultrasound earlier in the year so once I'd had those blood tests, I felt much more in the know. After I had done all of that, my partner finally said he would book a SA and it is likely that we have a male factor issue. So now, we are supplementing to try to improve that. All the tests take time to book, have long results time delay etc so I would definitely recommend to book yourself in at least. At least you'll get reassurance if all is fine. Equally you've only for a few months until 1 year....! I'm early 30s trying for #1 too and most of my friends are probably trying for their second now as most have 18 months - 2 year old. One has already had her second. So I am also dreading more announcements. Particularly when I know we have a long road ahead yet.

@Indianna2006 I think you're in a v proactive mood so I'd probably just travel and get it all done 😂.

@BritInNZ I'm cycle day 4/5 - we always have opposite cycles. Well done on speaking up - I think it is so important. A friend is visiting in 2 weeks. We are close but we don't speak often. She falls pregnant incredible easily and I spoke to her in October and said we had been trying etc because I was feeling a bit shit and I just needed someone to talk to. Yesterday she called pre-visit and she asked me if I was pregnant and god the expectation hurts a lot. I get that people want to know and therefore be excited for you but it is so hard.

The good news from me is that I rang the hospital about seeing if my July phone appointment was likely to move forward - some others on other boards said they can do if there are cancellations. Anyway she said there was a cancellations for today at 9am so I'm speaking with the gynaecology department this morning - they'll go through my results and I guess talk next steps. I have done some reading and from what I can see, you've got to be trying for 2 years before you get a funded cycle, and you only get 1 in my area so I think it will definitely be a privately funded IVF/ICSI round for us if we are not pregnant soonish! X

@FlyOnTheWall89 we do! I'm feeling miserable already at the thought of AF arriving 😭 that's so tough! Also I still don't think you should ever ask someone that, even if you are friends. It can be so hurtful.

Great news! Let us know how today goes? And at least that's a reasonably short plan. Not like my 5 years to qualify for publicly funded IVF 😂

@BritInNZ I totally agree - I would never ask. She fell pregnant the one time she had sex on an app 'red day' and had a termination and then again 1st month when they were trying. She doesn't have any idea. I have a feeling one of the other girls in the group will tell us she is pregnant at the meet up. Another lady at work announced she was pregnant yesterday but she is older and I don't work closely with her so I didn't find that too hard. My partner was on the other side of it though at the weekend... he went back to his Saturday football and one of the guys he is good friends with said his gf is pregnant and he was off to buy a pushchair after football. They are the same nationality, but both in London so this guy said it's time for you now to start having babies ... little does he know we have been trying for a year! It's the first thing he told me when he got home.

Yes 5 years is just crazy. That totally forces you into self-funding basically. Luckily we are in a position to do it, but it is still a lot of money and money that won't be going towards a house ultimately. Just hoping maybe we get lucky before then. I think I'd like to try for 5/6 months more before we do that.

How are you getting on with your nutrition plan? I'm really going wild on the nuts rn. Brazil nuts, homemade nut butter, chilli almonds crushed over broccoli... all the nuts. 😂

@kmbegs congratulations!

@LucyAnne34 Have you suggested removing it just in case?

@MaryTeenOfScots I'm sorry you're feeling this way, pregnancy announcements from friends are a bit difficult to process.

Thanks @IsabelHerna, I am happy for them but I'm glad I found out over text as it can be hard to have the 'right' reaction in person.

@Flyonthewall89 did your husband find it upsetting? I'm not sure if mine has had many if any comments, but none of his friends up here have kids or seem to be close to having them, so it doesn't really come up.

@MaryTeenOfScots agreed pregnancy announcements sucks. I’m quite lucky in that I am unlikely to have any from friends of family. Everyone had had there 2 children etc. but equally sometimes it’s hard watching them with there two children they want and I can’t seem to get my longed for second child. But it would be WAY harder if I didn’t have DD obviously.

It’s more the celebs popping these babies out like anything pisses me off 😂 but have to admit as they months have gone on I’ve become a bit immune to the celebs!

@FlyOnTheWall89 so glad you’re appointment has been moved forward! I thought..I could be wrong. That usually the 2 year ttc wait for IVF is if your are unexplained. And tbh at if there is an obvious factor. Ie MFI you get referred straight away …but I could be wrong! But I’m sure that’s how it works. See what they say. Usually they want a second SA obv tho. And if that’s the same. I’m sure they refer if you’ve checked out all okay.
You only get one round which is a bit crap. Lots of places it is 2. Postcode lottery so unfair. But 1 is better than none hey! Such an expensive game. And so unfair that people have to pay all this when others POOF baby for free.

@Indianna2006 you're right. With the SA results, they would deem that a reason and not unexplained therefore the hospital are applying for our funding. We don't have to use it right now, but at least we will have it.

He said all my results were normal... he wasn't worried by my 10.7 AMH result - hope that gives others reassurance. He wants me to do a rubella immunity blood test and have a HSG and check the shape of my womb. So I need to now have that dreaded appointment - I know I'll pass out. He said luckily you're only 32... also reassuring from a doctors mouth (less so when anyone else says it 😂).

So relieved I have to say. He was totally chilled and friendly.

@FlyOnTheWall89 oh yes that’s good!! I did think 2 years was just for unexplained. As then obviously they like you to keep going if there’s no definite reason but good news funding is being applied for. As that ball is rolling.
Oh no well least there being thorough with the checks. And you’ve not waited until July. That’s must be a big relief at least this part is fine. Did he say when the HSG and womb check would likely be?

@FlyOnTheWall89 I'm glad you were able to get an appointment today and that the doctor was very reassuring. It's good he put your mind at ease regarding AMH. When would you be having your HSG? Is there much of a wait?

@Indianna2006 @Tinkerbell098 He said I would get a letter. He said don't worry if there is a bit of a wait. It isn't essential but we like to tick it off.

But now I feel we have a path. We are seeing Mr Ramsay, the second SA will be early April too. We will have a chat and see when we would like to activate funding - I think we will continue to try until the summer. Then I feel we have given it a really good go with at least 5 months of super consistent supplements which are costing a small fortune each month rn. We added pycnogenol to the mix as that is supposed to really help morphology. He said in most cases, with the SA results, IVF is the outcome (sadly) ... but he said he has been surprised many times over the years.... so who knows.

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I imagine he think the MFI is most likely the cause. But sometimes there can be a mix can’t there so best to check and tick it all off as he says.

Deff think you have a direction now. But like you say almost have to give yourself a good go and allow the supplements to work and maybe have an effect. And you will know more after the second semen analysis.

Yep think surprises can deff happen. I hear of it a lot. Or IVF for first and second happened naturally etc etc.

I think trying until summer before moving into other things is a good idea.
Hope having more of a direction and a plan helps to settle your anxious feeling. I know it won’t give you your BFP now. But within this year. Things will move significantly on. And that’s hopeful 🤞🏼

I agree all of the above about people asking about whether you are pregnant or want children all the time. I know people mean well but they don’t really know what’s going on. My cousin had infertility issues and now has twins so it all worked out, but it definitely made me more sensitive and aware . I don’t ask people about kids , TTC anymore as I know how upset she used to get during the process.

@FlyOnTheWall89 glad you got your appointment early and the doctor was nice!!

@FlyOnTheWall89 I'm glad things are moving for you. Having a plan is the most important thing as that can reduce your anxiety significantly. It definitely helped me. Last year was full of uncertainty and lots of waiting around. I feel like I'm getting a lot of answers this year so far and for the first time in months, I didn't have a breakdown when AF arrived on Saturday. I know HSG sounds horrible, and I was also trying to avoid it for as long as possible, but it will be another tick so you can pin point the problem with greater certainty. I'm having mine next week so will let you know how it goes. Hope the next SA will show great improvement. I think giving it a good few months for the supplements to work is a great idea as they do work and hope you won't need to go down the IVF route. But great that you can have funding for it pretty soon too as a fail safe.

Oh please do feedback @Tinkerbell098 - I hope it's okay. It really seems mixed for different people.

X

@FlyOnTheWall89 don't get me wrong, I'm terrified of it. I even watched a YouTube video of the procedure being performed and felt dizzy just watching it (I don't know why I do this to myself!), but equally, I've read that a lot of women find it better than a smear test. They won't let me have my husband in the room with me, but will get a chaperone, so I'll definitely be squeezing her hand really tight!!!

@IsabelHerna no, I was told it is only small and won’t be causing any harm so they won’t remove it unless it it gets bigger. I’m happy with that.

My life is currently full of babies and pregnant people and I’m always wondering who’s going to announce next. I hate it. I day dreamed of how i would announce my pregnancy yesterday - but then I stopped myself as it’s so bitter sweet 😔

Does anyone follow thejourneydotcom_fertility on insta... they've just posted about unexplained infertility with a passage about sperm fragmentation. I know this is a less commonly tested thing but apparently it's a biggie for unexplained infertility. Thought it might be worth mentioning. X

@FlyOnTheWall89 - thanks so much for sharing just had a quick luck and i actually fall under 3 (low vit d/subclinical hypothyroidism/chronic inflammation, mine is mild thankfully but been on supplements for vit d, meds for thyroid and been taking supplements to reduce inflammation and also making lifestyles changes with regards to food.

Hopefully all these changes will help 🙏🤞

Pretty gutted this morning - my usual pre-AF spotting has arrived bang on time. 4 days before AF! So fed up. I'm trying everything!!! Why am I bleeding so early?! 😭 it's always day 25 of my cycle it starts, so frustrating.

Sorry to hear that @BritInNZ :( I thinl someone upthread said that their fertility consultant wasn't concerned about spotting? Though I understand why it's disconcerting.

@MaryTeenOfScots yes nobody has seemed concerned when I've told them but I just don't understand how it's not affecting conception? Ah well, my usual down day incoming...

@BritInNZ I spot for about 4 days before AF and I completely get your disappointment when it starts. I also worry about it as I don’t feel like it used to happen but everything I’ve read says it’s fine and normal. Hope you are okay