Entering into 8th cycle..

[Indianna2006]

Entering into 8th cycle…ttc number 2.

Feeling defeated and deflated even though I know odds are still on our side really..
I already have a DD who is 3 years 9 months so very much feel time is of the essence. Just desperate for it to happen now.

Feel like either people seem to fall super fast or seem like 12 months plus and don’t find many “in the middle” types.

Ive fallen pregnant 1st cycle before. And then DD took 7 cycles. So hence why this failed 7th cycle seems like a miserable milestone!

Anyone welcome to keep me company. Sucks 😫

@FlyOnTheWall89 good to know yours sticks out a bit too! Hopefully it gets easier with more use. TMI but are you able to get up etc without leakage when using it? I'm due to ovulate on Monday so plan to start DTD with it from tomorrow. Really hope it helps the slow swimmers!

@OK92 tbh I’ve almost forgotten I’m in the 2ww. Off for my bloods at the clinic today and will book in my test and hycosy. And almost focussing on them. I don’t expect to be pregnant this cycle tbh somehow. Why would it work now when it hasn’t any other month 🤦🏻‍♀️

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I think as long as it’s far up as you can get that’s best you can do.

I found I needed to good two fingers on it to flip it to be like the cup shape. But yes usually it is quite hard to get out but then it probs means it is in right place!
Think if you push and pull the stem and can almost squish the cup and pull it.

Haha the stuff we do! I tend to find as you push it in it pushes the sperm up with it. You will know once you’ve used once properly as the sperm will be inside the cup when you take it out!

@FlyOnTheWall89 are you in fertile week now?

@Indianna2006 yes I'm CD13 and usually ovulate 14/15. I won't bother with OPKs as temping using the AVA is working pretty well now. Trying to stick to the every other day. How were your bloods today? X

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes all went fine. I get results on next appointment. So I go again 2 weeks time.
We shall see if anything miraculous happens in that time but I highly doubt it 😂😫😫

@FlyOnTheWall89 @Indianna2006
CD15 today and had planned to start DTD from tonight. However, DH saw Dr Ramsey today who confirmed he has a monster varicocele 😭. Definitely on the left and potentially one on the right too. So he now is off to do DNA frag test and needs a scan asap to figure out dimensions. Dr Ramsey said it will be heating up and damaging sperm but apparently was very confident that we will be able to conceive naturally once it's been operated on. We either got VERY lucky conceiving DD first try last time or it's got progressively worse over 3+ years.

Feeling mixed emotions. Happy we now have a route forward, but sad that it's now likely we wouldn't get a BFP until much later this year if we are lucky. As it takes 3 months from whenever the op is for sperm to refresh, then obviously how ever many months trying after that.

I will still give it a go this month from tomorrow (and every month 😂) but not expecting anything until it's all sorted out.

@OK92 omg no way? Maybe he didn’t have it when you conceived DD? Can they just appear over time. It’s like a varicous vein right on the testicle? Had he never noticed? Or is it something only a specialist could see. I’d imagine it would be sensitive ?! Cos usually varicose veins are.

Is there still a chance you could fall in the mean time? Just likely motility may go up for you once they is fixed.

Will he have to have surgery privately or on nhs? Cos imagine that’s such a cost!

@Indianna2006 yeah like a varicose vein. He can see veins but tbh neither of us knew if that was normal or not. He has some sensitivity too - and again naively just thought maybe it was after lots of DTD in fertile window etc.

We could conceive in the mean time, it would just be a lot more difficult to (waiting for him to get home for full debrief). I imagine his DNA fragmentation will be high. Annoyingly thought he could do the test now but they had no space so he has to book it in. Then the scan. Then the op. No idea on timeline. Really hope it isn't a huge wait but we shall see!

It's being done privately. We may be able to do the op through insurance but none of the dna frag element of it which in itself is about £1k 😵‍💫

@OK92 oh bless him. Yes I guess if he’s had a while you don’t realise what is normal or not. And hard to know with balls as there sensitive anyway!

Oh gosh it’s so much money isn’t it. Hopefully op can be through insurance. And if private. Hopefully not sooo much of a wait. But still. Less than ideal.

But maybe this is the answer. An although not ideal now. You have a way forward. And a timeline more in your head.

These babies seem a million miles away don’t they 🤔 so envious of anyone who just gets there baby when they wants and plans it. This sucks. Really does.

Keep my fingers crossed the waits for you are not too long. But don’t lose hope. His numbers are not atrocious so anything could happen! It still could happen. Keep trying and just see. 😘

@Indianna2006 yep we will keep trying and hoping for a miracle. But starting to come to terms with a bigger than hoped for age gap and trying to see the positives in not being pregnant until later this year.

DH said Dr Ramsey was very matter of fact, the appointment didn't last long and he basically said get the operation and you will likely conceive as his count is high. He said you can make lifestyle changes and take Impryl if he wants but it's not something he would have told him he needs to take (if DH hadn't brought it up). Fingers crossed for a speedy process to the scan now.

@OK92 yes I guess I know what you mean? How old is DD now? I’m sure you have told me but totally forgetting. Is she about 2.5?

Yes. I think you will conceive naturally also. It’s just knowing how long after it’s rectified right. Seeing as trying for a year with no issues is normal. Like why so long. Wish it all just worked in a month if everything was normal. Would make it far simpler. It’s just an invisible timeline.

I got call today from U/S department at hospital. Thought I’d wait ages but they had a cancellation an asked me in like 2 hours. So I got my NHS U/S done and all appears normal.
So that’s another NHS tick.
Leaving that open as if there is a surgery issue I will want NHS route.

But so far we both look totally normal 🤦🏻‍♀️ Yet here we are. 10 cycles in and no BFP. 🙈

Could it be cycle 11?! But I doubt it!

@Indianna2006 yes she's 2.5. So if the op goes well and we get a BFP late this year I guess it would be coming up to a 4 year gap. Ideally wanted 2.5-3 year gap but I guess that wasn't meant to be!

That's good the U/S was normal but I know what you mean like what's preventing it. Hopefully your time is soon. Now you're using fertility properly and know there's nothing wrong with either of you.

I used it tonight after DTD. Still not convinced it's up high enough but couldn't seem to move it higher once it had popped out 🤷🏻‍♀️ also got up after putting it in and there was some leakage. Need to keep practicing 😂

Ooooo @OK92 that is shitty news. I guess you're glad you now know. Did he say what it might be affecting based on the fact he still has a really high count? I thought it would have mainly affected that. Was he nice? I totally understand that unknown waiting time....If my partners sperm results improve, it will be really hard to decide between trying for an unknown period of time or just going ahead with IVF. This is baby #1 and we want 3 😂, and I'm 33 this year so we need to get some kind of move on. It's that fact that with sperm, you have to give it time and that is excruciatingly frustrating. How invasive is the op? We got home very very late from a birthday and our alarm goes off at 4.50am but we somehow managed to DTD at god know what time this morning (last night) as we are right on my best fertile day. Annoyingly my AVA wouldn't give me any data because I was asleep for less than 4 hours. Hoping tomorrows data gives me confirmation of ovulation. I've had loadsssss of EWCM, but no pain this month. I think I've noticed every other month I get ovulation pain. X

Really good news re U/S @Indianna2006 and super quick! As you say, another tick! That's the scary thing is how long do we just keep trying normally when your results all seem normal but you're this far along! Maybe these next two months you'll see you do fall into the stats and get that BFP. You've had your thyroid checked? Vit D normal? SA DNA fragmentation test would be where I would look in the not too distant future. It's a big one for unexplained infertility.

@OK92 forgot to say... 1k 🙈🤯 - they have mentioned to us it might be as much as that, which we did appreciate but hopefully it will be lower. Does your OH have any symptoms of this monster varicocele!? I bet you're so pleased you've seen him now because you could have gone on for months not knowing!!!

@OK92 I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. I actually think whatever age gap you get is somehow meant for you. Mine is so far beyond what I’d wanted. And we won’t keep going on forever. I will have nearly 5 years. So I think it’s nearing the end of the line for us but they brings its own emotions when actually you just want that second child. Whatever that means.

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I take vitamin D spray so that should all be fine. And dr said thyroid was fine. But private clinic has taken bloods to recheck all that so they will let me know if anything is an issue.

Weve agreed we will try for 3 months after hycosy. And if still not pregnant from that slight boost. Get DNA fragmentation done. But then if that’s also fine. Really I won’t then know. Go for a few more months until 18 cycles trying an then have to decide do we call it a day or do IVF.
I think with the age gap and doing IVF and the cost. I’m just not sure any of that will work out for us. Especially if they find nothing wrong. Like WTF. When I’ve been pregnant twice. Honestly. I’m baffled. So baffled.

Hoping my 3 months after Hycosy something will happen.

@FlyOnTheWall89 happy O day lol! I should be there in a few days I hope. Well done on managing to DTD late! Apparently he was nice but quite direct, not in a rude way at all but just quite matter of fact. And was v confident we won't need IVF if he has the op. Its not too invasive, local anesthetic and in and out same day. I also would have thought count and morphology affected. But maybe it is (for him) and his results would all be much higher if he didn't have it 🤷🏻‍♀️ DNA frag might be high though, his test for that is now booked in for 2 weeks time then a 15 day wait after that for results.

Symptoms wise just some sensitivity and also not the 'smoothest' balls ever...but we just didn't really think much of it. He says he wishes they taught more about checking your balls etc at school! We did bring up fertility issues with his family recently and found out his dad had to have a varicocele removed too. So maybe runs in the family.

@Indianna2006 I think that plan is sensible. You might get the boost you need from hycosy. And that 3 month time after it of trying gives you proper time to think about if you'd ever consider the IVF route. My younger sister is 5 years younger and we're very close. I think age gap is mainly when they're v young but not an issue when they're both children rather than a baby + a child.

Okay this is great to know @OK92 - really good he was positive about natural conception for you. I'm now 1/2 DPO... always hopeful but keeping expectations low.

@Indianna2006 I'm sure something will work out for you. Like OK92 said, the years between 1 and 2 will be right in the end, no matter what. I have 4 years between me and my bro (with one in between) and then another 12 between me and my small sister. It's not conventional but we LOVE it. I have high hopes for you. Where abouts in your cycle are you now? X

@FlyOnTheWall89 AF is due on Wednesday. But I have my usual PMT symptoms.

I know I’m the grand scheme of things what you end up with is what it is. I just feel a bit drained.
After 2.5 years of endless battling to get to the point of ttc. And now a year in. I’ve spent that whole time not thinking a second child was a reality and now this last year. That idea in my head had now almost become reality. Maybe I don’t get to do it again. Even though everything I’ve done the last 3 years was to get to this point.

I was very ill. Physically and mental health wise. And I finally had moved forward. And feel myself just slipping back. I feel hopeless and wake up with absolute dread. If I can’t actually believe after everything this is now happening.

I’m sorry. This all sounds stupid. I just have had a lot of trauma and sadness and grief in my life the last 4 years. An honestly thought now was time to move forward with something positive.

Feel a bit lost as I like to understand why and then you can plan. Just being like you seem normal and we’re not sure why it’s not happening. I don’t know where to go after the HSG if no luck then either.

I can’t try naturally for 2 years. The age gap will be too big I think and I just mentally not sure I can do it. Or put my poor old body through more gruelling treatment.

Sorry for the negative post. My positivity is waining fast. It’s so good to have tests and have the “it looks normal” I know that. I totally do.
But it leaves like a weird feeling of just no answers. And with no answers I don’t know what direction to go.

Pretty much sums up my life 😭😂

Anyway I’m gonna shut up now. Think I just blurbed what’s in my head. No one really knows so I just kind of keep all this in and think it’s starting to bubble over.

Hope you’re both okay. And @OK92 you’re maybe nearly in fertile window

@OK92 @FlyOnTheWall89

Omg I’m so sorry about the waffly post earlier. I think it could have been hormones..

As I’ve only gone an got a BFP!! 😭😱

Cycle 11. The only cycle I used the fertilily in the correct place!!

I’m actually in shock. I can’t quite believe it. I’ve made DH check the test about 200 times and he’s like there’s deff a faint line.

I did the test. Thought nah it’s negative as looked straight away. Chucked my pee pot. Then was like hang on…

@Indianna2006 omg!!! Congrats!!! That's amazing I'm so happy for you. You must be so happy and so relieved. TTC is crazy like why did it take 11 cycles!? We will never know. But you are getting your happy ending now!

Think I ovulated yesterday. Tbh not holding out any hope until DH has had his operation which isn't even booked in yet so who knows when that will be 😩 tried fertility but really can't seem to get it deep enough and slept with it in last night but it must have come dislodged in my sleep as it wasn't fully suctioned when I took it out this morning ffs 😭

Big congratulations @Indianna2006, I knew it had to happen soon for you. As @OK92 it is so odd how it takes so long for some people who have all the ticks in the box. Keeping everything crossed for you and please keep us updated with how you get on! X

@OK92 @FlyOnTheWall89 thanks girls. Honestly can’t believe it. Started to genuinely think something was wrong or that nothing was wrong but it would just never happen!

Who knows why it took so long! I did take aspirin this month as well to help. As I will need to take it from 12 weeks anyway due to my clotting risk. Maybe it was that. The Fertilily. Or maybe it was none of it 🤷🏻‍♀️ And it was just our time.

Done another test this morning but a diff brand and got another faint line. Just to make sure the first wasn’t a dudd. 🙈🙈 Will wait a few days and hope to get confirmation on a digital. I’d quite like to see the words 😱

I will be keeping my fingers crossed this pregnancy is here to stay.

Still routing for you guys. You’re time will come. I’m sure of it!
I know it’s hard seeing other ppl get there BFP. And it’s so hard to think why them and not me. Sending hugs to you both. I shall keep checking in 🥰🥰 xx

Don’t worry too much about the fertilily moving in your sleep. I think mine sometimes did. But first hour it’s in place most of it has got where it needs to go.

@Indianna2006 enjoy every moment. I think I will hop onto the 9 months thread now, probably easier as @FlyOnTheWall89 is on there already too!

@OK92 good plan, but sad to see this thread close. See you over there x