9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@BritInNZ oh really! I’ve heard about people saying the vaccine has affected their cycles. This does worry me a little! Don’t you just hate that we never really know what’s going on in in our lady bits 🙄 x

@LucyAnne34 yes so annoying! My period was like 10 days late and ever since I get spotting for 3 or 4 days before my period officially starts. Due my booster next month too so the cycle of messed up periods starts all over again!

Has anyone had progesterone levels checked please? Mines came back as a score of 21 at 6 days before af and they’ve deemed this “borderline” so had more bloods taken this month.

Hi @Borolass84 - I have just had mine done. Yes that does seem a bit low. I think the range on my form says 20-100 ... 30 and over is ideal, 20-30 is inconclusive. I've read a lot of fertility specialists prefer to see 40 and above. Definitely a good idea to have it done again and perhaps you need an internal ultrasound too? X

@Borolass84 my first ones came back at something like 15 and my second 30.5. I tried to look up how much it drops or rises per day. For example if it were 15 then if you got them done 7 days before AF it would be 36. The nurse did say to me she expected me back a number of times as it’s really had to get the correct day. But I couldn’t seem to find that information anywhere

Right ladies, I ovulated yesterday and actually DTD twice that day!!! Surely I'm in with a shot this month?! 😂

@LucyAnne34 Yep never got any ovulation symptoms like usual. I usually get some pains and spotting but after the HSG I've had nothing! Not sure if this is a good sign or not haha.

@BritInNZ who knows eh?! Good news about the DTD during ovulation! I’m in the same boat sort of. I think I ovulated today or yesterday (or possibly the day day before however today EWCM was deffo there!) so made my poor OH who’s on night shifts have some sexy time haha. Fingers crossed for us this cycle 🤞🏻 Do you do the whole lying down for a while after DTD to keep it all in? I try but it’s not always easy! And dunno if there’s proper evidence to say it works lol x

@LucyAnne34 I do unless I need to get up and get on with stuff. DTD in the morning means that's not really an option as I need to get up and get ready for work, whereas evening I have more of an opportunity to do that. Like you, not sure it works but I'll try anything! Fingers crossed this is our month!! It's our wedding anniversary around the time AF is due, so it would be the best anniversary present for AF not to arrive!

Yay for well timed sex @BritinNZ and @LucyAnne34 - I always get such a mood boost once I know I've ovulated and that we've hit at least one of the right days (did you say twice in a day BritinNz - go you! I can't imagine that for us these days lol). I also know we timed well this month, FF is saying I'm 6DPO but I believe I am 4DPO based on OPK and temp shift. Fingers crossed its the month for us all.

We had my husbands second SA back, ridiculously similar to the first. High concentration and total count and really decent motility, but 2% morphology. I actually don't worry too much about that but it was a bit galling to read 'confirms 1st result - diagnosis subfertility due to teratospermia'. We have a follow up appointment on 27th where hopefully we can put all the little pieces together and I'm hoping to hear some sort of honesty assessment of our chances of conceiving naturally. I've read conflicting, but largely reassuring, things about low morphology if everything else is good (his overall 'count' is really high, like sperm donor high) so hoping that 2% of that is still plenty of spermies that can fertilise!

Had a bit of a mood slump this afternoon, have been keeping busy with work, but something just made me think about it all a bit too hard just now. Found myself trying to calculate how many more months I'd be willing to try, when would be best for work if we do go for IVF, finances etc - all too much for one brain! I love my husband dearly but he just keeps saying 'we'll see what they say' which annoys me as all they can 'say' is an advised course of action - we are the ones that need to make the actual practical decisions on how to make it work, and while it won't impact his work much, for me it's more complicated (I have lots of different jobs, no sick pay, and some of my work involves physical stuff that I possibly won't be able to do when undergoing ivf/pregnant). Anyway, I am escaping to a couple of hours of Friends and a non-alcoholic beer (have found some good ones!) and for this vent on mumsnet!

@BritInNZ ahhh that would definitely be a lovely present for you guys 🥰 I always think after my ovulation is over ‘right, your body knows right now if it’s pregnant or not, just waiting for my brain to find out’ haha it’s like I want to give myself that hope but I know that I could already be out of the running without knowing it yet. Let’s hope and pray this is our month 🙏🏼

@Aubyone haha twice in one day is very unusual! It was mainly because I was away with work all of last week so we've had lots of fun this week playing catch up 😊 I really hope one of us gets a BFP this month!!

My husband is exactly the same, just takes each day as it comes etc. Its hard when you're the woman and you're thinking through all the possible outcomes and options you have. I'm not ready to think about IVF yet but if I get past my 30th and still no hint of a BFP I will need to get mentally prepared that it might be the only option for us. That's really tough that it would impact your work, perhaps if you're open about what's happening they might be more supportive? My work has unlimited sick pay which I am super grateful for, and I know if I opened up they'd be really supportive and let me do what I need to do.

Friends and non alcoholic beer sounds lovely, although an alcoholic beer sounds better 🤣 I have some drinks after work tonight so will have a couple of drinks but can't go wild as I have to get to the hairdressers at 8am tomorrow!

@BritinNZ I am self employed which has so many benefits but some downsides! Fortunately I do a mix of different things, some of which are online/remote (and should hopefully be doable so long as I am not literally bed bound).

I like to save my alcohol for week of CD1, not so much because of trying to be cautious (although my husband has some opinions in it...), more to do with having something I love to look forward to! I have a particularly nice bottle of red ready for next week if (when...) needed.

I think taking it one day at a time is the right attitude. I am going to be SO hyped when there is a BFP on here!

I forgot how much I loved Friends!

Hi everyone, that's me got AF, now on to month 12. Sigh. Can I ask - does anyone have a "plan"? We have been referred to a fertility clinic but I've absolutely no idea how long the wait is. Is there any way to find out? If it's going to be months and months maybe we'll arrange a private appointment, but it's so expensive so if it's only going to be a couple of months I would happily(ish) wait. And we've had so many tests and everything has been fine (husbands SA came back fine), I don't know what I expect anyone to do other than say try IVF (although would like an HSG/hycosy first and to give us a few months after that to see if it makes a difference). And we already have a child so if we wanted IVF we are paying for it ourselves, so can choose when we get it (to an extent). I suppose I just think I would feel so much better right now if I knew for example if next month doesn't work it's then been over a year, so we will pay for a hycosy and private appointment, we will then give it 6 more months and if nothing we will book in for IVF. I suppose the only thing stopping that is not knowing about our NHS referral so if anyone knows how I can find out how long I will be waiting that would be great. And also i feel like IVF sounds really intense and not something to do lightly so at what point do you decide to do that?!

Sorry for the breakdown everyone! I know it's not "funny" at all but isn't it 'funny' how different every month is? Some months when I get AF I'm literally on the floor and can't pick myself up, cannot stop sobbing for days, some months I just know it hasn't worked and can get through it okay, this month I just feel like I NEED a plan, I need to know where this is going, I need to feel like there's some sort of certainty here, even if that's just when next things will happen.

How is everyone else? I've had a super busy week so have missed a lot but hope everyone is doing okay.

@kmbegs got referred in October and had my telephone assessment appointment beginning of January. HSG a few weeks ago. So really haven’t had to wait that long. The process of trying to get my doc to refer me took longer! My OHs SA came back fine. I have had internal scans and bloods. Nothing showing up that could really affect me getting pregnant. So it does frustrate me. The lady who did my HSG said she could see the dye come out of the tubes on the X-ray but I will have a chat with the consultant about it in about a month as he can analyse it better. I guess IVF is always an option but I need to see what my consultant says. I’ve been pregnant but miscarried so something is happening! I’m hoping it’s just a matter of time.
It is so hard, and I’m like you - some months I am so upset and others more accepting. X

@LucyAnne34 thanks that's helpful and I'm glad you haven't had to wait too long, definitely quicker than GPs! And yeah if you got pregnant you know you're body can do it so you just need it to do that again. That's month 12 now for me and not a whiff of a BFP in all that time so I really think something isn't right, I just don't know what. I wonder if i can find out where I got referred to so that I can ask their wait times as I've heard from others that their wait has been a while.

Anyone heard of this: www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10418667/Could-49-fertility-device-transform-way-women-concieve.html

@kmbegs it took us 14 months to get pregnant. So it could just be a time thing for you too. Doesn’t always mean there’s something wrong ☺️
I haven’t heard of that device! Sounds interesting and I’d deffo give it a try, would you? Not sure which way round it goes though? 🤣

Hi @kmbegs so sorry AF has arrived, but I completely 100% emphasise on your 'right, I need a plan' reaction. I had exactly the same after cycle 12.

Re: waiting times, from what I can tell on here, waiting times for NHS testing (although sounds like you've had bloods and SA so you perhaps just need ultrasound/HSG (or Hycosy or similar) to check tubes) can be fairly swift but then wait for actual NHS treatment can be much longer and really varies location to location. As you say, with a child you likely won't qualify for NHS funding for treatment (depends area to area though) so if you are looking to go privately anyway, if I were you I would get the ball rolling and then things are more in your control and your more likely to get your 'plan'. As a real planner, I completely emphasise with this.

I've found considerable relief in deciding a bit of a plan in my head. We're on cycle 14 (due in next few days). We have 2 more full cycles after this one before a big blow out holiday we've booked in April. If we're not pregnant by then, we are going to persue whatever treatment we are advised to (tbh I am presuming that is IVF for us) and pay privately. Currently saving and to be honest Kind of assuming this is the direction we will go in. Absolutely not to be taken lightly, but I feel some comfort knowing there's a possible way forward there.

Having said that, I can't help get my hopes up a little. I never symptom spot, but I am 8DPO and boobs way sorer than usual and my RHR shot up last night. I think I am due on Mon or Tues, but will probably test on Mon (am away at friends atm). I won't be gutted if I am not (as I've got quite used to that now) but can't help get a glimmer of hope this month.

Good luck coming up with your plan, and talk to us here: think a lot of us are in the same sort of place as you right now. X

@kmbegs sorry to hear AF arrived! Completely understand what you mean RE a plan, but I'm not quite there yet. I can't face the thought of not doing it naturally yet, but that might change after the move. Feel free to moan away - it's such a good outlet here for us all ☺️

I'm all good - have a long weekend this weekend and some really nice weather too. AF due next weekend and already getting some PMS symptoms. Sigh. Although I actually don't get my hopes up anymore so it's not as crushing when it arrives.

Oh so sorry to hear that @kmbegs - thrilled the SA came back fine though!

I know what you mean re a plan. It's how my brain works too and I haven't reached 1 year yet....I think it is worth speaking to a doctor about having a HSG... then I think your idea to give it a bit more time might be good. A very good friend is currently on her second round of IVF and says it is incredibly intense and not something you 'just do'. Did you conceive quickly first time? It's crazy how different the experiences can be.

@LucyAnne34 gosh the wait between having it done and speaking with a consultant is long. I would be so eager to speak to him. Just this two week SA wait is killing me.

@Aubyone I have high hopes. Please please can we see a BFP on here soon. X

I got my AMH blood work back; 10.7 which i think is 'normal' at 32 nearly 33. Not high having said that but that shouldn't be impacting me getting pregnant.

Girls..... 10 months of trying, blood tests, diet change, no alcohol, ovulation kits all of it. Stopped trying this month as hubby due to go in for his test next week, didn't track ovulation, ate what I wanted, had given up until after tests completed and this morning, 1 day late, I got my BFP! There is always hope ladies. Xxx

@kmbegs I’m sorry. I’m also in a similar situation to you. I think it’s my 14th failed cycle (TTC #1) and CD1 is always hard for me. This month I had another breakdown and feel
like it’s never going to happen. Initial tests for me and DH came back normal and my cycles are very regular and have never had issues with that. I was referred to the fertility clinic back in August last year and I’m still waiting for my initial appointment. So we decided to go private at least to get the ball rolling. We’ve got the first appointment in just over a week. I’m hoping to get an ultrasound and a hycosy done and go from there. I’ve also increased the amount of supplements I’m taking and DH started some supplements from yesterday too. Just trying to change a few things each month but nothings worked so far. I’m dreading going down the IVF route as I know it’s not that straightforward but will consider it if it comes to that. Really hoping I won’t have to though!
The device you posted seems interesting and something I wouldn’t mind trying. I’ve tried the fertilily a few months with no luck so willing to try anything at this point!
Sorry you’re having a tough time and I get it as it’s really overwhelming when that’s the only thing on your mind for a whole year. I feel like everything I do is based on whether it’s good or bad for TTC as if it’s taken over my life. It’s especially hard when everyone around me seems to be super fertile and falling pregnant so easily with not much trying.

@Chaz5041 that’s brilliant! Congratulations 🥰bet you are over the moon x

Oh ladies I am playing some risky mind games with myself right now, and just have to share (although I know I should step away from this and get on with my day).

I am convinced I can see a 2nd line on a Frer today (10DPO), but it is so faint, I think it might be a grey 'evap' or 'indent'. I'm not joking, it actually doesn't show in a photo (I've tried various lighting to try and capture it but it's definitely not there in a photo: but definitely is in person). I've got to confess I never have believed the 'line eyes' posts on here when people say 'I can defo see it irl but it's not showing up' but now I emphasise!

Anyway, I certainly am not assuming that I am pregnant, especially as after a series of big temp and RHR spikes, by temp dropped a bit today. I also think it's possible I'm actually 8DPO not 10DPO the more I look at FF chart.

Anyway my POA is to get on with my day (I've got a busy work day) and ngl I will probably take another test when I get home this eve.

I've read lots of posts about indents on FRERs being really bad recently, but I'm sure you ladies can emphasise - I've taken 2-3 testa a month for 14 months, so I'm pretty clear what an obviously negative test looks like - and this one is definitely different.

I shouldnt get out collective hopes up but I had to get it out my head - my husband is on holiday until Sat (!!). (not that I would show him this 'line' because he would 100% think I've lost it). If there is anything remotely photographable on my next test, I will post for a 2nd opinion!

Eeeeek!

@Aubyone I haven't been in that position but it must be really hard when you feel you can see something. If it helps - I've seen other people put a ring on the test which apparently helps the camera focus on that area and pick up any potential line? Either way let's keep absolutely everything crossed for you. Do you have another that you can do first thing tomorrow? I'm sure we are all rooting for you.

Thanks to everyone for replying to my CD1 pity fest! Your replies made me feel so much better, I'm so grateful for this group. @Tinkerbell098 that's great that you've decided to go private, I think that's where we'll end up. Please let us know how your appointment goes. I think I'm going to cal my GP and ask where I was referred to, then call and find out wait times. If it's more than a couple of months we may just go private now.

If anyone is interested I bought that book BFN / big fat negative (written by the podcast people) and I actually think it's really really helpful for people in our exact situation. It sets out what the options are from where we are at, what those options look like, even costs, what to ask at your first fertility appointment, etc etc. I like the podcast but wasn't expecting too much but I think it's a really helpful guide and it's an easy read (not like ISWTE!) and a bit like a warm hug from people who've been there.

Hope everyone is well. I'll keep you updated on my "plan" if anyone is interested!

@kmbegs yes of course I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks for recommending the book, I'll have a look. I'm reading ISWTE at the moment, and have increased my supplements accordingly. Yes please update us on your plan as most of us are in the same position as you and would love to share this journey with you.