Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@HJen22
Since March I ovulate around CD12/13 so basically plan to DTD every second day or so as last two months we tried every night which obviously isn't working lol 😂

Yeah she's having a wee boy so my first nephew!! It's all soo exciting!

My other sister has just got her offer accepted on her first home this week too so celebrations all round.

Least I can have a little 🥂🍾 with her at the weekend!!xx

@Lynne425 yeah we tried 5 days in a row the other month and it didn't happen 😔 they save every second day is plenty, I know it's hard to not want to try even more though!

Aw that's exciting, I have two nephews who are 3 and a half and 1 and a half that I adore. I am dying to give them their first cousin 🥰 the eldest one asked my sister for a sister the other day hahaha! She was like no way!

That's great about your elder sisters house too, lots of celebrating to be had! And that's nice you can have a wee champers with her!

Xx

@HJen22 you're lucky not to get the cramps! Honestly with the cycle I've had I don't really know when AF is expected, I'm guessing around the same time as you but my temp was low this morning and I already feel like she's on her way. Sore boobs have started too. Feeling pretty low today as seen so many getting their BFPs recently

Honestly I think your cycle length is fine but you could always ask them in August for reassurance. Has your GP said anything about it? From the NHS website anything between 21 and 35 days is 'normal' so try not to worry

OH and I have been fighting a bit again. I have him on vitamins but I know he doesn't want to take them and it's causing arguments when he forgets. I don't feel I'm asking for much but think for my own sanity I'll have to give up trying on that. How are things with you guys? X

@suzy124 I know I'm lucky it's not bad, I sometimes get a bit on day one but that's all really. I just moan and eat chocolate 😂 oh I'm sorry 😞 it really does hurt doesn't it. I've been trying a new meditation, the app is called evoke it's good if you like that sort of thing. Again reiterates the "if not this cycle, another". Our BFPs will come ❤️

Yeah I had said to the GP and the consultant and they didn't seem overly worried as I do have a regular cycle. The consultant did ask if I thought they were getting shorter and sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't! You are right, I can speak to them in august. I'd like 21 day bloods done too if I can as I've never had that.

Oh I'm sorry 😔 the amount we do, its hard to relate to our OHs when they seem so laid back isn't it. I'd just try and talk to him and say you know, it's just a little thing you'd really like him to try with. I just bought coQ10 yesterday snd Evening primrose oil to try next month! And some of the Bach's rescue remedy spray to chill me out. I felt myself getting a bit down yesterday but I met my friend in the evening and that cheered me up. OH and I have been ok, I gave him a rest after ovulation was confirmed. Just as well, the puppy stood on his face and eye at the weekend and he's had such a sore eye so not sure he'd have managed much DTD anyway 😂😂😂

What's on this weekend ladies? Xx

@suzy124 I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling low lovely. Sending lots of positivity and a big hug your way. TTC is such a tough time emotionally and it's made even more difficult when it seems so easy for other people.

One of the girls I went away with last weekend announced her second pregnancy and both times she's fallen the first month of trying. I found it difficult when she announced with her first but this month I seem to be in a different headspace. As much as it sucks we have just got to believe our time will come. We will see our BFPs soon 😘

It's so difficult when men just don't understand. Getting mine to DTD around my FW has been difficult this month due to the Europe's. it's like he just doesn't get it.

I'm ok lovely, CD 23 and I think I'm about to ovulate. Although I'm not tracking so don't know. I've got a nice weekend planned with girlfriends so hopefully that will keep me busy xx

Hope you ladies are doing good, what cycle day are we all on now? My AF is due tomorrow, I had hopes it wasn't going to arrive as my BBT has remained high, but it dropped today :(

Had a terrible day yesterday, hormones probably played a part too with AF due. My friend from work (who i sit right across from when in the office) told me she was expecting yesterday. I had a massive feeling she was and wasn't shocked when she told me. So so happy for her, chatted away and then I burst into tears when we came off the call. I feel so awful for being upset at someones happy news, and I know she's feel terrible if she knew how i felt. Its such a horrible thing to feel! Now i am worried about if it ever does happen for me and my bosses reaction to the both of us! Ever feel like you're just behind everyone? She's 5 years younger than me, engaged and now pregnant. I know comparing yourself to others is a bad idea, but I sometimes just can't help it. I am really hoping my mood gets better today, going to take a half day off work tomorrow and see my Mum and Dad and they will cheer me up.

Sorry for the debbie downer post, I am so annoyed as well as I had been doing better than usual this month, lots of meditation, yoga and not stressing. One way or another it always happens though :(

I really hope you ladies are feeling more positive, and everyone had a nice weekend! I am so glad to hear you were in a different headspace @fingerscrossed91 when your friend told you about her pregnancy, that can't have been easy.

xxx

Hey @HJen22
What your feeling is natural!! Only a few weeks ago a friend of mine had a baby girl - I should have been happy but all I thought was 'of course you've had a baby girl'!! We got engaged and married at the same time so think that's why I was a bit bitter!!

My sisters just went into labour - I was worried I'd feel the same but so far it's pure excitement and also worry for her!!

Im CD12 now so in the baby dancing time 😂🙈 however somehow I feel it's not gonna be this month as both me and DH are quite stressed work wise but hey we can only try.

Hopefully it's not AF for you and just some pregnancy hormonal symptoms your feeling xx

Hey @HJen22 , Im so sorry to hear you were upset the other day. It's such a weird thing as you definitely can be happy for other people and also gutted for yourself at the same time. Fingers crossed AF won't show up. Have you had any symptoms this cycle?

I'm on CD 26 but am only 1DPO (I think) so still have the joys of the TWW ahead of me. I haven't used OPKs or tracked this cycle and although it's annoying as I don't know dates it really has helped me be more chilled about this (famous last words - give me 2 days and I'll be pulling my hair out!!) xx

Thank you ladies, I know lots of us feel this way but it's just not something you ever imagine feeling is it :( before we started TTC i'd never have felt this way. Guilt of feeling this way is just another horrible emotion to deal with! I am hoping its just the initial news thats got me feeling this way. In the last 18months I have had lots of friends had babies / become pregnant so it's nothing new. Think its more the work aspect worrying me as well! Of having to do two jobs, my boss being mega annoyed when i do finally fall pregnant etc! But that's all in the future and I know I should live in the now!!

That is so exciting about your sister, and Yeah I know what you mean, family is just different somehow isn't it. I hope she is doing ok and has as smooth a birth as possible!! I bet you can't wait for those first cuddles!

@Lynne425 Yay happy BD! I am sure you will fit some time in over the week, and as they say, only takes once! I am sorry to hear your work is stressful, just isn't what you need is it!!

@fingerscrossed91 that's great you have been chilled, its nice to have a more relaxed cycle now and again isnt it! I did that last month so this month did BBT and OPKs.

Nope no symptoms out of the ordinary i don't think, I have been trying my hardest not to symptom spot! Easier said than done! Usual tired and emotional! Also think im a bit bunged up with a cough due to hayfever. Did a covid test last week just to check and phew thankfully it was negative!

Are all you ladies down in England? We are behind with the levels here in Scotland, its hoped we will go to level 0 next week although rates are bad just now! So who knows. Can't really keep up! xxx

Hi ladies, sorry I've taken so long to respond. Was just in the headspace of not wanting to think about fertility at all last week, and then this weekend I started to get convinced it had worked this month as was having my longest cycle yet. Alas it wasn't to be so cd1 for me here. Had a good cry this morning to get it out of my system but I think this is the most gutted I've felt so far. DP is going for his SA today, it's come round surprisingly quick. How are you all doing and cd are you now?

I'm really sorry to hear there's been more pregnancy announcements, it really is so painful but just keep in mind it will be all of us very soon xx

@HJen22 Yep, I'm based in England. It seems mad that everything is opening up today I know so many people with COVID at the moment, far more than at any other time during the pandemic.

Im 7DPO today (I think) I've had no symptoms whatsoever so far so am assuming this isn't my month. I will test on Saturday if AF isn't here as I have some girlfriends coming over for a girlie weekend that will likely contain alcohol. I really don't think this has been our month unfortunately 😢

I had my day 21 blood test the other day so hopefully that will move things on in the fertility treatment area.

@suzy124 I'm so sorry to hear AF arrived lovely. Sometimes a good cry is what you need - you are allowed to be upset and disappointed after all. Do you have anything nice planned this weekend to take your mind off things?

@suzy124 I'm sorry it wasn't your month 😔 I was pretty miserable all last week and when AF arrived, it's rubbish isn't it.

That's great DH is off for his SA today, I hope it went well and wasn't too stressful for him.

I'm doing better after a nice sunny weekend that reminded me I should be grateful for what I have and not just thinking about what I want / don't have. Shame I can't remember that all of the time though! Easier said than done! I'm cycle day 5, started OPKs today as normally ovulate anywhere between day 10 onwards! Im hoping it's sooner rather than later so I don't have to worry about DTD when away with my family 😂🙈

@fingerscrossed91 I know it's crazy isn't it! We're still wearing masks up here; just back from getting my second vaccine. I hope those you know with Covid are doing ok! I def know more people recently than before!

You're not out til AF arrives! So fingers crossed! A girlie weekend sounds great and will def be a nice distraction from the life of TTC.

That's great you're had your bloods; I really want my day21 done as well as I haven't and I'd like them to just check. I think as I have regular cycles the fertility dr didn't say anything about it but I'm going to ask next month when I'm in for my hycosy. Feel like it should have been checked in the first instance, but now the clinic is dealing with me I guess I shouldn't ask my GP?
This is cycle 18 now though! Xx

Thank you both, just feeling so rubbish. I was so convinced this weekend for the first time ever so I can't quite believe it. Trying to remind myself it'll be time to try again before I know it and I'll be feeling different.

On the plus side SA all done dusted. Results should be in about 10 days.

@HJen22 I'm sorry it wasn't your month either hun. But glad to hear you've already got AF behind you and are looking ahead to this month. Fingers crossed it doesn't interrupt your holiday! Is it next week you go?

I would maybe ask the clinic about 21 day bloods when you go next month, they may be planning to do more thorough bloods than the GP would anyway? Like you say you're regular so I don't think there's any issue of whether you're actually ovulating but it's always nice to be doubly sure isn't it!

@fingerscrossed91 Symptoms or a lack of is really nothing to go by, you've got every chance! I wish you all the luck testing this weekend! Glad your bloods are out of the way, will the doctor phone you with the results or do you have to make an appointment? And a girlie weekend sounds lovely, are you doing spa things or anything like that? No plans for me, just counting down the days until I can go home and see my family and friends in August.

It really is nuts that all restrictions have been lifted here with covid rates going up. Makes me wonder what was the point of everything so far to just throw it all away!

I had my day 21 blood results back today and luckily everything is fine and it shows that I ovulated. OH has his SA booked in in two weeks and then the GP will refer us. I'm super scared about being referred but at least it means the ball is rolling I suppose....

@suzy124 no plans with the girls, just eating and drinking too much (assuming I get a BFN on sat) and hopefully it will be sunny so we can chill in the sunshine ☀️

How's everyone feeling this week. I hope you are all feeling positive and are enjoying the sun. It's crazy how much better you feel when the suns out!

@fingerscrossed91 brilliant news, at least that's one thing not to worry about! Things seem to be moving nice and quick for you 👍 What's making you scared about the referral?

Well here's hoping it's a BFP and alcohol free drinks for you 😄

I'm still at rock bottom today to be honest. Been trying to distract myself but feel so heartbroken and haven't got any hope in sight

@suzy124 oh sweet I'm so sorry you are feeling rubbish. Can you do something to spoil yourself this weekend to take your mind off things.

Is your OH being supportive with how you are feeling? Sending you a virtual hug xxx

@fingerscrossed91 thats great news your bloods all came back fine and OH has his SA booked in. Don't be scared, I know none of us wanted to get to this point but as you say, its good to have the ball rolling.

I had my second vaccine on Monday which totally floored me yesterday, spent the afternoon in bed! I have been fighting off something for a few weeks, had an annoying cough (have done two covid tests though and both been negative over the last two weeks), maybe just run down! I feel better today though! How are you? The sun does help doesnt it!

I have rejoined my gym, cancelled it last year, i did go back when i re-opened but when it closed again at the end of the year i just cancelled it. I am hoping getting some exercise might help my mental health and my eating has been terrible of late so i really need to get that sorted out!! Such an emotional eater!

@suzy124 I am so sorry you are having a tough time :( brighter days will come, be kind to yourself and let yourself be down if you need to be. We all have those days, and they feel ever so long, but you will come out the other side, positive and hopeful for the next cycle. I really do know how you feel, I was the exact same last week. It really gets harder doesn't it. Sending you virtual hugs xxx

@HJen22 oh hun sorry to hear you felt rough with the jab, which one did you have? I felt awful setter mine too. Hopefully it will pass soon.

So I woke up today and my nipples felt ridiculously sore. I've never felt anything like it. I was going to hold out to test until Saturday but the urge just came over me. I'm only 9DPO according to the app so I'm really not convinced but I got the below result...

What are your thoughts?

Hi OP, just come across your post which I know you started a while back but I can totally relate!

That looks positive to me!!!! Are these the pregnancy tests you usually use? My friend had a false positive with these which I believe is rare but I would confirm with a different brand in the morning or next couple of days!)

Crossing everything for you! X

@newtolineofduty hey lovely, how are things with you?

I usually use FRER but this month I tried to be "relaxed" so didn't have any in the house. I have ordered some from Amazon which should come tomorrow.

Oh gosh that must have been horrible for your friend. I'm so nervous it's a false positive. I don't believe it all. I will test tomorrow with a FRER and see. The line did come up within a minute if that makes any difference.

I'm literally freaking out. I haven't told my OH as I don't want to get his hopes up when I'm not actually sure myself.

I just want it to be tomorrow morning!!

xxx

Aww hun don't carry all the pressure yourself. You need to look after you aswell as DH! The very sore nipples is a very good sign!!!!! Crossing everything for you x you sound so lovely! X

@fingerscrossed91 it looks positive to me! How exciting!!!! Keep testing! I'm not really familiar with those tests, think I've only used them a few times back in the earlier days! But I really really hope that it is. I have got everything crossed for you!!! You could also be a few days more DPO if you weren't really tracking this month!

I had the Pfizer, I felt ok after the first just a dead arm but yesterday I just felt so rubbish. Feeling much better today though thankfully!

Xxx

@fingerscrossed91 oh my gosh I'm so excited and nervous for you! Symptoms sound really promising and keeping everything crossed for your tests tomorrow 🤞🤞🤞 I agree if it's stressing you out tell your DP so you don't go through this alone, he is 50% of this after all! X

@HJen22 thank you lovely, just letting myself be down as I really can't change my mood for now. Funnily enough all the sunshine is making me feel worse atm as don't feel able to enjoy it and I'm also so homesick. It is comforting to know that you went through the same last week although I would wish it no one! That's great you've rejoined the gym, I'm sure it will help get those endorphins flowing and hopefully you'll feel better. Sorry to hear the 2nd jab knocked you for six, but it's good it only lasted one day! Hopefully it won't have any other effects this month. I'm still not courageous enough to get mine! X

Yeah I agree @fingerscrossed91 if you need to tell OH and have his support then perhaps tell him? Can't imagine how hard it is to wait to do another test!! Very excited for you and your test tomorrow!!!!

@suzy124 I really hope it lifts for you really soon. Sometimes nothing I do gets me out of my sad mood and I've just got to wait it out. You will feel better and I'm sorry to hear you are feeling homesick :( not long until you will be home with your family and friends and having a lovely time. Honestly every month now, no matter how hard I try, I have days either before AF or during where I just can't stop crying and worrying and thinking the worst so you aren't alone.

I know so glad it only lasted yesterday! My OH was fine thankfully. I'm feeling much better today and not long til the weekend and my time off work. Think today is start of fertile week although apps are saying different ovulation day but OPKs getting darker xxx

Thanks all for being so lovely and supportive. I feel loads better having you guys to talk to.

I've decided I'm going to wait until tomorrow as I really don't think I've got anything to tell him. Then if is positive tomorrow I can surprise him before he goes to work and if not I can have a cry and a cuddle.

How are you both getting on? It is sooo hot where I am! I've really struggled to get anything done today! xxx