Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@Lynne425 welcome! Of course you can join! I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I can't even begin to imagine how that hard that must have been for you. Yeah you aren't out til AF arrives, I have everything crossed for you!!

@suzy124 thats great news, has he managed to get one booked in? Glad to hear things are progressing for you!!

Both apps are actually matching up with OPKs and i had my 3rd day of high temp so Ovulation was confirmed as Cycle day 10 on Tuesday, and we DTD Saturday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Now just to remain calm and positive, I am doing lots of yoga and meditation to relax. Yeah 17 cycles feels like forever, but I am trying to keep in mind, it will happen. Oh I'm sure your ovulation will come soon, are you just trying to DTD every two days?

Aw that sounds like a lovely time away, I am sure all your friends and family are so looking forward to seeing you! And hopefully you get some nice weather! We go last week of July, we've booked a farm play thing for one of the days, we'll get swimming booked at the lodge, walks etc, with small kids and the dog it will be hectic but fun!

This weekend just some walks, see my nephews and there's an outdoor market nearby we want to go to. No alcohol this weekend. When we first started TTC I barely ever drank, and if I did, not much, especially not in the TWW but so many people do and don't even know they are pregnant. And as time has went on, I have to still live but still don't have all that much really. But this month I want to have none in the TWW and maybe this month will be the month.

@fingerscrossed91 i'm so sorry you are having a tough time :( I hope you have some nice weekend plans as a distraction? And did you get your acupuncture? I don't tend to get any spotting in the second half of my cycle, but i sometimes do a few days after AF. Maybe you are ovulating earlier than you expected? xxx

@fingerscrossed91 Glad you're feeling a bit better. I hope not tracking ovulation is helpful for you this month, I have found not peeing on opks quite nice! The spotting may have been ovulation, you never know. Apps can be very inaccurate at predicting so hope you're dtd every other day to cover your bases!

A weekend away sounds lovely! Where you off to?xx

Oh and good news, my OH is able to come to my HyCosy. I called and asked yesterday! I am guessing perhaps just for the results and not in with me for the procedures ha! I am glad though as if it's bad news I would be heartbroken and alone. Fingers crossed it will all be fine though. xx

@HJen22 ah that is amazing news. Although I'm sure it won't be bad news but it will still be nice to feel supported. I'm so happy for you 😊 xx

@suzy124 you're right it could be ovulation. I normally have long cycles but in the past 12 months I have randomly had one super short cycle. Who knows haha

I'm weirdly enjoying not testing etc. I feel so much less pressure without the daily reminder that I'm trying. But it does mean that I have no clue when to test/when I'm due on 🙈

How are you getting on this month?

Acupuncture is booked for 2 days before my app predicted ovulation, so next week. I will let you know hot it goes xx

@fingerscrossed91 yeah I am so glad he can come with me, not so sure he was thrilled about the thought haha but I let it slide as I am sure he didn't mean it like that. I'm like, I don't want to be doing this either. Sad cos the scan you expect is when you get a BFP and seeing the baby for the first time, not an internal scan to find out what is going on! But that;'s just the way things have worked out I guess!

Sometimes you just need a month of no testing don't you, I have probably done about half and half, some months nothing, some just OPKs and some with BBT but others I just haven't. It's nice to take away the pressure.

That's something to look forward to then, I hope you enjoy it! How have your friends been since your meal? And I hope you had a nice time at the wedding, how lovely! xx

@HJen22 😊 He's just texted me to say he's booked in for the 19th. They said it should be done at home and brought to them, that there's a 75min window (I didn't think it was that long?!) but he's asked to do it there instead.

Oh that's good that everything matched up, it's very satisfying when that happens. Sounds like you've got it well and truly covered this month! Hoping the 2ww goes quickly for you and the yoga continues to help. It definitely will happen, unfortunately it's just a waiting game for so many of us. Yep just inseminating every other day this month, so many months we've done it every day during fw and it hasn't made a blind bit of difference!

Yeah I'm actually starting to feel a bit of excitement about the trip. I'm sure there will be plenty of rain though! That sounds great, there must be some really nice walks there! Hope the weather is good for you too.

I'm the same I never drank much anyway, but it's all too easy to feel guilty about wanting something like that and then convincing ourselves that's the reason we didn't get pregnant! But just remember that actual crackheads get pregnant, I remind myself of that when I feel I'm being too hard on myself. And if something like the odd glass of wine will make you feel good and relaxed, it's probably going to be better for your chances rather than feeling miserable that you're having to deny yourself these things. Like you said you still have to live a life but I also understand wanting to do everything possible we think will help. It's a minefield!

Oh that's fantastic news about the hycosy! You must be relieved. And that's just men isn't it?! I'm sure it wasn't intentional, they are just terrible with things like this and would do anything not to talk about uteruses and fallopian tubes and the like 😂 Also try not to think too much about the scan being triggering, when I had mine I couldn't even see the screen and it was over very quickly xx

@fingerscrossed91 I think sometimes it's better not to know when you're due on although you always sort of have an idea don't you. Will you try not to test this month?

I'm getting on ok thanks, probably the calmest month I've had in a long time though that can quickly change can't it! I think keeping busy with other things is key, so difficult though.

Good luck with acupuncture, another thing to look forward to! 😊xx

@suzy124 that's great news! Not too long a wait! And that's good they've a 75min window! That will hopefully make it easier and feel like less pressure!

Yeah I was glad to see both apps said the same! I often have months when its early, but then last month when i didnt track it put it to day 14!

Of course, sorry i mean inseminate. I know, we did it 5 days of the 7 in a row one month and still had no luck, but it only takes once doesn't it! We just need to keep trying and remain positive!

It's nice to have something to look forward to isn't it! Much else on between now and then?

Yeah when i was younger i used to, but since we moved out of the city centre its gotten less, and the fact I'm older and a light weight haha! And also I like to spend my weekends seeing my nephews which always tends to be early! Haha I know, HOW do those people get pregnant! Such a minefield, you are right, best to have when we want and not to think too much about it, but I am also looking forward to a nice chilled weekend after being rough last sunday!

Oh have you had an internal scan? I hope it is over quickly! I have had quite a few smears and a colposcopy not all that long ago to check cells, im fine for most of it but i did come over a bit faint near the end last time haha such a drama queen!

xxx

Thank you @HJen22 @suzy124 @fingerscrossed91

It was a blighted ovum I had (basically the sac grew but no fetus) therefore I managed to mentally get over it a lot quicker than I thought it was. However it was still quite a blow when I thought everything was 'ok'.

Well AF hasn't arrived today (yet!) so might continue testing each morning until it does! I've bought a pack of IC tests so plenty there to test with!

As you say I'll try to keep positive until AF shows!!

Hope everyone has something fabulous planned for the weekend xxx

@HJen22 thanks, yeah I'm relieved it's booked in. He's opted to do it at the clinic, but I've told him he can change his mind and I'll drive the sample if needed. I just think it'll be so much pressure in that kind of environment instead of at home but we'll see!

Oh don't worry, it's still dtd of sorts 😂 I'm feeling more hopeful after two ladies just got their BFP on an insemination thread I'm on, but at the same time wondering why it hasn't worked for me yet! Yep once is all it takes, though I find I'm always torn between too much and not enough. Trying my best to just trust the NHS advice of every other day, we did it last night and I'm trying to resist not doing it tonight as well but still having ewcm

Yeah glad to have my flight booked but can't say I have much planned before then 😕 Need to look at what's happening nearby. What about you? Is all of your family going on the July trip?

I had an internal scan in January to check for ovarian cysts. It was maybe 10mins max? Also just a tiny bit of pressure but I didn't find it uncomfortable at all. I'd rather have that than a speculum any day! And as I mentioned couldn't see the screen at all so hopefully it will be the same for you 😊 xx

@Lynne425 ooh that sounds terrible! I didn't even know that could happen! Do you mind me asking how many weeks you were?

Great news about AF, keep positive! I'd encourage you not to test but if you're a poas addict I know that'll be hard.

Not much planned for my weekend, heavy rain due both days for me 😭 might see what's on at the cinema. Hope you have something nice to distract, where are you based?xx

Good morning and happy Monday ladies, I hope you all had a nice weekend? Did anyone do anything exciting?

@suzy124 That's great your OH has the choice and can decide on the day which he is most comfortable with! Hopefully it is a stress free as can be.

Ah that's lovely and very hopeful that some of the ladies on another chat have had success and their BFP's, I am sure your time is coming soon! I know, I am the same, I am like every month (give or take one or two) we have DTD over the fertile window and it's not worked. But we just need to keep trying and it will :)

The family trip is my Mum, Dad, Sister, Brother in Law, two nephews and myself and my OH. We had hoped his daughter could come but it's not worked out fitting in as she is away with her Mum the week after and she's down in England, so we will just have her up afterwards. Pup is coming too so be parks, walks, swimming etc!

I think the HyCosy involves a speculum unfortuantley! As the insert a cathetar and inject some sort of fluid or foam or something in to check the tubes aren't blocked. Sure on the video they sent me it says foam but on the leaflet i got in the post it says fluid. Says a vaginal examination like a smear, followed by an internal scan and then fulid passed into the womb which can be seen on the scan machine. Hopefully it will be over before I know it and not be painful!!

@Lynne425 that sounds so awful, i am so sorry to hear you went through that. I hope there was no sign of AF for you over the weekend...

@fingerscrossed91 how are you doing? xxx

@HJen22 Hey! Hope you had a nice weekend? I just did a lot of housework and yesterday we went for a nice forest walk (in the rain no less).

Thanks for your positivity. I've been feeling mostly ok, but as soon as I see anyone with their babies/pushing prams I start having a wobble. Like my mood just changes instantly and get that gut wrenching feeling 😥 Anyway, I'm counting myself out this month as I think I finally ovulated yesterday (cd20) so my LP will be too short. How many dpo are you now? How's the yoga and meditation going?

That sounds really lovely, but also a shame his daughter can't come. Something more to look forward to after though!

Ah of course, sorry I was just thinking about the scan part so didn't enter my mind there would be a speculum! Have they advised you to do anything before, like take paracetamol? xx

@suzy124 I had a nice weekend thanks! The weather wasn't so good here! Saturday we drove inland and took the puppy to the river which was nice and then yesterday I seen my family! Monday again! And the weather is looking terrible here all week! A forest walk is always nice, fresh air helps for sure!

Don't worry, I am the same. It's hard not to have a gut wrenching feeling; I feel it all the time. I came off Social media to try and lessen it a little, I'm back on a bit but I limit the use. I feel myself pulling away from certain people too who say annoying things! I've read so so many people on here who feel down and sad and can't seem to get away from babies and pregnancies, we definitely aren't the only ones who feel it.

Aw you never know, how long are your cycles normally? I had a 35 day cycle once. And the range of a normal LP is quite big, something like 11-17 days I think.

I'm doing ok, trying to just not spend every minute of the day thinking about TTC! Meditation and yoga helps to a certain extent. I just need to keep it up! And try and beat the sad feelings when they come before they last days. I'm quite bad for that, get down and then just can't seem to perk up again.

Yeah it says to take ibuprofen and paracetamol I think it is beforehand! I've read some stories on here and it doesn't sound too bad so fingers crossed 🤞🏻 xxx

@HJen22 I took myself off Facebook too as I couldn't handle another announcement no matter who it was from! Don't miss it at all.

How many dpo are you? Hope the 2ww is going quickly for you. Glad the yoga and mediation is helping. My cycles are 30days max, once it was 31 but that was very unusual and I think brought on by stress. That's how I know it'll be short, just can't see it going past 30!

Yeah the low feelings are hard to shift. As soon as I start having them I'm now trying to distract myself quickly and it's helping to some extent. Not easy at all tho

I'm sure the Hycosy will be fine. I've read it's not too bad either so I'm sure it's just one of those things that sounds scarier than it is! Xx

@suzy124 same, it just gets a bit too much doesn't it! I go on every now and again for a snoop but I might actually just deactivate it. I still have instagram but go on it no where near as much. Sometimes you just have to do these things for yourself.

I am 7DPO. Going to try my very hardest not to symptom spot this month, she says every month!! You may have a totally normal LP but just a slightly longer cycle cos of late ovulation, the month i had the 35 day cycle it but my ovulation date as CD23! Stress is the worst isn't it, you try not to stress and then the months you think you haven't, you go and get a messed up cycle or something!

Yeah just try and keep busy, find distractions and i have been repeating the mantra "i trust that my baby will come to me" which sounds crazy but i think its helping me, the fertility yoga says it and is all about not just focusing on this cycle, and this month, but the present.

Hopefully, and one thing done and out of the way. Have you received anything from your local fertility clinic yet? Hopefully you do soon!! We got a questionnaire (by questionnaire i mean it was one page each and it was literally mostly name, address etc) through quite quick after the initial referral from the GP.

xxx

@HJen22 hey lovely, I'm good thank you. I had a fab weekend in Brighton with some friends which was lovely. I'm full of cold now though (but luckily it's not COVID!) so am struggling at work today.

I've been spotting for the past week but have no clue what it's about. I don't think I've ovulated yet but I'm not doing OPK's so I don't actually know. Im feeling loads better at the moment though. Just trying to stay positive.

How are you sweet? xx

@fingerscrossed91 aw amazing! That sounds like lots of fun! What all did you do? And how was the weather? I went there years ago for a henny and I would love to go back!! So glad to hear you had a nice weekend! Not so good you have the cold now though, that's rubbish! I hope it goes away soon! And glad its not covid!! Are you working from home?

Oh what cycle day are you? That's great, its so nice to have good days isn't it. I wish we could make every day a good one! Trying to stay positive is key! I am doing good thanks, I am much the same, trying to stay positive and just relax and chill out. I have made plans to see my parents for lunch tomorrow and my friend on Thursday so trying to keep busy. It's so easy to get into a bit of a rut of doing nothing and then I think I overthink! Need to keep me and my mind busy!

xxx

@HJen22 it was so lovely and a nice break. Our friends have just finished renovating a big property so we all went to have a catch up and a party there. The house was absolutely stunning. The weather wasn't too bad. It rained a little bit but it wasn't too bad luckily.

I'm trying to work from home but am feeling very unmotivated today! Are you still working from home at the moment?

I'm ok CD 19. I think I'm just coming into my fertile window according to the app. What CD are you?

ah it will be so lovely to see your parents and just generally have a chill out. And then lunch with your friend sounds perfect. I'm supposed to be going to a spa this weekend with time of my besties so am hoping a long massage will properly relax me.

xx

@fingerscrossed91 that sounds so lovely! Nice weekend away is sometimes just what you need!

Yeah I'm still working from home; I'm up in Scotland so we're a few weeks behind in planned level 0. My work have said a staggered return from the 17th august. I was hoping for some flexibility with both office and home working but I don't think it's going to be the case! What about you? I keep telling myself hopefully it won't be too long before I need some time off 👶🏼

I'm cycle day 17 and ovulation was day 10 according to my OPKs and BBT. I downloaded Premom this month as well as the app I normally use and they both have the same day which is good.

A spa will be lovely! And a massage will I'm sure help relax you, some me time and self care is so important. I had a massage my sister got for me the other month and it was lovely. I'm thinking about booking another one or a facial or something as a treat to myself haha xxx

@HJen22 it really does. I haven't peeped at facebook once in months, I was finding it quite boring anyway. Instagram is definitely harder not to look at!

It's natural to notice all the symptoms in the 2ww, but it's helpful not to obsess over it or google. They are just so misleading and then it's time wasted anyway! I take it you won't be testing again this month unless late? Not long to go now 😊

Haha I remember that mantra from the yoga! I'm glad it's helping you feel more calm, there really is nothing worse than being caught up in the depressed feelings around ttc.

Actually after reading what you said I asked OH if the clinic has given him any instructions, as I think I remember reading you're not supposed to dtd for a few days before. He said they've e-mailed him some pdfs but he hasn't looked - honestly, Men!

@fingerscrossed91 aw it's great to hear you're feeling a bit better and that the weekend in Brighton helped! Are you south England? I was actually in Brighton a few weeks ago myself, just a day trip though. Got caught in the heaviest rain ever with only shorts and t-shirt and about a mile walk back to the car 😂

Strange about the spotting, have you had the vaccine recently? Just wondering if it could be related.

@Lynne425 how are you doing?

@suzy124 yeah I think I might just disable Facebook. I unfollowed a heap of people on Instagram so it's not too bad as it's only those I want to see now 😂

Yeah I'll not test until late, I don't think this month is the month even after me staying calm and my positivity! I have sore knees and for some weird reason I tend to always get that on the run up to AF. Really really trying hard to remind myself it will happen, just maybe not this month.

Oh men haha! Yeah there's something like not two days before but no longer than 7 days! Can't quite remember but it should be in his pdfs! I hope you get something through from your fertility clinic soon too!

I've freaked myself out today reading about short follicular phases, bad idea! But just back a lovely lunch with my parents and going to do some yoga this afternoon (in between work haha)

Just got my letter through for my second vaccination soon so at least that will be done and out of the way. Have you ladies had yours?

Xxx

@HJen22 I know it's so easy to count yourself out but you just never know! Sore knees is an interesting symptom, I sometimes get sore boobs but not every month and then just the usual cramps a day or two before. I find it weird how some months I can be in agony and some it's like I don't feel anything at all. And before ttc never noticed a single thing but the cramps! When is AF expected? Got my fingers crossed for you 🤞

Thank you, hope I hear soon too but doctor said it would be a couple of months

Oh no! No more googling! What's got you worried about that?

No vaccine for me yet 😳 decided my mental state was fragile enough atm without possibly having my cycles messed up! I will get it eventually x

@suzy124 I know it's very strange. I used to get sore knees on and off all the time before, I don't know if I just now link it to the time of month or if it's just random! Overthinking haha but they just feel sore to bend! I don't tend to get bad cramps or anything. I know it's so weird isn't it! AF is expected next Wednesday; what about you?

Hopefully you'll hear back soon! It was a few months til we had our call but getting on the list was pretty quick. You could even call the clinic just to make sure they've received your referral from the GP? I've called mine numerous times and I bet they are so used to it!

I'm not sure why I started googling it to be honest! I think I read somewhere someone saying a 24/25 day cycle was too short.

Yeah I hummed and hayed about getting mine but then AF came and I had done some research so just went ahead. How are things with your OH just now? Xx

Hey All
Sorry for the quietness - had an absolute nightmare of a week at work!

So AF arrived but it was soo light it's strange!! My cycle is now 27 days since the miscarriage but using OPKs last few months show ovulation so hopefully all is ok?!

Was going to contact Dr as been trying for a year now technically but I don't know if they'll say it's not been a year as I was pregnant at some point?

So CD7 for me...... let's see what this month brings!

My sister is due her baby any day so that will keep my mind off things im sure x

@Lynne425 Hi! I hope the week is quieting down for you now, and almost the weekend!

My periods have become even lighter than before too! Why can't our bodies just be simple. That's good though that the OPKs have been showing ovulation though! When are you due to ovulate this month? Everything crossed for you!

I would still contact the Dr. No harm in speaking to them, and to be honest, it can be a bit slow. I first had bloods done in March and didn't have the first fertility clinic until June and then my internal scan and HyCosy August. Different everywhere and it could have been worse but everything is such a waiting game.

Oh that's lovely, does she know what she is having? Will this be your first niece / nephew? Xx