Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@Amy259 @AZ1992X yeah it’s my NHS one, I will let you guys know how it goes. Fingers crossed 🤞🏼

Awwww Amy I’m so happy you finally got to tell tour DH!!! 🥰 that must have been such a beautiful moment 💕

@User1400 glad you liked them too. Sometimes I add them to my Pinterest board to try and keep me focused 🥰

I hope everyone is ready for the weekend 😁✨💕✨

@Amy259 so happy the test was fine and your news is now shared :) That must be a little bit of relief for you that you now have someone to talk to about it properly.

@User1400 yeah it doesn't make things easier unfortunately. I find it makes it even worse as I get my hopes up more for the months he is here and if he is home for my FW then he is never at home on the day I get AF, it makes it such a lonely process not being able to even get a cuddle or have any support when I get that BFN :(

My mum just got keys to her new house yesterday so I'll probably be helping with painting and cleaning etc. over the weekend!

@AZ1992X ahh a chill part of the cycle! Or impatient part if you’re anything like me 😂 hoping you ovulate closer to your normal CD this time and don’t need to wait as long 🤞🏻

@User1400 I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you! Hopefully a good flushing does the trick 😂 I guess the big mucus plug (yuck) they managed to flush out in mine must’ve been the problem - my right tube was totally blocked at the ovary end, so no eggs were getting down it. I don’t know the odds of it improving fertility if there’s nothing wrong though, but there’s definitely lots of stories out there of it happening shortly after. Let us know how you get on!

@HopefulGlow yeah keep us updated! On the topic of Christmas films, how do you feel about the Princess Switch..? 👀

@LA9610 thank you! Yeah it’s such a weight off being able to vocalise and rationalise.
I’m so sorry you need to go through not having DH here for some fws then some af weeks - I didn’t even think that he’d obviously miss some af weeks too. It all must be so frustrating and so hard for both of you ♥️ Fingers crossed for November 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Happy Friday everyone xx

@LA9610 augh, I didn’t even think of him missing AF too, I’m so sorry you have to do that alone. Have you told him how difficult you find it? Is there a way you could FaceTime him or call him when things get lonely and difficult? I know it’s not the same as physical cuddles though 😔

@Amy259 I want to know how a mucus plug even gets up there?! 😂 also, did you get to see it? Haha I might have been weird and asked if I could have haha

The Princess Switch? Is absolutely terrible!! I love it 😂😂 do you like it??

I’m going to order some Christmas fabric for place settings and napkins this weekend 😁 I’m too excited! Haha

✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow so the dye is bright white and you see the it go into your uterus and up both tubes. So basically the dye does the egg’s journey in reverse, all the way to your ovary, and when it gets to the end of the tube it’s supposed to spill out, and my left side did.
On the right side, I could see my tube was being forced wider at the ovary end and the white stuff was all gathering at the very end instead of spilling over. So she asked if I minded it she pushed more dye, and she did, and it unblocked it and I saw the white stuff pour out the end of the tube!

So I couldn’t see the mucus plug bit, and it’ll have been pushed out into my body (who knows where it goes 😂) but I saw the effect of it being there, then being dislodged, if that makes sense? And I’m guessing my tube could then go back to normal size and work properly, given the positive this month? It could just be coincidence but it seems too good timing.

And the normal hycosy part was fine, and she said they don’t hurt at all if everything is okay, but the unblocking was… unpleasant 🙈

The Princess Switch - loved the cheese of the first one, second one not as good but adequate background wrapping festiveness, nervous about number 3…😂 xx

@Amy259 wow! That’s so fascinating, I love that they can do these things. It must have been amazing to watch & im sure it helped you get your BFP this month 😍

I think I’m pretty good with pain but I remember having one of my coils in and crying after! Lol I rang my mum and thanked her for birthing me 🤣 so hopefully the scan won’t be like that.

Wait what?? There’s a third? 😂 what else can they do with it?? Haha

Have you seen Christmas inheritance? That’s equally as cheesy but amazing!

✨💕✨

@Amy259 I find it relaxing as there’s nothing I can do although I always want it to come round quick once AF starts 😂. Thank you, I hope so too otherwise I’ll probably be due AF just before I go away (again) if it’s later.

@User1400 I’ve not got any scans booked - I’ve got to wait until April to get referred unfortunately but they did check my bloods which all came back ok. It doesn’t actually feel that far away now though (hoping it may happen naturally before then though 🤞).

Hope everything goes ok with your hycosy next week.

Hope everyone’s Friday is going ok, weekend is nearly upon us!
I’m on countdown - 2 hours left 😂😂

Happy Monday everyone!! Hope you all had a good weekend?

Just had a letter through to attend first appointment at the Subfertility clinic with my OH next Monday. Was surprised to get an appointment so quickly to be honest, was also expecting a telephone appointment to begin with based on what I had heard but happy that it is in person.

@LA9610 Happy Monday to you too! Is this your first fertility appointment? Ours was video call, good to hear they are doing them in person again. Remind me.. what stage are you at with TTC? Sorry, my head is like a sieve Xxx

@AZ1992X the weekend came and went in a blur! It was a busy one for us, we usually have quite chilled weekends, so I’m looking forward to a nice quiet week.

How was yours?

@LA9610 great news about your appointment! What is this appointment for?

@User1400 did you mind it being a video appointment? I’m not sure if I would prefer one over the other tbh.

I have my scan on Weds and I’m a little nervous 😅 it will be good to have news though, either way.

@Amy259 how was your weekend? How’s you and the little bean doing?✨💕✨

Morning everyone,

Hope everyone had a nice weekend and your Monday wasn’t too bad.

@HopefulGlow it was lovely thank you! Had a small walk both days, had a good clear out and tidy, watched a Christmas movie each day - Holidate and then last Christmas (hadn’t seen them before) & then finished the weekend making a Sunday dinner and warm pudding.

Hope you had a lovely weekend even though it was busy?

@LA9610 that’s great you’ve had your appointment letter through and you don’t have too long to wait.

@Amy259 hope you’re keeping ok?

Xx.

Morning girls!

@LA9610 brilliant news about your first appointment, glad you didn’t need to wait to long.

@HopefulGlow ahh scan day tomorrow, that’s exciting. Totally normal to be super nervous too, but it’ll be good to get another piece of the puzzle!

My weekend was lovely thank you, was my mum’s birthday so had a nice meal out and spent some time with my parents. Was your busy weekend a good one?

@AZ1992X I think the wait for ov is sometimes worse than the tww! Fingers crossed your ovulation happens earlier, you don’t need another week away with af 😂 love that you’ve started with a Christmas films, I’m itching to!

I’m keeping okay thank you ladies. Saw both sets of parents this weekend and managed not to say anything haha. Still bouts of real crazy anxiety that it’s all going to end, but managed to stop testing. Got my appointments through for midwife and scan which feels a bit mental, so just counting down the days until an early scan and trying not to drive myself crazy in the meantime! Xx

@AZ1992X oh my goodness last Christmas! I loooove that one. Chokes me up every time! Did you like them?

Your weekend sounds so lovely!

Yeah although it was busy, I enjoyed it :) I had some acupuncture (she left one of the needles in my stomach in and I didn’t realise until I went to pull my trousers up hahaha)

Met up with some friends but it felt like a lot of the conversations featured pregnant people or babies haha I don’t know if I’m being sensitive to it or not?!

Neither of them are wanting children so I know it’s not intentional, it just made me realise how much I notice these things now lol

Sunday dinner and a warm pudding is the best on a weekend! I want to find a recipe for spotted dick! It was my absolute favourite and everyone thinks I’m a grandma for loving it haha

@Amy259 eeeeek I can’t believe you managed to keep it in, I bet it was so hard!

Any symptoms creeping up yet? Are you going for a private early scan? ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow oh god, having a needle left in is one of my biggest fears!! Hope it didn’t hurt too much when you pulled your trousers up? 🙈

I’ve got acupuncture tomorrow and I’m counting down the hours - she offered me today and I wish I’d snapped it up now. I just felt sooo much better after seeing her last week.

I really felt the “pregnancy everywhere” thing, but mostly from my mum. Unintentionally of course, because she doesn’t know how long we’ve been trying, but it felt like every time I saw her another one of her friends had announced they were going to be a gran. It was really tough, and I do think we’re more sensitive to it but how could we not be?!

I’ve got sore nipples pretty much all the time, in fact I panic when I don’t feel them super sore but it soon comes back, and my boobs have gotten bigger. I feel a bit nauseous when I first wake up in the morning, but no sickness. Tbh I’d love to be throwing up, I’d feel so much better about it all haha.

Yeah I’m going to go for 2 I think, the place near us does a package of two scans a week or so apart so that you can be sure it’s grown the right amount etc. So I’m going to do that at just before 7 weeks then again just after 8 weeks.

@User1400, i'm at 1 year now time-wise but have properly 'tried' on 11 cycles. I got a head-start on the referral to gynae because I was already seeing my doctor for investigations into hair-loss and really poor circulation. So this is my first appointment at the Gynaecology Subfertility Clinic.

@HopefulGlow, it's the first appointment at the Gynaecology Subfertility clinic, it says on the letter i'll be getting a vaginal ultrasound at that first appointment and then from there they will decide if I need a Hyscosy/ laparoscopy. DH will get his SA organised through them too. If everything clear after that point then I assume from what Amy said, we will just be left to wait for another year almost. I think in that wait i'm going to go and get a private fertility assessment done though as I want my AMH tested now.

I'm considering looking into acupuncture but have never tried it before, do those who have tried it think its worthwhile?

@HopefulGlow I didn’t mind it being a video appointment, all they did was ask questions so I suppose it didn’t really make any difference. I just think it might of felt a little more ‘real’ actually attending a clinic, probably just in my head though😅.

Gosh, you are definitely not alone in feeling sensitive about baby chat 😣. I’m sure it’s always been there, but we just feel hyper aware of it now. It’s worst when you are looking for a bit of an escape and a natter.. then you leave feeling worse than when you arrived!

How are you feeling about your scan? I have my HyCosy on Thursday, feeling nervous but at the same time just want to get on with it.

@LA9610 oh yes that’s right it’s come back to me now, sorry, I sometimes loose track on these threads 🙂. How are you feeling about your appointment coming up?
—

Am I right in saying MN only lets you do 1k posts per thread? Perhaps we should look at starting a new thread soon 🙂.

Xx

@Amy259 I’m glad you had a nice weekend. I think an early scan will be good and will hopefully give you some reassurance and ease some of your nerves. ❤️

I think I’ll get impatient if it is late, I know it’s still a few days off yet - hoping this week goes quickly! Xx

@HopefulGlow Yes, they were both good and just what I needed to get me all festive - I started crying at last Christmas though 😂. Need to find some more this weekend and start ticking some off the list.

I’m glad you had a nice weekend! Apart from the needle - wow that must of hurt.

I’ve noticed that too but maybe we’re more aware of it all - even so it’s really hard when it’s all you want.

I’ve never had spotted dick but any warm dessert with custard I’ll probably like 😂😂
Xx.

@LA9610 definitely ask about AMH at your appointment, it seems it doesn’t matter too much if your follicles look good, it’s only relevant for ivf protocol if its eventually needed. That was from our gynae professor man and a girl in here who had hers tested because of follicle concerns. So definitely ask - and maybe make a list of anything else, I had no questions and totally should have - but try not to worry to much about AMH because I think as a stand alone value, it’s not that significant ♥️

As for acupuncture, I absolutely love it! But more for the chats tbh, she’s great and so knowledgable and makes me feel better about it all. No one really knew we were ttc and those who did hadn’t been through any struggles, so it’s like therapy to chat to her. And it makes me feel like I’m doing something proactive too.

@User1400 good luck for the HyCoSy, let us know how you get on. The lady doing mine asked if I’d taken ibuprofen/paracetamol beforehand and I hadn’t been told that haha, so if you’ve got some lying around I’d take some before you go just in case it gets a bit uncomfortable.

Yeah it just stops letting you post I think once it reaches its max. Does it tell you somewhere how many there has been? It’s sad because all the girls taking some time off MN won’t know 🙁

@AZ1992X when roughly is your predicted ov date? This week? Xx

@Amy259, yeah that's what I have read too, that it's tested to determine if IVF suitability because if your ovarian reserve is poor then you are likely not going to be a suitable candidate for IVF and definitely not qualify for it on the NHS. I would rather know that now though - not in another year as if they my results were borderline or okay but not great for example then I might decide to do IVF privately now rather than wait potentially another 2 years for NHS funded IVF and it be too late? Does that sound logical or am I just being OTT?

I think I will definitely give the acupuncture a try as i've read loads about it improving uterine lining etc so that's got to be a good thing, and if it's a therapy session too then even better :)

@User1400, fine to be honest. I don't really want to have any expectations about it as I don't expect it will take us much further forward for the moment. It seems like once you get to this stage it's just keep trying until it happens or decide to pay for IVF if you don't want to wait any longer :(

@LA9610 At least with your scan you’ll know about lining thickness and can ask for follicle numbers - they didn’t give me mine just said they were fine, but I wish I’d asked. If that number is good, it should help put your mind at least about AMH for now too.

I don’t think anything is OTT in this game. We used some savings and paid for a private scan, then for a hycosy (I haven’t even had my nhs hycosy letter through yet) because I didn’t want to keep waiting and waiting. I know it’s not the same as IVF money but I don’t regret a penny - even before I knew that it looks like the hycosy hugely helped us, the money was well worth it because it ticked things off my worry list and I was SO anxious/consumed with what it could be, that for my mental health ticking boxes was huge. We probably would’ve had to wait for NHS ivf though.

I think it’s all about doing what you are able to do to protect your heart and head, on your timescale.

@Amy259 it’s saying Sunday so hopefully it comes on time🤞Xx.

@HopefulGlow how was your scan?

@User1400 good luck with your hycosy today!

Hope everyone is having a good week ♥️

Happy Thursday ladies, how is everyone getting on?

@Amy259 Thank you 🤗. I had the internal scan first, the Dr was happy with my womb lining and my egg reserve, and she was able to tell I had ovulated this month. Unfortunately she couldn’t get the catheter inserted and so we couldn’t go ahead with the HyCosy! As much as it was uncomfortable I really just wanted it to go ahead to get it over and done with, but she just couldn’t get it in! I’m really glad it was all positive news with the scan but gutted about the HyCosy, especially as any hopes of increased fertility next cycle are out the window 😢 xxx

Hi everyone!

Hope everyone’s weeks going ok ❤️

@Amy259 I’ve been getting high readings today so think I’ve about hit my peak. That’s mean I’m a little early this cycle - will defo take that.
Hope you’re keeping ok.

@User1400 I’m glad the internal scan went well - that must be reassuring that your lining and egg reserve are fine. Did they say if they cold try again another time or is that not an option?

@User1400 great news about your lining and your follicle count! But that’s so frustrating for you, I’m really sorry. What’s the plan, try again?

@AZ1992X that’s great, just as well you were testing early. Fingers crossed for your tww, although I know you’re the Queen of calm 😂 I’m okay thank you ♥️