Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

Evening ladies! Sorry for the late reply! 💕

@User1400 I’ve never gone out for Christmas dinner but the idea of not washing up is tempting haha I do love having a nap and going for more though 😂

Thank you for sharing that story about a friend of a friend, that’s definitely the positive news we need 💕

@Amy259 your bedroom sounds lovely! It’s going to feel so nice when it’s all done too. I love a good change around.

your dinner sounds lovely too. Do you have cauliflower cheese with yours? I’m obsessed with it, but I’m the only one in the family who eats it 😂 so I might just make one all for myself 😍

@User1400 that’s so weird I was looking at these statistics the other day too! I often think maybe I’m the 2% too haha I’m sure my sister was trying for over a year, as soon as they made a doctors appointment and did the first checks, they caught naturally. I then hoped that would be me too.

But sadly I know a few accidental pregnancies. More than people who are struggling and that’s even more frustrating. One person I know was on pills for like 15 years, then boom, pregnant by accident. It just blows my mind!! I try so hard not to feel ‘broken’ or useless, because I would never think this of anyone else in this position. So why are we so hard on ourselves? 😩

@AZ1992X I’m so sorry about AF arriving, have you managed okay since starting? I love the positive view on a fresh start, that’s exactly how we should be thinking of it.

@LA9610 welcome to the group! I’m so sorry you’re in this position too. I think joining a group and letting it all out has helped me, so I hope this helps you too.

I don’t have any close friends announcing so I can’t help with that. I only have acquaintances and now my SIL. It’s so hard to be 100% happy for them, but we are and that’s important to remember. We just also want to have that moment too 💕

I’m on cycle 15, TTC 1 year and no BFP yet either. I’ve just had my second blood results back, all normal, now my scan is next in 2 weeks. My OH is going for SA once my tests are done.

I can’t believe how long your wait is for SA. Where abouts do you live? Could you maybe go private for them? I’m not sure on the costs though 😩

Everyone here has ups and downs and we will always do what we can to bring each other back up! ✨💕✨

Thanks for the lovely replies. I've been feeling really down the past few days (not just about ttc, but it is adding to it) and reading them all really has helped me realise I am not completely alone in this and my feelings.

@User1400 - Sorry to hear it's been two years for you so far and that you also struggle with announcements :(
I had to google what a HyCosy was there as haven't come across that term! Did you have any other pelvic scans first that lead to getting that done?

That’s what I try to do to, like last time I got my period I was fine with it because we were going on holiday and at least it meant I didn’t need to avoid alcohol but I would say most months I do get upset. We can’t try every single month though as my husband works offshore and every 2-3 months the timing just doesn’t work, so we have had 10 cycles so far. Are you considering any treatment or just going to continue trying?

@HopefulGlow - ahh my SIL announced a few months ago too, the ones I mentioned were just this week! It honestly seems like everyone I know is either pregnant or had a baby in the past year! SIL is due in December and that one definitely hit us the hardest as it came as a shock... her 2nd child wasn't even 1 yet and we didn't actually know that they were going to have a 3rd child but the timing was like a slap in the face because it was obvious that it happened very quickly for them again (their first pregnancy was an accident) and I think that was the first time my husband really thought 'okay, so why is this not happening for us??'. Obviously those feelings passed after a day or two and we are happy for them but that day we both felt a bit broken.

We live in Scotland, where are you based? I know, 3 months seems so long! I also don’t know how long it will take to hear from Gyno, it was about a month ago that the Doctor referred us but I haven’t heard anything yet. My bloods and pelvic scan, and the SA were just ordered by my GP so we haven’t seen any specialists yet. I guess we could go private just for the SA but then if we are still waiting to see a specialist then there’s not really much point at this stage!

@Amy259 – Are you on the list for IVF or to see a specialist or anything? Totally get what you mean about peace of mind, I would pay private too if my tests hadn’t been done quite quickly as I was convinced that I am the problem.

Your bedroom plans sound lovely btw :)!!

x

@LA9610 ah you’re Scotland too! There’s a few on here from near you then :) I’m from the East Midlands.

I know what you mean, it’s just such a shock and it’s hard to get your head around. I can’t believe you’ve had so many announcements this week though. That’s got to be so rough for you.

Do you have anything to keep you distracted? I’ve taken up crafts and attempting to bake 😂

I have just booked my first acupuncture appointment this week! So I thought why not give that a go haha I have no idea how often they recommend to do it though?

I really hope you get the SA done soon, I didn’t know there was such a long wait for them. I might push my OH to bug his doctor for them sooner!

✨💕✨

@LA9610 I’m in Scotland too ☺️

So here you don’t even get put on the ivf waiting list until you’ve been trying 2 years. Your gynae referral you’re waiting on will be a phone chat and they’ll refer you for a hycosy (I paid private for one recently but I’m waiting on the nhs referral as you still need to go through their process if you’d hycosy shows your tubes aren’t blocked). So once I’ve had the nhs hycosy we just need to wait until the 2 year mark - which is like June for us, but our consultant said he’d try to get the ball rolling for April. Then ivf list is currently about a year after you’re added to it in Scotland, but they’re trying to reduce that.

All my tests have been fine so far and DH’s SA was grand so we just need to keep trying.
It’s all a big waiting game unfortunately!

@HopefulGlow my husband would die 😂 he hates both cauliflower and cheese (I know!!!) so maybe I’ll just pop round to yours at Christmas 😂

@Amy259 what?! Haha your husband is exactly like my OH then! Hates cheese and cauliflower too haha it’s hard because I actually love cheese….I have to cook with it when he’s not home, otherwise he starts heaving 🤣

✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow - work keeps me pretty occupied to be honest and I am doing chartership exams every 2-3 months so between that and trying to stay active and workout a few times a week I am pretty busy most of the time. I love that you are taking up new hobbies, i've recently taken up golf as well (DH is golf mad so mostly so we can spend more time together!)

I've no idea on the acupuncture, is that supposed to help with TTC? Let us know how you find it!!

@Amy259 - Thanks for the info, I had no idea it takes that long after referral, is there nothing that they can offer in the meantime like Clomid? I hate the thought of being 33 before even getting started on something like IVF :(

@LA9610 yeah it does take a long time unfortunately. If they find anything wrong, like blocked tubes or something, you get bumped up the list but otherwise you just have to wait.

Did your day 21 bloods show you ovulate? Clomid induces ovulation so it’s only for people who don’t regularly ovulate - say PCOS for example. If you’ve had the bloods, have regular cycles and confirm ovulation they won’t touch you with it because it can have a detrimental effect (and wouldn’t change anything for the better anyway if you already ovulate) xx

@HopefulGlow that’s so funny! My DH can cope with like cheese on the top of lasagne etc but would never ever just eat cold cheese or melted stringy cheese. He says it’s just “off milk” 😂😂

@Amy259 - I see, jeez nothing about this process is easy is it? I've not had a day 21 blood tests done, only a normal blood work-up (included hormone levels). I do have regular periods so i'd like to think I am ovulating every month but i've never been able to catch ovulation on OPKs (gave up with them ages ago). We dtd daily or every other day so i've never been concerned about missing it. Did your GP order the testing to confirm ovulation or was that done after you were referred?

To be honest I think I am now going to look into costs of private fertility assessment, I don't want to wait another year to find out if I am/am not going to be a candidate for the IVF waiting list :(

@LA9610 ahh yeah you need the post ovulation bloods - so they call them day 21 but basically it needs to be as close to 7 days after ovulation. Glasgow gynae don’t even check the big hormone bloods, it’s just day 21 they care about. So get onto your gp for them for sure!!

@Amy259 - good shout, I actually completely forgot my GP did ask me to book in for that but I couldn't go last month as was on holiday, have just booked in for next week :) Thank you!!

@LA9610 hadn't heard of HyCosy either until I was referred for one, and then I started frantically Googling! My fertility Dr referred me for a HyCosy due to a history of Chlamydia, I'm sure not what all the reasons are that you can be referred for one.. I was really nervous about it initially but now I just want to crack on with it. Deep down I am still hoping and praying we can conceive naturally however I am more than willing to go ahead with treatment at this point. Even up to a few months ago I was reluctant at the thought of going through IVF but now I'm like, bring it on!

Oh no, that is definitely an added stress that your DH works away, I would find that quite difficult to cope with. I don't want to be one of those annoying people telling you 'don't worry, it will happen', but 10 cycles is still considered normal in terms of TTC ☺️ I know that won't put you at ease at all as I remember how I felt coming close to the year mark.. it feels like some sort of deadline looming!

Ah yes it can be really bitter sweet when AF arrives before an event.. You can take the positives of being able to enjoy your day/holiday, but it still hurts😞.

Wowzer that is amazing you can DTD everyday! That's one thing I have complained quite a bit about on this thread, me and my OH only DTD in the fertile window and even that is a slog.. TTC has really done a number on our sex life lol.

@HopefulGlow The stats are so frustrating aren't they, how can I we be in this 2%!

I feel the same that I am always hearing stories of people just looking at their partner and ending up pregnant🤣 but as my OH often reminds me, you never know what is going on behind closed doors. There is likely people who are struggling that I don't know of, much like most people don't know I am struggling, so do I try and keep that perspective in mind too.

I have heard lots of stories about people falling preg as soon as they reached out for help and I live in hope that it will be our story too, but I try not to indulge in that too often as I just have a gut feeling we will end up the IVF route.

@Amy259 You seem like you are super on the ball with all the TTC knowledge! Xx

@LA9610 that’s great news, those are the bloods that really matter according to a lovely professor at glasgow royal 😂

But yeah, if they confirm the 3 main things are fine - ovulation, SA, and clear tubes - you’re left to wait 2 years then ivf list. It’s mad, isn’t it? I get that they can’t help everyone and if the stats are telling them that 2 years is best (and don’t get me wrong I want a good go at trying naturally) that’s what they have to do, but I feel like if a couple have between testing for ovulation, confirming it with temp shift, and timing sex for a year that should be enough to warrant help sooner.

@User1400 haha it’s purely because I’m one of those people who cannot rest until they know the “whys” and “hows” of stuff. You can’t just tell me “this is what happens” - why?! And how do you do that?!?

Plus I’ve had the pleasure of being able to harass 3 different gynae specialists plus my gp with questions 😂😂

@Amy259 haha, whatever puts your mind at ease 💆🏻‍♀️, knowledge is power they say! I’m a bit of the opposite, have to put a ban on Dr.Google or I just end up freaking myself out!

Have you read anything on sperm morphology? My OH morphology was at 1% (normal is 3%), our fertility dr did not seem concerned about it.. she said it’s unclear whether morphology effects fertility and they are actually in the process of changing the ‘normal’ percentage from 3% to 2%. So anyway, I haven’t really thought about it since.. until now, I am listening to the BFN podcast and one of the girls said her DH morphology is at 1% which puts their chances of natural conception through the floor.. I am now steadily freaking out! I haven’t listened to the rest of the ep yet as I jumped on Google panicking haha. I am inclined to trust the fertility Dr but then I am finding articles that say it does make it hard to conceive naturally.. arghhhhh.

How is everyone’s Friday? @HopefulGlow @AZ1992X @LA9610

@User1400 if your doctor told you it’s not too important, surely they wouldn’t have said that if it’s not true??

In all honestly I’m the same as you though, I would think that’s too low? Just because everything I’ve read does say normal is 4% or more. I just checked DH’s sperm results (he got the document sent through from the doctor) and the low number of the reference range is noted on it as

@Amy259 We didn’t even get any paper results! Which I didn’t think was a big deal at the time as my OH called the GP and they confirmed all was fine (albeit they did not offer any further explanation), then the fertility Dr delved a little deeper and confirmed everything was great other than morphology being a little low and it not being anything to worry about.

Now I am Googling seeing everyone with their detailed paper results, concerned about morphology and I’m thinking, why haven’t I been worrying about this sooner, and why weren’t we offered a detailed break down instead of just ‘you're fine’ 😵.

I shall bring it up at my HyCosy appointment and see what they think. I’m not even going to bother telling my OH as I know he will just tell me to trust the fertility Dr.. god, every day there is something new to worry about .

How come you will be offered ICSI instead of IVF? Xx

@User1400 I would get your OH to call his GP and ask to be emailed through his SA results. You want to be able to know for sure everything is okay. I don’t think anyone is offered any results on paper, you need to ask - which is so silly. I mean it’s our body!! I only knew to ask because my acupuncturist specialises in ivf/fertility and she told me to ask.

Glasgow only do ICSI as they have more control over the first stage - the fertilisation stage is more successful because they can select the best sperm and inject straight into the egg, rather than just putting the eggs in a dish full of sperm and hoping one buries inside each egg. So it’s not that we (DH & I) will be offered that, it’s just the way Glasgow Royal run their clinic 🤷🏼‍♀️ Xx

P.s. remember your hycosy is with a gynaecologist, so she/he may not know much about andrology/men @User1400

@Amy259 FFS - you need to ask?! You would think they would just email you your results by default. I don’t know what your GP is like but mines constantly send me letters to confirm appointments, why is that important but sending actual results isn’t important!

I am just listening to the rest of the BFN episode and the girl is talking about ICSI and how they inject the egg and I was thinking, why don’t they just do this instead of IVF?! The less you can leave up to chance the better, so that’s good Glasgow offers it to everyone , I’ll have to find out what Aberdeen offers.

When you had your HyCosy, was there some sort of debrief after it, to discuss next steps? That’s what I am imagining.. that me and my OH will be sat down and able to ask questions? Xx

@User1400 yeah ICSI does seem to make more sense doesn’t it? I’m still hoping we won’t get to that stage mind you.

So there was an initial transvaginal scan, then the HyCoSy procedure, then I got dressed and sat with the consultant (I was on my own, DH couldn’t make it) and she talked me through her findings - which was pretty much nothing - and then said just keep going until the 2 year mark. But that was private, so I was never going to go for further treatment there anyway.

A girl on here who is having a break at the mo had it done with NHS in Aberdeen and she had loads of questions ready - how many follicles etc, and had them all answered. But her end chat was the same as mine as they didn’t find anything, so it’s basically just a “well your tubes are working, see ya at the 2 year mark”, there aren’t any next steps unfortunately, they just contact you at your 2 year stage to have the phone call about putting you on the ivf list. They tested her AMH too to check egg reserve but only tell results if you go for ivf because it changes your protocol, it doesn’t change anything when trying naturally or speed up the processes.

Another girl here discovered low egg reserve based on follicle count/AMH result and has another call in January about it and starting IVF, but it hasn’t made anything faster for her - apparently the only things that can speed it up or warrant alternative treatment faster would be two blocked tubes, no ovulation, or male-factor sperm issues xx

@Amy259 Me too, I’m hoping we can all still get our BFPs before any intervention🤞🏻

I’m beginning to think I am putting to much weight on the HyCosy, as if it’s going to answer all of our questions and there will be a clear path at the other side of it. Unfortunately it seems like I do need to prepare myself for not getting any clarity at all.

Jeez, i thought it there was any kind of problem it sped you up for IVF, obviously not the case! I genuinely cannot even think about going on like this for another year before getting to the top of the list for help😭.

Where about in your cycle are you at the mo? I’m trying BBT for the first time but not sure how accurate I am doing as I’ve woken up at a different time every day 🤦🏻‍♀️ Xx

Hi again girlies, yet another friend announced she was pregnant this afternoon . I’m not going to do another big emotional post, even though I am feeling that same way.

My OH says maybe it just feels like there is more people getting pregnant because I’m hyper aware of it, but I don’t think it is.. barely any of my friends had children when we started TTC, and now they all do!

I feel like I cannot keep going round in circles with all of the emotions and feeling so down, but I can’t help it! I really wish I could snap out of it, especially when there is nothing we can do other than wait for treatment.

Another weekend full of mixed emotions ahead xx

Sorry @User1400 wee busy spell at work!

Yeah I was the same with the HyCoSy but maybe try to think of it as another step forward? You need it done to progress, plus it does rule out (hopefully) one major thing in that you’ll know your tubes are clear. Plus some people say if you had mucus deposits in your tubes the flushing could increase the chance of sperm getting up there in the months that follow, so you never know! I wouldn’t pin your hopes on it giving you answers, but it’s a great step to get under your belt.

I’m 8/9dpo at the moment, af due on Wednesday or Thursday next week. So in the limbo stage!

Aww I’m so sorry, that’s such a tough thing to hear especially on a day when you’re already consumed by it all ♥️ Sending you lots of love and strength! Yeah it’s the same here, we’re definitely at that age and have been trying so long now that it’s not surprising loads of folk around us are starting their families - but it doesn’t make it any easier. We are the only married couple on either side of our friends now that aren’t pregnant/don’t have a baby, so it’s pretty tough. Hope you can fill your weekend with things to distract you for even a little while xxx

@Amy259 Thank you, I needed that 😪. You're right, it is a step forward, it may not give me all the answers I'm hoping for but at least it's another hurdle out of the way.

Ah you're in the thick of the TWW! I don't know if it's worse being midway or the constant wipe watching closer to AF! Everything crossed she stays away for you 🤞🏻 💓

God that sucks you are the only couple on both sides😣. Having said that, I said to OH the other day, one positive I can take from all the annoumcents is that there's barely anyone left to tell me they are pregnant 😂. Not exactly how I envisioned things going when we started TTC but hey I'll take the positives where I can.

I've got a busy weekend ahead so it's a welcome distraction, do you have any nice plans? Xx

@User1400 I’m trying hard to keep myself from obsessing over how many DPO I am or thinking about twinges etc, and it’s going okay so far! I’m trying not to test either but we’ll see if I make it through 😂

Haha that’s true! I’m just really dreading my BIL and his wife and praying we get there first, which is so so awful I know but it goes a bit deeper than just TTC haha. But as long as we get there eventually I suppose!!

We’re heading to the beach in the morning with friends and the dogs which will be nice, then another quiet weekend for us I think. Have you got anything nice happening? Xx