Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@AZ1992X I like watching Rise of the guardians early, because it’s the only one that I think you can watch all year round as it has all the holidays in 😂 it’s technically for kids but it’s a great animation haha I always save home alone and Christmas carol for closer though 🙊 I’m excited to see which one you will watch!!

@Amy259 yaaaay!! I’m so glad we are spreading Christmas cheer haha I think we all deserve it this year. Last year was a nightmare, my family were still isolating so I spent most of Christmas Day alone as my OH was with his kids, then grandparents. (Looong story!) so I’m really looking forward to us all being together this year. Hopefully with a little announcement too 🥺🥰

Last night you guys inspired me to start some snowflake glasses for my Etsy 😍❄️

Apparently I’m ovulating today! Got a high yesterday on my LH but tbh I kept forgetting to do it 🤦🏼‍♀️ ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow yeah you’re so right! We are lucky in that I’m an only child so we got to spend it with my parents last year, and visited DH’s parents first thing in the morning, but I can’t wait for it to be more relaxed this year.

We’re going to see the Chris & Rosie Ramsay show on the 10th Dec so I’m thinking I might book a wee hotel for the night and spend the next day wandering the Christmas market before we head home 🥰

Snowflake glasses sound lovely! You’ll need to show us them when they’re done. And woohoo for ovulation! Right on schedule? Have you managed to fit some DTD in this week? Xx

@Amy259 haha, I know it really isn’t that far away is it, I’m defo doing some more this weekend. Hoping to find some really nice wrapping paper etc - anyone know any nice places?

Glad you’re feeling a little better today and the lines are getting darker, completely understand that and I’m sure you’ll start to feel much better as time goes on ❤️

That sounds great and that would be lovely to stay over and do all the Christmas markets!

@HopefulGlow that’s a good idea, I don’t want to watch my favourites as I’ll save them for nearer Christmas. They sound great - looking forward to seeing how they turn out.

Glad ovulation is here! Keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞 xx.

@Amy259 that sounds lovely! A nice relaxed Christmas will do you some good.

Ooo yes! Definitely book a hotel and make a little Christmas trip of it 😍 that sounds perfect!!

I will send you photos once they’re finished. I wish I could be painting today instead of working haha 😂

I hit peak today, so thinking today or tomorrow I will O. We have done it once every day for the last few days. Last week was a little quiet for us and we barely did it 😂 let’s just say this month won’t be as crazy as last month. Even doing it multiple times a day over our FW didn’t make a difference. Who knows?!

@AZ1992X I’m really boring with wrapping paper! I use brown paper tied with red and white striped string 😂 I might throw in some foliage this year too, maybe some Holly? 🤔

How’s your cycle going AZ?

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@HopefulGlow - yeah the app is a bit useless isn't it, seems strange that you can't tag users. Using Browser on my Samsung phone stresses me out though, never figured out how to work it properly and always end up with a million tabs open!

Yeah I am good thanks, feeling a lot calmer and less emotional about all of this than I was last week thankfully. DH is offshore at the moment so literally nothing happening for me this cycle but he will be home for my next fertile window at the start of November so got my fingers-crossed for that. Also had a progesterone blood test today to see if I ovulated last week so shall hear the results of that by the end of the week I think! What about you?

@AZ1992X I do the exact same I’m afraid, brown paper with ribbon - the hippy in me uses it because it’s recyclable whereas wrapping paper usually isn’t 😂 I also love the look of it, might do some in white paper this year too… and I write wee notes on it too.

@HopefulGlow yeah I mean lord knows we’ve all tried a million different methods, and every day is still way more than we ever manage 😂 multiple times a day!! You’re a machine, you and your OH haha.

@LA9610 glad you’re feeling better this week, it’s full of peaks and troughs isn’t it? Brilliant news that you got your progesterone bloods booked in - did your DH leave before your fw last week, or did you manage to dtd before he left?

@LA9610 I’m the same! I keep tabs of things I find that I might need in the future, then forget about them and have thousands open haha

Sorry to hear about your OH going away, that must be so difficult. But glad you’re feeling better. Hopefully this can help you relax this cycle, knowing it’s a bit of time off from TTC.

Ooo fingers crossed for your bloods. I had mine back recently, just waiting for my scan now on Wednesday. Fingers crossed you get your results soon too and it’s all okay.

@Amy259 me too! I couldn’t believe the plastic that was in normal wrapping so happily swapped to brown. AND they look cute! Now my family wrap mine in eco paper too, which I do appreciate.

My OH frequently tells me I’m a hippy and laughs at some of the things I want to do when we have our little bundle.

• I want a hypno home birth too 😂
• Washable baby wipes
• I would love cloth nappies but I don’t know how much work that would be haha (I remember my mum having them for my LB)
• some handmade clothes and toys
• homemade baby food for weaning

I’m not sure about machines haha but we do give it a good shot haha which is even more frustrating come AF. But it’s all fun to practice haha they do say, it only takes one!! 🤞🏼

How are you feeling? I hope you are keeping busy!

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@HopefulGlow I really like the brown paper! I think I’ll do some brown, some white this year. With gold and red ribbon I think, maybe some tartan 😂

I like the idea of cloth nappies too, my friend uses them and just keeps disposables in the car as a back up, and when they go on holiday etc. And homemade food would be great too, again with maybe pouches for out and about etc.

Work has been busier today thankfully, yesterday was a really tough day for overthinking. I ended up just going to bed early to try and switch off, needed the dark test this morning tbh. I’m so not complaining because I know I’m lucky to even have these worries, it’s just hard so I’m glad I’ve had a busy day today and tomorrow is busy too. Then DH will know by tomorrow night so I’ll have someone to talk me off my crazy ledge haha.

Your scan has come around so quickly! Is this your first internal one? And remind me, has OH had his SA already? Xx

@Amy259 No we didn't manage as he has been away for over 2 weeks already so completely missed it :(
I think that was probably why I was particularly down last week as I knew we were completely out. But November is a new month and as he will be home from CD2-CD22 we have a really good shot!

@HopefulGlow Fingers crossed, I am sure they will come back fine to be honest, don't really have any reason to think otherwise!

Ahh you are so much like my sister, she did all of the things you have mentioned (aside from the at-home hypno birth as she had to have an emergency c-section first time).

I am going to adopt the brown paper this year too as trying to be a bit less wasteful! Haven't really thought too much about what i'd do with a baby though, I try not to really think about it as I have an obsessive personality and get fixated on things... so it's easier for me just to decide i'll start researching and thinking about it when it actually happens!

@HopefulGlow I’ve done that a few times with the brown paper but try and find really nice ribbon/tags. I’ll have a browse see what I can find.

All fine here only CD8 so still have a while till ovulation. Don’t mind this part as there’s nothing I can do at this point and just getting ready for next week.

@Amy259 Its good works been a welcome distraction for you and kept you busy, I bet you cannot wait to tell DH.

Xx.

@Amy259 don’t justify your feelings, we completely understand! I’m sure it sounds/feels to good to be true right now because of everything you’ve been through. So don’t worry, we know you’re grateful and will make the most of every moment once the stresses and worries are gone. 💕 I’m excited for you to tell you OH 💕 I’m sure it’s going to be an amazing moment.

Yes, great idea, I love the idea of backups! Apparently you can get biodegradable ones now too 😁

yes this is my first one! I’m a little nervous 😬 my OH will have his SA after I’ve had my scan, as his doctors wanted me to get checked first 🙄

@LA9610 I’m glad there’s nothing too worry about. We were saying apparently 98% get pregnant with in 2 years, crazy how this isn’t taught more.

oh really? Did your sister find it okay? Not too much faff?

Ooo yes! We will all have brown paper this year 🤎 I love it.

Good idea with not researching it too much. I find I feel better(ish) if I’m prepared. But it also makes me long for it too 😩

@AZ1992X CD8 means a nice chilled week. Any plans this weekend?

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Also….Here are some cheesey positive quotes I found today 💕

Morning everyone, hope everyone’s doing ok ❤️

Is today the day your telling DH@Amy259, how you feeling? , hope your DH interview goes well too!

@HopefulGlow decided to just have a really chilled weekend - didn’t get much of one last weekend as was working overtime so I just plan on sitting on the sofa watching films and online shopping/more Christmas planning. Do you have any plans?

Love the quotes ✨

& hope everything goes well with the scan @HopefulGlow

Xx.

Thank you @HopefulGlow it’s all so scary.

Try not to be too nervous - no matter what happens at your scan, it’s a step forward! Whether ruling out some things or finding something to get help with, it’s a step closer to the end goal ♥️

@AZ1992X thank you! Wishing I’d told him yesterday now, this morning my test line is a bit wonky - thin and fainter at the top. I’m trying to tell myself it’s the test not something wrong, but keep looking at the photo and thinking it’s definitely lighter.

Not the best start to the day I planned to tell him!! 😩 don’t want to just post them here in case someone finds it’s tough, so trying to talk myself off a ledge 😂 time to stop testing I think.

How are you doing today? Xx

@HopefulGlow, yeah I've seen that stat on the NHS website. The 98% is for people aged 19-26 though and then for ages 35-39 its 82% after 1 year and 90% after 2. They don't seem to have any stats for people aged 27-34 (which is strange, did they not have anyone those ages in the study?!) but I will take a guess that it's somewhere in between 98 and 90% after 2 years, probably closer to 98 if you are still in your 20s and moving closer to the 90% for women in their 30's. Just a guess though.

No I don't think she ever found it too much faff to be honest and my sister is not the most organised person but she managed doing that completely fine. She loved having the babies in colourful SnuggleBum nappies - not sure if it saved her much money as the things are quite expensive to buy but that wasn't the point for her.

@Amy259, Try not to worry too much, it sounds like it's probably just the test to be honest if the line is thinner as well as lighter? Perhaps do one more proper test and if that one sets your mind at ease then you could stop testing with an assured mind rather than leaving it on what could just be a faulty test?

@HopefulGlow

Also….Here are some cheesey positive quotes I found today 💕

Love these, all very true and something to be mindful of :)

@AZ1992X you definitely sound like you deserve a chilled weekend. That sounds lovely.

I’m going to my acupuncture appointment on Saturday, then me and the OH have a meal booked. Which we haven’t done is so long I’m going to break my rules and have a little wine. Then Sunday I’m meeting some friends for a pub lunch and card games.

I also want to get some more Christmas things planned 😂 can’t help it.

Thanks! I will let you know how it goes. do you know if they tell you there and then? Or do you have to wait?

@Amy259 I agree, I’m trying to stay positive and it’s all a step forward. Even if it is taking a slightly different path. The destination it the same :)

Oh I’m so sorry to hear about your test, but it really does sound like a dodgy test. I would agree to take another. It would make you feel better 💕

@LA9610 it’s crazy isn’t it! The stats are all over the place.

Oh gosh I don’t know if I’m that organised lol I’m also cheap so don’t know how I feel about spending too much money on them lol I have read some people but them second hand and just buy the liners new? 🤔 I’m not sure.

How is everyone doing? ✨💕✨

@LA9610 @HopefulGlow thanks girls, I think that’s my plan. If I manage to hold my bladder for a few hours then I’ll text when I get home. I want to feel fully convinced and good when I tell him. Then no more tests.

How is everyone’s day going? Xx

@Amy259 Try not to worry- it could just be the test, let us know how you get on.

I’m doing ok thank you, looking forward to finishing work tomorrow and for the weekend.

@HopefulGlow that sounds great and a little drink won’t do you no harm - enjoy!!

I’ve never had the scans just bloods so I’m not entirely sure - let us know how you get on, hoping all goes ok! ❤️

@HopefulGlow is it your NHS gynae scan? I never got one of them, they jumped straight to hycosy for me, so I can’t help much I’m afraid! I did go for one with a private gynae though (at one of those clinics that do early pregnancy scans) and she did an external one then an internal one, checked my ovaries for follicles and measured my urine lining to make sure it was thick enough. And she told me everything there and then, as she was doing it, I imagine it’s quite similar for nhs? Weird that they don’t offer that here!

@User1400 how are you doing this week? Your hycosy is in a week’s time, isn’t it? If I remembered that right!

@AZ1992X thank you - and of course you were all right, it was the test. Got home and did another one which was almost as dark as the test line, and a clear blue that said “2-3 weeks”. I have now banned testing!

Told DH, he cried, I cried. It was lovely, and I managed to catch it all on camera too xx

@Amy259 Glad your test was fine & good idea to ban them otherwise you’ll just drive yourself mad trying to keep comparing then.

Aww that’s so lovely and it’s great you caught it on camera so you can keep it ❤️❤️ Xx.

@AZ1992X thank you. I don’t think I’ll chill out for a fair few weeks yet, but I need to stop the testing. It just scares me that it can go wrong out of nowhere, even with really strong tests 🥺 how are we supposed to do this??

Your fw can’t be too far away now, is it? Xx

@Amy259 I think that’s completely normal to feel like that but hopefully you’ll start to feel a little better as each day and then each week passes. ❤️ You’ve got this! Xx.

Only CD9 so probably another week still - will start my opks in a few days.

Hey girls, sorry I’ve missed quite a bit of natter.

@Amy259 aww I’m so happy your DH knows, it must have been lovely 🥺. My HyCosy is next week yep☺️. To be honest, having seen you get your BFP after HyCosy, I am hoping the same thing will happen for us! I’m trying not to get too carried away with myself as I’m aware there could be any outcome, but you’ve given me some hope 🤞🏻.

@LA9610 so sorry your DH is offshore, it must add to the frustration 😖. At least you are all clear for Nov!

@HopefulGlow love the quotes! Sometimes you need those little reminders 💓

@AZ1992X when is your scan? Sorry if you’ve already said xxx