Trying to conceive over 40

[October1979]

Here is a new thread for us girls

@Geriatric1234 "as long as you get to the ultimate destination will you really care how you got there?" - Great quote! 👍🏻

@October1979 it’s such a difficult dilemma around a donor egg. I know a few people who have gone the donor route. One has a genetic issue that they only discovered after she had two very late term miscarriages (too awful) and she now has two gorgeous kids with donor eggs from her sister (worth considering, if you have any sisters or other female relatives who might be prepared to be a donor!?). There’s no weirdness between them (the donor sister has 3 kids of her own), and I think it actually made their relationship stronger.

I also have a couple of friends who have used donor sperm (one who wanted a baby and didn’t have a partner and one who is part of a lesbian couple….). None of them have any regrets, but as @Catconfusion pointed out, you really have to think about the worst case scenarios for each option and how you would feel about them. For me, I think that once I had carried a baby in my belly for 9months, I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t feel like my own baby. But I know that my husband really feels he needs to have a genetic connection and would prefer not to have a child than have a sperm donor. it is really such a personal choice!!

All really helpful guys. For me I need to put a time frame on ttc naturally. I feel as if I'm losing myself a bit and just waiting. Life has been on hold. I need to make up my mind and stick to it. I just don't want to have any regrets when I look back xxx

Hey guys, got my day 21 progesterone result and it’s 45.7 nmol/L. This would suggest I don’t need to explore Clomid right?

I asked in another +35 ttc group, but though it might be a bit more specialised here!

My DHEA was 3.3.
Thanks! X

@Marvellouslymadmum interesting question! I agree with @sabtom I think it might take longer in those initial weeks month (although to be honest, I don’t think I ‘bonded’ with my first in the early days - all I was consumed by way keeping him alive!!) but I honestly think as they grow and they are raised and cared for by you in my opinion you would feel totally like they were your child. For me it’s about giving and receiving love. We have also considered adoption, the reason we haven’t gone down that route is that it’s very likely that the child would have additional needs of some kind and while that wouldn’t necessarily be a problem for a first child, we felt it unfair to choose to put that on the 3 children we have already. I believe fetal alcohol syndrome is quite common in adopted children sadly and it often cannot be diagnosed until later. You are also unlikely to get a ‘baby’ if you adopt - we were told more like 12-18months at the youngest. Still if I couldn’t have had kids naturally we definitely would have explored that route.

Just a little update on me - sadly I started bleeding yesterday, just spotting but it’s slightly more today. At least I know where I stand now and to be honest it’s probably better this way than having to wait until the 18th only to find out it was MMC.

@Honey2 Oh I'm so sorry :-( I have to admit I thought this might end up surprising you, but I'd feel the same and just want it to be over if it's going to end anyway. How are you feeling? Is that you done with TTC now? x

@Geriatric1234 thanks, I’m not sure on the TTC front. I had given myself the date of end July - so that baby would be before my 42nd bday. May seem silly but for me I didn’t want to be any older than 41 when I gave birth. So theoretically we could possibly squeeze one more attempt in if this MC goes quickly. Back in March I miscarried and had a period 4 weeks later (after which I fell preg). I think I could handle another miscarriage as I feel like I am totally appreciative that it’s a 50/50 role of the dice every time. But equally I wonder also if I should just take this as a sign and move on from TTC and look to the future. In my heart of hearts I think part of the reason I want another baby is that I am finding it hard to let go to the ‘baby’ stage as my youngest is now 5 and growing up so quickly....

Decisions decisions! At least my DH is supportive either way which is fantastic

@Honey2 I totally get it!! I'm having a meltdown today...it's weird. AF is 3 days late, so I finally tested and was so, SO relieved it was BFN. WTAF is going on in my brain...?? I've got DH to book his vasectomy and decided I need to mull things over for a week or so as I'm not sure I want to TTC anymore. It's just so destabilising. And we are older - I'm 43 soon and DH is 49. I think I might prefer to just be childfree (as was always my plan until I met DH) and free of tethers ;-D Honestly...it's a rollercoaster! DH being similarly adorable and saying he'll support whatever I want. Bless him!

@Honey2 sorry to hear about the bleeding I do hope you're ok? Has it continued?

As for the ttc lark I'm still not ready to give up, my oh like yours and @Geriatric1234 is so supportive and when I hit my results yesterday just said the most important thing is that I'm ok and not in loads of pain each month and if I'm determined to have a baby and we don't have any luck then we will go down whatever route we need to including fostering/adopting whatever I want as long as I'm happy 😢 it's so nice to finally have a supportive partner that thinks about you! Then he's been doing a dance around the house all day and acting like a Body builder flexing his muscles because his letter from the fertility clinic said his sa was absolutely normal 😂

@Marvellouslymadmum haha that’s so funny! He sounds like a great guy 😊 I love your certainty about your TTC journey. I am sure you will get there.

@Geriatric1234 there certainly are advantages to being child free and in a way if you have never had it perhaps you won’t miss it? Could it just be the stress of TTC that is causing you to feel like you might not want a baby?

@Honey2 he really is, like the total opposite of my almost ex husband (just waiting for my decree nici finally!) I'm just so determined it's not in me to give up, not yet anyway.

Hi everyone, had a busy few days at work so just catching up on this thread- some really interesting discussions going on.

@Honey2 I'm so sorry to hear you've started bleeding. Sending you big hugs.

I was previously married (sadly my first husband died) and we were officially infertile due to my husband having zero sperm count so had to decide whether to go down the IVF/adoption route. We went to the first IVF appt but in the end decided to adopt- for us we wanted to put our efforts into being mum and dad to a child that was alive and needed loving parents, rather than IVF and we went to the first weeklong adoption information course, which I was really impressed with, and think all parents (natural or adoptive) should go on. Sadly my husband died shortly after so we never got further. I have a very good friend who has adopted a brother and sister 2 years ago (they are 4 now) and one has fetal alcohol syndrome and has slower development but the love my friend has for them both is as strong as any biological mother's and the progress the kids have made with her is amazing. They are just her kids now.

Only last month my current husband and I began the discussion again regarding IVF/adoption and second time round we are currently undecided. Different circumstances/different decision to make. It's such an individual decision isn't it? So to find out we are currently pregnant (6 weeks and 4 days today) was a real (but pleasant) shock.

There are definite advantages of being childless, and it's good to be reminded of that- thanks @Geriatric1234 and @Honey2 I remember quite a few years ago when I was sharing with my boss what I was up to (going home to read a book and have a glass of wine in the bath) she looked at me enviously and said she hadn't been able to do that for the past 4 years since her kids were born! If we do become parents that is going to be a big shock to the system!

Hope everyone here has a good day today x

@Honey2 so sorry to hear your news and hope you’re bearing up ok.
@Geriatric1234 I understand your feelings and it’s tough but I had an accidental pregnancy at 42 - sadly miscarried at 9 weeks - so if it’s possible without trying I can’t help thinking what’s possible when we do try and blow my age! Hope you decide on the right outcome for you

Hi, i'm now on my first IVF cycle and have just turned 42. Can anyone give me any reassurance please.... i'm in a panic! I started Cetrotide injections 2 days ago, today being my third injection. I thought i'd read everything but have just realised that it should be taken out of the fridge about 30 mins before injecting. I haven't done this.... i've had local reactions so i'm hoping I haven't messed it all up. Aaaargh nightmare 😔😪 Has anyone else done tge same thing as me?? X

Thanks guys. I think I’m just in a bit of a tailspin. My sister put it rather eloquently last night - “your problem is there’s no bad result, so there’s no obvious path”. My DH is so amazing (AGREE @Marvellouslymadmum that it’s so refreshing to have a good one finally 😂) that I suspect we will try again. I just need to woman up to the fact I will cope if it does happen (feel like such a weirdo saying all this here!) and I won’t completely lose myself. I’m very very lucky whatever happens. 🙂 And I have a tonne of OPKs I might as well pee on….🤣

@Littlemiss40andfabulous I can’t believe what you’ve been through. I am so happy the way things are going for you right now and I love the attitude you have. You deserve everything working out your way. And it will!

Oh and thank you @Mum2baby07! Xx

@Honey2 how is bleeding today? Are you okay? X

Hi @LouiseM1979 I’m sure that won’t affect anything beyond the reactions you mentioned. Don’t stress yourself but call clinic and double check when you can. It’s be fine I’m sure as 30 minutes won’t affect temp beyond a few degrees, especially if it were mid-winter. Xxx

@Littlemiss40andfabulous sorry to hear about your 1st husband 😞 I am glad your pregnancy is going well so far though!

@LouiseM1979 I'm afraid I've not got a clue as not doing ivf, you may find some answers on one of the ivf message boards? Or you could call the clinic and ask, I'm sure it'll be fine though. Hope everything goes ok for you

@Geriatric1234 from my own experiences I do know that pregnancy and having children doesn't have to change your life too much. I would absolutely nit be without my two teens as much as they drive me crazy and the asd/adhd is a challenge I won't lie BUT I've still been able to do a lot of things with my life so far, granted not as much as if I'd not had them but I've retrained twice in new things, have two degrees, run two businesses, been on a charity trek through the Grand Canyon with nobody I knew before hand for my 37th birthday (needed to do something for me) yet I've always been there for my children and have been the main caregiver all the time (their father is less than useless 😂) with them going to their fathers probably 200 days in the last 6 years since we split and he rarely looked after them before that. So it's entirely possible to still have your independence with children too just in a different way. Thought I'd throw that in there for you lol

Total change of topic and likely a very silly question as a newbie to ovulation testing but just got some cheap one step ovulation tests from Amazon and it says I need my sample to come to room temperature which takes approx 20 mins. I have neither the time nor patience for this - does anyone know if it will really make much difference if I test immediately?

@Mum2baby07 I've never had that on any of the tests I use, so I'm not sure I'm afraid. I don't think it would make that much difference though

Just marking my place x

@Honey2 I am so sorry you are bleeding I hope you are doing ok. Still keeping everything crossed for you xxx

@Mum2baby07 I’ve always tested my wee straight away 😂 I would say however that one step tests are generally rubbish (both opk and preg hcg ones) they don’t pick up your LH peak very well in my experience.

@October1979 @Geriatric1234 thanks for asking after me. The bleeding is still light at the moment - more than spotting, like a very light period. But I’m sure this is just the start, I’ve had period type cramps pretty constantly for the last 2 days. I wish it would just hurry up! Still toying with the idea of ‘one more try’ 🙈

@Littlemiss40andfabulous forgot to say, sounds like you have had a tough journey so far! I’m glad you’ve found your lovely DH and so pleased the preg is going well. Did you ring the midwife this week?