Trying to conceive over 40

[October1979]

Here is a new thread for us girls

@Honey2 thanks and yes, pregnancy registered and made official today. Now to wait the long (up to) 4 weeks for the first booking in appointment (if we get that far).

I'm still rooting for you all and hoping I stay pregnant and you guys get to join me in the next month xxx

@Honey2 I'm sorry you're bleeding, do hope everything is ok for you and if not it's over quickly so you can try and decide what you want to do

@Honey2 I’m so sorry to hear about the bleeding. I hope you’re ok. Xx

@Littlemiss40andfabulous I’m so pleased all is well. Sounds very well deserved! Xx

So I’ve had a rollercoaster of a week. I got a faint bfp on Monday which seemed to darken on Tuesday and Wednesday but I was a bit concerned it wasn’t getting dark enough. Today my Frer is barely there. I guess it’s another chemical.

I was so optimistic before now that it would just happen, but now I’m starting to think after three chemicals since Christmas that maybe it won’t. I’m 42 in a couple of weeks. I no way thought I’d reach that birthday without being pregnant but now it looks like I will. Maybe I need to manage down my expectations. Xx

@Catconfusion I'm so sorry that's happened again this month. No wonder it's been a roller coaster week for you.

I'm sorry you aren't pregnant yet as you imagined you would be. What would managing down your expectations look like for you? XxX

Hello all, can I join the thread? Sorry for all of you experiencing losses and disappointment. I am almost 41 with a 5 year old DS, briefly TTC no.2 early last year but stopped when Covid hit. Since then I had an ovary and fallopian tube removed due to a cyst that caused twisting, so my chances are not great. Think I am ok with that but may feel differently if no luck in a few months. Also at a bit of a crossroads job wise but hanging on where I am to ensure full maternity leave- not in UK. Feel like everything is on hold until we do this or give up but don't want it to become all consuming.

@Catconfusion I'm so sorry, have you had your progesterone checked? (I can't remember who has and who hasn't!) I would maybe speak to your go as there could be a reason they're not sticking? I turned 42 in March and thought I'd maybe want to stop by this point but I don't lol

Hi @SeagullSong and welcome you'll find lots of supportive lovely ladies here for any questions you have, it could still happen with one though!

Thanks @Littlemiss40andfabulous I’m not sure what managing down my expectations would look like. I guess I need to plan for it not happening. At the moment I’m not working and literally waiting to be pregnant again. I was very ill with hyperemesis while pregnant with ds1 so I know I probably won’t be able to work should it happen. Maybe I do need to get a job of some sort. I was a teacher before but feel it was a bit too stressful while ttc so maybe something else. I also probably need to find a way for ttc to tick away in the background rather than taking over. This cycle I didn’t temp but it led to all kinds of confusion about when I ovulated and when to do the hpt. Maybe I need an Ava so I'm monitoring but it’s not taking too much effort.

@SeagullSong welcome and I’m sorry to hear you’ve needed surgery. It’s so hard feeling like your life is on hold until it happens or doesn’t. I have a friend who due to an ectopic pregnancy lad a tube removed. Her and her husband tried for a while then gave up as it wasn’t happening. About six months later she had some random stomach problems and it turned out she was six months pregnant and didn’t know. She now has a lovely dd. It is amazing how the body finds a way to conceive against all odds. I really hope you have some luck soon! Xx

Thanks @Marvellouslymadmum I actually had my progesterone checked last week as part of our fertility referral. The receptionist said it falls within the normal range so will call the doctor for the numerical result next week as I would have been starting to implant then. I use a progesterone pessary anyway as soon as I get a bfp so I doubt my levels are low but you never know.

@Catconfusion so sorry to hear you’ve had another chemical. If you think you might be low in progesterone then I’ve been reading sweet potato and cruciferous vegetables in particular is great to eat during the luteal phase to boost levels naturally.

How long does it take to get tested for progesterone levels? My GP said she’d refer me and I assumed part of that will be to look at progesterone levels but are others being tested at GP surgeries?

Welcome@SeagullSong it's always nice to have new women in the group going through the same journey. I'm so sorry@Catconfusion it's so hard to get a glimmer of hope and have it taken away. I hope you are doing ok xxx

Thanks @Mum2baby07 I think my progesterone is fine. No signs of issues. I have a long luteal phase and the blood test came back normal. The pessaries are something the GP prescribed as precaution after my first two losses. I took them until 16 weeks with my son and he was fine. Therefore I’m doing it this time just in case. I honestly think it’s more for my peace of mind.

We’ve got a fertility referral and as part of the process they do a progesterone test. You should be able to request one from your GP though if you’re worried. It’s a normal blood test you can have straight away at the Gp surgery. The results were back within a few days.

Thanks @October1979 it’s horrible isn’t it!? How are you getting on? Did you decide to take aspirin throughout your cycle. I’m wondering if it might be a good idea. Xx

So sorry for you @Catconfusion and congratulations to the BFPs, I've been so busy recently I've not had chance to catch up with everyone's news on here ☺️

So I had my consultation with Create Fertility this morning, but of a blow cause my AMH has dropped to 3.8 (was 11 two years ago) so I guess I should've expected bad news. Anyway, they've suggested we get started with IVF ASAP either natural modified or mild, we'll probably go with natural as the results for both would look at getting only a couple eggs anyway and the natural one is cheaper. Also the 3 package deal would only give us 26% success rate. So just trying to take it all in really. 😔

@Catconfusion I’m so sorry to hear it’s another chemical. It’s so horribly unfair isn’t it. Really sending you big hugs.

@SeagullSong welcome to the thread - these ladies are amazing.

I hope you don’t mind but I’ve come on to have a little vent. I’ve just had a horrible experience calling the EPU. As you know I’ve been bleeding since Monday getting heavier and heavier and I was expecting the worst. After some very painful cramping last night I n the early hours this morning I go up for the loo and passed what I believe was the pregnancy. So I called my local EPU to let them know and see what to do. The midwife I spoke to couldn’t not have been less empathetic if she tried. Her words were ‘ah yes I saw you after the scan last week, it’s was only a little sac wasn’t it’ and then ‘well thanks for letting us know, well done, it sounds like you are though the worst of it. If you want to keep your appointment for next Friday you can but if you like you can just take a preg test and call us when it’s negative’

That was it. Not once did she offer any sympathy for my loss, ask how I was feeling or ask if I was in any pain. I’m totally flabbergasted! I was geared up expecting the worst, but last Friday I left the EPU with her telling me it was still possible for the baby to catch up and to wait until my next scan for more news. Then when I called it was as if her attitude was ‘well of course you’ve mc what did you expect’.

I know they see this day in and day out but this is my 2nd mc in 4 months (4 MC in total now) and yet there was zero interest or sympathy.

Sorry just needed to get that off my chest 😣

@Honey2 that's an appalling and very untactful way to be spoken too and I'm not surprised you need to vent. Absolutely vent away to us here.

You didn't deserve that and have every right to mourn the loss of this as well as your other little babies.

Sending love and hugs your way and hope you have people around you who are more sympathetic xx

@Honey2 firstly so sorry for your loss and also so sorry it was made worse by your encounter with that midwife! Yes they probably do see it every day but for each woman calling into them that’s their baby and often a longed for one too I imagine! I was fortunate that the nurse I spoke to when I reported my mc couldn’t have been lovelier and called me for the next two days to check I was ok. Now that’s proper care!

If you have the energy you could contact PALS at your hospital to report the service you received as I agree it’s not good enough.

Look after yourself

Oh @Honey2 - I'm so very sorry for your loss. You certainly didn't need to deal with that phone call on top of what you're experiencing just now. A 4th lost is incredibly difficult to deal with; I've had 3 and my heart goes out to you. Take good care of yourself xx

Ohh@Honey2 that is just awful! What a horrible experience. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Where is the humanity? How would that woman feel if she was in your shoes. I don't know how people that go into caring professions can be like that. Surely they went into it to make a difference for the people that they care for. Sending you big hugs xxx

@Catconfusion ahh that's good, especially that you have the progesterone to use when you do get the bfp too!

@sabtom sorry to hear about your amh dropping but at least they're getting you straight onto the ivf

@Honey2 I'm so sorry this has happened to you again, it's similar to the experience I had with my first mc at the epu, I felt totally on my own with it all! I know they do see it all the time but we don't and we are upset amd feeling alone so they should definitely be more tactful! Have you spoken to your doc about recurrent m/c? They should do some investigations for you to find out why it's happening

Hi all, I missed that there was a new thread so have caught up now! Thought it went a bit quiet haha
I'm in tww now, although bd timing awful this cycle with 3 days before and 1 day after ovulation Hope for more especially after paying private for the hycosy... hey ho, still a small chance I suppose!

How's everyone else doing?

@Catconfusion so sorry to hear about the chemical :-( I feel like time passes soooo fast in TTC… I keep thinking how crazy it was that we had a “surprise” and nothing since. I’m 43 in August, which is when the MC would’ve been born. I don’t think about it too much in a depressing way or anything, but it is crazy how time flies!

@Honey2 ohhhh soooo upsetting. I know they’re kinda trying to not make you feel worse by not making it a “big deal” but when I had my MC the Epu midwife was an angel and it really made all the difference.

Hi @SeagullSong and so sorry to hear about your surgery. But one side is operational and that’s all you need!

@Sabtom don’t stress about AMH. Only matters for “proper” IVF, if you’re going natural IVF (really interested to hear how this turns out as I liked the sound of it) or natural conception I think it’s fine.

Xx

@Honey2 I have been a bit of a lurker on this thread, but just wanted to say how sorry i am to hear that you had a miscarriage as well as how heartlessly the midwife you spoke to was. I had a miscarriage at around 10 weeks (although the stage of development was around 5/6 weeks I think) and found the process pretty traumatic - it sounds like we may have had a similar experience of late night contractions and some intensive time on the toilet, so I hope you’re feeling ok and are taking a bit of time for yourself to recover. I was much more sympathetically treated at the UCLH early pregnancy unit though and they insisted that I come in for two scans afterwards even though I had processed the miscarriage myself because at the first scan there was still some residual tissue and they wanted to make sure everything had passed and there wasn’t any tissue left, otherwise they might have had to do a dnv (not sure if that’s how you spell it?). Fingers crossed that wouldn’t be necessary but in your position I would probably want to get a scan to make sure that everything is ok (especially if you might try again).

Sending lots of virtual hugs! And I hope you get more compassionate care if you do go in.

@99pctpractice thanks for your kind words. I think I must have had bad luck with this midwife as most others I have encountered have always been kind. I also thought they would want to scan and check all had been passed but it seems in my area they are satisfied with a negative preg test. The other thing I was upset about was the fact that there was no thought that I might have to have some kind of discussion about why it happened, likelihood of it happening again (for the 3rd time in a row) and if there was anything I could do to change the result. I know at 41 likely hood is it’s simply bad eggs and MC caused by chromosomal abnormalities. However I would still appreciate a professional view! Surely they can spare me 10 mins for that??

I was going to ask - @Geriatric1234 @Catconfusion do you think it’s worth me making an appointment with the GP and seeing if I can get my bloods done and perhaps thiroid checked? Also asking the gp about Progesterone supplements?? I could probably get a referal but to be honest I do t think there is much point as if we do decide to try again in with but 1 last go. And I dont want to wait 6 months to see anyone.