TTC 35+ thread 11

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread! I dunno how to tag everyone from the other thread 🤣

@ElsieG3m
Sorry to hear that. I didn't know it could happen and upon reading up, found out how common it is! Did the doctor suggest the next course of treatment?

@AnxiousWannabe I agree with @Noodella18 that they’re probably trying to be reasonable because you haven’t been trying that long and have no obvious issues. My friend is 39 and conceived in a few months, it’s perfectly possible, as have others on this thread. Have you both had full investigations? I understand the anxiety around it though.

Our clinic has also suggested trying Letrozole for a month or more depending on my husband’s SA result. If it’s still poor it’s straight to ivf for us.

We can’t do much in July because holiday but I’d like to start either Letrozole or IVF in August or September, it depends on the SA results, they may want us to wait longer.

@KatRee the ectopic part is a worry, I’m glad you’re aware now and know your options. It’s good to know in that regard.

@AnxiousWannabe I totally understand that concern, but from an outsiders perspective it sounds like you might not be giving your body a fair shot at doing what it's designed for. You're definitely doing the right thing being proactive and getting everything checked out, but if all the tests are coming back normal then it does sound like it just hasn't happened for you yet, rather than it won't. I think your doctors probably feel the same - that there is no reason for you not to conceive naturally and that it is less stressful on your body to exhaust the assistance options before moving to something as hard-core as ivf. I know it's a terrible cliche, but conception seems to happen more readily when people aren't stressed. I know you've said that you struggle with anxiety and that you think this might be impacting your ovulation. Have you considered getting some help with that? I have found sertraline incredibly useful, and it's safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I started taking it because i was so miserable and anxious that I was single at 33 and terrified I wouldn't meet anybody and ultimately wouldn't have kids, so I really do understand how you're feeling. It changed my life and 4 years on i have a partner, a toddler and am now pregnant again and I'm certain none of these things would have happened without it. Sending lots of love xx

@AnxiousWannabe as a fellow 39 year old I fully sympathise with your worry about running out of time! I would say though that unless your fertility tests identify that there is something to prevent you getting pregnant, then 80% of women will get pregnant within a year (even at our age!) and 90% within 2 years. When I was calculating my odds I was therefore thinking that I've got an 80% chance of getting pregnant within a year (great odds!) but then only a 50:50 chance of getting pregnant in the 2nd year (not so great odds). I really wanted to make sure I'd tried naturally for a year before moving to IVF, so I think your clinic are doing the right thing in not rushing you into IVF. It's actually been longer for me as I did one year of properly trying (hitting the fertile window every month for 12 months!) and I had 6 months before that of not properly trying, just not preventing. If I were you I would give it the one year, but have done all your research and got your consultations lined up ready to start moving on ivf when you hit the year mark. If I have any regrets about my journey, it's that I wish we'd properly tried in those first 6 months (instead of being completely laid back about it) and that I'd started the ivf process slightly earlier so that I was getting close to starting treatment at the one year mark (I arranged consultations for that time but it's ended up being another couple of months before I actually started treatment). I knew that if I didn't give it a year of properly trying naturally then I would always wonder if I rushed into ivf too quickly.

@Noodella18 @thislittlebird
If I were younger by a year or two and unexplained fertility isn't a thing, I will probably try to take a deep breath and calm down (being a natural pessimist doesn't help either lol).

Thanks for your words - I did calm down a bit more reading about it. I'm trying to meditate and taking more deep breaths for now to cope with the stress. It's just the frustrations and regrets and stuff that will bite into me every now and then.

I am less stress than I was in April. Back then I would wake up beating myself up every day. Now I have it every two days - I see that as an improvement lol.

TTC is stressful. I used to think men and women are equal somewhat in the modern world - as in sex discrimination is not a thing in my life. I wasn't denied schooling, get somewhat equal treatment at work if not better. But I deeply feel that life is tougher being a woman ever since I started TTC. Our eggs aged as we do unlike men. We have to bear the risk of pregnancy (some say it's a miracle and I agree)...I mean I think I bear most of the TTC stress and risk.and it's .... stressful.

@Kitekat81
Thanks ! Missed your message and saw it after I posted mine!

May I ask where are you in your journey ? I guess the mental stress with TTC is just exacerbated by the lockdown. I wake up each day thinking about it without a chance of ever going out and sit down at a café etc to chill lol

@thislittlebird @AnxiousWannabe I think it's reasonably common after childbirth. From what I've been told and read so far it shouldn't affect fertility if correctly diagnosed. I'd like to be sure it isn't POP (with uterine prolapse) as that can make conception hard. I'm not overly stressed about it though as I don't think worrying will be productive, I'm just agitating for answers as I like a plan (even if the plan is do nothing and keep trying). Would like it sorted though as it's horrible leaking all the time even when I walk... I'm bizarrely pretty chilled this cycle - off on hols next week and cannot wait - think the heat is making me feel v relaxed as well a don't have the energy to stress 🤣

@AnxiousWannabe I had consultations with two clinics in April, which was my 'one year of properly trying' mark. I wanted to start treatment straight away but it was a couple of weeks wait from after the consultation for the next available nurse appointment, and then I didn't quite have enough time to get through all my consent forms, order meds etc in time to start on my period in May, so I started in June but my cycle was cancelled at my first scan because I've got a large cyst on my ovary, so I'll be trying again in July. If I were you I would keep the wheels turning in the right direction (doing all the fertility tests, researching clinics, arranging consultations etc) but I would keep trying naturally, find out about less invasive support that might be available, and wouldn't start ivf until at least a year of trying (and that's just for you and me at 39, if I was 35/36/37 then it would be quite reasonable to give it 18 months-ish of trying naturally). We all know how incredibly stressful TTC is, but IVF is definitely not the stress-free option!

@AnxiousWannabe I have to second all the ladies above said. As a fellow pessimist I understand the worry, but out doesn't sound like you need IVF yet. I dunno if I've already said this to you, but my sister conceived her second at 39, naturally, after a MMC, with an AMH of 3.2 within a year.

I'm on another awesome thread for women TTC over 40. All of us have an AMH of under 10 (totes normal) but most have no significant fertility issues and there are lots of BFPs in that group.

Fertility declines over 35, and faster over 40, yes. But how much it declines is entirely individual.

And bear in mind all the mental stuff that impacts TTC naturally will impact IVF too. I think what @Noodella18 mentioned about meds is worth exploring if that's impacting your life. xxxx

@AnxiousWannabe I'm going to be slightly controversial here and say whilst I think you will be fine based on good results and odds, we are all of us different and none of us is just a statistic (ie someone, ultimately has to be sadly unlucky and need a bit of assistance). If you feel happier knowing you are exhausting every option at this stage, then I think crack on. I work in risk and ultimately all of this is about risk taking (delay and hope you're not the minority who don't get pregnant naturally, or get help immediately when the odds are better). Over time, I've come to view probability and likelihood as fundamentally unhelpful indicators. I now pay more attention to risk impact/scenarios/outcomes. Ie how will I feel about letting it happen naturally if I later find I do need help and wish I'd started earlier when the odds were better? My stroke was one in a million in terms of risk but sadly I was that stat and the impact is huge - a lifetime of disability (grand scheme minor compared to what it could have been but still). I'm doing this evaluation now in my own fertility situation as we think about interventions and investigations. I weighed up the dangers of delaying TTC vs a pandemic we knew little about and a blood clotting factor which I have in pregnancy and the known risks of Covid blood clotting and I lost a year to that uncertainty. I wasn't thinking about impacts of age (rather I was thinking about the impact if I had another clot related stroke on my young daughter/our lives). I wonder all the time if delaying was the right thing. I'll never know for sure. What I do know is there was a point right before the pandemic when I wanted to TTC and my husband wasn't ready. He and I both regret that now. Trust me, you don't want to be living with regrets in this area. That's why I'm exhausting investigations now. Sure, everyone will say it's more likely to happen if you relax and that is without a shadow of a doubt true, but there is nothing stress free about TTC and every month getting your period and another negative test brings fresh grief. It's a grief you have to come back from every month and I don't think it's all about anxiety (though I have that in spades) - I don't know any woman over 35 with several cycles under her belt who is not worried about the "what if it never happens?" question. For me, and this is just me, I can't counsel you on what to do, I want to take the earliest opportunity to address anything that may be found and progress quickly to intervention if it's needed. Besides all of these things take time to sort anyway. We may come up to a year just organising tests and ivf or, happily, and looking at odds, we might fall between now and then but at least in the background we're taking control and I think there's something to be said for that. Sorry I know this isn't uplifting, probably unpopular, and I know it's against NICE guidelines etc but I just think we should have autonomy over our bodies and make the decisions we feel are right for us at the right times (& I'm feeling pretty chilled about all of this this month! 🤣). That said, I know ivf is no walk in the park so I'd really recommend stress management help before you consider it. I'm just back from acupuncture and super zen. My acupuncturist won't treat anyone going through ivf as a one off - it needs time to build up so maybe think about that and mindfulness if you're up for it. Lots of exercise, protein and limited sugar too if you can. Loads of luck xx

I agree with @ElsieG3m and everyone else in a way, I would probably want to wait a year like @Kitekat81 but I understand the anxiety. I’m anxious about all this on some level most days, I certainly wish we’d started earlier, I massively regret not ttc a few years earlier, but it is what it is now.

I also regret not being prepared when going in to speak to the nhs. I feel so very fortunate my egg reserve is ok, because I had no idea about all this stuff.

I would definitely do more investigations if you have only had the basic ones though (sorry, can’t remember what you’ve had) @AnxiousWannabe because like ElsieG3M said, the investigations might take some time and I’ve certainly lost time to them. The one thing I’ve learned about IVF in my own research so far is it’s not as straightforward as it looks sometimes, and many people’s cycles fail.

There’s certainly a balance to be struck.

Flip sake....... When you're 2 days late and get your hopes seriously up...... For AF to appear literally 2 minutes after the BFN. What a waste of a test! 🙄😔

@ElsieG3m @Kitekat81 @Geriatric1234

Ladies.. thank you so much- we don't know each other irl but you ladies took the time to comfort me.

I have only done the basic amh AFC prolactin progesterone and my ohs SA test. Oh and almost daily lh test. I'm self planning a hycosy for next cycle and will see from there.

I just got a call from the fertility clinic which is somewhat reassuring - I'm in cd10 and will start on letrozole next cycle. If it fails I will wait for another cycle before I start IVF.

My oh and I are thinking whether or not to go straight to ivf next cycle since my day 21 is showing that I do ovulate..albeit a bit later (cd21/22).

Elsie - if I had known you I'd suspect you are a mind reader! I'm afraid of being the statistic. The unfortunate one.

I know my mental stress is bad but I'm trying to keep it under check. I'm not sure if writing about it helps or it reminds me more about it. But yeah. Instead of being stressed, I'd say I'm in defeat mode.

Life's unfair lol. If there's a fertility god...

@Teachermummy83 urgh - why does af think she's welcome round here every month? That's gutting - I'm really sorry x

@ElsieG3m lol
@Teachermummy83
I know how that feels . Sorry that you wasted a test. I wasted multiple ones ...hence I have resorted to using cheapie now.

@thislittlebird I know you mentioned you have other factors at play but I'm excited for you for this next cycle after having that blockage removed. Your odds will have gone up massively. Keeping everything crossed!

@AnxiousWannabe that's really great that you have a plan of attack and some treatment. Really hope it does the trick for you. Which clinic are you be treated at?

We are deciding between care / nurture / or going down to London. My husband is not keen on London because of the distance ...

@AnxiousWannabe where do you live?

We used to live in London but moved to notts when the first lockdown happened. We initially checked out care Sheffield then switched to nurture coz it's nearer.

@AnxiousWannabe that's great that you made the move! From what I can gather, being close to home for treatment is really helpful - probably less stress overall which can only be a good thing x

@ElsieG3m I’ve got POP (uterine) after two pregnancies/births 🙈 It’s not horrendous (another ‘watchful waiting’ thing for gynae!). I remember research saying it can impact on conception and worrying that’s maybe what contributed to my chemical last month. I’m going to give it a few more cycles and then try and get another appointment with gynae. Will you need treatment long term for your prolapse?

Sorry AF got you @Teachermummy83; being late definitely adds to the blow when it comes. Hope you’re having all the treats.

@GuessHowMuch I'm sorry to hear that. Oh really? That's worrying - I wasn't worrying about it as I'd been told that it shouldn't make a difference to conception and what limited research I've read also indicated it doesn't make a difference. I don't really have a plan as last year I was told it quite mild and just to do pelvic floor exercises. Guess I'll try to see someone 😬

@ElsieG3m I’m not very optimistic at this stage really but every little helps and all that!

Has anyone tried letrozole? Esp if you are ovulating already (ie not Pcos)?