TTC 35+ thread 11

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread! I dunno how to tag everyone from the other thread 🤣

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 ah thank you 😊 let's hope it makes all the difference! Hope you're well today x

Mums are brutal! I have one of those too. My sister outed her and said to stop being so negative to everything 😆 they literally can't help it can they 🙄

@thislittlebird @Marvellouslymadmum Phew! Thanks guys! It seemed like such a great plan ordering my own tests but then I had no flipping' idea what they meant! lolol

@thislittlebird I'd deffo push for money back! That sounds awful! What's next for you?

I’m good thanks @Geriatric1234. I felt really rubbish but I’ve had all the hot baths, wine and food going so feeling a bit better. It’s the first CP I’ve had while TTC no3 (had one the month before getting pregnant with DC2) so I’ve got no reason at this point to think it will happen again. In the back of my mind though I am worrying that it’s to do with my fibroids/polyps etc. All we can do is keep on keeping on!

@AnxiousWannabe your level of anxiety sounds a bit like mine when it’s bad. I agree that mindfulness might be helpful for you - have you tried it? I did a mindfulness course a few years ago and it totally blew my mind. I often catastrophize and am always focused on the worst case scenario, often with really intrusive thoughts about how bad things could be. The mindfulness coach showed me that those thoughts aren’t me or true and I can choose not to engage with them. They pop into your head and you can choose to lay them to one side and not engage. Doesn’t help all the time but it’s definitely made a difference. Sorry things are tough and you’re finding things stressful 💚

@Magnum99 hope you’re doing ok and that you’ve got some nice things lined up over the next few days.

@Geriatric1234 I’d love your progesterone levels lol. Next for us is more waiting and ££££ . DH just had a scan of his testicles today, he has a small (I think) varicocele. He has more tests later this week to check dna fragmentation and an advanced SA. Then I have my hycosy next Tuesday.

After we get his results we’ll likely have another appointment with the urologist AND one with the ivf doc. I’m hoping either the dna frag won’t be that bad or there’s something non-invasive they can do (antibiotics for example) that might help. Because private varicocele surgery isn’t something we’ve budgeted for, I’d be tempted to try a round of ivf pre-surgery, and if it doesn’t work then try the surgery. It’s a lot to think about.

I've just text my mum to tell her why I've been upset today and she just replied with "ok sorry you're fragile" what the F does that mean? No kisses, no sympathy, no words of reassurance. That's it. Wtf?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@AnxiousWannabe I felt so sad reading your message about how you're feeling and can 100% relate. I think you need to try to be a bit kind to yourself: TTC is incredibly stressful. Don't beat yourself up because you're having a tough time of it just because it could be tougher. Of course, we all think like that from time to time. My close friend is coming for lunch at the weekend - the first time I've seen her since she was diagnosed with womb cancer after just getting over bowel and liver cancer. She's just been put through surgical menopause after having all of her reproductive organs removed (at 37). She's single with no children. And I'm wallowing in my situation. All the time I think I must stop being so caught up in why things are bad for me. Today, I felt like crap because I caught myself on zoom and realised how obviously one side of my face droops since my stroke. I nearly burst into tears on the call instead of thinking, I'm still here, I've a husband and a beautiful daughter - I should feel incredibly grateful for the life that I have (& I do). But none of us are perfect and we're still allowed to feel sad for ourselves from time to time. When I'm low, I hear myself saying all the negative things then try to counteract them with the feelings I'd have if it all worked out as I wanted. My husband goes through life like that, assuming it'll be fine and then dealing with it if it isn't. And on the whole I think positive people get positive outcomes...I'm just still learning how to be one of those!! Anyway long message but just wanted to say you're not alone and I just think you need to try to be w little kinder to yourself.

I have started doing breathing techniques so push away what I've thoughts as best I can. It doesn't help all the time but is v useful at nighttime when I can't sleep and busy head creeps in.

@GuessHowMuch the mindfulness sounds so good. Do you mind sharing tips on how to get started? How, practically, do you push aside the intrusive thoughts? I catastrophise all the time!

@Magnum99 I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Mind is amazing and listens to everything I put on her poor woman but she really cannot deal with my worrying about not conceiving again. It's like the one thing she has no time for. And I really think it's because it's such a deeply personal thing for women and so hard to talk about. I wonder if your Mum just can't bear to think of you feeling so sad. Sometimes people just don't have the words and it stings more when it comes from the person who has always been able to make you feel better x

That’s dreadful @Magnum99 😟

@ElsieG3m your mum sounds pretty good. Mine took 5 years to conceive her first, she said she knows how it feels recently, but I’m lucky to get that much out of her really. She’s not very maternal and quite hard.

Thanks ladies.feels like crying reading all your messages. I think I found the mindfulness app - gonna embark on it tonight. I went out for a walk and tried to sing some silly songs. I guess that helped.

@Magnum99
Maybe she wants to give you an avenue to channel your frustrations?

Going through TTC makes me respect my mum so much more. My mum may not always say the right thing, but I owe it to her to be filial - it must not have been easy for her trying to conceive and keeping me in her womb safely. In my culture we regard the biological mother as important as the mother who brought you up - because it is simply not easy giving birth to a new human being. Lol. Sorry...rambled on for a bit now

@AnxiousWannabe not all biological mothers are that good, sadly. Mine gave birth to me but she didn’t bring me up. It can be quite complicated.

Although if you do have a great mum consider me jealous of you lol

@thislittlebird
Sorry if I offended you or bring up bad memories. I guess this journey is too emo for me ..

@AnxiousWannabe no it’s fine, definitely not offended, it’s just not that simple as biological mums being all good sometimes, I wish it was more straightforward for sure.

@Magnum99

I've just text my mum to tell her why I've been upset today and she just replied with "ok sorry you're fragile" what the F does that mean? No kisses, no sympathy, no words of reassurance. That's it. Wtf?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I just read through about 5 pages and I thought to comment on your post as it's something I relate to. Sorry to hear you're going through this. I can relate because I am also keeping ttc from my mom. When I first got pregnant (about 2+yrs ago), I came to her for dinner and I told her, the shock and disappointment on her face was so obvious it set me back so much. She said how stupid am I to get pregnant and not be married? He will leave as soon as he can. Like she made it sound like I am some irresponsible teenager getting pregnant by some guy I don't really know. I was 35!! We lost that pregnancy and do you think she even asked how I was getting on? Ha. Nope. Second miscarriage, she knew nothing about. Now again I'm pregnant and I don't wanna tell her. Hey mom, pregnant again and still not married. Imagine!? Lol Why do I have to be married? I have a wonderful relationship and a supportive partner who isn't going anywhere unless he's dead. Like, why not just be happy for your child? I don't understand mothers. Maybe it's just my mother. My friends mother's seem to be a lot more supportive. You know what's even worse? My father said recently (unrelated to me, he didn't know about any of the pregnancies), female fertility window is till they are 25, after certain age women shouldn't have kids as they are going to have problems. Did he forget his own daughter is "after certain age"? Girls, trust me... Ttc was an eye opener on sooooo many levels. Seeing how my family is, how my friends didn't check in on my after learning about my mc's, and seeing that my partner is the most solid man I ever met who sat through all my tears with me, went to every appointment, done things for me no one ever did. I feel you so so so much on this. Sorry for a long post, I just wanna come and say I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes family tends to be the people who hurt us the most. I hope you're keeping strong, love. Hugs

I hope everyone is doing well, I've read some positive posts and some negative ones. And I'm sorry for those that are going through emotional drainage.
I just wanna say again how much this thread in particular helped me cope. You're all my hero's having to face so much just to bring life I to this world.
You're all amazing, strong women.

@VixFromThe6ix Even when you’re super duper, hugely pregnant I don’t want you to leave us for the pregnancy threads because you always post such lovely, heartfelt comments 😍 I’m not crying it’s just hay fever honestly 😭🥰🤣

[quote GuessHowMuch]@VixFromThe6ix Even when you’re super duper, hugely pregnant I don’t want you to leave us for the pregnancy threads because you always post such lovely, heartfelt comments 😍 I’m not crying it’s just hay fever honestly 😭🥰🤣[/quote]
Awww that is so sweet of you to say! I'm lurking around. 🥰 number of times I posted with tears streaming down my face, eeshhh 🤣🤣 I wanna know what's happening with everyone and I'm not going anywhereeee. I have nothing to talk about pregnancy, I'm still in limbo waiting to see if the ultrasound shows anything or not. So in the meantime, I'll just sit here in the corner sending everyone positive vibes and baby dust 😊

@thislittlebird she is -she's amazing. I'm very lucky and grateful for her x

@VixFromThe6ix aw how long until your ultrasound? Is it booked in? Hope you feel ok x

@ElsieG3m mine is just very complicated and I have a lot of mixed feelings about having a kid and likely moving away and leaving her in her old age (with my sisters...😐).

Hope you’re feeling a bit better today @Magnum99

I’m up far too early with what a feels like a blister in my toe. Not loving that welcome to Tuesday.

@VixFromThe6ix sorry to hear of the problems you've had with your mum too.
My mum has been an amazing support to me in the past, eg when I found out I was pregnant at 25 shortly after splitting up with my boyfriend at the time who was an absolute loser, she was still happy for me, excited and the best support. She was like a second parent to my son, I honestly couldn't have wished for anything more from her.
But here I am at 38, married for 7 years, been together for 11 years, he's a great guy and an amazing dad, we've got a lovely home and a spare bedroom, she knows I've wanted a baby for years but put it off for one reason or another. I don't get it.
Well I do get it actually, she's thinking about how it will affect her, maybe she's also worried about how it'll impact my autistic son, maybe she's worried about me TTC at 38 or that I'll get PND again, or worried about how we'll manage financially as my work and income isn't steady. Or maybe it's to do with when my SIL had a baby at 39 she nearly died from pancreatitis which was linked to pregnancy, maybe it's just worry.

But ffs i'm 38, DH is 44, we're old enough to make our own decision about this. I don't need her approval, but it would be nice if I could at least talk to her about it because she's my best friend.

I think mothers just get more pessimistic as we get older! They don't stop worrying about us, then they start to worrying about themselves as well as us! Mine does tend to put a downer on a lot of things, or state the obvious to me as if I'm still a child 🙄
But you are right @Magnum99, we are old enough to make our own decisions! And ultimately parents will be ok whatever we decide 🙂

@Magnum99 @thislittlebird
I keep thinking about what you wrote here and trying to walk a mile in your shoes mentally. I'm sorry it must have hurt a lot not having supportive mothers and I am definitely in a bubble when I said what I said ..coz I didn't walk in your shoes and couldn't even imagine what it's like.

That being said you gals would be such amazing mothers. I think we all would try our best to be because we try so hard to have them.

I laugh when I hear ppl say they wish their kids can be X , y , z someday or they wish for a boy / girl. And here I just want a normal baby - even that seems harder than winning the lotto

@AnxiousWannabe don’t worry really, I think @Magnum99’s sounds more normal and supportive than mine tbh. They’re all different I suppose.

I think Magnum is already a mother, I’m hoping I can cut the mustard if I ever manage to get there lol.

Like you @anxious, I would just appreciate a healthy baby of any variety, I’m way beyond being able to worry about girl or boy or whatever. It’s frustrating.