TTC after MC - new thread for newbies / lurkers on other threads!

[Lowkeyloopy]

Hi all!

I know there are several threads dedicated to this topic, which I've lurked on for several weeks without saying anything, but some threads (sadly) have so many people on them that it can be a bit hard to follow, or it feels awkward to jump into the middle of a conversation between people who have been chatting for a while. Does anyone fancy joining me on a new thread?

My story: 33, TTC baby #1, conceived first cycle in Feb, but had a MC at 6 weeks in early March. Absolutely awful, as everyone knows, and I was in a rubbish place mentally for a few weeks, but I've also counted my blessings - it was early, I needed no medical intervention and at least I know I can conceive. Also AF has returned today - 29 days after first day of my MC. I usually have a 28-29 day cycle so am so grateful that my body seems to be getting with the programme again.

So CD1 for me, and I'll be TTC this month and back to tracking - BBT from tomorrow, OPKs from CD 11, still taking my Pregnacare and trying to keep exercising and eating healthily!

Would anyone like to join me if they're going through something similar? How have you been coping since your MC? What's on your TTC to-do list?! (Other than the obvious..!)

Baby dust to all xx

@Flopsy88 yes just started worst girl gang ever this week and love it! It's great xxx

Hi everyone, could I join please?

So sorry that you’ve all been going through this. Really feel for you all and it’s just the most awful thing.

My story: I’m 27 and came off the pill last May. We decided we weren’t going to fully try but didn’t mind if it happened. Each month I secretly hoped but didn’t happen. At Christmas I decided I would stop thinking about it and start planning our wedding. End of jan my period didn’t come and we tested and I was 3 weeks ish. Everything was going ok and went to a private scan at 7 and a bit weeks and they said my dates could be wrong and they could see a heartbeat. The sonographer told me I would be fine if I’d had no bleeding...
Anyway went back 2 weeks later and the baby was the same size and still no heartbeat. I ended up having an MVA whilst awake which was traumatic as the pessary didn’t work and the doctor dilated me herself and it was very painful and took over an hour. My partner is trying not to talk or think about it and I’m finding it hard because every now and then he keeps getting upset and then it can set me back too. I’ve had my first counselling session tonight and feeling more positive. I just want my period now it’s been 4 weeks tomorrow since my procedure so hoping it comes soon. How long has everyone waited for theirs? Did anyone have pains or anything a few weeks after? Hope you don’t mind me joining but the same reasons you’ve all said I can’t keep up and don’t know everyone’s stories on other threads!

@Flopsy88 obsessed with the worst girl gang ever podcast - it’s helping me so much! :)

Welcome @CMcA21 ! I’m so sorry for what you went through - that sounds so traumatic. I hope you’re feeling ok. Really great that you’re speaking to a counsellor. Some friends of mine have done the same (for other issues) and they can work wonders 🙂 It must be tough when your DP is upset too, but it’s good that he’s being open with you about his feelings at least, so you can work through it together - hopefully be each other’s support when one is having a difficult day.

My period came back 4 weeks 1 day after first day of my MC bleeding, but my MC was earlier than yours - at 6 weeks - and I usually have very regular 28-29 day cycles. I also passed everything naturally and my body was far too efficient about it actually - I painlessly (at least physically) passed the sac itself first (so sorry if TMI/triggering) so knew I had MC’d then a few hours later I had full on contractions overnight that were so painful I vomited and nearly blacked out - ended up in the Urgent Care Centre. Super fun. But they only lasted an hour and then it was period like cramps and bleeding with some clots for a few days. So I was expecting my body to “reset” quite quickly after all that! But they did tell me it could take up to 6 weeks to get a period and that that would be normal.

As for pains, nothing major, but I definitely didn’t feel normal for several weeks - I was quite lightheaded and had a headache at the top of my neck randomly for a while. Also a hard to describe tender feeling when errr.. doing number 2 (sorry tmi!). I think everything is just quite close together down there inside and perhaps it was a bit bruised or irritated? Who knows.. Oh and I got a UTI after DTD when I didn’t pee (just one time!) afterwards. So although it would’ve been nice to get PG again straight away, I practically danced on the spot when AF turned up a few days ago as it signalled a clean slate! I had no real PMT symptoms though weirdly - no boob tenderness, bloating or breakouts like I would normally get. Guess my hormones were all over the shop.

I’m feeling so much better and more normal now. I hope yours turns up asap!

And so many people have recommended this podcast now - I really need to have a listen!

Sorry for super long post!

Oh sorry @CMcA21 I just read again that your partner was trying NOT to talk or think about it, but getting upset occasionally. Not talking is much more in line with what my DP is (and I think most DPs are) like, so you’re not alone there! I hope the counselling helps you both x

@Lowkeyloopy see I was talking to my friend about it yesterday and she literally knows nothing about it and I was like there’s SO MUCH people don’t know. Not sure if you had to do this bjt 3 weeks later I had to do a pregnancy style hCG test to check the ‘success’ of the miscarriage... and then there’s the waiting for the period wondering if it’s all ok!
It’s exhausting. I know what you mean about doing a number 2 - I actually had like weird cramps/stabbing pains when doing a wee or a no 2 for 2 weeks ish after then on Saturday just gone (3rd) I was in bed and got pains randomly when I didn’t have anything for a week. I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks it was just spotting for 10 days really. Since then I’ve had sore boobs and felt the period rage (what happens to me before I come on, I go full psycho some days) and was whipping my partner with a tea towel because he was annoying me 😂 so safe to say there’s something happening, hopefully it’s sooner rather than later. Hope you enjoy the podcast, I have it on instead of TV at the moment because there’s nothing good on. Thanks for all your info😀

I feel almost back to normal but then I keep thinking about where I ‘should’ and ‘could’ be. It’s so sad and frustrating because this just shouldn’t happen to anyone, it’s awful!

@CMcA21 your story sounds so scary and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's bad enough to be told the worst news to only then be put through so much extra pain and discomfort. I hope you never have to experience that again. Where are you up to in your cycle now?

I've listened to some of the worst girl gang podcast and it's so good. The early loss episode was especially fitting to my experience and it's so true that we are almost socially conditioned to think an early loss 'isnt as bad and to look on the bright side'. I'm trying to stay optimistic for my next cycle but also dreading the feeling of it happening again as it's still hurts to think the future you thought might have when you see that bfp has gone up in smoke. Plus it's got me thinking how do you know if everything has passed even if the bleeding and clots have stopped, what if something is stil stuck up there? (I'm still very lightly bleeding Day 5)

Hope you are all okay today girls! Xx

@CMcA21 I'm so so sorry you're going through this. It's such a shitty time. It's really positive that you're seeing a counsellor though! Is it someone you've found privately? I wonder if your DP would be open to speaking to someone about it too. It sounds like he's really struggling. My DP doesn't really talk about it either, he just goes quiet when he's upset. He's happy to listen to me though but I think he's worried about saying the wrong thing.

In understand your frustration waiting for your period. I miscarried naturally and it's 3 weeks tomorrow since I had a big bleed and lost the pregnancy sac. I was getting positive HPTs for another 2 weeks after that and had a positive OPK yesterday (I think?) so I'm hoping my cycle has started up again. They're usually 28 days but i guess this one will be a bit longer. I think it depends on how long HCG takes to return to a very low level which seems so vary so much for different women. I've had a lot of cramping and niggly pains over the last couple of weeks, no idea what that means though! It might even have been there before and I never noticed! xx

@CMcA21 Wow you've had a tough time! Let us know how you get on with the counselling, I'm sure it'll really help.

I was really down yesterday and just felt like I could burst into tears at any point but today I've done a OPK and I got a smiley face!!! I told my husband that we're going to DTD lots tonight as I'm ovulating and he was like "yeah get in"! I don't know if that's because I'm ovulating or because he actually gets to touch me, ha!

How's everyone else feeling today?

@Mrsmujic thanks for your message it was really horrible at the time but I’m glad it’s all over now! I’m not exactly sure where I’m up to in my cycle, I was starting to track temp but I just got fed up and said I’ll start properly tracking everything when I get my period. It’s 28 days since my MVA though. It should have been my 12 week scan today :( if you’re worried about retained product or bleeding you could ask for a scan but I’m not sure if they’ll give you one?

@Flopsy88
thanks for your lovely message. The counselling I was referred by the hospital to a charity, so it’s kind of private but not really, you can self refer as well. I agree with what you say about the aches and pains - I overanalysed every ache or niggle when I was pregnant and I’m doing it again now. It’s just the not knowing what’s happening with your body it’s so frustrating. How have you coped emotionally since your MC? I’ve been so up and down this past week!

So pleased you got your flashing smiley @ItsMeantToBe I got a positive OPK on Wednesday and temp rise today so I'm assuming I'm 1dpo now. My DP didn't know what hit him! I even shaved my legs for the occasion. Apparently you're more fertile just after a miscarriage so I've convinced myself I'll get pregnant straight away. Probably setting myself up for disappointment though!

@CMcA21 I've coped better than I expected to I think but will probably feel differently if it takes ages to concieve again or I have another loss. I'm definitely more emotional than usual and had a complete meltdown last weekend after too much wine. I hope you're starting to have more ups than downs now. Are you still planning your wedding? It must be lovely to have something so exciting to focus on! Xx

@Flopsy88 that’s to be expected though we will have good and bad days! I’m definitely on the up now and trying not to put too much pressure on ourselves. It’s horrible isn’t it thinking that we could go through this again. :( it’s scaring me too.

We haven’t really planned anything because of Covid and everywhere being shut but hopefully we will be able to book it soon! I’m from Liverpool and he’s Irish but we live in Liverpool and always thought we’d do it here but now we’re talking about doing it abroad then just having parties back here and over in Belfast. It is nice but we still think we want to try again for a baby this year before we book it. When we found out I was pregnant I wanted to do a shotgun wedding but he wasn’t having it 😂 he said that’s old fashioned and we should just wait and do it properly so we will see, hopefully get it booked soon x

Ughh my midwife booking appointment just came through, gonna have to ring and cancel it now 😔

Thanks @Flopsy88! It's exciting, I will be gutted if I don't get a BFP this month. Glad you got positive OPK too. Don't spoil your DP too much, he'll expect clean shaven legs all the time 😂. I'm definitely more emotional that normal too. I feel ok today but can't stop eating, so I'm blaming hormones.

@CMcA21 so exciting that you have a wedding to plan too! I would definitely wait until after baby, no need to rush. I had a big wedding and if I were to do it again I would elope or just have a registery office one. The planning is the best bit.

@Mrsmujic. That's shit. I've been putting off cancelling mine- I don't know why I feel embarrassed calling?

@ItsMeantToBe I just did it now to get it out the way. The midwife I spoke to was really kind. I said I felt stupid for self refering too soon but she said they prefer it 4-6 weeks so they can get us all booked in but it's just difficult for women to have to cancel them 😔 it's pretty hard holding back the tears and not letting your voice shake. It comes in waves where I can't help thinking of what could have been and feel sad 💔

@Mrsmujic same. I've just called too and she sounded so awkward asking why I needed to cancel and was so apologetic. I struggled to fight back the tears too. Hopefully we'll both be calling back in a few weeks to book in again .

@Mrsmujic it happened to me, I had my booking in appt the day before I found out I had miscarried and when I went for my MVA I was like ‘please make sure the midwives know and don’t send me letters’ anyway I got a call the next week saying why haven’t you come for your bloods and then a letter for my scan the week later. I complained to PALS at the hospital in the end. It’s really hard saying it out loud I feel, saying the words ‘I’ve had a miscarriage’ are what sets me off I don’t know about you.

Well done though for doing it, so brave of you and hopefully you can start to get some closure now ❤️

@ItsMeantToBe well done to you too for calling, it must have been hard but you’ve done it now. Don’t be embarrassed at all! Hopefully we’re all calling back soon for our rainbows 💛

@CMcA21 thank you. It feels good to get it out of the way.

It's bad that you still got sent your appointments after telling them. You were right to go to PALS. Hopefully they'll be more mindful with women in the future. You're right that saying "I've had a miscarriage" is really hard. One of my first thoughts after I discovered I was having a mc was that I've got to tell everyone and cancel the appointments. I only told my really close family and my best friend but I don't think I'll tell anyone next time (apart from DH) until I've had a reassurance scan.

@CMcA21 So I didn’t have to do the HPT bit because by the time they did the scan and took my bloods at the hospital (there was a delay of 1 day due to doc not referring me to the right place or something), my HCG was only 12 and the MC was well underway. And PG symptoms disappeared quickly. Quite glad I didn’t have to take the test hoping to see a negative 🙁 Thats awful about the appointment. I got the 12 week scan letter the morning I was leaving for the internal scan - great timing!

And well done for making those tough phone calls today @Mrsmujic and @ItsMeantToBe . I hated that too and it made me think that next time I’m not going to contact the midwives until I’m at least 6 weeks gone, maybe 7! I figure - what’s the point? The booking appt won’t be until 10 weeks or something, like last time, and they can’t do anything to stop a MC happening again in the meantime so what’s the appointment for... “take folic acid, cut out coffee and alcohol?” Check, check check! I’m not even sure I’d want a reassurance scan - I couldn’t bear to hear a heartbeat at 6 weeks only to lose it at 7 😞

Onto happier things - happy ovulation @ItsMeantToBe and @Flopsy88 ! Must feel great to be moving forward again. I think I might start with the OPKs tomorrow - will only be CD5 but I think AF is nearly done and I’ve got a funny twinging on my right side so convincing myself O could happen early.. plus I have the cheap (no plastic) OPKs so don’t feel too wasteful! I think my MC’d PG implanted (or tried to) on my right side though so maybe it’s just internal bruising or something? 🤷🏻‍♀️

When do you think you’ll all test? With a FRER or only after AF is (hopefully) late? I’ll be so keen to know but want to wait - if I have a CP I won’t want to know, and if it’s another MC I don’t want to know I’m PG for longer than I have to before it happens..

Hello!

Please may I join? I'm 30 and a mother of two lovely children. I found out I was pregnant (total accident) on 1st April and two weeks ago today I miscarried.

We realised we actually really did want the baby so have started trying. Which is the first time we've ever done that - I almost feel like I'm not grown up enough to be trying for a baby.

Despite having two children already shrugs

Anyway hi!

@ItsMeantToBe I’m the same, not going to tell anyone if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again.

@Lowkeyloopy I think I’ll only ever test if my period is late - however I haven’t had my period yet post MC and my boobs have been hurting again this week and we have been DTD so if my period doesn’t come in a weeks time do you think I should take a test to see? Not sure what to do but I haven’t been tracking anything so it probably won’t be that.

Anyone reading this what do you think? Don’t want to get obsessive and I know it can take a few weeks to get the period back but I think if it’s 5 weeks post MC and boobs are sore again I would want to check and make sure?

@ShoesEverywhere welcome! So sorry about your MC :( it must have been a shock for you especially if you haven’t experienced that before (I’m just guessing this by the way from what you’ve said in your post). I was so happy when we happened to get pregnant without the stress of TTC but my partner phrased it in a good way. He says if you’re preparing for it then you’re definitely doing the right things i.e. watching your caffeine and alcohol and taking your vits so even though it can be stressful and daunting at least you know you’re doing everything you possibly can be! 💜

@ShoesEverywhere welcome! So sorry for your loss - I’ve heard a few stories of people saying they didn’t even realise they wanted to be pregnant until they had the option taken away. The range of experiences of women on these threads is crazy - loss affects everyone - first timers or people with several children already!

@CMcA21 So tricky because I would also want to test but I like to think I would wait - you’re about 29 days post MVA now right? So I’d probably only want to take a test at 6 weeks just in case AF still turned up or to avoid knowing about a CP. But I guess it depends on how you think you would feel if you saw a negative test now, or a positive test than turned negative 😕 Or maybe another question - what would you do differently in the next couple of weeks if you knew you were pregnant compared with if you didn’t?

@Lowkeyloopy I think I’d probably end up going for a drink and things seeing as pubs are going to be opening up and I just want to be careful with what I eat. I also was on an intense exercise challenge before the pregnancy and I loved it and re-enrolled to try and make myself feel better as I’d put weight on but I’d be too worried doing it if I was pregnant.. i see what you mean though, the only thing is that my boobs had gone back to normal and then I had some cramps last Saturday. We DTD Friday and Sunday and I’ve had sore boobs since about Tuesday and period style pains this week on and off. I wouldn’t want to see a positive and it be a CP but then I don’t know how much longer I could wait because if I’m wondering it’ll just take over my mind 😂 and at least it lets me know if I should be preparing for the period or not. Although I’m getting a bit ahead of myself because I’ll probably get AF tomorrow now!