been ttc #1 since forever...

[nomoremagnolia]

Feeling very fed up with failing every month and wondered if there's anyone in the same boat? It's a lonely boat on a journey to nowhere at the moment, but if anyone else wants to join me, some company would be nice

Hi everyone, hope you are all well

I have good news (hoorah) just spoken to fertility consultant, he wants to see me to find out why miscarrying!!!!!!!! and start me on Clomid (double hoorah). Does life get any better???????

(KD skips off to sit by letterbox and wait appt letter)

Hello girls

Awaiting the arrival of the red witch. Even though I think we missed the boat this month, and my boobs have done their monthly pre-AF deflate, naturally I am sitting here wondering if my total lack of cramps is a sign of you know what. Madness.

DP had his results back from the docs and, in his own words, 'my jizz is fine'. So, his jizz is fine, my day 21 prog is a magnificent 70, and my LH/FSH results are good and low. So WHY am I not up the duff?

I've been thrown into even more of a panic than usual by starting off the adoption process, and them saying that we shouldn't be trying for our own at the same time. And that one day I will have to actually make the decision to never have my own child. Seems awful to say it, but it would almost be easier if I knew I couldn't conceive, as I could close the chapter and move on. But having to make such a momentous decision, when it seems my own baby could be just around the corner, is just too much.

Hi Girlies,

Sorry I have been absent for a while, but things are manic because its the end of the tax yr and had loads of work on... horray for Easter! Well had cramps for a while and like clockwork AF arrived today. So hunted down my clomid (took 4 visits to different chemists today + AF mood = Not a happy Rah!)

LuLu - Many congratulations

KD - Fab news on the fertility consultant..

Well there is loads to catch up on - so better get reading the thread! Which might of been preferable before posting! LOL

cd1 here... onwards and upwards.

(((Ready and Rah)))

Gilly, most certainly not taking the Michael? I am totally impressed ? I like to think of myself of an obsessive-compulsive-organisational-nut-job and I pride myself on it. I?m a list for lists kinda gal ? but you are out of my league
It sounds like your appointment was just what you needed ? yay! Of course I hope that you don?t need any of your future appointments, because your BFP will come very soon? but if not, it?s great that the ball is rolling
I ordered the hypno cd Oh, and when you say HCG do you mean HSG? Sorry for drawing attention to it? But I?m wondering if you are having the HSG like me, or the new hycosy thingy-me-jig?

Rah, where did you go?

Lottie, did your cd arrive yet? I am presuming with Easter mine will arrive later in the week? did you listen yet?

Nomore, hope you are not too tired from all the wardrobe manufacturing

Herb, that?s awful, so the adoption agency think it is best to stop trying? What if it just happened naturally though, after you had adopted? Surely they cannot stop you in the pursuit of having a baby? How do you feel?

Kd, hope you are well? Good news that they want to get the root of your mc, and fingers crossed the clomid works for you.

Viksam, no housework when your energy levels are low!! I refuse point blank to hoover when I am feeling low. Sofa and chocolate is my prescription

Coggy, you will have a wonderful time. No worrying about insurances etc.

Minnow, were you really posting about getting pregnant too quickly a year ago? Oh babe, that stings I bet. (hug)

Hello everyone else that I missed? big hugs. What a lovely sunny day today ? and after all that snow yesterday too. I was bouncing around the house singing ?let it snow, let it snow, let it snow?

Want to send some of that sun over this way Ready? It's miserable and grey here.

ps Wardrobe manufacture complete, now manufacturing baby ugg boots

Pleased it is all finished Glad you are relaxing and manufacturing boots ... I about to clean my kitchen and then plough on with my cushion cover
Will gladly send you some sun - if you take some of the wind too?

The wind will help get the sun here I suppose
Off out this afternoon with DGodS and his parents.

Have a lovely afternoon. Hope the sun arrives in time I'm mithering about the house, got a sore throat and not happy about it. Cleaned my kitchen - satisfication

Had a good Easter weekend, finally moving into our biggest bedroom (a mere 2.5 years after moving in to the house) - it feels like staying in a hotel! Maybe it will bring forth a BFP. And no miscarriage.

I know why the adoption people want their adopters to stop trying for their own baby - so they can put all their energies into the adopted one, and to 'get over' the grief of not having one's own, and so the adopted child will never be a substitute. I know all this, logically, but something deep inside is saying 'no, I can't stop'. It would be letting down all my babies I lost, somehow. It's probably a sign that I haven't dealt with my MCs grief properly, and that I'm hanging on to the possibility of getting pg again to 'make it alright', but I've just got to give it another go.

I think what we'll do is go for it for the next six months or so, by which stage we'll be nearer the 'final acceptance' stage of the adoption process, I'll be nearly 43, and I'll have to accept it's never going to happen. Though that means I'm going to panic massively over the next few months...

Gilly - last time I saw the GP he said that once I'd had my blood tests, and DP had had his jizz tested, we'd go on to the next stage. Not sure if that means I've got to go in again to get it moving. And also not sure if he'll tell adoption people (they interview your GP apparently), and let the cat out of the bag. Glad all your business is moving along. It feels like a constant battle sometimes, doesn't it.

Well, yes. But surely if someone takes the huge decision to adopt, they will never think of that child as just a substitute? Or am I naive? Probably. People can have more than one child, and love them both, equally. Can't they? What happens if you adopt then conceive naturally?
Herby, you've got a tough 6 months ahead, chick, and I hope that you get that sticky bfp.

I'm poorly... so forgive my ramblings if they are not entirely coherent.

Well, indeed. I kind of think the need to nurture and look after a child is almost separate from the biological 'need' to get pregnant and bear my own. So the adopted child would never really be a substitute, in that sense. I would love them just as much, but in a different way. If anything, there's more of a chance of me resenting them if I don't give natural conception a final go.

So, it's green tea, robuttusin, OPKs, fancy undies, legs in the air, ovary massage, reflexology, etc etc a go-go - oh, and of course 'relaxing, and it will all happen'.

Tell me about the ovary massage... sounds interesting

Oh, I was just googling 'blocked fallopian tube' the other day - as you do - and found a hippy-dippy site all about fertility, and how we can give it a boost by increasing blood supply to the uterus, via acupuncture and a quick rub now and again, which can also unblock tubes. Quite possibly a load of rubbish...

I have an aromatherapy book, and I am sure there is something about infertility in there... must dig it out to share with the group

Gilly, the HSG really wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my head, that it was going to be (if you see what I mean?)... dh came with me, which helped. And the nurse and radiographer and dr were really nice, and reassuring. Basically... get in your gown, and lie on the table... knees bent just like a smear and then the Dr puts the speculum in then the catheter up and it feels uncomfortable, but again, no worse than a smear test... I got a butterfly/fluttery/scratchy feeling when the catheter went in, they inflate a balloon in your uterus to hold the catheter in place.

Then they pass the dye through the catheter into your uterus and tubes. It just feels like butterflies. I was able to watch the contrast/dye going into my uterus and tubes on the screen - which I liked - they are looking for the dye to fill and spill - so fill up your uterus and tubes and then spill out into your body (where it is absorbed into your system and you pass it in your wee) - I filled and spilled and was able to see that my uterus was properly shaped and no abnormalities present. Instant relief. They take a few x-rays all the while they fill you up.

Then the most uncomfortable bit, was when they pull the catheter and speculum out - it was like a plunger being pulled off your cervix. But it's momentary and not really painful, just a little discomfort.

I think it is painful if there are blockages - from what I have read, anyway.

When it was over, they gave me a sanitary pad and told me to go to the toilet... I panicked a little as there was a little bit of blood. But apparently it is normal to have a little blood

I then got dressed, and then they made me (and dh) a cup of tea - then I had to have one last x-ray to make sure that all the dye had gone - which it had. Then I was able to go home.

I felt uncomfortable for a couple of days - just tender really - and couldn't face sex for a couple of days either - so we missed ovulation that month. But it needed to be done.

OK... I have waffled on, haven't I

No worries. Apologies for the waffle. I had imagined that was how the IUI was done... so at least I know I could cope with that, if it comes to it. If you have anymore questions about it feel free to email me ready1979"at"btinternet"dot"com

Hi girls, I hope you dont mind if i join you. DH and I have been TTC for 15 months with no luck. Meantime it has been quietly killing me to watch everyone else seemingly get pregnant with no effort. "I didnt know I was pregnant for 2 months". HOW?! I feel like I am aware of everything my body does. We are going to a fertility clinic on Saturday and dont really know what to expect. Ive really found your posts reassuring. Nice to know Im not the only one finding this hard (although obv I wish you all lots and lots of luck)

Hi scared Nice to have you on board

Welcome aboard Scared.... good luck at the fertility clinic. Glad we were able to reassure you with our nutty posts ... you most certainly are not alone. But boy, it feels like it sometimes doesn't it?

Ready update: I finally got my behind in gear and registered with the gp surgery in my new area... got to meet with the nurse next week, when I will also ask about our fertility investigations... so the ball is rolling once more