been ttc #1 since forever...

[nomoremagnolia]

Feeling very fed up with failing every month and wondered if there's anyone in the same boat? It's a lonely boat on a journey to nowhere at the moment, but if anyone else wants to join me, some company would be nice

kd so sorry. nothing else to say but look after yourself.

Oh. I'm really sorry to hear your news Kd. Take care of yourselves.
X

Where is everyone? I am feeling really low this morning I know that there are people worse off than me, lots of people in fact, so I should be grateful for the life I have, but I am just finding it hard today, looking back over the last 16 months and no baby to show for it today. I know it's not a long time compared to others, but it's getting me down

Right, vent over.

I'm here Ready Rant away - you're more than entitled to on this thread, that's what it's for
(((Ready)))

I just want all of us to get our BFPs. At the risk of sounding like a spoilt brat - it's just not fair.

No it's not fair - bad things happen to good people and we just have to keep smiling to the outside world.
Hang in there.

I hope you're feeling a bit better today Ready, we all have days when we just wish it wasn't happening to us but as you know we may have our bad days but we won't give up will we. I think that we are really positive up to the time of ovulation and then once it's happened we get sad because we don't think it's been successful again and the whole cycle starts again the next month. Anyway keep your spirits up, sending everyone lots of baby dust and hope for BFP's
KD - So sorry to hear your news, I am thinking of you.
Rah - I hope everything went well on Friday.

Howdy peeps.... I'm officially back on broadband! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO.. My DH finally got through to someone at SKY who knew what they were doing. Honestly that place is so incompetent I've been pulling my hair out!

Its been horrendous not having proper access!!

I just wanted to say a massive thanks to everyone who messaged about my treatment. THANK YOU!!!!

I had the treatment on Fri and should know in about 10 days if its worked. However my brain has gone into overdrive and dreaming up multiple symptoms already when it is not even possible to be pregnant yet. Whoops...

Ready - thanks for messaging everyone for me and so sorry you are feeling down... {{HUGS}} I know its not much consolation but we were trying for Bertie for 18 months and then all of a sudden we were pregnant. I know it will happen for you.. Promise XX

KD - I was so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you and sending my best wishes XX

Hi to everyone else and hope all is well

Hi all, This is my 1st time on MN for ages. I haven't got time to read back though a months worth of messages, so someone may have to give me a quick update.

I saw the sad news from kd though . So sorry .

I also saw that there are exciting times ahead for rah.....

I have no news unfortunately. I am just coming to the end of cycle 5 after my ep (I think I'm 13dpo), but as usual my (.)(.)s are deflating and cramps have started so it's a big fat no again this month.

I'm still extremely down about things. I can't believe I got pregnant at the 2nd month of trying in Dec 2006. I felt so lucky. Now having had one ep in nearly 12 months I'm becoming increasingly concerned that the m/c has left me infertile.

On the other hand though I'm probably just jumping the gun a bit. I suppose 5 months isn't that long. And as the doctors love to tell me 'you have had 2 pregnancies in 6 months, so there can't be anything wrong....'.

My plan is to go to the doctors next month. It will then be 6 months since my ep and 12 months since the mc, so I'll see what they have to say. I'll tell them about the fact that I think I've cried every day of the last 12 months. I'm beginning to think ADs are going to be the way forward for me.

Anyway, sorry about this miserable moan. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

oh Jess You sound so sad ((((hugs))))

Go and see your gp, and tell him/her everything you've said here. Hpopefully you will be able to get some help one way or another. Thinking of you

Hey girls. I am getting sadder and sadder as the days go on. I need to snap out of it fairly soon don?t I. I know, I?ll take my mind off things and do a big catch up of all my threads starting with this one

Nomore, hello sweets, how?s it all going? How?s the knitting going? Looks like you?ve got a little bit longer to knit my babies first Ugg boots

Bonnie, you are right, we won?t give up. We want it too much to give up, but it is soooo hard for me at the moment. Did you get your LizEarle products yet?

Rah, so pleased you are back online, I?ve missed you! Fingers and toes crossed for Isabella. You do realise that if you have a girl, then Isabella will have to be the name of choice ? so hopeful for you.

Jess, oh babe, sending you (((((big hugs))))) ? wouldn?t even know where to start with updating you. I am so sorry that you are feeling so low, you are not alone though, it happens to all of us. It?s annoying how much we know our own bodies, it?d be nice just once to have no symptoms of anything, and just find out one way or the other. I think going to see your gp is a good idea, like nomore says, tell them everything and hopefully they will be helpful. The starting point would be to have some of the basic tests done ? progesterone etc. I am sure you are not infertile, but a few tests just to set your mind at ease is the least your gp can (and should) do. Thinking of you, don?t be a stranger. We are all here for you.

kd, how are you, flower? I understand why you probably don?t want to come on MN at the moment, but if you are lurking, please know that we are all here for you, when you are ready. ((hugs))

Rattling, how are you doing? Stop lurking, start typing ? tell me that you got your new cats? And how about posting a pic of them on your profile. I have convinced dh to let me have some kittens when I turn 32 if I still haven?t conceived ? oh and wasn?t your HSG appointment due around about now?? Fill us in

Chocolatedays, if you are still lurking, how?s it going? ? you see it took less that 8 days for me to come crashing down.

Gilly, where are you? I thought you were back about now?? We?ve missed you, come and tell us all about your trip, give us all something to smile about, did you ask for lots of BFPs again? ? You?ll be most miffed when you see how good Nomore has got at knitting whilst you were away

Coggy, how are you doing style-guru? Hoping to hear from you really soon with some wonderful news

Herbaceous, are you lurking? How?s it going??

Poppy75, don?t know if you are still about, but hope you are ok?? It?s been a while since you last posted.

Anyone seen or heard from Kensgirl lately?? Hope she is doing well

Orchidgirl, are you still out there? or did we scare you off like we did GryffinGirl and Iamsogloomy???

Right, well, I hope I have remembered everyone. Sorry if I haven?t ? shout and wave in my direction and I will never forget you again.

Hi Ready. Still here. Having an "I hate the world" day. CD17 and still -ve OPK (normally get a +ve on CD14or15). Also got a friend staying who is due soon, and I keep thinking I would have been due the following week. Grr..

Orchidgirl, welcome to my world. I am hating the world at the moment, and I am not happy with myself about it

Sorry to hear everyone so down. Not that I don't understand it. Thankully for you I had no internet access when AF arrived last month - really didn't want to start year 3 of trying . And it was a long, glimmer of hope, cycle.

Anyway, feeling really quite chirpy now (anyone wants to swing a virtual punch is most welcome - it may make you feel better). HSG last month left me feeling most peculiar for 3 days (like there was an object lodged under my diaphragm) so I feel something has changed and my chances are now improved (despite DH sperm analysis being a bit pitiful - yes I am in the mindless optimism phase of my cycle )

And I now have a kitten. He's semi-feral and too scared to play or really move from where he is put, but yesterday he relaxed enough beside us to roll onto his back and offer his belly for rubbing. He'll be back to square one - hissing and growling behind the sofa when I get home tonight, but there is gradually less hissing, more purring.

Also I seem to have started a knitting circle - have invited friends round to help them with their knitting. Yes, in my world I am the knitting queen. Love doing baby stuff as I get so bored with anything bigger. Almost running out of RL pregnant friends, need some BFP's on here to upset with my garish colour choices and slightly too tight casting off (makes it difficult to get heads into jumpers - I am working on it)

I want to say how sorry I am to hear your news KD. My heart really goes out to you

So much seems to have happened in 2 ½ weeks!
Rah I hope that the treatment was not too onerous and that Nathaniel and Isabella are doing us proud. How are you feeling? I think I would be climbing the walls with paranoia!

Nomore well done for the egg cheerleading. The short skirt and pom poms suit you!

Rattling, everyone seems to be into knitting at the moment!! I must sort myself out, I started really well before Christmas but can to a hard bit in the pattern and virtually gave up before going on holiday.

Coggy, how is the treatment?

Orchardgirl, Ready, Jess ? please do not give up hope.

As promised you were all with me in India. I am very faithful to my own religion but it was hard not to get caught up in Hinduism ? it is all so colourful and anything seems to go! Anyway, we saw many temples were there was at least one fertility symbol and we were told of how TTC couples tie ribbons on trees in the temple complex or donate tiny cots to lay around the statues when they are asking for luck when trying for a baby. At the risk of sounding very Da Vinci Code there was a lot of female/male balance myths and how this creates life. It seemed to be one of the overriding premis of a lot of the mythology and beliefs. So, I already knew that the God Ganesh (Elephant with 6 arms) was the god of prosperity, good luck and moreover removing obstacles. I felt a little self conscious going forward in front of hundreds of pilgrims to get a blessing at his shrine, so instead I stood at the back, looked him in the eye and asked him to take away our obstacles to getting pregnant. You were all remembered one by one by name. I really hope it works

On our return we had a letter for UCH (posted on the 3rd Jan!) asking to make an appointment with the reproductive health clinic. We have one for the 13th Feb, 8 weeks to the day of our GP referring us. Irony is that we would have possibly got an earlier one if we had not been on holiday but by mid Feb we should be done with the malaria tablets so its probably a blessing. Feeling ridiculously optimistic at seeing someone that can help us.

Good to be back home, but very jetlagged!

Hi Girls, It's been really busy on here in the last few days, it gives you lots to relate to as I think we're all feeling the same, I am going through the hate the world part of my cycle at the moment, Ready and I were stupidly optimistic a week ago and now we're feeling awful again, it's very weird the roller coaster of emotions that you go through isn't it, I honestly feel today if someone said something even slightly offensive I would start to cry

Ready - Thanks for updating us on everyone.

Gilly - I hope everything goes well for you on 13th Feb. Keep us updated.

Gilly, don?t forget you still have your festive name. Now, of course, you don?t have to change it, just thought you might have forgotten. Your post made me burst into tear, doesn?t take a lot to tip me over the edge, but what you said about thinking of all of us, by name, was just so sweet. Thank you. How?s the jetlag? Is it cold enough for you here? And wet?

Oh Rattling, sending big hugs. I do feel terrible complaining about cycle number 18 looming large on the horizon, when you started your third year. I sooo hope that your hsg unlocks that bfp for you and dh. You really do deserve it after all this time. Fingers and toes crossed. So pleased that you are so chipper at the moment, and of course no one will take a swing ? I wish I was as chipper!
Another knitter, crikey, I really do need to get my act together don?t I!!

Bonnie, sorry to hear that you are down too. Big hugs. We will be stupidly optimistic again soon. You are right, it is weird how up and down we can be. It?s hard work this ttc malarkey!! Hang in there

Hope everyone is ok?

rattling I suffer from too tight casting off too!! I have recently discovered knitting and am loving it - the only thing is I can't knit and MN at the same time
Rah how long til you find out if it's worked? Do you do a normal test at home or do you have to go to the hospital? Fingers croseed - come on Issanate!! (did you see what I did there?? )

Gilly - welcome home. So glad you had a good time in India and fab news on your appointment.
Yes the paranoia has set in... infact I have a little story which has sent me over the edge:

My mind started wandering (not a good idea for me) and decided to look into early testing

I was 7DPO and the earliest you can test is 7DPO (At a push)

Got the fainest line (very faint but defo there) - found out after a dance in my knickers around the house I had been injected with HCG hormones that gives you a positive result upto 10-14 days after you had it. I had it 8 days ago!!! The clinic were meant to tell me about it, as even after 14 days I think it can still be slightly unreliable and I suppose they confirm it with a blood test oh and absence of a period!I suppose they did not think about me being such a prat and testing at 7dpo!

God I'm such an idiot! But boy did it feel good living in a life of fantasy and getting that all important line!

I'm getting quite normal symptoms of my usual cycles so don't think I'm pregnant this month... so who knows why I tested anyway!

Anyway better get off as have loads of work to do today... and just don't seem to be able to get into any of it.

Hi to everyone - sorry I have not replied properly to everyone... will catch you all later!
XX

Next door neighbour popped round to tell me she has got a puppy, and that if he makes too much noise whining to let her know. I?ve not seen him yet, but he sounds like a terrier, very yappy, but in a cute way

Gilly, no need to tone down your message at all, it was so sweet of you. I don?t think it would have mattered how you phrased it, the sentiment would still have started me off . Feeling better today though, bizarrely, a day closer to the next cycle, but feeling like there?s no sense crying over what I can?t change. If only I could be that strong every day . Sorry to hear about the cold, my mum would say the change in temperature is responsible for all illness

Rah, OMG! Ok, so officially I shall tell you off for testing at 7dpo AND with the HCG hormone injection ? but sending you the biggest hug. For a split second there I almost wet myself, so I can?t begin to imagine how excited you were at seeing that line and then the realisation setting in must have been painful. But hang in there. We will get there, we will.

RAH - I got all excited for you too!!!!

Let#s all hope and pray that it isn't the HGC but really a nice start to a BFP instead.

When will you feel happy to re-test?

I was always told a fortnight after my hcg jab but generally only lasted about 10 days!!

Two more days to go on the progesterone for me and then wait for AF to come a day or two after that...then it ALL GO!!!!!! [not sure what type of emoticon I was going to use here actually].

How are you feeling tonight Ready?

Hi guys

I'm in a foul mood, think my body is a bit confused and trying to kick out those HCG fake hormones. Tomorrow will be 10 days after the injection, but I think it will only be best to test if I go days over my normal LP, so need to go to at least 13-14DPO, as normally 12. Had my blood test today to see if I ovulated, so will find out tomorrow.
But I just know its not worked... too many symptoms, which include the tears and bad mood that normally sets in with PMT. Trouble is it seems worse this month. But emotions are running so high!
Coggy - did your boobs hurt like murder on the HCG, mine are painful down to the bone, underneath, if that makes sense. Fab news Coggy that your all getting set up. Come on you AF!!! Due you start down regg on day 2?

Ready - your neighbors pup sounds cute. May be you could steal it and mail it to me I need some company!

Gilly - hope AF stays away for you... Hope the jet lag is sorting itself out. You poor thing coming from such nice weather to this hideous rain all the time!