been ttc #1 since forever...

[nomoremagnolia]

Feeling very fed up with failing every month and wondered if there's anyone in the same boat? It's a lonely boat on a journey to nowhere at the moment, but if anyone else wants to join me, some company would be nice

Bitch flo arrived yesterday evening. It's nearly a year since I last conceived - it took less than six months for all the others. I wonder if anything, other than age, is the matter... But can I face a trip to the GP, and his inevitable 'what do you expect at your age' attitude?

Ready- the secret is out I am seeing all knowing !!!!

Herb - sorry to hear about the bitch. Hope your'e ok.

Gilly - I wish I shared your optimism.

AF still not arrived, going on holiday on Friday so no doubt will turn up at some inopportune moment! Worst case scenario probably forthcoming!

Herby - Don't stand for your GPs attitude - seek another GP if you can!! Big hugs - chuckle at BitchFlo, loving that!!

Gilly - Yes!! We have to stick to it! cd4 here and already I am thinking about the business phase of the cycle

Hope everyone is doing ok? This thread has gone a little quiet - hardly surprising given what we are all going through - but just wanted to send you all a cyber hug

Ooops... x-posts with you Kd - PMA, positive mental attitude (crikey, I'm at it already ) - it ain't over til it's over. Fingers crossed for you. Have a smashing holiday won't you

I am off on jollies - keep well and speak to you in a fortnight

HI all

Hope everyone is well.

I still have no internet access, so quickly logging on at work.

The move went very well and I love my new house.

Af is due in next 2 days and then it will be our last month before they start IUI... feeling a bit nervous about it all.... But damn well going to enjoy xmas..
Went to M&S yesterday and most of their pre order slots have gone. I got the last one for the 23rd!!!! OMG! YIPPPPPPEEEEE one fat bird on order!

Have not read though all the thread that I missed, sorry as I'm getting shouted at to do some work. So I will say Hi and catch you all on Monday when I'm back in the office.

Hello all
Sorry for not posting much - I'm lurking a bit but feel in a state of limbo (not really sure where i belong on MN)- it seems even when the elusive bfp does enter your life it is common for those of us who have struggled to get there to feel pretty anxious for some time. I guess it is because we know how hard it will be to get to this point again if things don't work out. Hope that makes sense. I am still thrilled and shocked to be in the position I'm in - and pleased to feel constantly knackered and crap, but,in truth ,I'm scared of getting too excited - I do hope it is not inappropriate to say these things here.

I was really logging on to respond to Gilly's question. {sorry this is a bit long winded) Not sure how much you know - The second half of the cycle is controlled by progesterone and the docs say your levels should be naturally high as you have (hopefully) produced a larger than normal number of eggs and therefore the ovaries will produce more progesterone than you may naturally - however they also give you one of two treatments to boost level: Cyclogest suppositories or Gestone injections.
The first IVF I had Cyclogest but still bled after 9-10 days - because of this I asked if I could try Gestone for this last cycle. These injections are intramuscular and were therfore (mainly) done by the nurse each morning before work - I say mainly because we tried my DH doing it and he hit a rather larger blood vessel and I still have a bruised numb patch on my leg as a consequence. But I still love him!
The gestone meant I was not looking out for the bleed before the 14days were up as I had understood it would prevent af come what may - however I have since understood this is not actually the case.
Is this any help?

By the way as well as MN I found enormous help, support and specific advice / experience on fertilityfriends co uk - I'm not sure MN like us suggesting other sites but I think it complements rather than competes. You may find the excessive use of icons a bit much but the info has been vital for me.

Sorry - been away from MN and ttc for a while.

Gilly...I am booked in for egg collection in Feb which means I suppose I officially start IVF when my Decemeber AF comes. I need to wait for CD21 and then start taking some drugs to control when AF comes so they can time me well!!

I have the HUGE list of drugs but I'm trying not to think about it too much at the moment and just chill and not think about ttc this month.

Chocolate...glad to hear that you are feeling suitably rough IYKWIM...it is a small comfort in those worrying first months isn't it.
Hope you feel more confident soon.
X

Hi Coggy
Are you familiar with the need to drink lots of water during stims? I invested in a water filter jug which was (is) a helpful reminder to drink in volume - I also tried to get used to drinking more pre stims as some say it takes a while to get your body used to being properly hydrated. Also - have you heard of Solgar whey protein (vanilla - the others are horrible)? Some say it helps egg qual. Finally, on the advice of my acu, I decided to knock booze on the head once the drugs started.
How are you feeling about it? Ask anything if you think it will help.
Choc

Thanks Choc. I wasn't aware of any of that!
I have decided to stop drinking and am currently trying (constantly trying actually ) to get fitter and eat healthier.
I figure that is I only have this one chance then I'd better make the most of it.

The water drinking makes sense and I'll start increasing from now.
I have been taking the prenatal vits with fish oil tablets too. Is the solgar better or to have as well?

Good to hear from you and, yes, I'll probably pick your brains alot over the nextmonth or so!

Did you do long or short?
I'm doing short which I understand to be a bit easier without the menopuase symtoms....but look out DH for the PMT ones!!!!!

I feel much more positive about it all than I did a few months ago. I have your lovely positive story and also Artoo who conceived on her first IVF go. She must have had her baby by now......mut go and find out if she announced it........

JUst to say, never give up. I married DH in '95 age 25. Assumed conceiving wouldnt be a problem. No joy. Referred for tests, and was told "unexplained infertility" which roughly translates as "don't know". Had 5 courses of IUI the sixth had to be abandoned because my ovaries were over stimulated. IVF waitng list beckoned and we waited our turn. When we at last reached the top of the list, circumstances stopped us from going ahead. After careful thought and consideration we decided in 1999 to stop all treatment and I personally felt better. In effect we were not trying. Then in Oct 2005 i thought i might be PG and was shocked to discover I was further on than i thought. I now have DD who is almost 18 months old and thinking about #2. I also have a few friends having problems conceiving and i think, if it can happen to me at 35 after 11 years, it could for you!! Good luck to you all xxx

Lovely story Mags

Lovely to see you both Coggy and Choc

Coggy - I am sooooooooooooooooooooo (times a million) hopeful for you and the IVF. My fingers will be crossed for you, and I will be thinking of you every day. I really mean that. You deserve that BFP, and I sincerely hope that everything turns out the way it should. All the very best

Choc - I imagine it would be a weird limbo feeling for you with regards to MN, but please keep in touch with us on here. We are all so thrilled about your BFP, and it inspires us all to keep plugging away. How do you feel? Daft question, but still

Rah - of your M&S order. I am not hosting xmas this year due to circumstances, and so I haven't had the pleasure of my M&S wishlist. Sigh, maybe next year How's the house?

Hope everyone else is just dandy? xx

Hi just coming for abit of a moan

One of my close friends came off the pill at the beginning of the year (not to get pregnant, just to have a break )

Every month I have to go through 'I could be pregnant' and when asked if she wants to be 'oh no not really I don't know what I would do if I was!'
Now she is late and possibly pregnant and I don't know how I am gong to handle it if she is, and its making me feel terribly guilty as for all I know she will be over the moon and I know all I will feel is and

She doesn't know that I am trying and I really feel that I've been distancing myself from her over the last few months, want to be happy for her but I know I am going to struggle.

Sorry for the rant, just feeling really rubbish and a terrible friend

Gracie - You are not a terrible friend, you mustn't think that way. What you (we) are going through is so very hard, it brings out all the raw emotions that are hard to cope with at the best of times, and then when news like you have mentioned, comes, it makes it even harder!!!
Don't be so hard on yourself, flower!! My oldest friend started ttc after me, and has just had her DD and ever since her BFP I just feel so gutted and it has affected our friendship enormously - it feels as though friendship is an impossible thing for me right now. And I can't really explain it, but whilst I go through the motions, I feel such hurt and bitterness and all I want it distance. If that makes sense to you?
The thing I do know, is that we should not punish ourselves anymore than we are already feeling punished. Thinking of you Gracie ((((big hugs))))

Ready - Thanks for the kind words, its just been a really crap week and I hate the way I am feeling about people I don't know being pregnant let alone friends. I think that I will have to distance myself to be honest the way I am feeling at the moment I will not handle the news very well

Thanks again, hope your okay hun

Hi all

Hope everyone is well.

Gracie {{BIG HUGS}} I second what ready says, you certainly not a bad friend. I feel the bitterness too... I find it hard feeling bitter and jealous as thats not me as a person, but its there and I can't help it. Don't worry about having those feeling, its totally natural.

Mags, many congratulations on DD. Thanks for sharing, your story helps realize it will happen for people, but when is the question! I hope number 2 comes quickly for you.

Choc - hows it all going? Any MS? When is your next scan?

coggy - A million good lucks with your IVF. Really hope it brings that BFP you deserve!

Hello to everyone else.

I went to the clinic yesterday and I start my first cycle of IUI this month... GULP! I have my first scan on Tuesday and they are going to try the first cycle unstimulated and see how it goes. So should know whether I need any stimulants for the next month. I have been told not to drink much alcohol too! I have loads of do's arranged around xmas and always like a good drink. Some things are worth it though... so a xmas without booze for me!

My FSH is 6, the nurse said this is fine. Does anyone else know theirs?

Catch you all laters X

Soooooo excited for you Rah - Fingers and toes crossed. Tell you what, I will join you in a Dry Christmas if you like? Moral support Sooooo excited x

Gracie - I reckon a bit of distance will be good for you, put yourself as priority number 1 and tough luck to everyone else, you are the most important person, treat yourself well! Big hugs x

Well thought I?d just surface for a bit to let you all know how I?m feeling. AF arrived in the middle of the night ? I was woken up by the cramps at 3am which is unheard of. LP has now stretched to 11days (reduced caffeine and started EPO at same time so don?t know which to thank) which should be good, though I was happy with making it to 10, any longer is just taunting me!

Next weekend is our big Christmas lunch out ? with my best friends, people I see all the time, but once a year we get very dressed up and, historically, very drunk. Last year DH let it slip that we were ttc already, and some others suggested they might be thinking about it. This year there will be one baby and 3 pregnant women (we were 8 childless couples last year). One newly announced last weekend. Can?t even be upset in front of DH as he blames himself (low sperm count is our identifiable problem).

On the upside we?ve decided to get 2 young cats in the New Year (the aspect of that is they are to replace our old cat who was put to sleep in October. A miserable, anti-social beast who is very much missed). And with HSG appointment in January, along with an attempt to get a cancellation in December, I?m banned from getting pregnant for 2 months which will be most relaxing.

Very interested in the IUI/IVF developments here ? I think that?s where 2008 will take us. It will have to be privately for us as there is a 3 year waiting list here, at the end of which I?ll be too old to qualify!!

Sorry for the endless moan ? I promise next time something uplifting is said here (and there really is more than ), rather than just smiling at my computer I?ll be back to join in for a bit with the jollity. The last big lift was a BFP for Chocolatedays, you?re probably months along now, but accept a belated congratulations from me.

Wooo. Rattling - It is SO lovely to see you. Imagine me if you will sitting at my computer, I click on and see Rattling and I actually clapped and cheered. I have thought about you while you have been away. I am sorry to hear that AF arrived, and in the middle of the night too - that is poor form. Sending big hugs. The best of luck for the HSG in the new year too.
I am sorry that there are lots of reasons to be at the moment, but with cats and hopefully a BFP very soon in 2008 - there will be lots to be about. Here's hoping for you, chick, because you really deserve some happy times!!! Don't be a stranger - we all miss you!!

Oh, guess what - I got a secret santa gift in the post today - I have NO idea which MNetter sent it, but chuffed to bits. I don't really deserve a gift, but gratefully received all the same

Ready, I've been nowhere. Can't seem to drop the MN habit even if I pretend to by not posting. I'm thinking of buying DH a laptop for Christmas (and obviously then never letting him near it) so I can embrace the habit wholeheartedly .

Have to admit to not being your secret santa (the process of elimination begins - if you can believe us ), but no-one deserves presents more.

Actually loads of people probably deserve them more - though I wouldn't be surprised if you were out feeding the hungry and healing the sick. But you're pretty close to the top of the list.

Rattling - glad you have been lurking, hope just seeing us all waffle on has helped, even if only a teensy bit. I convinced DH that we needed a laptop in the summer, and it is awesome! I whole-heartedly recommend getting one
I am so sorry your cat passed away I really love cats, I keep begging DH for one, but he isn't budging. Tut. You will have to post some pics on your profile

What was your Secret Santa pressie then Ready? Or are you being a good girl and waiting til xmas to open it? I bet you are, aren't you?

Er... well... you see... it happened like this... - It wasn't wrapped in xmas paper or anything, and I opened the manilla packaging, not really knowing what it was... and then I realised. The card said - thanks for all the support on the ttc threads (or words to that effect, I don't have the card with me right now) - so I imagine it was a fellow ttcer that sent it to me... I don't know, since it was secret.

Anyway... it was a lovely pot of body creme and soap from The White Company, very chic, and will look smashing in my new bathroom (12 days to go) - black and white is SO my idea of beautiful!!