Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage part two

[SkyBlue20]

Following on for from this thread, for all of us battling TTC after a MMC:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage?pg=1

@Workingmama1 that sounds so tough, I hope your daughter has a better night tonight!

@Threnody I think my follicular phase was only 11-12 days this month :( I do like to read as much information as I can to make sure I am making healthy choices and doing all I can for chances of conception, but I keep getting freaked out by new things that could be wrong with me that I didn't even realise before: short cycles; short luteal phase last month; now short follicular phase this month. I was on the pill a long time before TTC so I've only been getting to grips with my cycle for the past year, and I'm terrified that there is some underlying problem that I've not discovered yet, everything I read points me at more things to worry about!

Well done on completing Week 5 of C25k, it gets only easier from here (psychologically!) I am 1 run from finishing C25K but I turned my ankle last week and can't run at all now :-(

So EPU didn’t ring me back yesterday so I tried again today & eventually got through. They said it’s very strange that I’ve spotted consistently for so long, and still no period. She said whilst it’s unlikely I’ve got ‘retained products’ after negative tests, they need me to come in for a scan anyway to make sure. Then the next step will likely be to give me progesterone ‘hormone tablets’ to try to regulate my cycle. She later said it is basically a contraception pill, meaning we couldn’t conceive. She said hopefully I’d only need to take it for 1-2 months, but I can’t help feeling so disappointed that TTC is going to be delayed even further, then how long will it take to fall after that, and that’s if the next pregnancy is even successful 😢🤯

Has anyone had experience with this sort of ‘treatment’ please?

We go away tomorrow for a few days so my scan isn’t until Monday frustratingly. But hopefully I’ll be able to switch off & have a nice time away. Gonna do yet another test tomorrow just to make sure I can drink & go in the hot tub while away.

@Workingmama1 that sounds exhausting, hope she, and you, get a better night tonight! Fx dr is right and your ovulation pains go away soon (hopefully bc you get pregnant!).

@WildflowerPetals I was convinced I'd not even manage the first day, and have just continued to surprise myself. I had a particularly difficult time with one run in week 2, where I just couldn't keep going and had to slow down to a walk early, and was sure I was the least fit person in the world, but I managed the next run ok. I hate exercise, and feel very self-conscious, so try to run where other people aren't! If I can do it, I'm sure you can.

@Poppy10121 Thanks! It is if you have a follicular phase shorter than 10 days I think, so don't worry! It's all to do with getting a good endometrial layer built up before ovulation. I know what you mean, I keep reading things cos I like to be informed, but then I worry about it, and one study will contradict another, and it gets very confusing! Back before the miscarriage I didn't know any of these things and managed to have three children, so maybe I should just stop worrying, but it just really threw me, like I was going along all la la la and walked into a brick wall and I'm still sitting on the ground, wondering what happened.

Hi girls. Popping in for a moan 😔 I've been so crazy busy with work I've barely slept. I'm exhausted and stressed and I'm sure it's going to affect my cycle which is the last thing I need now! I think I'm feeling very much on edge now and typically my work colleague and another girl I know professionally told me yesterday they were pregnant. Both after MC or two, obviously I wish them well. But I am feeling overwhelmed now, I'm sad that I'll end this year with no baby in sight. Another year. It's just hit me I should have been on maternity leave now and yet I'm working my socks off and not only I have no baby, but somehow I managed to go through two more losses. I'm just really upset because it's so much to go through and I have nothing at the end of it. I'm older, fatter and more overworked.

Sorry, I don't want to be the top moaner but I really needed to get it off my chest 😔😢

Hope you're all having a better day/week than me! Xx

@Threnody it’s mad what it does to you mentally isn’t it; I feel like if everything had worked out with my first pregnancy I’d be 6 months by now and not any the wiser about fertility issues, ovulation tracking, phases, supplements, etc! I feel like I’ve become an overnight expert/worrier, sometimes when I talk to my friend or my mum about my latest concern they don’t even know what I’m talking about!!

@PurplePansy05 sorry you’re having a crappy week, I know how you feel ☹️ I often feel the same (older,fatter,overworked!) and it’s especially hard that everyone seems to have got pregnant in lockdown except us. I know from your other posts here what a strong person you are, and I’m sure there is light at the end of the tunnel. Is there anyone at work who can share the burden with you? I hope things feel better tomorrow xx

@PurplePansy05 I'm feeling the same today. 5 weeks after my MC, I would of been 17 wks this wk. I feel the same, I should of been expecting at Christmas & due to COVID19 I would of finished up at 28 weeks so I would of been on the count down to Maternity leave not overloading myself with work as a distraction. I have no advice as Im struggling myself today so just wanted to check in & let you know your not on your own! Hope you are okay x ❤

@PurplePansy05 it is absolutely fine to have a moan and feel this way - we are here for you! But hopefully you can snap out of it. I’m sure you know this yourself but negative thoughts have such a huge impact on our lives and whilst it is so hard to go through something like this, we will come out stronger and happy when the time is right. But since we can’t control it it’s more harmful to try and control it. Trust you will get what you want when the time is right! Sending you lots of hugs xxx

@PurplePansy05 and @Cronin1 its so hard isn't it? I've found time has been a healer for the pain, but that reminders (such as pregnancy announcements) or just when it crops up in your thoughts can be really rough when you think about what should have been. Honestly I think I'll always react a little bit like that until I have a baby in my arms. I'm not sure that is healthy, and it's not as intense as it was, but I think the sadness will always be there, just hopefully in the background more than the foreground. It hurts a little less each time but I think it is normal to feel sad at times too.

I've struggled a bit this week as my husband is still in his "we are not doing this again" phase right now, so I do wonder if we will (although still having unprotected sex so hes clearly not that committed to that train of thought!). Need my daughter to go back to sleeping through so he feels better about it and we are not too exhausted to dtd!

@Poppy10121 I know what you mean about feeling like you've become an expert! I know stuff now id never even dreamt off! The other thing its made me is much more sensitive to what others are going through in their fertility journey, previously I really didn't appreciate how hard it was for some families.

@PurplePansy05, @Cronin1 sorry you're having a bad time, it's so difficult isn't it, especially when thinking of might have beens. Big hugs.

@Poppy10121 yes, exactly! It's a whole other language almost.

@Workingmama1 glad your husband isn't actually following through on his moans! I hope your daughter sleeps better soon.
I know what you mean about being more sensitive. I knew other people struggled, including my own family, and I've got fb friends who've had all sorts of struggles and awful things, but you can't know what it's like until you've been through something similar.

Right, so I've had 2 days of flashing smiley faces, and now I've had high on the cheap opks today. So, based on past cycles, I should get peak tomorrow, then ovulate day after. I think.

Thank you all ❤️❤️

I am a bit better today. I think work is going to calm down which is much needed. I'm also working hard on explaining to myself that there's no point in focusing on the what ifs. We can't change things and this way of thinking makes life very hard and it is upsetting. I think I found myself feeling vulnerable because there's been so much going on and I couldn't look after myself properly for about 2 weeks now. Back on to healthy food and C25K tomorrow and an early night tonight. Self care is the way to go!

Hope you're all doing ok xxx

Hello everyone, I don’t actually know where I belong right now 😔

I had a missed miscarriage confirmed at 9 weeks on Monday, although we pretty much knew this was the outcome back around the 4th (weirdly I still broke down like it was a completely surprise)

We have already discussed we want to get back on the horse so to speak, & get our rainbow baby.

Unfortunately whilst my body failed to keep this bubba going, it’s also failing to let him go too. I’ve had two doses of the medical management tablets, & nothing. The doctor is going to ring me somewhen to discuss the next plan which will probs be surgery under local anaesthetic which is giving me a lot of anxiety.

I may have to go through with it though just so we can get closure and try again.

I don’t know how to go about trying again this is our first pregnancy, and where it’s missed, I don’t know when I’ll ovulate.

@Sansa87 so sorry you find yourself here. Please don't think that your body has failed, the majority of miscarriages are nothing to do with the woman.

I'm afraid I can't help on what comes next to manage your miscarriage as mine completed naturally in the end, but of few of the girls had an MVA and might be able to advise.

Ovulation and your next period is a "how long is a piece of string" question. For some it happens very quickly, ovulating within 2 weeks of surgery, for others it can take over 6 weeks for their cycles to return. Technically once any bleeding has finished you can start trying again, but drs will often advise you wait for your first period as it makes dating any future pregnancy easier. Your cycles might be a bit messed up for the first few months, or they could go back to normally straight away! Everyone's bodies seem to react differently, personally my cycles have got slightly shorter.

@Sansa87 Hello, welcome, and I'm sorry for your loss. I went straight for the surgical management option, but that was under general anaesthetic. Would that be an option for you, if the other is causing anxiety?

@PurplePansy05 glad you are feeling better. Work stress is not what you need, so hope it all sorts itself out. I agree, self care is so important, but it is easy to forget that.

@Sansa87 I had MVA at the beginning of June, went absolutely fine. To me it was like an extended smear test. I really wouldn't be too worried about the physical aspects of this procedure, you will be fine. I'd focus on trying to calm down your mind as at the moment you have a lot going on and it sounds like your mind is racing thinking about the present and the future all at once. It's a lot to take in, try to be gentle with yourself and one step at a time. Sorry you're going through this, we all understand very well.

Thankyou. ❤️ I will admit this is all a bit too much and my brain won’t quieten down. I half think they have me codeine for the mental pain instead of any physical pain the miscarriage is going to cause.

The hospital want me to give it another 48 hours before going to the next stage.

@Sansa87 So sorry you’re going through this ❤️ I didn’t have MVA so unfortunately can’t help you with that but with regards to trying again, my MMC was my first baby too, I decided to wait until my first period (took 7 weeks after miscarrying) before trying again but it’s completely personal preference. When you get to that stage we’ll all be here for you if you ever need advice or if you just want to rant and rave xx

@Sansa87 so sorry you’re having to go through this! I had surgical last eeek under general anaesthetic and it was completely fine. Would you be more comfortable with general do you think? Would that be an option for you? Whatever you decide, just give your body and mind time to heal! Xxx

I got a static smiley on my cb digital this morning with 2mu! Femometer opk is coming up as high, 56%, though to me the lines look very similar, but both seem less dark than last month. Interestingly I tested with the opk with fmu and got 0%, so I guess what they say about not using fmu is right.
We dtd last night, and the night before, so that's good! I'll be watching my temps like a hawk now...

@threnody yay for the static smiley! Interesting that the fmu was zero on femometer, I knew you weren't meant to use it but didn't realise quite how much of a difference it makes!

I'm now 1 week post ovulation and feelong exactly the same as normal apart from a stich in my side. I briefly thought implantation then went for a number 2 and felt lots better so maybe not 🙈. I've ordered my next batch of opks for next month as I've nearly gone through a while batch, at this rate I may as well use the CB ones (which were on offer on amazon of anyone is buying them).

Went out for a run first thing and so glad I did, it's set me up in the right frame of mind for the day, even if it was a repeat run on c25k as it didn't save my last run!

@Sansa87 it is so much to process. Bot only that your pregnancy is ending and you dreams aren't coming true (right now, hopefully they will in the future), but alsp with a MMC having to think through the medical side of things and options presented to you make it 100 times harder. Try to be kind to yourself and feel all the emotions, its totally OK to not be OK right now x

Thankyou ❤️ I know I’m Struggling, but I think half my issue is I feel I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. I think that’s maybe because people don’t talk about this.

Had a few pains that don’t require pain killers, so think I’m going to have to call the hospital tomorrow.

How is everyone else doing?

@Workingmama1 I was surprised at the difference, though now I'm worrying over femometer opks not showing peak yet! Too many things to worry about! My ovulation won't be as early as I thought it would be, assuming I ovulate tomorrow or next day (last month it was 49hours after first peak), it puts me at CD18/19, which is about normal for me.
Well done on the run! Have you decided about testing yet?

@Sansa87 It makes it harder that it's such a taboo subject, but you're not alone, and definitely not making a mountain out of a molehill. It's an awful thing to have to go through and it can really mess with your head. Big hugs. Feel free to vent at us here, when you need to, we are happy to listen.

@Sansa87 So sorry for your loss. You certainly aren’t making a mountain out of a mole hill! We’re all here for you xx

@PurplePansy05 How are you? So sorry you’ve been low? It’s inevitable it will hit you hard at times, you’ve been through so much 😢 I feel like a different person today after a few days away with friends! Even got to fully relax & drink, and use the hot tub, because still no AF on CD43 (and still BFN!)

Did anyone actually see my other message & can offer any experience or knowledge, please? I’ve pasted it again below.

EPU didn’t ring me back so I tried & eventually got through. They said it’s very strange that I’ve spotted consistently for so long, and still no period. She said whilst it’s unlikely I’ve got ‘retained products’ after negative tests, they need me to come in for a scan anyway to make sure. Then the next step will likely be to give me progesterone ‘hormone tablets’ to try to regulate my cycle. She later said it is basically a contraception pill, meaning we couldn’t conceive. She said hopefully I’d only need to take it for 1-2 months, but I can’t help feeling so disappointed that TTC is going to be delayed even further, then how long will it take to fall after that, and that’s if the next pregnancy is even successful 😢🤯

@Sansa87 It is definitely a mountain. I've climbed it three times after each of my MCs and I fell again three times. It isn't an easy thing to go through at all, the fact it isn't spoken about is not because it's not worth it, it's because other people are so uncomfortable about the topic and/or to some of us grief is so big that they don't always want to talk. Here, we talk openly, so don't feel the need to play anything down.

@Starfish762 I'm a bit better thanks, did my C25k run last night and I'm seeing my friend tonight for a couple of drinks and a Mediterranean grazing board 😊 It will take me some time to recover because I've been sleep deprived due to work, but I think I'm getting better slowly.

Re your post. I personally don't agree with this and would be questioning the advice you've been given. If it's a progesterone issue and you want to TTC, clearly a contraceptive pill isn't suitable - instead you should have been prescribed progesterone pessaries (Cyclogest). I am not a doctor, so maybe I am wrong and there's a reason why your prescription is correct, but I would be asking them questions to clearly explain this because it's odd and unclear. I'd also personally get a private consultation with a gynaecologist and get it sorted.

@Starfish762 Also, isn't this a bit early after your MC, surely your hormones will be gradually settling in naturally? I am not sure why they think an intervention like that would be needed so soon after?

What are your thoughts on all this, you sound rather unconvinced and uncomfortable?