Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage part two

[SkyBlue20]

Following on for from this thread, for all of us battling TTC after a MMC:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage?pg=1

Hi @PurplePansy05, that’s good news, I’m glad they booked you in. I’ve got my fingers crossed and will be thinking of you.
I had a tiny amount of spotting last night, so I guess it’s a chemical/mc. I’m not sure whether I need to tell the gp. I can’t go through this again.

Everything sounds so exciting for you @Starfish762. Glad to hear your pregnancy is progressing well.

Xx

@Carefree1 Yes, do tell your GP. Worst case scenario they will put it in your notes and you will get specialist help sooner, if needed. BUT it might not be what you think it is. Any cramps? How are you feeling in yourself? What colour was the blood? Xx

@Carefree1 I understand your worry but honestly it can be okay, look at my situation! Everything crossed for you. Try to rest as much as you can & keep an eye. You could ring EPU but I don’t know if they’d have you in this early anyway they may just say keep an eye, but you can always ring to find out & for peace of mind. Spotting is very common around 4-7ish weeks.

@PurplePansy05 work’s been the same for me, it’s good in 1 way coz the time goes quickly but it’s not good to be so stressed when pregnant. Try to just take deep breaths & plenty breaks from your screen. I’ve has a very stressful few weeks with moving & I’ve def been ‘on the edge’ 😂 Feeling better now & wishing I hadn’t let it all affect me so much but I think it’s inevitable eh. Great news you’ll be getting a scan before xmas, really have everything crossed for you ❤️

@PurplePansy05 like a really light pink/light brown. No, I’ve not got any cramps at the moment, but just feel heavy if that makes sense. I just feel run down.

Thanks @Starfish762 I think I’ll call gp this morning like purple says and see what they say. I think like you say they’ll say keep an eye xx

@Carefree1 Light pink or brown is not to worry about, lovely. Because you're early on it might be either a small cut down there (blood vessels have expanded, they're working hard now and are more prone to bleeding) or a tiny bit of old blood leaving your system, for example from implantation. If you have no cramps, don't worry, it sounds normal.

Did you DTD recently?

I'd tell the GP and make your pregnancy known to them. It's too early for a scan, but if you were to be anxious over something again, they should be able to refer you to the EPU quickly.

FWIW, I've been feeling heavy last night too, it's nearly like a before AF feeling, but no cramps. From previous pregnancies, I know this is the uterus stretching, so don't worry.

Tiredness is most likely one of the pregnancy symptomps. Deep breaths, lovely, I know you're stressed, but at the moment everything sounds normal xxx

Thank you for reassuring me @PurplePansy05. I just think I’m just overly concerned and because boobs aren’t sore anymore. I’m waiting for the doctor to call back, not really sure what I’m expecting to honest.
Dtd a few days ago. So perhaps not recent enough to be related.
I think you’ve described that really well. That’s how it feels, like AF approaching, but no cramps.

I’m going to try and relax and just get my head stuck in at work. It’s out of my hands. Thank you for your wise and kind words xx

Hi everyone! Hoping to join in if you don’t mind 😊 have spent the evening reading all the old posts and so pleased to see people’s BFPs after what they’ve been through.
I had surgical management of a MMC yesterday so I’m still recovering, but trying to think ahead of when we want to TTC again. My cycles ranged from 34-45 days before this pregnancy (which was my first) so I don’t think we want to wait too long as I know there’s a chance they could end up being even longer than the 45 days. I’ve been back on pregnacare preconception for just over a week now as I wanted to keep my iron up whilst waiting for surgery, so I’m going to keep taking that. The doctor didn’t tell us to wait a cycle before trying again, and just said to test in two weeks to make sure they aren’t positive. Can’t decide when to start doing OPKs again 🤯

Hi @PumpkinEverything, welcome and sorry for your loss.

Re your cycles, have you been tested for PCOS?

You should wait at least until you stop bleeding after the surgery, otherwise you're risking an infection. You should also take a pregnancy test and wait for it to be negative, otherwise you may have retained products in which case you need to go back to the EPU and not TTC. This might take longer than 2 weeks. Finally, because of a hormonal storm, you may or may not ovulate in the next cycle and depending on what type of surgery you had, your lining may not be thick enough in the next cycle to allow for implantation or for a pregnancy to successfully proceed. So I'd be on a cautious side early on, not to mention problems with assessing how far along you are without LMP.

OPKs likely won't work for you for some time because your hormones are all over the place. Temping may help though, have you tried it?

Fingers crossed you'll recover well and will be able to try again soon xx

Thanks so much for all the info @PurplePansy05 I was on the pill up until February of this year so I put my long, irregular cycles down to that before we got pregnant in mid October, as I assumed that the GP would just tell me that it can take a year. When I went to the EPU for my MMC they looked at my ovaries and said everything looked fine there, but do you think that PCOS could still be picked up otherwise? I find it so hard to know 😔 I always worry about having some sort of health condition that I don’t know about, and this has been one of them.
It was surgery under GA I had yesterday. I feel like I’m going to get the letters of this wrong, but ERPC or something? 😳 thankfully I’ve not had any bleeding yet, just some cramps and I feel a bit of pressure. I don’t think I even want to DTD for another while or so as my body doesn’t feel ready, but I’ve been trying to think what I can do to prepare in the meantime!
I never actually thought about the lining and ovulation, so thank you for mentioning that. I never temped before, but do have a thermometer for it that I had planned on using the next cycle had we not conceived when we did, so I could give that a try.

I am not a PCOS specialist @PumpkinEverything but I would have thought it's diagnosed based on hormone levels. What were your cycles like pre-pill?

PS - Yes, it is called ERPC. Re your scan, they usually scan you before the surgery and check for location and any potential existing damage to your reproductive organs, but this may not necessarily have been a scan that would determine PCOS. For that, I would have thought you'd need to have a specialist referral.

Hi @PumpkinEverything welcome to the group and sorry for your loss.

You have such a mix of advice when to start ttc after mmc. The consultant who done my MVA said I can start once the bleeding stopped and I had a negative test. The nurse told me to wait one full cycle to let the lining recover. My GP went old school and said 3 months 🤷‍♀️.
It’s a personal choice, but as Purple says, I would wait until you’ve had your negative test. It’s also good to wait a cycle for dating purposes if you do catch quickly and give yourself time to recover.
You might not bleed after, I didn’t at all once I left hospital. But certainly did not want to dtd for some time! Just be kind to yourself and don’t put too much pressure to conceive.

Touch wood I’ve not had any more spotting, so I’m just taking each day as it comes now.

How are you @PurplePansy05? Thanks again for yesterday. Are you moving this side of Christmas? Xx

Thank you @PurplePansy05 I might have a word with my GP to see what she thinks. I was on the pill for around 16 years and honestly can’t remember what my cycle was like before that as I didn’t pay much attention 😔 I had an internal scan the day I found out about my MMC, and then was scanned twice a few days before surgery so they could confirm and look at everything. Feels like this was all so long ago now as that first scan was the 25th November. It’s felt like the longest few weeks of my life going through all of this.

Thanks for sharing @Carefree1 it’s good to know not everyone bleeds. I’ve been wearing a pad constantly since I got home waiting for it, but there hasn’t been anything really. Hoping my body feels a bit better today as it really did feel quite sore yesterday afternoon onwards. I have lots of cheapie tests that came with my OPKs so I’ll try one of those in a week or so to see what it’s saying. I feel like my hormones are changing as I had a few spells of irrational anger yesterday at really silly things.

Hi ladies.

@Carefree1 No, after Christmas and I suspect in February as we'll likely go into lockdown after Christmas (Wales).

I'm ok, sore boobs are back and I have had occasional waves of nausea. I am tired too but that's most likely because my cat wants cuddles and headbutts in the middle of the night, 3 nights in a row. She's gorgeous but I wish we could just snooze together through the night tbh 🤣

This time I have decided to live my life as normal, eat what I like etc. Obviously being sensible, but for me because it hadn't worked out well when I was super cautious, I am just done with this approach. What will be, will be. This helps me to focus on other things, rather than pregnancy, which is helpful, I can tell.
I'm about to demolish some Welsh cakes.

How are you doing today? Xx

Hi everyone. I had an ERPC on Monday. I've had no bleeding (yet) but some on/off cramping. I'm being rescanned next Thursday. Just wondering if I could ask you all a couple of questions:
When did your period return?
Was your first period significantly heavier?
Did you go back to your usual regularity quickly?

This is my first miscarriage. I have two daughters and at this stage unsure if I want to ttc again.

Hi @PurplePansy05

Ah ok, fingers crossed you don’t go back into lockdown.

That’s positive. Aww cute I bet there’s no way you could kick her out or deny her your bed 😂.

That’s a good way to look at it really. Glad you’re not too focussed on everything and just living your life! When is your scan?

I’ve started spotting more pink today, so sadly I think this is it. I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through this again. I just find it unfair that you have to go through this three times before any help xx

And... I’m so jealous of the Welsh cakes. They’re literally one of my favourites. My family are from South Wales and growing up auntie June used to bring them round to my grandmas. Lovely!!

Scan is literally just before Christmas so still over a week to wait.

I know what you mean re going through it three times before getting help. Unfortunately this is a lottery. In my case, three times in a row, I got help but only to discover I am fine and DH is too and there's nothing they can do for us. It just happens.

As it stands, you don't know if it's bad news yet. Try not to put yourself into a frame of mind that you can't do this. If someone told me two years ago what was ahead I probably would have said there's no way I'd survive this. But here I am, wiser and stronger, although more fragile too in some ways. You only find out how strong you are once you're already in a particular situation. Don't put yourself down because you'll surprise yourself, you'll see, even in the worst case scenario.

This scenario may not be unravelling now, remember. What you're describing is still completely normal, but it's understandable you're worried. Distract yourself as much as you can for now.

I think ultimately we're trying again because we still believe there is a rainbow baby somewhere there, waiting. As long as we feel this way, we have to keep trying, otherwise we risk living with this sadness, what ifs, loneliness and guilt. Xx

Get yourself a pack of Welsh cakes tomorrow and a nice cup of tea. You deserve this xx

@Carefree1 please try not to think the worst, I know it’s hard & you’re just trying to protect yourself (I still can’t accept I’m pregnant), but pink spotting at this stage can be normal. With the MMC I had no spotting or bleeding & my body didn’t realise even a month later that the baby had passed, then with this pregnancy I had 15 hours of heavy bleeding at 9w, and the spotting continues now at 15+4, but baby is fine! Had another scan yesterday & all was well, even though hematoma is still there it’s just one of those things. Very scary but hopefully some reassurance to you that things can be okay xxx

@Carefree1 How are you doing today? I've been thinking about you xx

Hi @PurplePansy05, my godchild was born who was due the same time as the bub I lost in May. And feeling like I’m losing this one too, it’s just a bit rough. But I’m glad he’s arrived safely in the world. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for all your lovely words though, it means a lot.
How are you? Xx

Ah @Carefree1 that's nice news re your godchild, but hard too. It's impossible not to think about what could have been, isn't it.

Are you still spotting? Can you book yoursrlfan early scan before Christmas? Would this help you mentally? You could probably go next week?

I'm OK-ish, no real symptoms today again. I had two brief moments of nausea/breast pain but tbh I don't think they were pregnancy related, I just haven't eaten much this morning and then got uncomfortable in the car. My RHR has also dropped a tad in the last 3 days. It's weird, I go through phases of thinking this one is definitely IT, then thinking it definitely won't work and then thinking actually the timing isn't great anyway (not in a sense that I don't want a baby, but I just had a lot on and frankly it would be easier to move house and change jobs while non-pregnant). I don't want to sound ungrateful or cold, as if losing this pregnancy meant less than the three before. I just think I'm perhaps used to things going badly and maybe I'm also trying to protect myself and see some silver lining (if there us any!). It's a very weird mixture of thoughts right now tbh. I'm keeping busy to run away from them all xxx

@PurplePansy05 I’m going to try, but everywhere is fully booked. I’m going to see if anyone will put me on a cancellation list. I just need it confirmed so I’m not in limbo I think.

I honestly admire how you’re coping with it all. They do sound like good signs though, but I understand what you mean about protecting yourself. Are you staying within the same company or moving on completely? Do you have a good support network to talk about everything? Xx

Hey @Carefree1, how are you today? Did you manage to book a scan?

I'm feeling rough today, had some lower abdominal pain which was rather unpleasant. Not so much cramps, but the sort of horizontal stretching very low down. I also have diarrhoea today (sorry TMI), it seems to have shifted the other way from being constipated last week. I can't describe why exactly, but I'm feeling rough, whether it's pregnancy related I'm not sure. I have also really struggled to concentrate on work in the last few days.

I'm not sure if I'm coping well, you know. I think I've just accepted it is what it is, I can't change the past, another MC may happen or something else can go wrong. I can't do anything about it, so I'm trying to get on with everything else.

The job is with a different company, a larger competitor. No doubt they'll pay better, and probably be more demanding, but I like that. I like a new challenge. I've had very good feedback so far and my instinct is I'll make that move, however, second round of talks will be next month and we will be discussing the terms etc. It's not exactly an interview, they've asked me to join them, so I suspect the terms will be attractive and they seem lovely. However, of course, the longer the process and considering my lengthy notice period, I suspect I'll have to tell them about the pregnancy if it progresses. This worries me a bit (I know it shouldn't in 2020!) and I keep telling myself that ultimately if they want me in June 2021, they'll also want me in Feb 2022 IYSWIM. It is absolutely true, but I am also all to aware of many of my friends and colleagues who had rather difficult discriminatory experiences in at least some of their previous or current workplaces. Covid doesn't help I guess, the job security is obviously very precious now. So I am grateful to be in this very lucky position, but it is a lot to think about. I have my mum (unfortunately she's abroad) and a lovely group of friends who are very supportive, but they don't know about the pregnancy yet. DH is very laid back about this, he's supporting me all the way and tells me to go for it. I'd actually be open to consider shared parental leave, I'm all for equality and father-baby bonding, so I think that's probably helpful.

I shouldn't even think that far ahead tbh, I don't even know if this baby exists or is alive! I'd better not run before I walk, I've been here before too many times.

What are you doing over Christmas then? Having both sides of the family over?

Xxx