Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage part two

[SkyBlue20]

Following on for from this thread, for all of us battling TTC after a MMC:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage?pg=1

Congratulations @Threnody! Lovely news! Best of luck.

I guess I'm the only one left, I thought that would be the case.

My RMC appointment well...didn't go well. In fact it went fucking shit, there's no other way to say it. A nurse rang over 2 hrs after my scheduled virtual appointment time only to tell me the lab couldn't fucking process my blood sample for whatever reason!!! I am beyond livid and I bloody well made sure she knew that.

So now I have to have, wait for this, a repeat of the same fucking blood tests on my birthday next week. Then waiting for the results, that's if the hospital can fucking process them for once!!! And then wait for the almighty consultant to call me. Fuck this shit. I'm done. I'm fucking done with babies, TTC, miscarriages, hospitals, every single one of it. I'm gonna quit this shit right now.

Sorry all, you know I don't normally swear like a sailor but I'm so fucking unbelievably mad today I just can't. I'm putting a formal complaint against the hospital, as you know it's not their first instance of sheer incompetence. There'll be fucking fireworks.

@PurplePansy05 oh gosh, that’s absolutely dreadful! I’m so sorry. No wonder you’re mad!

@Threnody No, I won’t test again now, just wait for AF to show up and onto the next cycle now I guess!

@PurplePansy05 - I’m so sorry that you’re experience has been so dreadful! You’ve every right to be sweary and all of your feelings are absolutely valid.
I hope that they get their act together. I know it won’t make you feel any better, and I know I was late joining the group, but I’m still here if you ever need a rant or whatever it might be.
@CakeAndPreggers welcome to the group (I know that sounds strange). Sorry you’re going through this too. To be honest I didn’t have medical management, I had an MVA, but waited to start TTC again once I had my negative test and first period.
Fingers crossed that you do catch quickly

Just trying to catch up, I’ve not been getting my email notifications for some reason!

Congratulations @Threnody - Hope all goes well 😊

@PurplePansy05 I’m still here too waiting for my BFP. You have every right to be angry and it’s good you made the nurse aware of how you’re feeling - unfortunately I don’t think people (including medical professionals) understand how stressful this whole process can be and having all these mistakes happen just doesn’t make it any easier. Get your anger out and rant on here if you want, we don’t mind!

@CakeAndPreggers Sorry for your loss. I had medical management but I waited for my first period before TTC so I wasn’t really checking for signs of ovulation so I can’t really help you I’m afraid. Hope you manage to get your BFP soon though.

Thank you all, sorry about my rant. I barely slept last night, I was so stressed out with this, trying to put together a complaint letter in my head. I think I'll go as far as setting out how I was treated after my first loss. I didn't want to revisit that because it's not the time in my life I want to go back to again, but for the sake of other women suffering from MCs under their care, I think I will. It's difficult for me to deal with that, though.

I'm also very concerned now about getting pregnant before my delayed consultant appointment. We TTCd this cycle because I've worked out I'd be able to get my results and advice before a potential BFP. I now don't want a BFP without that. I'm truly terrified I'm going to have a fourth miscarriage which could have been avoided.

I'm not getting any notifications from this thread either.

@WildflowerPetals @Carefree1 I hope your BFPs come soon, for now let's stick together 💐 xxx

@PurplePansy05 I'm so sorry you've been treated so appallingly. I would be absolutely livid if that had happened to me. You are entitled to rant and swear. Your blood test was ages ago, wasn't it? I can't believe they didn't tell you earlier if there was a problem. Do you have the NHS app? I have it, and I got my blood test results on there 4-5 days after the tests - I have to wait until 8th October for my appointment to discuss the results, so it has made such a difference being able to see them already, and Dr Google has reassured me things are normal. At least then you'd be able to see if they'd done the tests I guess. Are you nearing the end of your cycle? When are you due af?

@Sakura54 Thanks.

@CakeAndPreggers Welcome, I'm sorry for your loss. My experience was very different as I had surgical management, and then we didn't ttc again for a few months as I was trying to lose some weight. Fingers crossed for you.

@Carefree1 how are you getting on? Has af shown up yet?

@WildflowerPetals thanks! How are you getting on - did you get your tests done?

@Threnody Thanks. Unfortunately I'm in Wales, we don't have this app here. I am due AF on Mon/Tues so not a chance to have the results by then, they'll be known around 20 October (if they don't lose them again).

Thanks for sharing @PurplePansy05 @Threnody @WildflowerPetals @Carefree1

I get the impression I'm in the minority by not waiting until after first period but let's see! Fingers crossed! Back to dtd everyday - hopefully it happens soon otherwise the husband will want to sleep until Christmas!

@PurplePansy05 I work in a lab and can’t understand why they wouldn’t have let you know sooner that there was a problem processing your bloods. Have you sent your complaint in?

@Threnody I’m okay thanks - my bloods came back normal. I have a GP appointment Monday (5th Oct) to see if they can offer any advice, etc. How’re you feeling? Anxious or excited? I’m guessing both haha.

@CakeAndPreggers There’s plenty of people who TTC before their first cycle - I just wanted to be able to know dates 😊 Fingers crossed for you!

@WildflowerPetals I don't understand it either. I had bloods taken in the first week of September. The appointment with the consultant was scheduled on Monday. Between then and Monday (so 3.5 weeks) no one bothered to call and tell me there was an issue.

Moreover, I went in for bloods with the letter from the consultant and printed stickers setting out what tests need to be performed. I told the technician specifically reiterating the letter. I explained they were for the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic. And they still got it wrong.

I don't know what the issue is, the nurse didn't know either. It's not that they lost my samples so I really don't know what could it be. In your experience what could possibly have gone wrong if the samples haven't been lost? I'm very confused.

Definitely putting a complaint in. Tbh I'm waiting to take a pregnancy test early next week because if it turns out I'm pregnant with no proper advice that should have been provided to me because of the hospital's errors, I am going to go ballistic at them.

@PurplePansy05 That’s really bad - it baffles me how they could get it wrong when they have the labels and the letter. The only thing I can think is that there was a problem with the analyser. The module needed to perform the test could have broken or they might not have had stock of the correct kit (it happens sometimes if there’s a delay with orders). But I would’ve thought whoever referred you for the tests would’ve chased the lab for the results well before your appointment was due. I think you’re smart to wait to complain until you’ve tested - like you say, you’ll have even more to be angry about!

@Threnody yes, AF showed up unfortunately. Just getting through to Monday now to see if anything was untoward with bloods. All the best in your journey!
@CakeAndPreggers I think a lot of people try straight away, you just have to do what’s right for both of you.
@PurplePansy05 God, they really have been appalling. But totally agree that you’re right to wait until you’ve tested to complain, keep us up to date. I hope you’re starting to feel a bit better (although understandably still angry)

Thank you @WildflowerPetals that's really helpful and kind of you to take time to consider and share this. I'm really grateful and will include some of your thoughts in my letter at the point of querying what has gone wrong and why. I understand mistakes happen sometimes, but overall there have been too many. I think there are systemic failures in G&O care and I don't think more women should be affected by it.

Thank you @Carefree1. I'm calmer about this now but still disappointed and concerned I am actually pregnant because I'm peeing every hour and I'm feeling quite rotten in a familiar pregnant way. But maybe I'm imagining things now, we've all been there, our brains play tricks on us sometimes!

Has anyone seen Chrissy Teigen's announcement today? I'm so sorry for them and for their little baby boy. It's a heartbreak no one who haven't had a miscarriage understands. I'm all for speaking out and I advocate for it myself, BUT sadly I have to say black & white photos on instagram showing a devastated mother published straight after the loss are in my view doing a disservice to this hugely important cause. Unfortunately it looks like seeking publicity rather than speaking out about a difficult experience. She has the right to grieve the way she wants and needs but I find the format of this public announcement questionable and as a grieving mother myself, I'm uncomfortable about its true purpose.

It's very sad, I saw she recently posted lots about having a scare and how the baby is doing well. It came across nearly as boasting to me and I couldn't help but think please be cautious about this sort of announcements, you just never know. And then this happened. She also spoke about fertility struggles years ago and I'm not entirely convinced about that because she's ended up pregnant three times in a short space of time. All this makes me think she's a rather tasteless attention seeker. I might be completely wrong though. I'm extremely sad for their little boy, RIP baby Jack xxx

@PurplePansy05 Yes! I saw that and there’s been a lot of debate about it hasn’t there. I don’t think anyone can decide how another person grieves. I also think that the subject of loss needs to be more open and I like that more and more people are talking about it, which should hopefully start to change the attitude of ‘its one of those things’ and the comments of ‘at least it was early’ ‘not the right time’ etc.
With that being said... staged black and white photographs whilst you’re in the hospital, having not long received the news is just bizarre. It makes me a bit uncomfortable to be honest.

I agree with a lot of what you say. It’s incredibly sad that baby Jack lost his fight x
When are you going to test?

@Carefree1 That's exactly it. We've been talking openly on here, some of us shared their stories with friends, family, work colleagues, publicly. Some of us kept it to themselves. There's no right or wrong in that decision. I feel strongly about talking about baby loss openly but we're all different. I also respect and understand taking and sharing photos with your lost baby, every time I see something like this, it goes straight through my heart. It's the only memory they will have, it's completely understandable they took them. But a black & white staged photoshoot of her at her lowest, who even thinks about taking staged photographs when you're going through this unbearable pain of losing a baby? I really cannot understand this mindset. It looks like it was published for the public to feel sorry for her and to increase her following. I find it a very distasteful attempt to ride on emotions of women like us to be honest, and as I said above she had previously referred to fertility struggles which based on her pregnancies could not have been entirely true and everyone who has been there would see through it. I think there's a line between championing the right cause and seeking personal publicity which she has repeatedly crossed.

I am testing on Monday morning before going to the hospital. Will update you all xxx

@Carefree1 sorry af showed - fingers crossed your bloods are ok.
I'm having some bleeding today - called the drs, and they just said it might be nothing, or it might be a "late period which is an early miscarriage", but there is nothing they can do. So that was unhelpful.

I totally agree on the Chrissy T thing. It’s great she’s breaking the silence, and as she shares her whole life online anyway it’d of been weird for her not to say anything. The pic of them holding Jack is beautiful but heartbreaking. But the staged photos mid-grief don’t sit well with me. That’s the world of living your life through social media I suppose. And I suppose it’s a good thing to open people’s eyes up to just how heartbreaking it really is, people have NO IDEA (myself included before it happened to me).

@PurplePansy05 gosh some doctors really have a way with words don’t they 🙄 Hope you’re okay, keep us posted.

@Carefree1 sorry AF showed. Hope you manage to have a nice weekend & relax with some wine (if you drink!)

Another rainy one down South, good old October!

Oh @Threnody ❤️

I'm sorry this is happening to you, big hugs. There's obviously a major difference between a late period and an early MC, the doctors are really insensitive sometimes. Can you call the EPU? Would they offer a scan or are you too early on do you think?

@PurplePansy05 @Threnody oh sorry I tagged the wrong person!

Easily done @Starfish762. Thanks @PurplePansy05. Yeah, he wasn't the best. I think it's too early for a scan, I'm only 4+4 based on lmp, based on ovulation I'm 3+5, so very early days. I guess I just have to wait and hope.

@Threnody the waiting is awful, especially after that rotten doctor saying things like that! 😡 Got everything crossed for you xxx

@Threnody What colour is the blood? Do you have any cramps as well?

@Starfish762 thanks.
@PurplePansy05 red, and yes, I have mild cramps. The bleeding has pretty much stopped for now I think.

So, on the back of the Chrissy T thing, I’ve seen that her mother has also been video’d and photographed meeting/holding baby. That for me just feels like they’re using it for the wrong sort of attention.
@Starfish762 thank you - absolutely will be partaking in wine and a nice dinner out tomorrow!
Oh @Threnody I’m so sorry you’re going through this stress and for the doctors terrible bedside manor. Sending hugs and keeping everything crossed it will all be ok xx

@Threnody it could be a chorionic hematoma or it could be completely innocent. I know you'd tend to think it's a MC, but maybe it isn't that. You're right, unfortunately it sucks but they won't scan you so early on as they'd not be able anything on the scan. Keeping everything crossed for you, hopefully the bleeding and cramps will stop asap xxx

@Carefree1 I did see some headlines but chose not to read anything more, this family's behaviour is just winding me up now. So inappropriate. Xx