6 months plus ttc (continuation of 6/7 months ttc) all welcome

[Twinkletoes85]

Hi everyone just another continuation thread 😊

@Douya I love the idea of baseline tests being the silver lining! Hope you won't need them though 😊 CD3 will be Saturday so I'm having mine done tomorrow afternoon, hopefully won't make much of a difference.

@Aokbaby I get terrible bloating during AF and sometimes a day or so before. I also get it when I have trapped wind...I rock on all fours to let it out 🙈 If you think it might be that could be worth trying?!

@Aokbaby lol same as me then! I really struggle with motivation being trapped in a one bed flat and not going into the office.

@Tink2019 sorry AF has arrived. But it sounds like you've got a good attitude to take the silver lining of being able to have the test now.

@Aokbaby I get bloated the day before I Ov, I seem to be getting quite tuned into the signs for me (it's only taken nearly a year...) but yesterday I literally looked 5 months pregnant all afternoon and my stomach actually hurt it felt so stretched! I knew I must be at Ov time (had the flashing smiley since monAM). Tested at 5pm ish today and still flashing but tested again at 9pm and static. I wouldn't normally test more than AM and PM but I could just feel it and I thought I might miss it, or only catch the back end of it.
Mind you we are having a month off so I'm not even sure we'll DTD as OH is currently asleep on the sofa.. but I'm glad I'm clear on when I've Ov'd this month.
So for me, mass bloating the day before!

X

@lamby12 lol we're taking it easy this cycle too, both exhausted 🤣 I ordered the clear blue opks during that Amazon offer and have been using them since sun, still displaying the circle just. I think I may have to accept the fact its just fat🙈

Hey ladies! Just posting on here instead of fb because it's such a nonsense post but I'm saying it anyway...just seen on Instagram Rosie Ramsey is having a second. I listen to their podcast every week and I love her and Chris but I couldn't help but feel jealous still! I don't even know them for god sake 😂

@notyetamumbuttrying I also saw that haha! She had a miscarriage a year or so back so I feel less jealoisy knowing this is her rainbow 💗💗💗

@Annny27 yes that's very true! I'm clearly feeling uber sensitive today for some reason. Can't even blame hormones, I'm only cd6 🤪

@Aokbaby well my relaxed approach didn't last long.. I found myself thinking how I'd been really consistent with the OPKs, identified my window exactly (sometimes I miss the surge through forgetting or just miss it) and we'd DTD twice at the beginning of flashing (mon, tues) and once at the beginning of the solid smiley (thurs).

I got the solid again yesterday PM about 9pm, and said to OH I'm still ovulating so let's have an early night (I know the solid doesn't mean I'm 'ovulating' but this is the simplest way of putting it to OH...)

Anyway we get to bed... and OH says 'actually I can't be bothered I'm really tired and fancy an early night'.

After being so relaxed and making a pact with myself not to make DTD a 'chore' any more I totally lost my temper, because I'd also been really causal about it, tried to be romantic etc not made a biggie about ovulating... but it's just so infuriating peeing on a stick every day, twice a day often, logging everything, tracking on the apps, AND trying to add a layer of 'lets DTD but not make it about Ov time'.... and then we're finally definitely in that little window of time and 'can't be bothered?!' Really?!

Does anyone else feel like it's so tiring doing all this?!?

I made a massive strop at OH about the above and how he obviously doesn't want this as much as me.

And then like every month I go to being upset in premature grief that this month is over because we haven't done enough.

So much for relaxed...

Morning everyone! I had a bit of time away from the thread but finally CD2 after a 33 days cycle (long for me) and ready to get my head back in the game again.

@lamby12 I know how you feel. We had a couple of awful fights last month because of this. Trying to keep it light but then he got fed up of dtd before I even got my static and I just lost my shit. Cried for almost two weeks straight on and off about how we didn't even get the chance and he didn't care all of that. Eventually called a helpline with work for a bit of outside perspective (and had a lot of lovely words and support from you ladies). At one point my OH said the small window and ovulation was bullshit 🤦🏼‍♀️

After a proper chat once I got my head a bit better I don't think it's that men don't want it as much I genuinely just don't thing they fully understand even if they try. They don't have the hormones and the body changes so it's a one removed thing for them. It turned out the pressure was far greater for him to dtd than I realised even keeping to light so he kicked back.

It's honestly such a mindf**k this whole process once you get past the first couple of months when it's fun.

I really hope your ok and if you do feel it's getting to you I (and everyone) are always here to listen.

Sorry that was a bit of a long rant that I didn't expect!

@Aokbaby sorry I'm catching up! I've had so much bloating since I came off birth control. The first couple of months I saw people peeking at my belly thinking I had news it was that bad!

Just before ov and at it gets worse and I get a couple of days of being quite gassy and bloated then it tends to go down.

Hi @Twinkletoes85 thanks for your reply. I'm so glad you're through that long cycle (they are horrible aren't they) and CD2 sounds like your in a good mindset to get going this month.

It's so useful to know others feel the same. In the moment I knew I was being in some ways irrational but in some ways not (I could almost feel the uncontrollable hormones myself!)

OH said was I actually losing my sh*t about him not DTD with me, 'how ridiculous' he said... but it's not about that, it's about me putting in 100% energy 100% off the time to testing, tracking, thinking, thinking and more thinking... and all that for a short window of time. All we need is for them to be up for it in that window of time! It feels so one sided. And I'm trying not to make things feel like we're 'trying' which is taking even more effort.

I get that there shouldn't be pressure to DTD and I know OH probably feels it when I don't even say it, interesting that yours feels pressure. Mine probably does too.

But, if I didn't do the tracking and making it known when the time is right it would literally NEVER happen at the right time with us.

What ends up happing now that we're well into the TTC journey is after the key week we don't really DTD as I think we're both relieved the pressure is off.

It's such a difficult journey. I'm glad you got some good from calling the work helpline. We have the same thing at work but I'm not sure I'm really to verbally relay all!

OH said in the throws of argument last night - we did it yesterday at the right time is that not enough? errrrr if it was we'd all be pregnant in month 1...

@lamby12 that all sounds so similar! You're right it's so much more than dtd. It's all the effort we put in to make sure it all happens on time and all they have to do it get it up.

It's a bit like we spend every month planning a huge amazing party and putting all the effort in and then the day comes and they're like nar I don't feel like having a party today cancel it. None of our partners would not turn up to something if they could see the effort we put in but they can't grasp the effort that goes into making sure we know when to dtd.

My OH is pretty easy going about stuff, it'll happen when it happens and I genuinely didn't think it was getting to him as much as it is. He said dtd is ruined atm as the fun is taken out which is fair. But the same as you if we just left it till we (he) felt like it we'd never hit the right time. This months the first time we dtd in the tww in months as we usually just don't care after the fw.

My OH has done the but we did it yesterday, I keep telling him it's about quantity and the more we've got up there waiting the better 😂

@lamby12 this is story of my life mate, not sure what more I can do or same to him to make him get it?! 🤷🏾‍♀️
@Twinkletoes85 glad you're ready to get bk in the game honey. You got this!
I'm gonna try pounce mine as start of FW. Wish me luck!

@notyetamumbuttrying good luck! Maybe for the first time they feel like objects just good for dtd 😂

Hi @twinkletoes85 welcome back, glad you're feeling better🤗 Thanks for the bloating info, that's exactly what I'm experiencing at the minute, the joys of it all!!

@lamby12 I've come to realise that men just haven't a clue how it works at all. As twink said they don't have the hormones or body changes or the constant worry that something is wrong with them as they haven't got pregnant yet.

See in regards to DTD, what worked well for me this cycle is that my spotting with af lasted a bit longer so I told him we couldn't dtd, so we withdrew for almost 2 weeks (including a few days before af and a few after)by the time we could DTD he was VERY up for it shall I say lol and it so happens that I'm just entering fw, got flashing smiley yesterday. Maybe try saying that you can't be bothered DTD, but secretly time it to when it suits you best ie static smiley and I'm sure he'll be more than glad to oblige🤣🤣

Those ladies who stopped pregnacare how are you feeling? How far in cycle are you?

@lamby12 I totally hear you about the 100% we have to put in - genuinely think that's a big part of the emotion we all feel. It's just bloody draining!!

We've not had fights about DTD (have you tried morning DTD? Men always seem to wake up ready 🙈 so may feel less pressured if that makes sense?), but a few days ago we had the biggest row we've ever had about the fact I didn't want to see our friends (socially distanced in a park of course) when we're the only ones without kids or not pregnant - it ended with my husband saying he didn't want to do this if it was going to make me so upset each month and he'd rather we just adopted or something...that obvs made me lose my shit more!!! It's definitely the TWW that's the point everything gets to me and last month was particularly shit because I O'd very late then cramped from 4dpo and just felt yuck. It's the lack of control coupled with the waiting coupled with the obsessively looking at how my temps just don't do what they're supposed to. Going to try not temping once I'm beyond O this cycle (@Twinkletoes85 I'm CD3 so similar to you but my cycles are fairly long so imagine we'll go out of sync soon) as feel like it's starting to impact on my mental health. My husband said 'I'm just not me right now' and to be honest, he's right.

Sorry this is long just wanted you to know that flying off the handle is shit but very normal xx

@Tink2019 I get in moods like that where I don't want to see pregnant people or people with babies as they either will be like "oh you won't know tirdeness till you had kids" or "haha enjoy your lie in whilst you can" or "kids are nightmares anyway do you want mine hahah" and in my head I am like shut the f*ck up you don't know how hard we are trying for this haha

@Tink2019 my cycles have fluctuated between 26 and 36 days in the last 5 months, I seem to be in sync with different people every month.

I know what you mean my mum had suggested we have a small family catch up in her garden since the rules relaxed and it would have meant my cousin and her two toddlers coming. I said to my OH as much as I love them I just wasn't sure if I wanted to see them. Luckily it rained and got called off 😂

I very much wasn't myself the last month or two and it's horrible feeling you've lost yourself a bit and trying to reconcile who you are usually and who you are ttc. All I can advise is to take some proper you time for yourself, maybe have a look into cognitive behaviour therapy (cbt) as there as some really useful easily implemented techniques that help you get a bit of a handle of your thoughts and a bit more in control of how you're feeling

@Twinkletoes85 perhaps, but I think it's because they don't listen. So afterwards I was logging stuff in Flo and he was asking what 4 days until ovulation means...I mean honestly 😂 then he was like oh so it's best to do it before. Yes dear, it is lol! He was then like what's the red mean, I was like erm what do you think? He said the days not to bother, and I said and why would that be? It then clicked 😂 these men honestly lol!
@Aokbaby I stopped pregnacare a few months bk and take vital dha, coQ10 and folic acid instead, cycles didn't alter. The only thing that altered mine was agnus castus.
@Annny27 OMG yes!! I feel exactly the same so please don't worry @Tink2019 it's totally natural. These men just don't feel it as much as we do.

@notyetamumbuttrying I stopped this cycle and have just been taking folic acid, vitamin d and epo and I think it's made a difference, I didn't ovulate when taking pregnacare until cd 18 so we'll see how this cycle goes, just started using CB advanced digital opks and it's showing flashing smiley since cd10 so hoping ovulation is earlier this cycle and leutal phase is longer 🤞🤞

Yes @Annny27!! Exactly what I say in my head to those comments!

@Twinkletoes85 mine are 27-38 but average 33. I think I'm going to give Soy Isoflavones a go though to see if that brings forward O and then potentially take B6 after O this cycle. I will definitely try and take your advice 😊

@notyetamumbuttrying they really don't!!!

@Aokbaby that's good then. Hope you get your static soon! Think I'll ov on Tuesday. Forgot to use mine this morning but I use the pink variety that just go straight to static so don't think it matters to start them as early.
@Tink2019 I just don't think they listen. Our chat this morning surprised me as I thought he knew we had to do it before ov to get the best possible chance of conception but turns out he just learnt that now, or just remembered lol!

@notyetamumbuttrying yep story of our lives isn't it!! I just keep my tracking in flo to myself now it's too complicated to try and explain.
OH I swear thinks I'm trying to trick him as he's like, 'why do we need to do it before, I thought we had to do it on ovulation?' And 'why again, I thought you said yesterday was the most important day'... OMG I'm not trying to hoodwink you ffs it's just quantity counts!!!!
I literally explained the full biology to him last month, sperm lifespan, egg lifespan, LG surge, before the surge, having sperm waiting, but in case they're not doing it on top of ovulation... I don't think he took any of it in, but he asked?!
I swear he thinks each month it's just one time needed and I know when that is. It does only take once obviously... but NO-ONE KNOWS WHEN!!!!! What's so hard to understand?!!?

@Twinkletoes85 I love the party analogy that is so how it feels!!! But also that's your planning the party and you only get the go ahead 24 hours before, but you've still gotta plan it.

@Aokbaby I will try that tactic, it's all in his terms at the moment it feels. Which is why it's then hard to strike to balance of making it known it's the right time without making it 'pressured'.

@Tink2019 yes this journey is all so draining. I'm sorry you're not feeling like you can see friends with kids, hopefully that will lift soon.

I have a 2yo and the TTC pressure is different to those who are trying for their first of course. I'm so grateful for my 2yo so the yearning for motherhood isn't the same, but there's a pressure of age gap and wanting to desperately 'complete' the family. And this ones difficult to explain but probably the most similar feeling - we're pouring energy into trying for baby 2 (and we all know how consuming TTC is) and therefore have this guilt that you should stop and just settle with one, because the time and energy that you're putting into TTC is detracting from your much wanted baby1 and consuming too much emotion and energy. I'm not myself and it's not fair on my 2yo. It's so tearing knowing whether to continue or not.
...the 2yo is also why we can never DTD in the morning which is when OH would have historically wanted to!

Haha so true @lamby12 I basically had the same conversation this morning but I coulda sworn I told him all this already 😔 such pains aren't they 😆
Ah I feel for you with ttc no2, must be so annoying when you know you can as you've done it once before! At least you know it will happen it's just a matter of when. Unless it's secondary infertility of course but I think that's quite rare. Us first timers have the fear that somethings wrong! And when drs tell you just to relax and it's too early for tests you wanna scream lol! I thought they'd see me at 9 months cos of being 34, but nope, they were like try a while longer 😫. End of the month becomes cycle 12 so it's the last one before I ring again and demand to be seen! Hoping and praying we catch!! When I was showing Dh Flo, I said let's do it on all these blue days, he nodded, but that means nothing 😂

I think we could all be writing each other's messages today. It would be do interesting to reverse things for a month, let them feel all these emotions! My OH is exactly the same, drowning in pressure even though I don't think I'm putting any on him. The most I ever say is that today's an important day - and I didn't even say that last month! I've made him watch the great sperm race which someone on here recommended it. He's watching it alone and, although he's not really enjoying it, he's learning. That documentary made it very clear how important timing was!! I think when you get to our stage of ttc, it's impossible for it not to have negatively affected you. Think of all the people who conceive after 3 or 4 months who talk about pressure, thinking it'd never happen etc - they have no idea.