June Bus Bitches Talking Battered Sausages (Bus 5)

[SmileyT]

@Runnergirl1
@slimshadycousin
@RiverRoo
@onnaturescourse
@picallilly19
5 BFPs ❤️

@kate890 - May 30th?
@fashu - June 2nd?

@kirsty0028 - June 4th (Tested 30th/ 31st)
@catherinettc - June 4th (Tested June 3rd)
@ltay - June 4th
@katao - June 4th (Tested 30th May)
@krk05 - June 5th
@hogrider - June 5th
@vil10 - June 6th
@katecolx - June 6th (Tested June 2nd)
@sarah1253 - June 6th
@bumdiggydiggybumdiggybum -
June 7th
@little11 - June 7th
@thegirlwholived - June 8th (Tested 29th)
@ttcmummy2021 - June 8th
@ttcgee - June 8th
@lucyrp - June 8th
@cocoblue22 - June 9th (negative 31st)
@watermelonwizard - June 9th
@firsttimetry - June 9th
@bic501 - June 9th
@33carr - June 10th
@pandarific - June 10th
@wildbutterfly - June 10th
@smilyT - June 10th
@db20 - June 11th
@notyetamumbuttrying - June 11th
@clolo - June 11th
@pixielou16 - June 11th
@bear127 - June 11th
@unluckyducky - June 11th
@sarahttc2020 - June 11th
@blodyn91 - June 12th
@juno231 - June 12th
@noble89 - June 12th
@Mococo1 - June 13th
@tinks123 - June 13th
@Minster2012 - June 14th
@Franklydear - June 15th
@sjones2588 - June 15th
@ss123456 - June 15th
@jodi3 - June 15th
@clairey844 - June 15th
@newbie9 - June 17th
@sweetshop2020 - June 20th
@sydgal22 - June 20th
@dontgojasonwaterfalls - June 21st
@LV1987 - June 21st
@maybe333 - June 22nd
@mcbee26 - June 26th
@skip86 - June 28th
@missgoldilocks - June 28th
@sausage1990 - July 1st
@MURU
@lksf - June 2nd
@littleRa ?? (Tested 3rd June)
@lucie91 - July 2nd
@amy00 - 5th July
@crash1d

@Minster2012 chokes on dick overs here 🤦‍♀️😂

Sorry for Aunt Flo, stupid flashy face 😡

@Cocoblue22 😂😂😂 this reminds me of an insta account I follow called lalalaletmeexplain she talks about ‘the ick’ and gets people to send in stories where someone they’ve been in gives them the ick and yours sounds exactly like that, I do be howling at her posts 😂

@Sydgal22 (it never tags you I have to type it in that’s why i couldn’t do it last night as I couldn’t remember it fully 😂) maybe you should do a name change??? @chokesondicks

Oh my god yes “the ick” totally a thing. @cocoblue22 I’m sorry when you said your DH came in the other night doing the helicopter that’s immediately what I thought!! 😂😂😂that would make me go “ick no thanks & pick up my book!” 🤣

@Sydgal22 ick indeed! I hate it when they give you ick not dick! I am so glad I found DH it’s slim pickings out there!! X

@Minster2012 😂😂😂 that’d take some explaining to OH if he ever caught a glimpse! Next bus name: June bus biatches who choke and shit on dicks 😂😂😂

We are VILE!!

Morning girls ❤️ been howling at the stories I've been reading.
No real horror stories for me, i seem to have been lucky 🍀
I see there are lots of other ladies testing the june 15th xx

@lucyrp 15dpo according to my app but it’s my first month off the pill and I didn’t use OPKs so I’m thinking maybe my cycles are not settled yet. I maybe didn’t ovulate. I’ll did if I ovulated much later than my app predicted because we DTD every day from CD 8 to CD 24 then again on 26. I enjoyed it but needed a little rest 🤣 So if I O after all that I’ll be annoyed!

Annoying thing with not getting AF is not knowing where I am with cycles, having started a new cycle and don’t know where I’ll be up to for July dates. Until the ugly bitch shows her face 🧙‍♀️!

Loving the stories 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve had many an embarrassing encounter but I think a cringe one with dh was when we were drunk and decided to make a sex tape. It got aptly deleted the next day when we watched what looked like two monkeys flopping around all over each other 🙈

Ha ha ha sounds great @Cocoblue22!

I hear your pain @Littlera but sorry for the BFN though if no AF there’s def still time for the BFP, I think I heard DH five out a little audible sigh of relief for having a few days off now AF is here last night as we have DTD every other night & many a 3 times in a row

Loving that we prob know more about each other than DH’s/OHs

Morning Bitches!
Sorry for everyone who’s af has arrived, so frustrating! But your time will come❤️

11dpo today and after not feeling the urge to test at all I’m now wanting to really badly but trying to fight the urge!

@Newbie0818 hahaha me and the OH have also tried to do a sex tape once, we even tried to get all the good angles in, safe to say it was deleted the morning after when we realised how not sexy it was, however I did screenshot a few of the bits which could actually pass as a full blown professional porno!

Another sex story from me, I went to kavos on a girls holiday about 5/6 years ago and we made friends with this group of lads and one of them was completely my type, tattoos, bright blue eyes, hilarious, so I took a liking to him, anyway the more we got to know them he kept joking about his small dick, literally all the time, but I thought he must be being sarcastic and it’s actually massive because what boy jokes about a small penis and is being serious, anyway went out and he dragged me to a tattoo place, led down, didn’t tell me what he was getting, stood up and there was my name in bold on his arse cheek, he obviously thought this would get me into bed, which obviously it did, got back to his room on one of those shitty squeaky crap hotel beds, it was dark he did a bit of foreplay but Wouldn’t let me touch him, starts putting it in and I shit you not I couldn’t feel anything, I went “what’s that” once it was in, and he just ignored me and started thrusting but what I can only make out to be him having a fit on top of me with a tic tac hanging out of my vagina, 30 seconds later he starts shrieking and I’m like wtf and he goes “ah I’ve cum” 😳😳 had to awkwardly stay the night because I didn’t have my room key and my friend weren’t answering the phone, next morning my friend had to come and get me but I didn’t want to do the walk of shame in front of the whole complex because our building was at the other side, so my friend luckily had her dress on over the bikini, so I put that on, and as I walked past the pool his friends started shouting “you got boned by tic tac” so the whole pool joined in, I was mortified😂😂

God that was a long story sorry girls, also just for proof I still have the picture of the tattoo, hope to god nobody knows him on here😂😂

My DS is still sleeping 😱😱😱 what is going on😱😱🙈🙈

@Vil10 Omg tic tac dick 😂😂

@Vil10 oh my god oh my god!! 🤣🤣 crying in the park with my dog 🤣🤣 he got a fucking TATTOO of your name within 2 minutes of meeting him?! Tictac?!!
Can we please write a book of all these?!!

@Sydgal22 oh nooo re Bali, but yess re Perth!! It's a pretty great place but come in summer!
We go to Bali for a month every year and were meant to be there1-30th May. Devo! 😭😭😭

@Vil10 honestly it looked like something from national geographic 😂 omg your story!!!! Tic tac dick! That would break my heart 😅

@Cocoblue22 totally get that, we do that too. Its hard to be all passionate after 9 years so funny is the next best thing haha.

@Vil10 FUCKING HILARIOUS!! right your new name change is @bonedbytictac

@SmileyT can we make these happen on the testing dates list please?

And who needs to be @vaginanosebleed?

What others are there?? I need to keep doing small posts as I’m negotiating 2 dogs & toddler down a country road which is like M1 @lucyrp VERY JEALOUS OF DS SLEEPING

Howling at all the bad sex stories its really made my morning after a shitty night curled up with mega cramps. @SmileyT you can put me down for 4th July.

2 of my bad stories are similar to 2 on here.
The worst sex I've ever had was with a guy I'd been good friends and we decided to take things further only to discover he had thee smallest and thinnest penis I have ever seen! Given we were friends first I didnt want to hurt his feelings so I decided to continue, it was literally a thumb and finger tiny wank it was that small then I made the mistake of trying to give him a BJ thinking maybe he's not at full length yet and he's a grower not a shower but nope that was him fully erect. It was like sucking a straw! Then half way through i had to stop as the thought did come into my head my god I feel like I'm sucking off a small child and that just turned my stomach! He then started trying to have sex and I literally couldn't even feel if he was in or not i was so bored I was thinking in my head 'I wonder what time it is?' only I forgot to say it in my head and had said it allowed. He wasnt even offended he replied 'dont worry, its still early, plenty of time for round 2!' Needless to say he didn't get round 2!!

My most cringey experience was with a guy I'd just met while camping. We snuck away from our friends and went for a quickie in the toilets ( yes im a classy chick I know). We only had our torches and in our haste couldnt find the toilet light so just went at it in the dark. I remember thinking wow hes amazing with his fingers ive never felt so wet before! Had a quickie up against the wall, I was alternating between using my hands for extra stimulation and using them to balance myself on the wall. When we finished we were starting to get cleaned up he found the light switch.....yea he hadn't gotten me wet my period had came early and the place was now looking like a murder scene blood all over the floor, both his and mine bloody handprints on the wall I was mortified!!! He was amazing about it helped me laugh it off then helped me clean up the room and we sat having drinks and chatting like nothing had happened for the rest of the night.

@Vil10 is vagina nose bleed and boned by tic tac🤣🤣🤣

Thanks for setting up the new bus @smileyT

Feeling very meh about it all this morning so reading your hilarious stories has helped a lot.

Am 9dpo but weirdly my app is showing two possible AF dates for me (either 10th June with a 28day cycle or 14th with a 32day cycle) Pretty sure I did ovulate on cd 14 as have been tracking bbt. My temperature dipped this morning and I now have brown spotting when I wipe ☹️
The final insult is last night OH said to me are you due on (he is irritatingly good at knowing when I'm being a hormonal cow) and I of course snapped no, got another week at least. Seemingly I haven't 😢
Sorry for the negative moan-I have been feeling so positive this month that this will be the month it happens and now I'm life ffs am I broken 😬

Anyway. Time to pull my big girl pants up now I've got it off my chest. Can't do anything about it.

Thanks to all of you for constantly making me smile, laugh and spend a ridiculous amount of time looking at my phone 😂

@Clairey844 what do you mean you don't have another week ?? 9dpo and brown spotting are good signs?? It would be if it was pink that you should worry

@Minster2012 don't worry lovely DS is now awake although he is cuddling me in my bed so actually still winning although the first thing he did was "mummy listen to this" and proceeded to count all the way up to 50😆 now he is continually asking for the ipad 🙄

Morning ladies these stories are hilarious! Don't have any wild ones myself but do have a story of a friend 😂

She was absolutely plastered and went back to a lads she had spoken to/danced with on a few nights out- started getting down to it and then they didn't have any condoms so he said he would knock next door and get some, whilst he was gone my friend stripped down to her sexy undies and sat in the living room waiting for him...in strolls his identical twin brother and she pounces on him 😂😂 when he asked what are u doing here she just giggled 🤣 started majorly gettiing on- telling him his kissing has gone from 0 to wow only for the real guy to walk in 2mins later with a condom in his hand 😂😂😂 turns out she had spoken to both guys on the nights out and not realised they were twins loool- she grabbed her clothes and left but picked up his boxers not her top in a hurry- I had to pick her up in a rainbow sequin skirt and bra 🤣

Guys I swear I go away for like 2 days and we’re on a new thread and I’m never prepared for the new name 😂 us girls love to chat (about battered sausages apparently 🤣)! Amazing news on the BPFs so happy for you lovely lot!
Thanks so much to everyone that’s been helping me and giving advice recently. My MC bleeding has finally stopped for what I hope is for gone and finished completely now and won’t catch me off guard again!! What I would like to know now is what my next steps are? Because I assume my cycle will now be all over the place?! I’ve always been bang on 28 days cycle not been on contraception for years so always just been confident with my body changes indicating that I ovulate around cd 14/16 but now I’m totally clueless!😣 Should I start with some cheap opks? Any help appreciated 😂😅🤦🏻‍♀️ DH is gagging for it but I don’t know if it’s too soon to DTD I only stopped bleeding 2 days ago what’s everyone else’s personal experience ?! Best wishes to you all as always 💖😁 Xx

@Minster2012 unfortunately I am both @bonedbytictac and @vaginanosebleed it seems I’ve been very unlucky with my choice of men

Omg these sex stories do not get old 😂 Ladies we are hilarious!

@Skip86 omg I love Bali, would have been my OH first time but oh well, everything happens for a reason it just means we’re trying sooner :)

Having said that thank god static smiley finally arrived and I can stop worrying, as OH said giggidy giggidy 😂🎉