Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Thank you @AliceinBunnyland and @VenusStarr

@VenusStarr My partner and I are keen to try again so we've just been DTd every few days and tried to keep track of ovulation just in case we manage to catch. Still no AF but had something that looked high on cheap OPKs around 30 June / 1 July along with EWCM. I'm sure this will be an anovulatory cycle though as I didn't get a peak- probably more like my body attempting to right itself.

I'm currently on CD42 so at this stage I'll take either AF or BFP!

Thanks @VenusStarr it definitely is the worst bit. Time just drags on. I have a very clear gut feeling I’m out this time though. Temp the same again today and I noticed my boobs were sore in the shower this morning. I know technically it could go either way on that front. The two times I have been pregnant I’ve always quite strongly known deep down from this point whereas there’s none of that this time. 10dpo today. Might test 12DPO.

@MrsK21 sorry you find yourself here. After my stillbirth in April I had a 42 day cycle, I know it’s frustrating waiting to see what your body is doing but it will just take it a while to settle back down.

I know what you mean about the rain and getting out. We managed to dodge the worst of the showers yesterday and get out for a walk. Today is dry although very grey again. I think it definitely has an impact on my mood and energy too.

I do love the orchid updates. One of our sunflowers has a flower on it now which
Looks not far from opening, I’ll take a pic!

Sorry things are still difficult with your friend @AliceinBunnyland do you think you’ll take a bit of a step back now?

I had my first session with the specialist perinatal counsellor yesterday. It was quite different from the sessions I’ve been having with the private counsellor but I guess good to have a different perspective.

How are you doing @Mumlili9? Been thinking of you ❤️

@marmitecheesetoast I'm ok things are just getting me down , my temps are worrying to. I just dont know where to turn now. Theres no doctor to talk to no specialist working in fertility either. I'm just sinking very slowly. I'm not even sure I've ovulated any way because I got the first temp rise before a positive opk so it's all messed up

@marmitecheesetoast Good luck for this cycle. Im pleases counselling is helping you. Im having counselling again through work. She's not a specialist but someone local who I first saw after we lost our baby girl. Im finding it helpful to even just have it in the diary and know I have a space to speak freely.

Yes I'll definitely take a step back from friend. I didn't know her well anyway but I'm sensing she is not someone I'll become close friends with and that's ok.

@Mumlili9 💗

@VenusStarr How are you?

It's wet again today which is a shame because I wanted to go for a walk.

Would anyone be interested in resurrecting the health / exercise thread or we could start a new one?

Ok so my last post makes no sense so if you can ladies can you tell me what is going on with me this cycle. FYI dtd AM is 3AM in the morning due to DH work pattern. So according to these pics and tests ect I got a temp rise before a peak opk and cbfm missed it completely. I give up !!!!!

Hi everyone 👋

Here's a pic of the orchid buds, not much to see yet, but the branch has doubled in size in the last couple of weeks 🤞 I've been talking to it. But this morning I said hello and one of the cats jumped up and started running her face on it 🤦‍♀️ had to tell her to be careful! :)

Sorry your temp stayed low @marmitecheesetoast 12dpo should be conclusive to test. Take a pic of your sunflower 🌻 I've managed to get out for a walk and I saw 2 goldfinches, brightened my day as I've been feeling flat.
Got my first counselling session tomorrow, glad you're getting support xx

Glad you're also getting support @AliceinBunnyland sounds like a good idea to create some distance with that friend. I'd definitely be up for the healthy eating thread, I've still got half a stone I want to get off so that will help.

@MrsK21 I hope you get an answer soon 🤞

@Mumlili9 I'm sorry you're feeling so low. What physical signs did you get like ewcm? It definitely looks like you did ovulate even though it doesn't quite match with your opks. I'd consider yourself in the tww now. Do you get to talk to your dh much about what's happening? I know you said he has Asperger's and just wondered if he understood how much its taking its toll on you and what he feels the next steps are? ❤️

I think I'm going to ovulate early this cycle, am only cd 7 but did an opk this afternoon it's pretty dark already. I might be wrong though. I feel a bit indifferent about this cycle, even though we're doing the smep and I've got the progesterone to try.

I've got next week off with dh, hopefully the weather will pick up and we can go on a couple of day trips somewhere, feeling like I need a break xx

Sunflower!

I will do a proper post later when I have more time after DD bedtime. Sending love to all in the meantime

👏 👏 @marmitecheesetoast

Couldn’t resist Poas this morning as for once I hadn’t been up in the night for a wee and had the bathroom to myself first thing. Glaring BFN of course which I knew deep down anyway. Just wish I didn’t have to wait another few days for my period to start.

Well done for getting out @VenusStarr and sounds like a lovely walk. Good luck for your counselling today I hope it goes well.

I’ve got no idea @Mumlili9 but it definitely looks ovulatory to me even though the opks slightly out of sync? Sorry not to be of more help.

Feeling a bit low. I think the enormity of what’s happened and how much we’ve really lost is only starting to fully hit me now if that makes any sense. Almost like until now I’ve not even fully been able to look head on and acknowledge just how much I’ve lost?! I don’t know. That plus not being able to just get pregnant again immediately like lots of the other mums I’ve come across who got pregnant again a month after stillbirth. @AliceinBunnyland I know you very much feel this and have obviously been here much longer than me, and its really not been long for me at all but it’s hard not to buy into that narrative. 3 out of the 4 other stillbirth mum’s I’ve become friendly with and speaking to got pregnant again Within a month of giving birth, 2 without even getting a period in between. I guess it’s easy to buy into that and think it could be you too. Just feeling a bit desperate this morning.

Love those pics @VenusStarr @marmitecheesetoast

@marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry you got a BFN. I do understand that feeling and it's not nice. It's something I was thinking of this week too. How did all the other bereaved mums get a BFP almost immediately? Is it because it's true we're more fertile after giving birth or because it's just the norm and I'm the unlucky one. I did get pregnant on the fourth cycle but obviously MC so I would have my rainbow baby if not for another loss. I've found it hard because all of the mums I've met through baby loss have either had another baby by now or are pregnant so I don't really have anyone I can even relate to about that. I'm trying not to let it get me down and to focus on me and tbh honest I feel a bit more positive generally this past month. I am starting to realise I have no reason to think it won't happen for us just because it's been a few (9-10) months since my second pregnancy. PM me any time if you want to.

I have set up a thread for anyone interested in getting fit / healthy / losing weight or just to chat. It might be good for us to have something else to focus on

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3963866--Penguin-huddle-get-fit-healthy-thread?watched=1&msgid=98186986#98186986

Hope the link works

I'm sorry you're feeling low @marmitecheesetoast ❤️ and I'm sorry about the bfn today. Even if you're expecting it, it can be really difficult to see.
How are you finding the counselling? Had my first session today, it was more of a background gathering session today. It did make me realise that I haven't really addresses how I actually feel. We're doing that next time, think it might be hard.

Thanks for the link @AliceinBunnyland. How are you getting on? Glad you like the pic, not much to see yet, but there's definite growth :)

Hope you're doing OK @Mumlili9?

I've got next week off, feel like I really need a break, I'm very tired.

How's things with everyone else? X

@VenusStarr @AliceinBunnyland @marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry were all feeling so low. It's just so unfair that were all struggling like this.

As for my charting temp went up really high so I agree that it is an ovuluary cycle, just not sure we dtd enough before I ovulated.

Love the pics of your flowers. I've been growing veg but I think they are going well.

@VenusStarr I'm okay thanks. Just about starting fertile week. CD12 today and got flashing smiley this time last month but haven't got it yet this cycle.

I did the Macmillan murder mystery last night with some friends I made on Mumsnet so that was nice. I started a thread a while back about having friends but not a best friend I can just call to do something or close knit group ala Sex & the City and lots of us got chatting and we ended up starting a Facebook group and we have a book club and weekly quizzes) I even had an alcoholic beverage for the first time in months and that was nice.

@Mumlili9 Your veg looks great. I haven't temped so don't really get the charting. Does your temp spike before ov and then go down again? As for DTD, it only takes one time in the days up to ovulation for you to catch.

Random but does anyone check their cervical position to help predict pregnancy? I've read about it but haven't felt like trying it!

I'm a little anxious just because I haven't got a flashing smiley yet!

Hope your ok @marmitecheesetoast

Have been thinks about @peperethecat too

Thanks @AliceinBunnyland ❤️ And same to you (and everyone)

This might be a bit triggery/uncomfortable reading so skip if you want... but I can’t stop thinking of those hours I spent lying next to him on the bed in the bereavement suite, I so wish I could have just been lying next to my sleeping baby listening to his snuffly sleep noises, reaching out for his warm hand, rather than lying next to his dead body and how icy cold he was to the touch. So cold. I had a huge bleed at birth and was a bit out of it and had 3 doctors and a midwife fussing around me and I don’t remember the moments holding him when he was still warm DH remembers holding him when he was warm but I can’t and its so very hard.

We are just finishing packing up for our week away in Norfolk. Hopefully a change of scenery will help us all a bit.

I love the look of the veg @Mumlili9 what are you growing?

That’s so lovely @AliceinBunnyLand and love the sounds of the murder mystery.

Week off sounds good @VenusStarr have you got anything planned other than a bit of a rest? Glad the first session was ok.

So I’ve done something a bit I’ll advised. I left the IC test on the side yesterday instead of binning it. Looked at it again yesterday evening and holding it up in the light of the window and squinting a bit there’s a very faint shadow. Most likely an Evap line as it wasn’t there when I did the test. And it says clearly on the box not to read after 5 minutes. But couldn’t help myself. I’ve not used this brand of cheapy before. Did another one this morning and nothing on it again. I do have some FRERs in the drawer but they are 3 months out of date so too scared to used them as wouldn’t trust the result. I don’t feel remotely pregnant. With my previous 2 pregnancies I knew deep down I was pregnant at this point. I actually already had nausea with DS. I should have just binned it and left well alone!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@marmitecheesetoast 💙 I didn't hold my DD much just after she was born as I had had diamorphine (no epidural) and was a bit out of it. I remember holding her briefly and then putting her back in the Moses basket and she was in that for a bit til my mum came up. Really I have no idea what time and passed and maybe it was only a couple of mins til my Mum came (as she was in the hospital the whole time) but I sometimes feel a bit guilty about not holding on to her when she was first born. My DH never held her as he found it all too hard and I think he'd have maybe chosen not to see her if not for me. The thing is no matter how we spent that time with our babies it would never feel like enough 💙

💙💙💙 @marmitecheesetoast thinking of you, it's really hard. I can't remember if I shared this here before, but I read something that said grief is love with nowhere to go but we often reject our grief because it's uncomfortable (and others feel uncomfortable with us grieving) but we can allow space for grief xx

@AliceinBunnyland hope you're OK, I need that other thread, had a small gain yesterday. Feel like I've plateaued, still 1st down but would like to get a bit more off.

@Mumlili9 your veg looks good, I'm slowly getting into growing things and finding it's quite enjoyable.

I'm only cd10 but think I'm ovulating today, just had a pretty strong opk, will test again later. Bit scared to try the progesterone, but willing to try anything at this point. Was kind of hoping for a slightly later ovulation this month and were out of sync with smep now, meaning we'll need to do 4 days on the trot - not sure we'll manage that, we'll see. So Alice, think we'll be due af around the same time.

Hope everyone is OK, pleased to see the sun is back ☀ xxx

@VenusStarr Yes please join the other thread. I am going to make a real effort to lose a bit of weight now.

Wishing everyone well for this cycle 🙏

Thanks @AliceinBunnyland and @VenusStarr that’s a good way of putting it. Yes you’re right Alice, there would never be enough time, and it’s something that you could never in a million years prepare yourself for.

So we arrived in Norfolk for our week’s holiday yesterday which is a very welcome change of scenery. After my squinter which I thought was probably an evap line on a cheapy yesterday morning, I grabbed a frer yesterday afternoon and tested again this morning. There’s a very faint but definite second line.
I can’t believe it. I was so so convinced I was out on Friday I had a good old cry about it all. Very mixed feelings obviously. My grief for DS is still so raw. I’m already wondering at how many weeks I’ll miscarry or of it’ll be another stillbirth.
Such goes pregnancy after loss I guess...

Good luck with the next 4 days @Venus!!

Ah, gentle congratulations @marmitecheesetoast ❤️ when are you testing again? Hope you have a lovely break xx

@marmitecheesetoast Sounds positive. Gentle congratulations to you 💗

@VenusStarr Please do join the other thread

Ladies I have 63 (I just counted) One Step OPK tests. I bought them last year when I started TTC but their end by date is October 2020. I'm not using them currently but even if I do use them I'm unlikely to use 63 in a couple of months.

Does anyone know how accurate those expiry dates are?

If they are useable after October then I'd be as well passing some of them on if any of you are likely to make use of them.

Morning all, I had a big temp rise today, so I think I did ovulate yesterday on cd10. We're definitely in with a shot this cycle, but was hoping it wouldn't be this early.

@AliceinBunnyland I forgot to say how lovely it was that you've got a little group going from a thread on here :)
With the opks, I really don't know about expiry dates, it might mean you wouldn't trust a reading?

How are you doing @Mumlili9 @marmitecheesetoast?

@VenusStarr That's good. I was reading a study yesterday about how women ovulate (and has successful pregnancies) at various stages in their cycle and it's not always the small window that were taught to believe Is the norm. Apparently only 50% of women ovulate then. Something like that. Sorry that's not helpful but it is supposed to be encouraging

The group is really good. There are about 90 people as some have come on from subsequent threads and asked to join. If any of you want to join just let me know / PM me.

Yes I think that's exactly it with the OPKs and I don't use them as it is so happy to pass some of them on to use before they expire if anyone on here wants some?

Also I'm getting slightly stressed with tracking as I'm on CD14 and haven't even got a flashing smiley yet (last month got flashing at CD12 and static at CD14. I realise it changes and I also started testing a day late