Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

I'm sorry you're in limbo @Mumlili9, are you temps still high? What dpo are you now - I remember you thought FF had miscalculated? It's really frustrating. Do you take the cyclogest pessaries? (that's what I've been prescribed), just wondering if they delay af? I've been told to test at 14dpo then stop if bfn.

It's really hard to stay optimistic @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow especially when you've tried so hard and know your timings are good. I hope the pink discharge is positive and not af making an entrance x

Hope you're OK @Esssa - today you are pregnant 🥰 I know it's so hard to deal with the anxiety but you have managed to concieve, that's worthy of a celebration. That's what the consultant said to us on Thursday - next step is to conceive - we explained that we were scared to try as the fear of miscarrying again was huge - he told us the odds are still in our favour but if we don't try that leaves is in the same place.
Someone I follow on Instagram is pregnant for the 5th time and posted that she was trying to focus on the here and now and try not to be consumed by the past - you are pregnant with a new sperm, new egg, fresh lining, different baby. I think when (!) I am next pregnant I am going to try and have a few statements that I can read or say out loud. I appreciate it is easier said than done ❤️ xx

@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow no I don't think so according to my temps

@Esssa congrats! I get you. I don’t feel happy either, it’s way too early. I usually feel nothing when I’m pregnant but this time there’s some anxiety and disbelief.

@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow FYI - The midwife told me to calculate my due date from the first day of spotting even though I told her I spotted for 3 days this time!

Ok I now have AF with a vengeance, strong painful cramps and clots so something went wrong I think. Either way I'm now cd1 😪

@venusstarr I have been prescribed the pesaries but the only time I took them was the cycle I had the ectopic. I read somewhere after the OP that using them when not necessarily needed increased the odds for ectopic so yeah I don't want that again. I'll test early and if I get a positive I'm going to start it then. Also I'm trying a cycle without aspirin too as I read that it can interfere with implantation. AF came about a hour ago with thunder and lightning. Its really painful and clots not to dissimilar to a cp but it can't be as I never got a positive. Today I believe is 16 dpo / cd1. Anyway gutted isn't the word.
How are you doing?

Oh I am sorry @Mumlili9 ❤️ it's really shit. I'm sorry you're in pain too - hopefully you can snuggle up and it passes quickly.

I'm OK, keeping occupied, been decorating this afternoon. I'm due on next week, so think we'll try smep again and use the cyclogest as one final go before ivf 🤞
Are you going to do anything different this cycle do you think? X

Hope you're getting on OK @Sakura54 ☺️

So sorry @Mumlili9 time for wine and soft cheeses. Or tea and cake or whatever is more comforting.

I'm trying the positive thinking @VenusStarr but it had to sink in first I think. I honestly wasn't convinced yesterday. First step is get past when af is due and then onto private scans at 8 and maybe 10 weeks to keep an eye so we can see what goes wrong if it does this time. If not it hopefully means at least oh will get a positive scan experience after the headfuck of last time.

We went with smep as best we could and I did the pineapple core thing too besides conception vitamins for the last year probably. Falling pregnant isn't my problem though, its staying pregnant. It seems weird to say pregnant. Almost seems taboo.

Don't put any pressure on yourself to be positive @Esssa, but I guess I'm saying try not to be consumed by the what ifs and bad things that have come before. I really hope that this pregnancy is your bring home baby 🍀❤️

Do you ladies ever think that planning pregnancy, getting pregnant and all the tracking and stuff kind of just falls on the woman and it's like were not supposed to put any pressure on our men or were being unfair to them. The whole ttc journey is a lot of pressure but why should it all be on the women if both of us want the child. DH and I had a conversation like this yesterday and I expressed how I felt about it all and he said it's to much pressure having to perform. I replied with yes your asked to perform but it's not like it's painful or anything. He's not the one woken up every day at the same time even on a Sunday just to stick a thermometer in my gob. He's not the one holding his pee for 4 hours every day for a week so as to get an accurate opk result. He's not the one who has to deal with the disappointment of AF for 4 days when it didn't happen. He's not the one that feels more and more like a failure with every miscarriage. He's not the one missing part of his organs (ectopic tube removal) but he finds having sex a few times in a week stressful!!!! I mean really !!!!

It can be really hard @Mumlili9. Dh and I are wired very differently. If you're like me you'll have read everything you can about ttc and pregnancy loss whereas dh hadn't really (to me knowledge looked much further than a couple of articles)

I'm the early days of us ttc he was very laid back so I did feel more pressure to make sure we were dtd at the right time. After our first loss he got more involved and since we've seen a couple of miscarriage consultants he's become to understand more of the process of timings etc. Going to the ivf opening evening, he told me after that he hadn't realised what was involved in making babies.

I've noticed he has a limit though and I now mostly wait for him to raise the subject. All the stress I had about the progesterone the other day, he was supportive, but it was only on a walk later that evening that he started to ask me what it's for and how could it help (he'd been in the zoom call). I have to remember that I know about all the different hormones and what they're supposed to do etc, but for him it's like learning a new language.

We've found that agreeing to the plan for that cycle has helped him get on board, so if it's smep, he knows the schedule and it almost becomes funny, so it takes the pressure off in a way.

Have you considered taking a bit of a break? It's so strange because I'm no closer to having a baby but deciding to not actively ttc, we've connected better and I feel less stressed out and consumed not it all because I've taken some control back, rather than bring controlled by the thermometer or opks. I'm not saying this feeling will last forever but just having a few weeks time out has actually done me the world of good.

I hope you're OK ❤️ xx

So sorry @Mumlili9 it’s an utter shitter. There is definitely a lot more pressure on us I completely agree. I’m quite an obsessive person and I guess when it’s things happening within our own bodies too it’s hard for the men to really get it in the same way.

One day at a time @Esssa everything crossed for you

It’s my DS due date today so another hard day. Well everything is hard. Of course it’s fallen in the middle of fertile window too so bit of a headfuck.

Sounds like a good plan @VenusStarr

@marmitecheesetoast 💙 sending you a big hug xx

@VenusStarr 💙

@VenusStarr wish we could hun. I don't qualify for ivf on the NHS so every opportunity has to made the best of. My Amy is low so I feel taking time off might mean we miss a good egg. I'm not sure how many more cycles I'll have. Also DH is 9 years older than me and I'm 39 in September so time is tight. DH is also catholic so iui and ivf are off the cards anyway. I feel I'm against the clock.
I wish I could learn to be more chill about it but the ticking just seems to be getting louder and louder

@marmitecheesetoast sending you a virtual hand hold. Due dates are so sad arnt they. Fx your rainbow is on the way

I would find that really tough @Mumlili9. I'd really struggle if my dh said we had no other options than ttc naturally and then didn't engage in actively doing everything we could.
Just to say about amh - I've researched this a lot and it's not related to egg quality. It is more for clinics to see how you'll respond to ivf meds. It reassured me a lot that it isn't really an indicator of whether I can concieve or how many chances I have left.
Sending you lots of love x

How are you doing @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow 💕

Hope you're doing OK @marmitecheesetoast

@Esssa @Sakura54 thinking of you both

Have a good day all xx

I’m sorry @Mumlili9 that sounds really tough. It’s all fucking tough.

As well as due date this weekend we got some very sad news about my uncle who I’m quite close to. His chemo has been stopped as nothing further they can do and we’ve been told he hasn’t got long. Just devastating. So yeah it’s been a fairly low few days. Just can’t believe what a shit show 2020 has been thus far.

In other news I had some ovulation pains yesterday evening and a bit of a temp increase this morning, this is my first month charting with bbt but thinking I ovulated last night probably?
We’ve given it a bloody good go this cycle, so much sex despite everything else going on.

Weirdly, I’ve always had ovulation pain and it’s always been alternate one side then the other like clockwork each cycle but for the first time ever I’ve had the pain on the left side two cycles in a row. I hope my right ovary isn’t giving up on me

Oh @marmitecheesetoast I am so sorry to hear about your uncle ❤️

Fingers crossed that FF will confirm ovulation in a couple of days 🤞

I'm expecting af in the next couple of days. Been chasing the hospital to sort our transfer to the ivf clinic - I'm close to giving up and self-funding. I think we'll give the cyclogest a couple of cycles (dh will be happy, smep again 😉) then in September start ivf, whether it's using our nhs funding or just doing it on our own.

@marmitecheesetoast I'm so sorry about your uncle. My uncle died the same way a couple of years ago. He had a really great life though.

As for the ovary thing I'm starting to wonder if my right one has done that too. But apparently according to Google it's normal ovary behaviour. The temp spike does look a good one hun fx it stays up and this is your time hun , do you use opks?

@VenusStarr do you take the cyclogest because your progesterone is low or short luteal phase.
My luteal phase was really long this cycle and I wasnt using mine at all. Let's hope you fall naturally and have a perfectly healthy pregnancy. Anything is possible so people keep telling me.

As for me in now cd4 and AF was yet another disappointment, extremely light and painful but short just 2 days. I wonder if my lining isn't getting thick enough for implantation. Thanks to covid I can't even ask my gp about it , I really need the NHS to start do other treatments as well now. I know it's not life threatening but time is slipping by with no one to help or do scans or anything. I'm so frustrated.

@VenusStarr @Mumlili9 thanks both. I decided to stay away from OPKs this cycle as got a bit too obsessed and stressed with them previous cycle and I’m terrible at holding my wee. Also I was worried about being dehydrated when it was so hot in the fertile period so wanted to be drinking plenty for good quality Cm (so many things to consider! 🤪) so decided opks not really worth it. Just tracking Cm, cervix position and temps this cycle. Hopefully will see another rise tomorrow. Temps and charting all very new to me.

@Mumlili9 I’m sorry to hear about your uncle. So much sadness in the world.
Are you not able to have even a phone appt with your GP at all? It is so frustrating that everything is on hold, I’m sorry.

@VenusStarr that sounds really frustrating. Keep chasing, I hope you get somewhere soon with it.

I’ve got my appt through today for a ‘pre-conception’ appointment with a leading stillbirth professor. It’s not until August which of course isn’t really far away but his secretary had previously suggested she could squeeze me in sooner as we were actively ttc.

@Mumlili9 the professor said that due to when the babies stopped growing it suggests to him that my uterus environment wasn't conducive to pregnancy, so supporting my progesterone levels could help. I've only ever had it tested once as part of fertility tests, but never when pregnant. First pregnancy I bled at 6 weeks, second I didn't have any. My post ov temps have been quite low so I am wondering if there is something in it. I just need to get pregnant again. If and when I do I'm going smto see if they'll monitor my levels. Luteal phase is fine, generally 13-15 days.

@marmitecheesetoast that sounds like a nice balance, not too consuming. Cervix checking is the one thing I've never tried.

Spoken with dh today - we've agreed to go for smep next cycle, impatiently waiting for af - should be here by Friday at the latest. It's good feeling hopeful but at the same time it puts pressure on and the fall when it doesn't happen is hideous. I need to try and focus on other things next cycle - I'm liking not being consumed by ttc. Hopefully then we won't need the ivf funding. Found out that the person I spoke with at the ccg sent my personal information to the wrong ccg, ffs 🤬

Hello ladies how are you all getting on?

I'm CD 6 but nothing to report.

Hi @Mumlili9 I've been awake since 4 with crippling period pain and cd1 is here. I'm excited as it means we can get started on ttc again. My orchid has 5 little buds on one branch and one is looking very close, its grown a lot🤞

Currently on the sofa with a heat wrap and one of the cats.

How's everyone else @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow @marmitecheesetoast? X

@VenusStarr aww sorry your in pain hun. Hope it settles down soon. You should definitely post a pic of your orchid when the flowers are out. I do love orchids but my homes temp fluctuates to much for them to grow for me.
Fx this is our cycle. Were trying smep too this cycle hope we can make it 😳

Hi everyone, I keep checking in but don't feel quite like I belong here now even though I'm a bit nervy about moving on to the next thread but I'll say my goodbyes and goodlucks and put my big girl pants on.

I'm sorry you are in pain today @VenusStarr hope its eased by now. Good that you have the excitement for the next cycle though. Fingers firmly crossed for all of you.

So sorry to hear about your uncle @marmitecheesetoast. Something similar that happened to my grandad when I was in high school. Devastating doesn't cover it.