Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@Sakura54 - Do you think that’s new? It would seem strange for HCG to still be that high after two months. If it is a new positive then good luck.

@VenusStarr - Serum prolactin between 100-500mu/L is normal as far as I’m aware. Mine is usually between 650-800 mu/L, which is abnormally high but they always tell me it’s just stress-related so not to worry about it.

Wow @Sakura54 that's a very strong positive 💕 congratulations

Thank you @FloDaffodil that's reassuring its within the normal range - on my other results they put the range for reference. So they don't recommend any treatment even if its high?
How are you doing? X

@Mumlili9 and @Esssa thank you both. I had googled but was none the wiser 🤔 how are you both doing?

Hope you're OK @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow x

I've woken up with a sore throat 👀 I did have to have an emergency dental appointment on Tuesday as I cracked my tooth - on a piece of plastic in my peas! So wondering if its related to that as had my mouth stretched open.

I was given a lovely orchid last year after my first loss. During my second pregnancy all but 2 flowers had fallen off but they gave me lots of hope. The day before my scan they also shrivelled. I kept the plant and this month I've seen some new shoots! After 10 months there's finally some signs of life, it soubds silly but it's giving me hope 🌈

@Sakura54 wow that’s a really strong line, congratulations. How do you feel?

@VenusStarr that’s so lovely and not silly at all. I bought a succulent plant when ttc my DS and secretly chose the one that had a little baby as a good omen for getting pregnant. I did get pregnant a few months later although obviously that ended in the stillbirth. I was so ridiculously jealous of that plant still having it’s ‘baby’ when I got home from hospital, but now the bloody plant has died. Who manages to kill a succulent?! So I cried over that. Which sounds unhinged! Anyway sorry that turned your really positive thing into something negative and I didn’t mean to we’ve got lots of plants coming into flower in the garden though and there definitely is something about new life coming through.

One of the nursery mums at drop off this morning asked if we were going to have another baby. I’m friendly with her but really don’t know her very well. It’s so bizarre how people think it’s ok to just say anything so personal in this situation?! And also as if it’s just that simple to just have another baby. Even if I do get pregnant I am of course
Consumed by anxiety over the possibility of another stillbirth.

Anyway. On a brighter front I started to get some fertile looking cm yesterday evening and we dtd (and I actually felt like it - thanks fertile hormones! )

CD 12 today

How is everyone else doing, is everyone else baking in the heat?! It’s unbearable here, impossible to sleep

@VenusStarr that's a lovely story! I got really into houseplants last year and after one of my miscarriages my boyfriend bought me a new plant to cheer me up. We made a joke about getting a new plant for every cycle I don't concieve- just as well we didn't start that or it'd be a depressing jungle now🤣

I've always said if something can't let me know it needs something its not got much chance. Not good with plants especially ones in pots. Animals have much better luck with me. The orchid story is lovely though. Hope its a good sign for you @VenusStarr.

Congratulations @Sakura54 thats a very good positive test!

Yay for hormones @marmitecheesetoast. I have a habit of telling people the uncomfortable truth if they ask questions like that. Might make them think twice before the ask the next poor person the same question.

I might have peed in a jar (and all over my hand!) this morning. My test might have a super squinter on it. My temps dropped a bit this morning though so even if it is a positive it might not stick. Anyway I'm out of the 20mUI tests now so unless I go get a frer I'll have to wait and see because my others are 25mUI.

I’m ok thanks @VenusStarr I love that your plant is showing signs of life 🌱🌈 x

Thanks all!

@FloDaffodil Yes it’s a new line. I thought it was silly to keep waiting like I normally do as the aches were increasing and lightheadedness was still there, meaning I was pretty sure.

@marmitecheesetoast I'm petrified of another MC tbh, but going to have to take each day as it comes. Also going to try to not stay in bed all day when feeling sick this time lol.

Hope the line gets darker next time @Esssa!

Hi ladies honestly I'm not doing so good to be honest. AF DUE but no sign of her and -ve hot so just waiting. I'm just getting so tired of the disappointment every cycle. Then when I do become pregnant I find some spectacular way to lose it . I'm totally obsessed with getting pregnant and then when its test time I'm almost praying its -ve so I don't have to have another loss. The last 4 pregnancies I've not enjoyed a single day of them, just waiting for the loss to start. I'm trying not to think negative thoughts but it's getting harder and harder. I'm 39 in September so time is running out and I'm down a tube with possible scar tissue in my uterus and no way to get any help because of covid . Just feeling very low today

@Mumlili9 I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. You’ve been through more than anyone should go through but please don’t give up. I know I often say it but no one knows what the future holds and life can surprise us. The unexpected can be great as well as the not so great that some of us have experienced.

I can’t say anything to make you feel better as I get that way myself but I don’t want you to feel alone in this as you have been such a support to us 💗💕

Lots of good news @Esssa if you got a squinter on a 20ml I'd be cautiously optimistic @Sakura54 🥰

Hi @Semele5069 I can't take the credit for the orchid, dh has been nurturing it. I've been focusing on growing some plants from seed - only wildflowers and nasturtiums but they've really shot up, hoping for flowers soon :)

You didn't turn it into a negative :) @marmitecheesetoast that is intrusive of the nursery mom ❤️ good to hear that you're getting some positive fertile signs and you felt you wanted to dtd 🍀

Had my consultant appointment - it was so helpful, finally someone talking sense and being direct with us. My nk cells are totally normal and he said that the 2 MMCs I had (no heartbeat, small for dates) indicate that it could be linked to a hostile environment (possibly that polyp was related to my second loss) - it does mean that in all likelihood the embryos were genetically normal 💔 I have been worried about my eggs being old / not good, he said that amh is not an indicator of egg quality. He thinks going down the ivf route will help, but there's every chance we would succeed on our own 🙏 he's given me a letter for my GP to prescribe me progesterone from 7dpo. He's steered me off aspirin too.

Feeling much more optimistic - think we'll ttc again whilst waiting for ivf and try the progesterone 🤞 🌈 xx

Good news with the consultant @VenusStarr. I think we work ourselves up over tiny things, some of which aren't anything to worry about. Can I ask what he said about asprin as I'd been tempted to try it this time around as I'll get it at 12 weeks anyway if I ever get there (multiple losses, last was mmc) I know I'll blame me for taking it or not taking it whichever way it turns out.

Other nice ladies of the Internet claim they can see something on my test when inverting the colours (I know, desperate much 🙄) not sure I'd count it as a positive yet though.

@Esssa with aspirin he said that it can affect implantation and have the opposite effect and could be harmful. I think for my case due to the type of MMCs I've had that's why he wouldn't recommend it for me.
A friend has been prescribed aspirin to take for a couple of months by Professor Quenby just to have in her system. She's on the nk cells trial and concieved last month. So I don't think it's a blanket no for everyone, just not for me - he was quite passionate about that.

That's good news, fingers crossed it'll get darker and you won't need to invert 🤞

@Mumlili9 I’m sorry you’re feeling so low, you’ve been through so much and it’s so crap and unfair. I’m so sorry. I know there’s probably nothing I can say that will make you feel any better but we’re all here if you want to offload. I hope you have a lighter day today. Have you got anything planned this weekend?

I’m so glad your consultant appointment went well and was so helpful @VenusStarr it makes such a difference when you feel properly listened to. All sounds really positive , great news.

I too have been growing things from seeds for the first time this year, it’s so satisfying isn’t it! This morning I’ve come down to find my butterfly wildflower mix has come into flower this morning also my new geraniums (not from seed!) have started to flower overnight too. Lovely breakfast in the garden this morning, made up for DD getting us up at 5 again this morning, it’s just so hot bless her.

@Essa have you tested again this morning?

I can imagine @Sakura54 I can’t imagine the anxiety that comes with pregnancy post loss. Try and be gentle with yourself.

How are you @SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow

I had lots of EWCM yesterday so ended up dtd again last night, I couldn’t not when I saw all the top notch EWCM didn’t want it to go to waste! But obviously now worrying that we shouldn’t have done two days in a row and would have been better to go with every other day. Can never quite get my head round what’s best.

@Mumlili9 I'm so sorry, I didn't see your message yesterday ❤️ I kept scrolling back thinking there were more messages but they didn't show.

I am so sorry you're feeling low. Its really, really hard. I can relate to that feeling of conflicted hope - hope for pregnancy but hoping not if it's just going to end in the same way as my others. There's no right or wrong answers. For me, being consumed by ttc and loss it helped me taking back some control but taking a break. I know that isn't for everyone though.
Have you looked into private testing? I know you've previously said that your dh isn't keen on ivf but there may be some other diagnostic tests that can be done? Xx

Thank you @marmitecheesetoast, I think being listened to has helped me massively. My wildflowers have got some tiny yellow flowers, it's been really good for my mindset to focus on them and really lovely to see them flourish :)
I think if there's no sperm issues, dtd every day is OK - I know what you mean not knowing what's best!

I hope it cools off a bit, my home office was too uncomfortable to work in. How are you getting on working from home @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow? I also struggled to sleep last night. Good news on my orchid - it looks like one of the tiny buds has broken through 🙌 it's giving me such a lift.

I tested today and was a BFN but I realised after testing that it was a first response rapid response and not a FRER. I think I’m about 11DPO and AF is due on Tuesday...

@marmitecheesetoast I’m ok thanks. Pleased it’s Friday as I’m exhausted!

Try not to worry too much about when to dtd. I know it’s easier said than done but I think just doing it roughly every 1-2 days during your fertile period should be enough. Unfortunately there is an element of luck involved each cycle as we all know.

@VenusStarr I love that a bud has broken through 🌱 Working from home is okay but I’ve been almost too busy the past week or so. I’m not complaining as it’s good to be busy but I’ve been unable to even take an afternoon off for the past two weeks and worked through lunches and I’m trying to prioritise my mental health at the moment.

It was very warm last night! Expecting rain later though...

How are you?

Hope everyone else is ok - baby dust ✨

Sorry to hear about the bfn @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow but the frrr tests do need a much higher amount of hcg don't they? Do you have any symptoms of af?

I've had a right morning - my GP refused to prescribe the progesterone and made me cry. Took a bit of faffing calling the consultant and lots more tears and the GP changed his mind. It shouldn't be this hard 🙄😢 feel exhausted now x

@VenusStarr the instructions for these rapid response tests say to use day of period would assume (hope) they are less sensitive.

I feel a bit more PMT hormonal today but not massively and I am tired. Usually I have blaring PMT for about a week before AF. I had PMT with first pregnancy but not at all with second so that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. And last month I had a weird cycle where late PMT and spotting both turned into AF.

I’ve been feeling a bit sick for a couple of days and also a bit lightheaded so that has made me hopeful but it’s so easy to find the signs when you want to, isn’t it? I’m

That’s rubbish if your GP. Did he have a reason? I’m glad you’ve got it but like you say it shouldn’t be so stressful. You don’t need that 💗 x

Dropped off the thread again, didn't see your tag @marmitecheesetoast as I've 3 's' just to be awkward. Sorry. Didn't test this morning but I've been shopping for a frer so should know one way or the other in the morning as I'm 13dpo then and due on the day after.

Thats shit about the gp @VenusStarr wonder how much it would cost to get a private script. Was tempted to take asprin after bfp as I have quite tmi big clots on my period, and if I bruise it takes ages for my circulation to 'wash' them away. My mmc was a no hb at 12 week scan and no obvious reason so I feel it could be worth it. I don't know.

So it is a bfp.. Don't know whether to laugh cry or throw up. Shit. Now comes the knicker watching for blood every time I pee. I'll do the other in a few days, see if it gets darker. I've never been obsessively looking for pregnancy before so always had near dye stealers due to being late. Shit, thought I'd be happier but, well you all know how the next bit goes.

Congratulations @Esssa :) I had a feeling there would be good news on this thread. It is terrifying but its good news too ❤️🌈

With regards to aspirin, he said for me due to the type of miscarriages I had - both babies didn't grow beyond 5.5/6 weeks and so we never got to the heartbeat stage, that suggested to him that it was more likely to be my uterine environment rather than an issue with the baby / chromosomes. I think if we'd have had a heartbeat / baby stopped growing at a later stage then stopped, that would indicate something different and for some people aspirin may help. But for us, it could do more harm.

How are you getting on @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow, did you test again?

Hope everyone is OK, I was exhausted last night after the roller-coaster of emotions with the GP. Good news is I've lost 2lbs this week, slowly getting back on track with my diet. Hope you all have a good day.

Congratulations @Essa Of course you will be anxious but this is a step in the right direction to the family that you want

@VenusStarr Last night I ended up being a bit unwell with an upset stomach and then DH did too so not sure if that accounts for me feeling a bit sick for a few days. This morning tmi warning have the faintest pink when wiping so I think that’s the start of AF / pre-AF spotting. I’m not out yet but I am more disappointed than I thought I’d be that this doesn’t seem to be happening and I feel bad for getting DH’s hopes up. We gave it a really good go this month This is the ninth cycle of trying since my MC, about 14 since losing my DD and over 2 years since I got pregnant with DD, let alone started trying for a baby. Obviously I had my DD in that time and was pregnant for nine months but I am finding it hard to stay positive this morning.

Well done you for losing some weight! I have been less active again recently so need to get back into doing some cardio or at least a substantial walk 3 x a week. Ive been eating a lot of sugary foods for a few days too

How are you @Mumlili9?

I don’t feel like I have PMT yet but this happened last cycle and the PMT came much later. Why can’t our bodies just do what they are supposed to do?!

@SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow honestly I'm pulling my hair out I'm officially late and bfn and no sign of AF at all

@Mumlili9 It must be hard not knowing what’s going on. Could you have ovulated later than you thought?

Thanks everyone. Can I hang around here a bit? Not sure I'm ready to commit to a pregnancy thread yet. Don't count your chickens etc... Or quail in my case. I've got my fingers crossed for things to go smoothly this time and for you all to get your bfps quickly and easily.